The Mysterious Case of the Blackbird Rorschach
by johnnyboy7
Summary: After finding himself under arrest and in the worst of situations, Edward Masen's life suddenly spirals out of order. He is sentenced to spend his time at Windemere where nothing is as it seems.OCC, rated M for content, language, graphic scenes.
1. Chapter 1

The Definition of 'Duality'

—_n, the state or quality of being two or in two parts; dichotomy_

All things Twilight owned belong to Stephanie Meyer. _  
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The cold Seattle morning was dark and drenched in fog. This was the kind of weather that made you want to sit near a fire with a giant bowl of tomato soup.

Unfortunately, I was a grown man with a job and responsibilities.

My head was pounding loudly and as I opened my eyes; the small amount of light that was trying to peek through the curtains almost blinded me. It was harsh and extremely bright.

I looked at the clock on my nightstand, which read seven, and I rolled out of bed.

"Time to start the day," I said to myself, cracking my neck. I was particularly sore this morning, although, I didn't know why.

I was in the shower and dressed within a half hour, making sure to speed up the process since I was late. And then, I was out of the door and into the Volvo with a cup of coffee. I raced through the early morning Seattle traffic. I had lived in this city my entire life so I knew my way around pretty well.

It took me no time at all to arrive at the building downtown where I worked, and I eventually found a spot in the lot across the street. Grabbing my floor plans and architectural designs from the back, I stumbled inside, trying to make sure that I didn't drop anything.

"Hi, Edward," a cute receptionist said as she opened the door for me.

"Oh, hi." I awkwardly shuffled through the lobby.

"You need some help?"

"No, I've got it." I stuck my head around the four tubes that held my perfectly rolled building plans. I was pathetically trying to make it look like I wasn't having a difficult time, but with my coffee in one hand and work in the other, it was a wonder that I hadn't spilled everything all over the lobby floor.

"Have a nice day." She waved as I got in the elevator. "Oh, and Miss Denali is waiting for your call."

"Thank you." I went up to the third floor.

The office was alive this morning, but then again, that's how it was every morning. I loved it that way; busy and chaotic in an organized way. Does that make any sense? I worked better in this kind of environment. I worked at Seattle Real Estate Development. We were an enormous company made up of architects, developers, planners, and interior designers. We even had our own construction crews.

I went to school and graduated with an architectural degree that I was very proud of. I'd better be. The University of Virginia had the best professional program out there, and it was extremely hard to get in, let alone graduate. I had to leave my comfy home in Seattle to complete my six years, but it was well worth it. I could have snatched up any job in the country. Fortunately, the one I wanted welcomed me with open arms.

I pushed open the door of my large, well deserved corner office and put my stuff down on the couch.

"Wow, looks like you have a lot to get done today," a soft, feminine voice said from behind my desk. Her legs were crossed, showing off a flash of skin underneath a tight skirt.

"I thought you were coming back on Friday." An unconscious smile spread across my lips as I gave her a chaste kiss on the lips.

"We finished a week early. We jumped on the first plane out."

"And how is the new mall out there in the sticks?"

She rolled her eyes. "It's horrible. I don't know why anyone would want to build a mall in the boonies of Idaho, but it's supposed to be very popular." She got up from my seat so that I could sit down.

"Well, I'm glad you're back."

"You want to do lunch?"

"Sure, if I have time. We'll see," I assured her.

"Alright, well, I'll be in my office if you need anything," she purred and swayed her hips out of my office.

Kate Denali was my girlfriend of two years. We had met first at school, and then when the job positions opened up, we jumped at moving back to Seattle together. She was from around here as well, and it was kind of strange that we had lived our whole lives within blocks of each other, but had only spent the last two years in a relationship.

She was the perfect girl for me—safe, stable, hardworking, beautiful, and incredibly smart. What wasn't to love? It had taken me a couple months, but I had finally gotten up the courage to ask her to move in with me. I planned on doing that soon when things calmed down with work. We were both too busy to think about a move right now.

I finally made it. I had a successful job, a steady relationship; money in the bank, good friends, and a normal family life. I had taken the American dream and morphed it into a life that was more than acceptable.

I sighed in contentment, put on my black-rimmed glasses, and turned on my computer to start the day.

I was one of the best when it came to planning large-scale renovations. I had a certain eye that allowed me to see the final product. I was a very visual person and could basically create a feasible plan all from what I saw in my head. My designs were incredibly popular and positioned me high on the professional ladder within a few years of me graduating college.

I decided to work through lunch since I had a lot to catch up on. I, unthinkingly, didn't bother to check the time and kept my head bent over my large drawing desk all morning, so by the time I looked up, it was way past noon.

I asked my secretary to bring me a couple Advils, because my head was still hurting. I couldn't remember anything, but James and I must have had a wild night.

Speak of the devil; James pushed the door open and plopped down in the chair in front of my desk.

"Yo, Masen." He put his feet on the table.

"I've told you about disrupting me while I'm busy." I continued to draw an outline of the building I was designing.

"You want to get some lunch?"

"Shit," I cursed myself for blowing Kate off. I called her quickly, but she was in a meeting. I was going to get hell for that later.

"So, does that mean we can go?" He sucked on his teeth.

"No, I have to finish this proposal before the day's over."

"You are so lame." He snatched the newspaper from my desk and started to thumb through it.

James was one of my oldest friends, and he always had a good time watching football or just sitting and drinking. He and I were the best of friends because we were basically the same. We both came from affluent families, but worked hard for what we had and always liked to have a good time. In college, we had been friendly competition for each other and pushed ourselves hard to get the word done. It paid off for both of us.

"Actually, since I have you here, do you mind telling me what we did last night?" I asked him without lifting my head from my project.

"Uh, nothing. I had to work, remember? I told you that."

"Really?" My pencil stilled for a second. "I could have sworn we went to a bar or something. I have a hangover that hurts like a bitch."

"Well, it wasn't from me. I was good for a change," he snickered.

The fact that I had no memory from last night slightly scared me. What did I do? Who was I with? I didn't have any bruises or scratches on my body, so I didn't think I had gotten into anything serious.

"Hey, have you seen this?" James sat up in his seat. "That maniac struck again last night."

"What maniac?"

"This guy. He's been stealing cars and robbing people for months. They think he beat up this couple last night." He threw the paper in front of me.

The story was about a college couple found beaten and bruised in a park outside of the city this morning. There were strangle marks on their necks, cuts all over their bodies, and the girl's purse was stolen. The police were trying to keep it quiet, because they didn't have any leads right now. The couple didn't get a good look at the guy, since it was kind of dark, and they ran off as soon as they got the chance.

"This guy is just sick." James continued to read the article. "Last week, he broke into a liquor store and burned the whole place up. No casualties besides a dog that was in the back."

"Why are you so fixated on this story? Seattle always has some crime spree going on."

"Yeah, but he's so weird. They think he has a mental issue."

"Don't we all?" I asked rhetorically.

James left my office, and I went back to working freely as the hours passed on.

This was how my days normally went; I liked the fact that I had a routine. I was planner. I had to have a schedule to make my life work and run correctly. I was a sticker for following orders and never wanted to step out of bounds. It just made life so much easier. There's nothing wrong with living by rules, right?

Everyone left me alone throughout the day. Kate was called to a construction site, and James left early complaining of a stomachache. He was one of those guys who you never saw working, but when he did, he was brilliant.

Around eight, the people in the offices around me started to disappear. I usually worked late, so this was nothing new.

"Mr. Masen," my assistant beeped my phone, "is there anything you need before I leave?"

"No, thank you."

"Alright, have a good night."

I battled the sleepiness that was starting to creep up and continued to make plans for a massive school gym that was going on the campus of a local private school. It was one of my biggest solo projects yet, so I wanted to do a good job. A promotion was on the horizon, and I wasn't going to let it pass me by.

It was ten that night when I heard footsteps in the hall. The night maids must've been early.

"I'll be out in a second," I called loudly as I started to roll up my papers.

"Edward Masen?" a deep voice came from the door.

"Yes?" I lifted my gaze.

A man with dark eyes and short brown hair started to walk into my office. He had a mustache and was about my age, although, he could have been years older. There were stress lines all over his face. A man who looked almost identical followed him into my office.

"Can I help you?" I asked suspiciously.

"Are you Edward Masen?"

"I already answered that. Who are you?"

"I'm detective Masterson. This is my partner, detective Avi." He pointed behind him.

"Oh," I shifted my feet awkwardly, "is something wrong?"

"That depends. Where were you last night from the hours of eight until two this morning?" He walked around my office, examining everything.

"At home, "I answered immediately. It was more like I assumed that I was at home, because to be honest, I still had no clue what I'd done last night.

"Can anybody verify that?" Detective Avi asked.

"No, I live alone. Can I ask what this is all about?" Rorschach

Without answering me, the officer crossed the desk quickly and grabbed my wrist, swinging it behind my body.

"You're under arrest for the assault and battery of Abby Mitchell and Ryan Basford. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to speak to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed to you. Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?"

"What the hell?" He pulled my other arm behind me roughly and snapped it in handcuffs, pushing me down over my desk.

"Do you understand these rights as they have been read to you?" The man lifted my arms painfully so that my shoulders strained.

"I didn't do anything," I protested as they picked me from the desk and started walking towards the door.

"We've been looking for you for a very long time."

I was so confused as to what was going on that I didn't have any way of arguing. This was either some kind of sick joke or a big misunderstanding.

"Can I even get a clue as to what the fuck is going on?" I spat when we were in the elevator.

Avi scolded me like I was his child. "Watch your language. We told you."

"I didn't hurt anyone."

"It's time to just give up. We've finally caught you." I was roughly pushed out of the elevator and into the lobby.

Thankfully, no one was around—except a couple of receptionists and security guards—to see my humiliating walk of shame to the police cruiser that was waiting out front. My head was ducked, and then I was shoved into the back of the car where my lanky 6'2 frame barley fit.

Now I was pissed.

"Hey, tell me what the fuck is going on," I shouted between the grate that separated the front and back of the vehicle.

"We were advised not to speak with you until we get back to the station," Masterson said through tight lips. He was glaring at me in the rearview mirror like we had been enemies for years.

"If I'm being arrested, then I have the right to know what's going on."

"Look," Avi turned around, "you beat up two people and have been causing trouble in this city for months. Just sit back and shut the fuck up."

_What the hell? _

I watched the buildings pass me by in the back seat of the police car as we sped away. My mind was going just as fast, and I tried to understand what was happening to me. This started off as a regular day. I was supposed to be home right now, gorging myself on fatty Chinese food—just another normal Monday.

Instead, I was being accused of hurting two people. I think I'd heard that right. Who were Abby Mitchell and Ryan Basford? I knew one thing for certain: I had never met or touched either one of them.

The drive to the police department was completely silent. My breathing was becoming strained as my heartbeat increased. I would be more at ease if I had any idea what was going on. I could defend myself if I had information on what the fuck was going on.

"Welcome home." Avi lifted me out of the car crudely, and my head hit the top. My glasses were knocked off of my face, and I heard a crunch as he stepped over them.

Just like in every cop show on TV, I was led through the department like a common criminal and thrown into an interrogation room. It was one of those drab, windowless places with a dirty floor, flicking overhead lights, and a wobbly chair that I was supposed to sit in.

I was uncuffed and just left to stew.

I stared at the two-way mirror for over an hour. I didn't say a word or make a scene, because I knew that's what they wanted. It was actually very annoying that I still wasn't given any information. My mind started to create different scenarios about what was going on. Was this really happening? I knew one thing above all else: I didn't hurt anyone. I was sticking to that story. There was no way they could deny the truth.

Finally, after at least two hours, Masterson and his partner walked into the room with a thick file. Avi was rolling a TV behind him and put it in the corner. Masterson set a large box on the floor at his feet.

Masterson sat in front of me with a wicked and twisted smile. "So, Edward, right?"

I nodded.

"What were you doing last night?" He got down to brass tacks.

I decided to keep my cool and answer honestly, "Well, it was Sunday so I usually go out with my friend, James, to a bar or something."

"Usually?"

"Uh, yeah. He was working last night."

"So what did you do?"

I opened my mouth to answer a couple of times, but no words came out.

He nodded and wrote something on his pad. I tried to see what he was scribbling, but he moved it so that I couldn't.

"I'm really confused here," I admitted. "You come to my office and arrest me for battery, but you haven't given me any sort of motive or any information on who these people are."

Masterson set the box on the table and started to pull out things in plastic bags. I noticed them as some items from my apartment.

"Are those my shoes?" I stood up, but Avi pushed me back in my seat.

"Yes, we got a warrant to search your place and we found a lot of nice things." He held up some boots that I never wore. "Do you know what these are?"

"My shoes."

"Right, but it's what was under them that was the great thing." He banged the boot on the table, still in its evidence bag, and I could see flecks of dirt fall from the treads on the shoe.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"That's dirt from the crime scene I spent hours at this morning. It matches perfectly to the shoe prints were found there as well." He slid a newspaper in front of me. It was the same paper that James was reading earlier in the day.

I scanned the page with my eyes and still didn't understand until I saw the two names— Abby Mitchell and Ryan Basford.

"They were beaten in a park late last night by you, Edward, and thankfully, got to the hospital before…" Masterson spoke lowly.

"No, that can't be possible. I would never do anything like that." I argued.

"You robbed them. You've been the one terrorizing this city over these past couple of months. Tell me the truth." He slammed his fist on the table. "We have your fingerprints and witnesses. Plus, her purse was in your house. How can you deny it now?"

"I want a lawyer," I sputtered out.

He grinned evilly. "Alright."

Masterson snapped his fingers, and Avi pushed the TV in front of me on the other side of the table. He turned it on, and then they both left the room.

The video was in perfect color, and the angle was high up, showing the dark park underneath. It looked like the camera must have been on a light post or something.

I saw two people holding hands. One was a small girl who was leaning on a larger guy, and even though I couldn't hear anything, I saw that they were both laughing. They looked ordinary and happy. The time stamp at the bottom left corner of the screen said that it was just past ten last night.

I watched them walk the path of the well-lit park for a couple of seconds.

Out of nowhere, a figure pushed them both into the bushes. It happened so fast that I didn't even see them leave. One second they were there; the next they weren't. I waited for the loving couple to re-emerge. They never did.

Exactly five minutes later, I saw myself stumble out of the bushes with tattered clothes and blood falling from my lip. I looked directly up at the camera on the light post, and then ran down the path, out of the park.

_What the fuck was that? _

"Do you still want your lawyer?" Masterson stuck his head into the room, and I could tell that he was fighting a smile.

I didn't even have the motor functions to nod.

My brow was drenched in sweat, my heart was thundering, my pulse was throbbing, and my whole body felt exhausted, even though I hadn't done anything.

"How about we watch it again while we wait for your lawyer," Masterson suggested and rewound the tape. He played it from the beginning and left the room.

After I watched it for the second time, I felt like I needed to throw up.

That was me on the video. There was no doubt about that. What happened in the bushes was up for debate, but this didn't look good for me at all. I looked down at my hands, which had supposedly hurt two people intentionally. Could that really be possible?

Of course it couldn't be. I would have remembered something like this.

The door banged open and a smartly dressed man stepped in. "Get up, Edward. We're leaving."

"Jenks, I didn't do anything. I swear to you that I didn't do it." I stood up quickly.

"I know, Edward." He patted my back.

"Where do you think you're going?" Avi stood in the doorway.

"My client did nothing wrong," Jenks said. He had been the family's lawyer since way back when my father was alive.

"Like hell he didn't. He's under arrest. We have more than enough evidence to charge him for assault, along with a dozen other things."

"He won't be going to jail."

"And how are you going to swing that one, Jenks?" A very tall women with bright red hair stepped into the room.

"Well, Victoria, he has a condition," my lawyer answered. "Just because you're the ADA doesn't mean you can overlook certain things."

I didn't say anything, because I had no idea what was going on.

"A condition?" She raised a perfectly manicured eyebrow.

"It's called 'not guilty by reason of mental defect'," Jenks said smugly.

_Say what? _

"Let's stop playing around." She rolled her eyes. "Your client is in perfect mental health, and he knew what he was doing."

"Tell her, Edward." Jenks pointed at me. "Tell her what you remember from last night."

How the hell did he know I had no memory? How did he know that I didn't have any recollection of last night's events?

"I… I can't remember," I stammered.

"He's lying," Avi interjected.

"I'm not," I contended. "I have no idea what I did last night. I can't remember."

"And does that happen often, Edward?" Jenks asked me.

"Yes," I answered truthfully, "more so in the past couple of months."

"It's referred to as Multiple Personality Disorder, and I guarantee you that Mr. Masen won't be spending a second in jail."

"This is bullshit," Masterson yelled. "He assaulted a dozen people. We have him on camera."

"You won't get him out of this one, Jenks." Victoria's lips were twitching.

"He can't remember a thing. How can you expect him to be held criminally responsible if you can't even question him on the events of last night?" Jenks was getting very heated now. "He is simply not well."

I didn't know what was being said, but I sure as hell didn't think I was insane. Didn't people like that usually have symptoms? Didn't they live in crazy houses with shackles and padded rooms? I just decided to stay silent. I wouldn't help my case at all.

"You're trying to tell me that he's insane?" Victoria raised her eyebrow higher.

"Yes, temporarily or otherwise, but yes."

"This is too much for me to even believe," she cackled. "I'll see you in court."

Jenks wasn't able to pull enough weight to keep me out of lockup.

I was fingerprinted, my mug shot was taken, and I was thrown in a lonely cell to wait until my arraignment the next morning.

I had never in my life been through something like this. I hadn't even seen the inside of a cop car until tonight. It was so strange to be in the position of so many criminals, whom I had seen on TV. No one told me anything, and I was still in the dark as the morning came.

I was put in the same cruiser that I had been brought in and taken to the courthouse where Jenks was waiting.

"It's okay, Edward. We're going to take care of this," he assured me.

"What the hell is going on?"

"You're sick, Edward."

"I'm not sick," I almost shouted.

"Keep your voice down." He pulled me to the side. "I need you to trust me. I know what I'm doing. You're sick. I've looked over the studies and your case; it's the only way I can describe it."

I was at a loss of what to say.

"Edward!" I heard a sweet voice yell from down the hall.

I turned around right as my mother threw herself at me. I caught her and staggered backwards.

"What 's going on?" she asked worriedly.

"I got arrested last night."

"I know. Everyone's talking about it. I'm so confused."

"It's okay, Ms. Masen. We're going to take care of everything," Jenks said tenderly.

It killed me to see my mother so worried. I was all she had after my father died. Edward Sr., as he was known, took care of us well and was killed in a car accident right before I went off to college. Thankfully, he had left us with a shit load of money, so we never had to struggle after he was gone. I was an only child, and this wasn't looking well for the Masens at the moment.

I stood in front of a packed courthouse—that was just for my arraignment. I couldn't imagine what it would be like if I actually went to trial.

Jenks worked masterfully and pulled out all the legal jargon he could, but I don't think it was enough to save me. He argued that I was an outstanding member of the community and wasn't a flight risk. This is where he kind of slipped up. If I was mentally unstable like he concluded, I shouldn't be left to roam the streets. The judge obviously agreed. I was placed under lock up without bail.

My mother visited me every day for the next week.

She told me that things were a complete mess, and I was being called some kind of lunatic. I still couldn't remember anything, but I was deeply upset. I wanted to apologize. I felt like I had to. I didn't mean to hurt anyone, and I just wanted this to go away.

I never heard a word from Kate and to be honest, I couldn't even think about her right now. I would deal with my personal relationships after I got out of here. James was also a no-show and I figured he would be. As much of a friend as he was, if there was any path that saves his own ass, he would take it.

Jail was... jail. There was no other way to describe it. I did notice that I wasn't placed in the general population. If it was any indication as to my future, the man in the cell next to me was in there for murder because "the men in his head told him to". That's what he kept screaming, at least.

On my fifth day in lockup, three shrinks visited me. One was court appointed, one was paid for by my mother, and the other was a man from Yale, who was supposedly the best. I didn't know why they were visiting me, but I didn't complain. I would take anything as long as I could figure out what was going on.

They all came up with the same conclusion: I was insane.

One of them called it selective blackout episodes, another called it multiple personality disorder, and the other said I had an alternate persona. I had a split personality basically. It was like having another person inside of me that I had no control over and no idea how to stop him from coming out. I hadn't had an problem since being locked up, so I couldn't really describe what it felt like to have someone else taking over my body. There wasn't any physical evidence of my new persona, but I was told by the psychiatrists that he was in there. The duality of my being was terrifying.

That was a strange day.

How are you supposed to act when you learn that you're crazy? I didn't feel any different, but it was obvious that there was something wrong with me. I had never been on medication or drugs, so I didn't know how I was supposed to be getting help. Now, my system was pumped full of shit, all in an effort to keep the beast at bay.

It was like my life was spiraling out of control. There was no way for me to even stop it, because I had no idea what was really going on. They did tests and asked me questions. They showed me pictures that I was supposed to distinguish, and even tried something with electro shock. It was just through my hand, but it was extremely strange to feel. I didn't know if anything was helping.

My court date was set and the days passed, like sand dripping from an hourglass.

I never spoke to anyone. I didn't even look where I wasn't supposed to. I played by the rules, like I always did, because I was in deep shit.

I was a realist, so I knew what was going on. There was no way they could find me anything but guilty. Not guilty wasn't even an option. I had watched that tape a thousand times. There was no doubt in my mind that I had not only harmed both Abby Mitchell and Ryan Basford, but a whole slew of people who suddenly came forward after I was arrested. From what I learned, I had also robbed a couple dozen places, set fire to a few businesses, and beaten a homeless man senseless. All of this was over a five-month period, and I remembered nothing.

My trial was moved to Portland so that the jury could be impartial, but I was still going to the doghouse. I wasn't so jaded that I believed in a 'not guilty' verdict for me. Even I would put my ass in jail. I needed to be locked up. I wasn't healthy.

Jenks shifted his defense strategy from getting me acquitted, to getting me safely put into a mental institution for help. I was on medication, but I needed something long term. From the way it was explained to me, I was going to spend the rest of my life, outcast from society, because it wasn't safe for people to be around me.

On the morning of my trial, I threw up six times, and that was even before I was led into the courthouse in shackles. The State of Washington v. Edward Masen was the hottest media ticket in half a decade. My mother was the only one of my friends or family in my corner.

I sat on the left side of the courtroom while the lawyers battled it out.

Statements were made; doctors were put on the stand and gave their explanations as to how I couldn't be held accountable for my actions, because I wasn't completely functioning at the time of my attacks.

The trial didn't even take the full day. I thought that was slightly unfair. How could I be judged fairly if I wasn't given more time to plead my case?

When I was on the stand, I was bombarded with questions about that night. I couldn't answer any of them. It was a literal blank slate. Of course, everyone thought I was lying, but if they could see inside my head, they would have been just as confused as I was.

The waiting for a verdict was the worst. I was held in a cell in the back. Esme came to wait with me. She didn't say anything, but she had been somewhat silent throughout all of this. I was her golden boy. Now, I'm sure she saw me as a menace; just like everyone else.

"Mr. Masen, please stand for the ruling." The judge banged his gavel as the jury started to pile back into the courtroom.

I stood up and fixed my ugly, ubiquitous orange jump suit like it was a high fashioned jacket, with Jenks standing next to me. He had been very supportive throughout all of this and had done his best.

"Has the jury reached a verdict?" the judge asked.

"We have your honor." The foreman stood.

"And how does it read?"

I closed my eyes and prayed to every God I could think of. This could either go two ways: I was going to be reprieved slightly and sent to get treatment for my psychosis, or I was going to be locked up in jail without any help and left to rot for the rest of my life. I would rather have the lesser of two evils.

"We the jury, find the defendant, Edward Masen, not guilty due to mental defect."

There was an audible gasp from the room and a lot of small murmurs.

I almost collapsed as the weight of the trial finally fell on my shoulders. Jenks had to hold me up.

"Quiet down." The judge banged his gavel again.

The trial ended with me being sentenced to seek unlimited counseling at the Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment. Long name for a mental asylum.

And that is where my story begins.

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**A/N: **

Hello, lovers. I'm back with another crazy and literally insane fic. I know, it sounds like this can only go down hill from chapter 1, but its actually going to be really fun. A whole great cast of characters is lined up for this one and I can't wait to see what you guys think.

Don't worry, this isn't going to turn into a scary, insane asylum fic. It's going to be fun and if you've been reading anything else I've written, you know I like to push boundaries with my writing. I have a lot of tricks up my sleeve. This will be a B/E fic mainly from E's POV.

Thank you in advance for any alerts/favs/reviews/pimpage from the readers. I write for you guys and you're pretty fucking awesome. I also need to give a huge shoutout to my chicks. **JennyB0719 **who betas my horrible chapters and **Suzie55 **who pre-reads. They're both amazing and have great fics out there. Go look them up.

I plan on updating this fic every Monday after this week. Chapter two will be up on Thursday.

I'm fairly reachable and always get back to emails, things like that. All my info can be found on my profile but follow me on twitter for update info and any other mess that comes out of my mouth**(at)johnnyboy1029**

Review and tell me what you think. I've been writing for a long time so I know the drill. It will take you guys a couple chapters to get into it, but stick with it. That's all I can say. lol. Hope you enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2

The Definition of 'Normal'

—_adjective, __conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular; natural. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer_  
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I vomited over the side of the small boat for the second time in ten minutes. I had nothing left to give, so yellow, acidic bile burned my throat as it erupted from my mouth. I took several deep breaths to calm myself, but nothing was really working.

A firm slap on my back stung my skin, and I coughed up a little more bile.

"You all right there, Masen?" Masterson asked and pounded my back.

"No, I'm not fucking 'all right'." I corrected my position so that I was standing up and wiped the vomit from the corner of my mouth. My hands were in cuffs so it was hard to maneuver, but I acted like I wasn't having trouble.

"This is nothing," Avi scoffed. "You'll just have to man up."

I was pushed back down in the seat I had gotten up from.

Mist was swirling around the boat as it jetted off towards the large land mass that gradually got bigger and bigger the closer we got. I was dreading the looming mountain, which was becoming more of an annoying blurb than anything else. I couldn't see a thing for the fog.

I'd better just get used to it, though. That blurb was going to be my home for a while.

It was freezing on deck, and I didn't think I was ever going to see the sun again. It was the early morning hours, three days after I had been sentenced, and here I was on a boat towards my own personal hell. From what I was told, the Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment was one of the best. It served more as a day care facility to keep the patients off of the streets. It even came with a fucking brochure where smiling faces greeted the eye and words like "rehabilitation", "safety", and "recovery" were in bright, bold print.

It was all just a façade. I bet the inside of the place looked like a piece of shit, and we were all put in straitjackets. That was my image of it, at least.

"You got off lucky, Masen." Masterson sat next to me. "You should be rotting in jail right now."

"Haven't you heard; I'm crazy?" I held my head in my hands and scrubbed my face.

"I still think that's bullshit," Avi muttered under his breath.

I would have thought so too.

Besides the fact that the doctors told me I was, and the fact that I had barely any memory of my actions, there would be no evidence to suggest that I was mentally unstable. I felt like a normal man, I looked like a normal man, I acted like a normal man; where did I go wrong? I liked my old normality. Please bring it back.

The doctor said that it wasn't genetics, but it could be a myriad of things, ranging from stress-related factors to a chemical imbalance in my brain. Usually, this kind of thing happened when a person needed to run away from a traumatic childhood or something like that. I had a great life. So what happened? I didn't have an answer for that right now.

My split personality was categorized as extremely dangerous, because "he" was dormant. We didn't know what triggered him to appear or how long he stayed. I felt like I should name him or something, like Dr. Jekyll had named his.

I was on heavy doses of medication, which were "regulating" me. I had been like a volcano, ready to explode at any moment, but I just didn't know when that was going to happen. As of now, my brain was fine. I had articulate, clear thoughts and couldn't see how someone like me would be considered insane. Even in my dreams, I was the boring man of twenty-six, whom I had been in real life. I was very interested in what this new personality was like and why he acted the way he did. Obviously, he wasn't very pleasant since he had hurt several people, but maybe I could control him if I knew what I was up against. But that was why I was being sent off to Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment.

_God, that name was going to kill me. _

I would forever be known as the man who was shipped off to some mental hospital.

My mother was shamed in the social community. Her son was the pariah of the state. My face was on every newspaper from here to Texas, and I was probably going to always be known for my horrible alter ego, rather than the man I had worked so hard to build. Isn't that sad? I'd done everything by the book and look where it got me.

"So, what exactly should I be looking forward to?" I asked.

"Well, since your 'insane'," Avi quoted, "you get to live with all the other crazies."

"Crazies?" Should I take offense to that term since I was now one of them? It sounded highly derogatory to me.

"Yes, crazies. I still don't believe that you have a mental problem, but if you really do, then this is the place where you can get help."

"What's the point, exactly, if I'll never be let out in society?"

"That's not my area of expertise. I don't give a shit." Masterson picked at his teeth with a toothpick. "Once I drop you here, you're their problem."

"You got off lucky, Masen, and don't you forget it," Avi spat. "You were an impossible person to catch, but at least you're off the streets. A raging maniac, like you, can only do harm."

I wanted to protest and fight for my normalcy, but I had no grounds. He was right. What got me was that my alter persona was a very smart man. He rarely left evidence at these crime scenes and kept a very low profile. He knew he was doing something wrong, but that must have been a thrill for him. What the hell was going on inside of my body?

"Are there visitors allowed?" I sighed. "Can my mother see me?"

"How the hell should I know?" Masterson threw his hands up. "It's not like I come here often."

"So, what exactly do you know?" I was getting very annoyed with this man. The rocking of the boat was making it hard for me to keep my cool, when all I wanted to do was throw up every five seconds.

He was about to say something, and from the looks of it, he wasn't going to hold back on his anger, but the captain of the small boat popped his head out from the door that led to his quarters.

"We're here, gentleman." He nodded.

"Thanks." Masterson pulled me up from my seat, and we started walking to the back of the boat.

"We could have taken the bridge, you know." I pointed in the distance to where a large, iron structure was taunting me.

"The boat is quicker."

"You're just trying to torture me," I replied darkly.

"Just one last whirl of fun before we separate. I was actually starting to get to like you," he joked cynically.

"I hate you," I mumbled.

The boat docked, and I was nearly pushed off.

The cuffs on my hands were cutting into the fabric of the sweater I was in, and the temperature seemed to be entirely too cold for July. There was another cruiser waiting for us, and I sat in the back, just like I had been doing every other time I had been in a car lately.

We were on Downy Island, which wasn't really an island since it was connected to the mainland and was only a short drive away, but it was very small. On a good day, you might be able to see Seattle from the mountains.

Downy was one of those old fishing communities that held a certain level of nostalgia, which was untouched by the spoils of modernity. It was still early morning, but a lot of the fisherman were up and ready for the day's work. The people I passed while in the car looked nice, and there were lots of boats. I wondered if they knew that they were living so close to a mental hospital. They must have.

Avi drove through the thick forests, and we soon left all the people behind as we climbed higher into the mountains. It was actually really cold, even though the sun was starting to peek out over the storm clouds above us.

The car stopped in front of a pair of large Victorian style gates with a security stand. My police masters and the guard talked about something stupid for a second before the car pulled through to my new home.

Windemere didn't look anything like I had imagined it. I thought I might be living in a haunted house or something like that, but it resembled more of a college campus. There were a lot of grass and trees set against older, Gothic mansions. There were also some new, modern buildings that looked as if they were transported from the city and a nice lake with ducks. No one was out at this hour, but I could see how this place might be filled with people if it was a normal park. It almost looked pleasant.

All I had to do to remind myself that I was in hell was recall the name.

Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment.

_Yup, that did it. _

The car stopped in front of one of the older mansions, and I was lifted out, the links of my handcuffs clanking together.

"We're almost done with you." Avi grinned.

"I'm so happy," I replied sarcastically. "Finally, freedom."

We went inside, where a big, burly man with dark skin was standing. He was dressed normally in jeans and a tee shirt, looking more like a bodyguard than a policeman.

"Black, nice to see you again." Masterson shook the man's hand.

"You, too. Is this the new guy?" He pointed to me.

"Sure is. Edward Masen."

My hands were freed from their restraints, and I was pushed forward. I almost ran into the new security guard's massive chest. He held me at arm's length and patted me down routinely.

"Well, we'll be seeing ya." Avi slapped my back. "It was fun."

I didn't bother bidding him goodbye. Both of the detectives walked out of the building, neither of them casting another glance backwards. As much as I hated those two, they provided me with some sense of regularity in my crazy life. I had seen them almost every day since this thing had started, and now, they were gone.

A strange uneasiness settled over me as I realized that I was truly alone.

"So, you're the Seattle Strangler?" the man, whose name I guessed was Black, asked.

"No, my name is Edward," I replied coldly.

"I know and we've been waiting for you." He smirked knowingly and pushed me into a room to the left. It was small and had nothing in it. "Wait here. I'll be right back."

I stood in the middle of the room and didn't move for a total of five minutes.

Black came back with a bag and threw it at me. "Get dressed."

I pulled out the light blue pants and shirt set. They looked like medical scrubs. There was also a pair of white shoes in the bottom of the bag.

"Are you going to let me have some privacy?" I asked.

He laughed, "There is no privacy."

When he said that, he meant it.

After I stripped out of my clothes, I had to be put through a very invasive cavity search that I couldn't even begin to describe. I knew it was regulation, but a little warning would have been nice.

When that was done, Black began to go over the rules of Windemere.

Apparently, I was a patient that belonged to Dr. Cullen. I didn't know who that was or what that meant, but it seemed to be important so I committed the name to memory. Windemere was a place that was based on rehabilitation. Black kept stressing that point. He was trying to make it sound like I wasn't being put in lockup.

I didn't know if he was skipping over the majority of the rules, but it didn't sound as strict as I thought it would be. There was no leaving the grounds, which I took to mean that I wouldn't be shut in my room all day. There was a curfew and certain things that we couldn't have in our rooms, but it wasn't too difficult to follow the rules. There were visitors, but I found out that many of the patients here didn't get any.

Sounded pretty much like college to me.

After I dressed in my drab clothing, I was lead out of the room and through the halls of the mansion. There were carpets on the floors and doors that were open; I could see large rooms with beds. Some had people in them.

It was nothing like the visions in my nightmares where I saw people running around, screaming to the high heavens.

Windemere was almost like the rich boarding school that I attended back when I was a kid.

"This is your room. The doctor will be with you in a second." Black opened the door, and then shut it when I was inside.

It was simple as simple could be, but very nice. There was a decent sized bed, a nightstand, a sofa, and a couple of chairs, along with a table. I looked into another door and saw a full private bathroom. There was also a large window, but I noticed the bars over it, so my wonderful fantasies were brought back to reality once again.

I sat on the bed and bounced around a little to make sure that it was all right. Anything was better than the cardboard-like mattress I had gotten accustomed to over the past couple of weeks. There were a several blankets and lots of pillows that looked too comfy not to lie down on.

Before I knew it, I was out like a light.

For the first time in a long time, I didn't dream about how insane I was. I think I had a normal dream; whatever that meant.

"Knock, knock," a voice said in my head.

"Go away," I said back. I was determined to not let voices overtake my mind.

"I'm here to help you."

"I don't need help."

"Yes, you do. That's why you're here."

"I want to go home," I muttered.

"This is your home. You're sick, Edward. I'm sorry, but this is going to help."

I suddenly realized that I was more awake than I should have been.

I shot straight up in bed and looked around frantically. I didn't know if I was still dreaming, but I figured that I wasn't when I heard the loud storm raging outside.

I jerked backwards when I saw a man at the foot of the bed. He was sitting in a chair with his legs crossed. He was in scrubs like mine, but had a white doctor's coat on, along with glasses. He had short blonde hair and a strong face that almost looked like it had been carved. The glasses that he was wearing magnified his blue eyes, and he couldn't have been older than me.

"Hello, Edward. Do you usually talk in your sleep?" the man asked.

"No… I don't think so," I said in confusion. "Who are you?"

"I'm Dr. Jasper Whitlock," he said firmly, but kindly.

"I thought my doctor was Dr. Cullen."

"No, he couldn't be with us today." Dr. Whitlock fixed his glasses. "Let's get down to it, shall we? I'm going to be asking you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them as truthfully as you can. I'm not here to judge you. I just want to get to know you. Is that alright?"

I nodded, still kind of confused.

"Alright, so what exactly are you here for?" he asked.

"Shouldn't you know that?" I raised an eyebrow.

"No need to get snippy." He looked over the brim of his glasses. "I need to hear you admit why you're here."

"Um… well, I was told that I hurt people."

"Did you remember these incidents?"

"No, but I did." I shrugged. "They said I have an enhanced version of multiple personality disorder."

He nodded thoughtfully and started writing in my file.

"And have you always had this condition?"

"They don't know. The doctors said it could have been triggered by stress."

"I see. What are your dietary stipulations?"

"I don't understand."

"Anything that you particularly like to eat?"

"Uh, no. Anything, I guess."

He sat up and leaned his elbows on his knees. "Are you into drugs?"

"What? No," I said animatedly, "I'm not doing anything illegal."

"Besides robbing and beating people," he challenged.

I stayed silent and glared at him.

"Are you sexually active?" he asked seriously.

"Uh, excuse me?"

"Are you sexually active?" he said slower.

"I don't see how that's relevant."

"And where did you go to med school?" He took off his glasses.

"Well, I didn't but…"

"Exactly, answer the question, please."

"Yes," I replied.

"Yes, what?"

"Yes, I'm sexually active or… at least I was."

There was a knock at the door and a tall man with luminescent blonde hair stepped in the room. He had gray-blue eyes that were too bright to look at straight on. He must have been about fifty, but could have passed for two decades younger.

"Mr. Whitlock, what may I ask are you doing in the new patient's room?" he said.

"Oh, sorry, Doc. I was just testing him out." Dr. Whitlock stood up. "Here's your coat. I swiped it from your office." He took it off and handed it to the new guy.

"And my glasses?" The doctor was fighting a smile.

Whitlock took off the glasses and handed them to him. "He's good stuff."

"You're starting to scare the new patients, Jasper."

"Well, how was I supposed to know if he was cool or not?"

"We'll be talking about this in therapy." The man put on his glasses.

The old doctor saluted me before leaving the room with a loud laugh.

"What the hell's going on?" I asked, tired of the games.

"Sorry about that. Mr. Whitlock sometimes thinks he can impersonate me." He sat in the chair.

"So… he wasn't a doctor?"

"No, he's a patient. I'm your doctor."

"Dr. Cullen?" I clarified.

"You can call me Carlisle." He laughed, "Sorry about him."

"This isn't funny," I snapped.

"Of course not." Dr. Cullen sobered up. "I'm sorry. How are you today?"

"I'm good, but I don't want to talk right now." I turned my head away from him. I was pissed that I had been duped.

"Alright, then, let me do all the talking," he said. "As you know, this is Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment. "

_There goes that name again. _

"You are not a prisoner, but a patient here at our facility," he continued. "I'm not here to judge you; I just want to help. You have been admitted for multiple personality disorder, and you're sick. I just want to make that perfectly clear, but we're here to support you," he reiterated.

"Do you give this speech to all of your patients?" I asked with a tone.

"It might sound like it, but no." He gave a smile that actually looked genuine. "Like I said, this isn't a prison. We try to give you a more nurturing place to thrive. We have many patients that we treat, some of them are dangerous; others are just here for personal reasons, but you are allowed to interact as you choose. I encourage you to make friends here."

"I doubt that."

"You never know." He shrugged. "Meals are served, your bedding and clothing is washed, your room must stay clean, and you can have certain things brought to you from home, but they must be approved by me. You and I will have one-on-one and group therapy as well. There are opportunities for art therapy, musical therapy, and exercise throughout the day. There's no smoking, no drinking, and your diet is approved by the nutritionists here."

"So, basically, this is a glorified rehab facility."

"There's no need for the attitude." His face displayed the first signs of agitation with me. "I'm here to treat you."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, throughout our therapy, we will figure out why you're this way, what ticks you off, how we can offset your episodes, and any other methods to calm you down. "

"Will you make me normal again?"

"There's no such thing as normal, Edward," he replied, "and no, you won't ever be like a regular person."

"So, you're the doctor for everyone here?" I sat up straighter.

"No, there's another doctor, but you won't be meeting with him. He's more for the… intensive patients."

"What does that mean?"

"They need a little more help."

"Don't you think I should be in that group?"

He chuckled. "No. Dr. Volturi has his own way of therapy that I'm not particularly fond of. When I saw your file, I knew you'd be more of a fit for me."

I nodded awkwardly for a second. "I can just walk around when I want?"

"Yes, this isn't a prison."

"You've said that three times already."

"Just making sure that you realize that. You're going to see some very strange things here, and at first, they might seem unnatural, but most of the patients here are far worse off than you. I try to help them all in any way possible."

I eyed him questionably. "This place isn't like Shutter Island, is it?"

He laughed deeply. "I hate that book."

"Have you seen the movie?"

"No, not yet. I haven't had the chance."

It felt weird to speak with my doctor about movies and shit, but he didn't make me feel like I was an experiment.

"No, I will not drill into your eyes and pull out your brain," the doctor said.

"Can my mother visit?"

"Once a week, if she would like. Not more than that unless it's an emergency. May I ask if you have a girlfriend?"

"No," I answered quickly.

"And why's that?"

"Because I don't want one." I got very defensive as the thought of Kate popped into my head. She was dead to me. Not once had I heard from her, so I assumed that she was through with me. Maybe that was a good thing.

"I discourage relationships, at least for the first couple of years in your stay. It's not a good thing to get distracted."

"Oh, am I going to find my angel in this hell hole?" I rolled my eyes.

"No, I guess you wouldn't." His lips turned up in a sarcastic smile.

"What about your wife? Does she like you working here with crazy people?"

"First of all, we don't use that phrase. You're all patients, not crazy people. And I'm not married."

"Why?" I asked rudely.

"Because I work with crazy people." He laughed from his stomach. "I'm not trying to be your keeper, Edward. I need you to trust and talk to me so don't shut yourself off. It's probably going to take some time for us to build up a relationship of that level, but it will happen."

"Well, then. This seems like a pretty swell place," I said falsely.

"We have a swimming pool, gym, library, and anything else you'll need. You can outfit your room however you choose in the next few weeks and make it your home." He got up from his seat and fixed his lab coat. "Feel free to come to my office if you have any further questions. Anyone can tell you where it is."

He started walking towards the door and put his glasses in the breast pocket of his coat.

"Is there any chance of me ever getting out of here?" I asked, maybe a little too hopefully, but I was really wondering.

He offered a sympathetic smile. "No, not for a very long time."

Carlisle left me alone for the rest of the day.

The storm continued to rage outside, and I didn't have the courage to go out of my room. If this was going to be my home for the rest of my life, maybe I should try and socialize, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

How had my life turned completely upside down in a matter for months?

Now I was a crazy person, living in some mental community. There was nothing that could explain how I had gone into such a tailspin so quickly. I was a pillar of my community. I helped build houses and gave to homeless shelters; I went to college and got a good job. I followed all the rules.

I had to laugh at the fact that I had ironically donated money to Seattle's Board of Mental Health a couple years ago. That was the first time I had laughed in months, and it almost hurt.

Around six that night, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I sat up in bed.

A small crack appeared and a lot of whispering from the other side, even though I couldn't see anyone.

"Go on, Alice," a feminine voice said.

"No, you go first."

"I said you could come in," I repeated.

There was some giggling and the door opened fully.

A really short girl with black, spiky hair stepped into my room with her head down bashfully. She was in scrubs like mine, except hers were pink. I had noticed that the patients wore these scrubs, and the nurses wore white. That was all gathered during my five-second peek out into the hallway around lunchtime.

"Uh, hi," I said gawkily.

"Hiya," She perked up, "I'm Alice."

"Nice to meet you." I nodded at her. "I'm Edward."

"Oh, I know who you are. Everyone's been waiting for you."

That was the second time today someone had told me that.

"How are you?" I asked, trying to be polite.

"I'm good. I painted a picture today," she said proudly. "How are you?" She actually jumped on my bed and sat cross-legged.

"I've been better." I scooted back.

"It's not that bad here. We're all really nice. Kind of crazy, but who isn't these days?" she said really quickly. I almost didn't catch it.

I wanted to ask her why she was here, but figured it might be rude. My mother taught me better than that.

She looked around my room. "This place is kind of boring."

"Yeah, I just moved in," I agreed. "And I don't really have anything."

"Do you want me to help you?" She sat on her knees and got very close to my face. I could see the glint in her pale hazel eyes. "I can help you? I'm a great painter."

"Uh, no. That's okay," I said and pushed her backwards gently with my hands on her tiny shoulders.

"Oh, sorry. I tend to get overexcited sometimes." She sat back and looked around again. "Wait, where's Rosalie?"

I examined my room. "Who's Rosalie?"

"My friend." She said like I should already know who that was.

"And do you see that friend now?" I asked slowly.

Her face went into a snarl. "She's real."

"Are you sure?"

Alice jumped off of the bed and went back to the door. She started tugging on someone's arm.

"I don't want to, Alice," another girl's voice said.

"You have to, Rosalie. He's really nice."

There was a sigh, and a beautiful blonde stepped through the door. She looked more like a model than a patient. She had long hair that was pulled into a ponytail and from what I could tell, a very nice physique under her pink scrubs. Her blue eyes held a level of hate in them, but the rest of her face was perfectly constructed.

"This is my best friend, Rosalie." Alice pointed. "She's a patient too. She's a real crazy bitch," Alice giggled.

"I'm a pyromaniac so if you come anywhere near me, I'll burn your face off," Rosalie said bitingly.

"Aren't you sweet," I replied sardonically.

"I'm serious." She walked around my bed and looked around. "Why is it so boring in here?"

"Because he just moved in, and he doesn't have anything yet. Duh, Rose," Alice answered for me.

"I hear you kill people and don't remember it." Rosalie eyed me. "You don't seem that tough."

"I didn't kill anyone." I argued, "They just…happened to get hurt around me."

"That's really creepy." Alice grinned. "Jasper's into that kind of scary stuff"

"Wait, Jasper Whitlock?" I asked.

"Oh, you know him?"

"He pretended to be my doctor." I got angry again just thinking about it.

"Yeah, he's a real piece of work, but I love him all the same." Alice threw herself on my bed. "Are you hungry?"

"No." I pulled the blanket over me more. I felt very exposed for some reason.

"I bet you are. You look so skinny. Emmett will take you to the weight room. He's always there." Alice bounced.

"Who's Emmett?"

"Rose's man. He has an anger problem so don't make him mad. He gets to be like a tank sometimes."

Rosalie brushed that off and went to my window. She just stood there, looking.

"Do you want to watch a movie?" Alice asked.

"No. I really just want to sleep."

"No time for that. It's your first day. I have to introduce you to everyone."

"Alice, just leave him alone. It's not like he's going anywhere."

Alice pouted, "Alrighty then."

"It was nice meeting you two," I said. Rose just walked out of the door, not caring to reply.

Alice smiled. "We'll get to know each other soon."

"Hopefully not," I joked.

Her face fell and her lips began to quiver. "But… I was nice to you."

"Oh, I was just kidding." I got out of bed and went towards her. She backed up.

"You were being mean. I thought we were friends."

"I didn't mean to say that."

"What the hell did you do?" Rose reappeared at the door.

"Nothing," I answered.

"It's okay, Alice," she cooed. "Let's go get some ice cream."

Alice nodded into her shoulder. "Alright."

Rose shot me a dirty look over her shoulder as she walked out of the door. "This isn't the real world. You have to learn that you can't just treat people the same way. We're all broken in here."

"I'm sorry," I repeated.

"Just stay away from us." She slammed my door shut. The sound echoed off of my empty walls.

I ran a hand through my hair—a nervous habit that I had picked up— and sat back on my bed.

Rosalie was sure right about one thing: this definitely wasn't the real world.

* * *

**A/N:**

So as you can see, things are just getting started. As you might suspect, the whole cast of characters will be in this story and they'll be just as crazy as Edward. I can't wait. Bella will make herself known next chapter and...well, you'll see.

How are we liking so far? Is it anything like you thought it would be? I know it's only the second chapter, but I've gotten a lot of positive responses already and that makes me excited to write more. You guys are great so thank to Jenny0719 and Suzie55 of course for beta/pre-reading. I know it's not easy dealing with my crazy ass, but they do it well.

Next chapter will be on Monday I don't know if you guys would want teasers for this story, but I could make it work I think. Come back and I know you'll all love Bella. She's one hell of a character.


	3. Chapter 3

The Definition of 'Pink'

—_noun, adjective; __a color varying from light crimson to pale reddish purple. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I sat outside on the grass of the lawn and put on a pair of sunglasses that my mother had brought me from home.

It was a nice day out. The sun was high in the sky, the breeze was blowing, and the temperature was a beautiful seventy-seven. I couldn't help myself when I woke up this morning. I had to go into the open and test the world outside of my small, walled abode.

I had only been out of my room for meals and therapy sessions, which I was actually enjoying for the most part. Carlisle wasn't one of those doctors that judged you. He really did seem like he wanted to help, which was why I decided to just comply with everything. It wasn't like I was going to get out of here any time soon, so I might as well make myself comfortable.

I had been here a full week. It was actually not how I figured it would be at all. It really was like a college campus or summer camp. It wasn't a prison in the way that I didn't have to do anything I didn't want.

I just couldn't leave.

Of course, the place was filled with crazy people. I hadn't really socialized since being here; I didn't know anyone, although, a lot of people came up to me at meals and things like that. Apparently, I was the enigma that everyone wanted to solve. I didn't get it, but I was a pretty big deal here at Windemere.

Alice hadn't talked to me since that first day, although, I saw her a couple of times. She waved once and that was it. I think I had really offended her. I never meant to, and that was part of the reason for my seclusion. I didn't know how to act around these people. They were all here for different reasons. Anything I said could set them off, and I just kind of wanted to blend in.

There was always something questionable going on. There were screams late at night, guards that sometimes had to be called in to subdue patients, and Carlsile permanently looked tired. He really did work hard to make sure that he was helping everyone. I didn't know how he did it without going a little mad himself. This had to take a toll on him.

I hadn't heard or seen the other doctor—which was fine by me— so I assumed he was busy as well.

I didn't get a chance to explore the grounds much. I did stop off at the library, which actually had a very extensive collection. The orderlies and nurses were very nice. They all helped when they could and never treated anyone like they were garbage. Maybe movies and books just tried to make mental intuitions look bad to scare people on the outside. It had certainly worked to scare me.

There were all sorts of people here, of all ages. I had to pass the elderly as I walked to dinner, and even saw some kids skipping through the halls on their way to "class".

I did find it funny that, here at Windemere, I was more relaxed than I had been in years. I didn't have to worry about work or rent. My meals were provided, laundry was done every other day; I had a wide array of things to do if I chose, and I actually slept in until un-Godly hours. On top of all that, the scrubs were comfy as hell.

Seems to me like I got the good part of this deal.

There was still the issue about me having another personality that I had never met, but that was just a formality at this point. Carlisle and I had only met once, although, he was trying to get me to socialize more. He said that my connections in this place were the only thing I had. I would work on that later. I was also feeling kind of bad that I had done all that horrible stuff, but Carlisle assured me we would work on that in later sessions. Right now, he was just getting me acclimated.

My mother came to visit and promised to be back every week. She brought me what I asked her to from home and actually wanted to know what was going on. She didn't shy away from me or treat me like I had a disease. I didn't ask her what the media was saying about me or how everyone was doing. I was trying to purge myself of my old life.

All in all, I was very impressed with my accommodations.

I inhaled deeply, taking in a substantial whiff of fresh rain and newly cut grass. I felt a small smile on my lips as I watched patients play softball or read. It was very relaxing.

"Hey, Edward." I heard my name being called and saw Alice skipping in my direction.

"Hi, I didn't think we were talking."

"I decided to forgive you." She sat in the grass next to me. "Jasper said that you weren't trying to be mean."

"I really wasn't. I'm sorry."

"I know you were and I'm usually not that emotional. I was just having a really bad day."

"It's okay," I assured her.

We sat under the shade of the tree and didn't say anything else for a long minute.

"So, how are you liking it here?" she asked me.

"It's nice."

"Better than the outside, right?"

"The outside?"

"Yeah, that's what we call the real world."

"Oh, well then, I guess, although, I haven't really been here long enough to know for sure." I warmly smiled. A smile seemed to put her at ease around me.

"It's safe in here." She hung her head.

"Uh… I don't know if this is appropriate, but can I ask why you're here?"

"You shouldn't do that. People get very upset when you ask that question." She looked at me. "I don't mind, but some of these guys don't like talking about things like that."

"I understand."

"I have Circadian rhythm sleep disorder." She said like it was an honor.

"What's that?"

"I don't sleep like normal people. My biological clock is all fucked up, so I sleep at weird times. I can go a really long time without it. Emmett tried to see if I could break the world record. Dr. Cullen wouldn't let him, though. He said it was unhealthy."

"So, how do you sleep?"

"Sometimes, I just stay up and walk around all night, even though there's curfew. Dr. Cullen says it's all right, though."

"Doesn't that get… tiring?" I didn't know how else to put it.

"No, not really. I can function on two hours at most, but I can fall asleep like that." She snapped her fingers. "I don't even have to be tired. It's like an advanced stage of narcolepsy."

"And that means you get to stay here?"

"It's a real disorder," she explained. "I can't hold a job; I can't really function with regular people, and it affects everything. It's why I'm so short. I can't have children either."

I gave her a confused look.

"The lack of sleep messes with my hormones." She shrugged.

"Wow. That's some serious shit."

"Yeah, but it's okay. I have lots to do when I'm awake."

"What about everyone else? Some of these people seem kind of normal to me."

"Dr. Cullen doesn't like that word."

"I forgot." I chuckled, remembering when Carlisle kept scolding me for saying "normal" in our therapy session. "But is everyone really that bad?"

"A lot of people have the condition you do. Jasper has a split personality too."

"Really?"

"Yeah, but I don't want to tell all of his business. You'll have to ask him yourself."

I nodded. "What about Rosalie? She said she was a pyromaniac. Is that true?"

"Among other things." Alice rolled her eyes. "That girl is all kinds of messed up. I like to call it chronic bitch disorder." She giggled.

"That's not very nice, Alice," I teased.

"Well she is a bitch… unless you know her. She's really sweet otherwise, but yeah, she likes to burn things. We have to hide the matches."

"Sounds cool."

"Do you want to meet everyone?" Alice's eyes got bright. "Stay right there; I'll be back."

She jumped up from her seat next to me and took off like a rocket. She ran down the hill and almost fell a couple of times, but she was graceful enough to catch herself. She raced towards the lake and into the forest where she disappeared to for a couple of minutes.

Alice started to come back up the hill with Rosalie in tow, along with the man I knew as Dr. Whitlock, and another massive guy, whom I had never seen before. He had dark curly hair and looked like a fucking bodybuilder.

They all approached cautiously except for Alice, who sat down in her seat like she had done before she left.

"Edward, these are all my friends. Of course, you know Rose, and then there's Jasper, and that's Emmett." She pointed.

"It's nice to meet you all." I waved.

"Cool sunglasses." Jasper nodded to me and sat down. Rose and Emmett did as well, although, neither one of them said anything. They were both eying me like I was something that shouldn't be here.

"Thanks and that stunt you pulled last week wasn't funny," I snarled.

"I do that with all the newbies." He laughed, slapping his knee. "It's funny as hell."

"Are you one of Cullen's patients?" Emmett asked with a hard face and baritone voice.

"Uh, yeah," I replied.

He squinted, and then nodded. "Welcome." He held out his hand. "I'm Emmett."

I guess I had passed his test.

"Edward." I shook his outstretched hand.

"Did you really beat people up?" Jasper asked with wide eyes.

"I think so. I don't remember," I answered.

"That's convenient," Rosalie said under her breath.

"You'll have to forgive her. She was in law school before… well, before this," Emmett said.

I stayed silent with that statement.

"So, this is our group. We're all here." Alice smiled. "You want to join?"

"Join what?"

"Our group," she said, like I should know already.

"Oh, sure." I figured this was progress. I had made friends. I felt like the kindergartner on the playground on his first day of school. Carlisle was going to be proud.

Alice bounced excitedly. "Cool, I'll make you a shirt."

"So how long have you guys been here?" I asked no one in particular.

"We actually got here about the same time. That's why we're friends," Emmett replied.

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, we're coming up on our four year anniversary."

We sat for a while longer, and I got all the details on what there was to know at Windemere. I was right. This was like school. There were cliques of the pretty girls and the jocks, along with the people you just didn't mess with. There was a certain hierarchy that had to be followed. I guessed I chose the right crowd. Alice's group classified themselves as the more "normal" out of everyone. It was almost as if we were the popular ones. All of them were exceptionally striking in their own right; nothing like how you would imagine mental patients to look.

I kept a sharp eye on all of them and saw that they were "together". Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice; they were couples. I didn't know to what degree, but I noticed the looks and touches that were too much to be friendly. I would have to ask about that later.

We didn't talk about disorders or why we were all here. I don't think I had earned that level of trust yet. We kept it to the mechanics of the place.

"You'll like Carlisle," Emmett said. "He's really good at getting into your head, but he's so smart."

"Has it helped? Being here, I mean," I asked.

"Oh, yeah," Alice answered. "We've all improved, but that's because Carlisle's so amazing. He really does want to help."

"I don't even want to burn things, usually, during sessions," Rosalie added.

We just looked at her for a second.

"So, who is this Dr. Volturi that I keep hearing about?" I asked.

They all had a slightly different reaction.

Alice started to shake a little, Emmett and Rose's faces blanched, and Jasper growled under his breath.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" I backtracked.

"No, we just don't like that bastard." Emmett's lips did a weird puckering thing.

"Why? Is he bad?"

"He's the worst," Rosalie spat; not necessarily at me, but at the thought of this Volturi guy.

"You know how Carlisle is really gentle and likes to talk about things?" Jasper asked, and I nodded. "Well, Dr. Volturi is the complete opposite. He likes more… physical ways of therapy."

"There was a girl about a year ago, who was in here, and she was afraid of birds, like terrified of them." Alice sat on her knees and got ready to tell a good story. "Well, Dr. Volturi always says that if you're afraid of something, then you have to face it. Carlisle would use more gentle methods, but Dr. Volturi locked the poor girl in a room with… so many birds and left her there."

"She was screaming for hours until Carlisle made him take her out," Emmett said.

"She killed herself the next day," Rosalie concluded. "We had to go to the funeral and everything."

I was kind of taken aback. I knew the movies weren't all false. There _were_ wacko doctors in this place.

"H- how can he do that?" I stammered.

"Well, it is a viable form of treatment." Emmett shrugged. "He has helped people before, but Carlisle doesn't really like him."

"So why work with him?"

"This place was set up to rehabilitate people, but it's not run by Dr. Cullen. He's just a doctor here, even though he should be in charge of the place. It's headed by a board of directors, who only care about the hospital's success rate. They keep Dr. Volturi on staff because he has a rapid rate of rehabilitation," Alice said quickly.

"That's torture," I replied.

"Just be glad that you got Carlisle. If you're in with Aro, nothing good can come of it."

"Aro? Is that his name?"

They all nodded.

"Well, that was depressing." Alice shrunk into herself. Jasper put an arm over her shoulder.

We sat there, not speaking, just looking at the sparkling water of the lake. It was kind of peaceful after the heavy conversation we had just discussed.

"So, what's your favorite food?" Alice asked suddenly after a couple of minutes.

"Uh, lasagna."

"Can you cook?" Emmett followed Alice's lead and stuck with a food question.

"Sure." I hitched a shoulder.

"Great, we can go down to the kitchen later and have a feast." Alice clapped her hands. "Finally, one of us who has some kind of talent in the kitchen. Will you make me a cheesecake? I love cheesecake."

I chuckled at her enthusiasm. "Sure, if you want."

I was about to say something, but there was a tap on my shoulder. I turned around and saw a bright blonde haired woman with a smile. She was in pink scrubs—as usual—and a warm face.

"Hi." She handed me a bushel of flowers.

"Hi." I eyed her strangely behind my sunglasses, thankful that she couldn't see me.

"I was just coming by to welcome you to Windemere. I'm Heidi."

"Edward." I held out my hand, and she shook it.

She sat in the grass next to me and hooked her arm in mine.

Before she could even say anything, Rosalie snapped into bitch mode.

"Did I say you could sit down?" Her tone was biting and very scary.

"You don't own the grass, Hale." Heidi flicked her off.

"If you put that finger up one more time, I'll snap it off."

"I'll do whatever I want."

"Get away from us. We told you once that we didn't like you and you still think that you're welcome. Do you want me to slap you again?" Rose sat up on her knees.

"Go ahead. You know how much trouble you got in," Heidi argued.

"Watch this," Alice whispered to me.

"Get the fuck away from us or I'll burn all your makeup."

Heidi's face went pale. "You wouldn't dare."

"You want to try me? I'll throw your brush out of the window."

"No, you can't. I'm sorry." Heidi stumbled up and pulled a brush out of nowhere, running it through her long hair. "I didn't mean it."

"Go away," Rosalie repeated slowly.

Heidi actually tripped backwards, but stood up and scurried off terrified.

"I told you." Alice leaned towards me. "Chronic bitch disorder. It never fails."

"What the hell was that?" I asked, kind of astonished by what I had just witnessed.

"That's Heidi." Rose played with the ends of her hair, acting like nothing out of the ordinary was going on. "She tries to be so much more than she actually is."

"Obviously, but you just obliterated her." I looked down at the bushel of flowers that the strange girl had given me. I set them down on the grass.

"Heidi has narcissistic personality disorder," Jasper explained. He was like a medical book. If you had any question about the illnesses around here, he could answer them at the drop of a hat. "It's categorized as a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and a lack of empathy. She's excessively preoccupied with her looks and her ego is through the roof."

"All you have to do is threaten her makeup. She'll flip," Emmett laughed.

"One time, Rose cut off the poor girl's hair." Alice giggled.

"Are you serious?"

"She called me ugly," Rosalie snarled, "so I cut all her hair off and made her look like a boy. She almost had a heart attack. It was so funny."

"Sounds like someone has that same disorder," Jasper chuckled.

"That was kind of hot." Emmett's lips hovered over Rose's.

She smiled and gladly accepted them. What I saw next should have been only seen in a porno. They started moaning and growling at each other. Rose climbed in Emmett's lap and they were lost to the world as their kisses got more intense. They eventually started rolling down the hill, and it looked like they didn't even care.

"They do that all the time," Alice sighed.

"They don't have any social boundaries when it comes to sex. They will do it anywhere," Jasper said.

"I didn't think that was allowed."

They both started laughing.

"Edward, we're here for the rest of our lives. You better get it from somewhere or you'll go crazier." Alice popped up from the grass and pulled Jasper with her.

Huh. I had never thought of that. This might be harder than I thought.

I went inside after another hour of sitting around and walked straight for my room. It still looked the same as usual, but I had a few pictures that Esme had brought me and a couple other things from home that I felt like I needed.

I took a nap, which was very fulfilling, and woke up with sore limbs. After I stretched myself so that my body was fluid again, I got up, used the bathroom, and decided that it was time for dinner. I would have loved to watch some TV, but Alice told me that was a privilege. If I were "good" for a couple of weeks, they would allow me to have one in my room. On some level, I saw that as a bad thing. I would never leave my room then.

I put on my socks and shoes and opened the door hesitantly.

There usually wasn't that many people in the hallway, but I always checked just to make sure. After my initial check, I figured it was safe and walked out of my room, shutting the door behind me.

The walk to the dining hall was a long one and it was actually a very nice place. There were different lines for different types of food. You had to have clearance to eat everything because there were a lot of people here who had strict dietary regulations. I fortunately wasn't kept from anything and was actually surprised that they had a wide variety of foods I could choose from. There was also a medicine line where you went through to get your pills, just another reminder that we weren't normal.

I strolled in the dining hall that was buzzing at this hour and picked up a tray. I proceeded through the line slowly, picking anything I wanted. I didn't have to pay for it so I might as well stock up. I stuffed my plate with pizza, French fries, a milkshake, and a salad just to appear healthy.

I walked out of the line, about to head to my normal, secluded table, but I saw a frantic hand wave out of the corner of my eye. Alice was basically standing on her table, trying to get my attention.

"Over here!" she shouted above the noise in the room.

I nodded and walked towards the table where Emmett, Rosalie, Jasper, and she sat with their own food.

"Hiya, Edward." Jasper waved. "I see you've woken up from your nap."

"Were you spying on me?" I sat down in an empty chair.

"No, you were snoring. We could hear it from the hallway." Rosalie played with some lettuce on her plate.

"I wouldn't doubt it." I cracked my neck.

We sat and ate like regular people. It was hard to forget that you were on the brink of insanity when you weren't shackled to a bed or anything like that. Just sitting here, eating dinner with friends wasn't a "crazy person" thing. Each of my new acquaintances had a quality about them, which could make any of them pass in society. It was strange to see such ordinary people sitting here, although, I knew that there were a lot of issues at this table.

"I can't wait to go swimming tomorrow." Jasper licked his way up an ice cream cone.

"It was really nice out today," Emmett agreed, shoving his mouth full of cake.

"What about the boat, can we use it?" Rosalie asked.

"You guys have a boat?" I was kind of stunned.

"Carlisle does. He lets us use it in the summer, but only if he's on there with us. He's a sailing master," Alice giggled.

"Does he live here?"

"No, he has a big house on the mainland, but he usually just sleeps at his desk. The poor man is exhausted all the time. We run him ragged."

"He seems dedicated." I nodded to myself.

I started talking again about the boat, but suddenly no one was interested. The atmosphere in the dining hall had changed. A complete hush fell over everyone, and I didn't know why, but it was very strange. Every eye was looking at the main door where a guard was leading a patient through the tables. I knew the guard as the same one I had met on my first day here. I found out that his name was Jacob. The patient, I didn't know.

Instead of normal scrubs like everyone else had, the patient was in a pair of pajama pants that had the Superman logo imprinted all over them. They were bright blue and stood out amongst the drab hues that everyone else was wearing. She had on a black shirt with "The Beatles" embossed across the chest.

I small snort escaped my mouth when I saw her shoes. They were giant, fuzzy, green frog slippers. The pink tongues were sticking out and they made soft noises on the floor as she walked through the room. They actually looked really comfortable.

My eyes traveled up the patient's body to her face.

It was soft; it was innocent. It was pure, but it was tough. I could see that from here. It was obvious that she had been through some shit. I could tell because it was written all over her face. She possessed the old-world beauty that I was rarely accustomed to. A small nose that was straight, and full lips along with incredibly smooth skin. As she shuffled across the floor, the brown of her eyes shined off of the lights above me. It was a deep, chocolate brown that I had never seen before; nothing like the muddy brown that I usually noticed.

Even though she looked pretty incredible, the most endearing thing about her was her hair. It was mahogany in coloring with different shades of brunette going through it. It was long and fell in natural waves that were almost down to the middle of her back.

Another snort, this time from shock, erupted from me as my eyes landed on the bright pink strand of hair that was obviously colored by dye. The highlight was so striking that I had to look twice to make sure that it was real.

The mysterious patient didn't lift her head and when she got to a far table in the corner, Jacob pushed her down in a seat roughly. He left her for a second and came back with a tray of food. She raised an eyebrow at him and crossed her arms over her chest. It was obvious that this little one wasn't into rules.

There was a low hum that returned back to the room, and it was like everyone suddenly snapped out of their stupor.

Alice bounced in her seat. "Oh, goody. Bella's back from isolation."

"Joy," Rosalie rolled her eyes, "the prodigal child has returned, and she has a new hair color."

"Let's go bring her some ice cream." Alice got up and pulled Rosalie with her. "Come on."

"Alright, alright."

They both left the table and went into the line. After they got the ice cream, they brought it over to the patient who took it and started licking the cone. They sat down, and of course, Alice started chattering like a jackrabbit.

My dick twitched minutely as I watched the new girl.

I averted my eyes and tried not to think about my shameless eye-fucking.

"Hey, are you paying attention to what I'm saying?" Jasper snapped his fingers in my face.

"Oh, sorry. What?" I shook my head.

"I was asking if you were going to go to the gym with us after we eat."

"Oh, sure." I answered, trying to make my eyes stay front and center.

"He's not paying attention," Emmett laughed. "He's fucking Bella with his eyes."

"I am not," I argued, shoving him in the shoulder.

"Yes, you are. I can see it. You naughty boy."

"Who is she?" I whispered, leaning in.

"That's Bella Swan. She's fucking awesome," Jasper answered.

I would have said that she was fucking _hot_, but I didn't think that was appropriate.

"What's she doing here?" I asked.

Jasper and Emmett both looked at each other, but didn't say anything.

"Is she dangerous?" I diverted the last question.

"If she was, she wouldn't be out here in the open with us," Emmett answered. "She's cool. Just don't get on her bad side and make sure to leave her alone. She doesn't know you yet."

I couldn't help myself from looking at her again.

She seemed so young, and the bright pink strand in her hair only made her look that much younger. It reminded me of cotton candy.

"Why isn't she wearing the normal clothes?" I asked.

"She won't. She's very individualistic, but that only makes her cooler."

"And they let her just walk around in those shoes?"

"It would be harder to stop her. She's a biter." Emmett nodded seriously. "Just leave her alone until Alice introduces you and if she doesn't, then just let the girl be."

"I wasn't going to approach her," I said, even though I was thinking about it.

"As much as the rest of us are hurting or whatever, Bella's been through it all. She's the youngest out of our group."

"Really? How old is she?"

"Twenty-one."

I figured that much.

"How long has she been here?"

"Since she was fifteen," Emmett said.

I almost choked on the water I was trying to drink. "Fifteen?" I sputtered out.

"Stop talking, Emmett." Jasper slapped the back of his head. "You can't tell all of her business."

"Oh, right. Forget I said anything."

"What's with the pink hair?"

"Just another Bella-ism."

"Bellla-ism?"

"Yeah, like Communism or Socialism. She creates her own ideologies on crazy."

"That makes no sense, Jasper," Emmett retorted. "You're so stupid sometimes."

"It did so make sense."

They started bickering over God knows what. I was too focused on the girl at the end of the room to figure out what the hell they were going on about.

Like she knew I was looking at her, Bella's eyes shifted slightly to mine, catching them for a brief second.

I lowered my head quickly and pretended like I was eating something. A shiver ran up my spine. I could tell that she was still looking at me.

After five more minutes, I lifted my head a little to make sure I was in the clear. I pretended to stretch, but I was just trying to get a better look at Bella.

Rosalie and Alice were still at the table, talking with her as she finished her ice cream.

As much as I tried not to stare, I couldn't keep myself from gazing at the bright pink highlight of her hair. It mesmerized me, and at the same time, seemed perfectly natural. She didn't look insane, although, I had learned that most people in here don't.

Just when I was starting to feel at ease here, this girl suddenly showed up and threw a wrench into my perceived notion of normalcy.

* * *

**A/N:**

Surprise update, I know but I wanted to start getting this story rolling more. Decided to post today plus Monday so don't worry.

So there we have Bella's introduction. She's a complete character in this and I can't wait to expand on her more. I already love her. The rest of our cast has made themselves known and we all know it can only get crazier from here.

Thanks to **Jeny0719 **and **Suzie55 **for the beta/pre-read. You chicks are awesome of course and keep me in line. Thanks as well to the wonderful readers who are seeming to love the story. I will keep posting for you guys.

Come back on Monday for another and if you didn't know already, you can follow me on twitter where you can find posting schedules and just listen to me talk **(at)johnnyboy1029**


	4. Chapter 4

The Definition of 'Portal'

—_n, __a door, gate, or entrance, esp. one of imposing appearance, as to a palace. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

_

* * *

_

I stared at the bowl of yogurt in front of me and swirled the berries in it, not really paying attention to what I was doing.

All I wanted to really do was look around the cafeteria, but I refrained.

This was the first time I had woken up before ten since being here. It was slightly strange to see the sun in its position in the sky, because I usually only saw it was when the big ball of light was straight over head or setting. The morning birds were chirping and the weather was sunny, following the pattern it had been all week.

I should be outside enjoying the nice day, but I couldn't leave until I saw her again. I had done the same thing yesterday. I woke up bright and early, not knowing when Bella came to breakfast, but I figured she might be one of the first ones up. I got my food and waited. She never showed.

I was determined that today was going to be different.

When I asked Alice where Bella was, she would just shrug. It sounded like everyone was covering for this girl, because I couldn't get one piece of information. It was almost as if they were all scared of Bella, but they would talk about her in the highest regard and comment on how awesome she was. I wanted to know her like that.

_Maybe I should be institutionalized for stalking. Is that a mental health issue? _

I hadn't even seen Bella since the first initial eye-fuck, which was three days ago. What was she doing all the time? Where was she hiding? Where was her room? Those were the questions I tried to answer in my head as I sat at the table.

"What's up?" Emmett scooted a chair out from next to me and sat down with a thud. His plate was filled with all kinds of greasy breakfast foods, but you wouldn't be able to tell by looking at his body. He resembled a man worked out constantly, which was kind of true.

"Nothing," I answered and took a bite of my yogurt.

"You're up early." Jasper sat on my other side.

"Yeah, I couldn't sleep last night," I lied.

"Are you sure you weren't trying to scope out Bella?" Emmett laughed.

"Is there a fucking sticker on my forehead?"

"No, but we can tell. You keep asking about her. She'll talk to you when she wants to."

"I just want to say hi." I shrugged.

Emmett said something, but I couldn't understand him because there was so much food in his mouth. I just nodded.

"Where has she been all this time?" I asked.

"Alice said she's been in her room."

I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to think about what information I could get out of them without being nosy. Nothing came to mind that wasn't glaringly obvious.

Alice and Rosalie joined us a couple of minutes later. They were chatting about movie night, which I guessed was a big deal, but I wasn't really listening. I was still searching for Bella.

Finally, after our plates were empty and we just sat around, I saw a flash of pink come through the door at the far end. She was alone this time, and her hair was in a ponytail, but it was it was still pretty long. Her Superman pants were back along with her frog slippers, although, she had a different shirt. Today's variety was a simple red one with the Rolling Stones logo. She disappeared through the food line.

"Oh, look. Bella's here," Alice noticed.

"She cheated at poker last night," Emmett snarled.

"Wait, you guys played poker?" I sat up in my seat.

"Uh, yeah." He shrugged.

"Why wasn't I invited?" I said, not annoyed that I wasn't included but more pissed that I wasn't introduced to Bella yet.

They all mumbled a different answer.

I looked back at the food line where Bella was coming out with a small apple in her hands. It seemed like that was the only thing she was going to be eating. I thought she was going to walk back out of the door again, but she surprisingly started her way over to our table.

I felt like I was about to ask a girl out to the prom. My heartbeat quickened, and I could feel the heat course through my body. It was getting very hot in here.

I watched the sway of Bella's hips as she glided closer. She took a bite of the apple. Her lips were the perfect proportion to take a large chunk. It was tantalizing.

"Hi, Bella." Emmett waved.

"Hi," she replied in a chime-like voice. It was soft and strong at the same time, but shy as well.

"Did you come to eat with us today?" Alice asked.

She turned to Jasper, completely ignoring me. "No, I came to see if I could borrow your guitar."

"Sure. Are you getting any good?"

"No, not really, but I'm trying." She rolled her eyes.

I didn't know how it felt from everyone else's perspective, but this was very awkward to me. Bella was purposefully not looking my way, and was even going as far as to angle away from my seat. She was acting like I wasn't even here.

Alice's eyes were frantically looking between Bella and me. They were moving so fast that I thought they might fall out of their sockets.

"When can we hear you play?" Emmett asked her.

"I can make one chord and that's it so… never," Bella joked and took another bite of her apple. I was getting jealous of that piece of fruit.

_Slow down there, Ed._

"Anything else happening in life?" Rose crossed her arms on the table.

"Nope. Just chillin'," Bella mumbled through a mouthful. With Emmett, he made talking with a full mouth disgusting. Bella made it cute.

"So, have you met the new guy?" Alice nodded towards me. "This is Edward."

I felt the need to stand up, so that's what I did and held out my hand. I stupidly stood there for a second. She turned to look at me, but didn't do anything. She continued to chew on her apple. Her eyes went from my face to my hand, and did the same thing again.

Bella completely ignored meand turned back to Jasper. "So, I can come by later to pick up the guitar?"

"Uh, sure."

"Thanks." She smiled and started to walk off, tossing the apple in the trashcan near our table.

I kept standing there at a loss of what to say.

"That was… so embarrassing for you," Emmett snickered.

"Yeah, it was," Rosalie agreed. "Poor Edward was shot down."

"I was just trying to be nice." I sat back in my seat with a huff.

"It just takes her a long time to get to know you." Alice patted my back. "It took me months to wear her down."

_Months? Shit. _

I didn't want to wait that long, and I sure as hell didn't have the tenacity that Alice possessed. I just wanted to get to know this Bella. She seemed like a cool chick.

"She's just warming up to you." Emmett nodded.

We continued to talk, and I tried to keep my mind focused on the conversation. I didn't even notice what time it was until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

I turned around and saw Carlisle standing behind me with a smile.

"Oh, hi," I said.

Before he had the chance to reply, Alice threw herself at him, wrapping her small arms around his neck.

He caught her and laughed, "Nice to see you too, Alice."

"I was wondering where you've been. I haven't seen you in days," she said when he put her back down on the ground.

"I came to see you yesterday."

"I know, but still." She sat in her seat.

"Hello, all." He waved at us collectively. "I was actually coming to get Edward. I think he forgot about our session."

"Shit." I looked at the clock, and sure enough, I was ten minutes late. "Sorry."

"No problem."

"I'll see you guys later." I got up from my chair and threw my trash away before following Carlisle to his office.

He held the door open for me, and I went into the large room. It was light and not stuffy, like I thought it should be. Carlisle went to Harvard. I expected him to be highly pretentious or arrogant, but he wasn't. His office reflected the cool therapist with its tan walls and soft carpet. There was a long green couch that he said was just for ascetics. You could lay on it if you wanted, but it wasn't required.

"So, how are you today?" He sat in his seat. I sat in the one opposite his desk.

"Fine."

"Good, you're not freaked out yet, are you?" He searched through the drawers for a pen.

"No I'm fine. Everyone's very nice, and it's been interesting."

He gave me an eye that told me I was being examined. "You're holding back today."

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are. You're not as relaxed as you were the first session."

"Oh." I shrugged.

"You're giving me answers I want to hear. What's going on?"

"Yeah, well, I was wondering about how I was supposed to get close to some of the patients. I don't want to step on anyone's toes and it's kind of hard to judge what's appropriate to say," I replied. That was a general enough statement, one that would also provide me some insight into getting at Bella.

"That's a very good question." He thought for a second. "Well, most of the patients are rational enough to realize that you're all in the same boat. They aren't as abrasive as the others who don't quite understand where they are. Anyone in the general population, you can pretty much talk to and have conversations with."

"General population as in…"

"As in, anyone who's walking around. Those are the ones who are fine. If you ever meet someone who you've never seen before, you probably shouldn't be talking to them, although, we keep a tight lock on those certain patients."

"So, just to clarify, if a patient goes to… say meals, then they're okay to talk to?"

"Yes." He nodded. "What's this about? You sound very eager to get information."

"It's nothing. I've just started making friends, and I would like to branch out."

"I saw you sitting with Alice and the rest of them. Those are a good bunch to hang around. Anyone else catch your eye?"

_Yes! _

"No."

He nodded. "Alright, well let's get down to your session. We're going to start from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Yes, tell me about yourself."

"Isn't all of that in my file?"

"Well, yes, but I would like to hear it for you. Tell me about your family."

I sighed and tried to think back as far as I could. "Well, my father was a good man. He provided for my mother and I…"

"Okay, let me stop you right there."

"Did I say something wrong?"

"No, but you keep telling me what I want to hear. Your answers are very calculated."

"But you asked me about my family."

"And you immediately told me how wonderful your father was. Did you expect me to think that he was a horrible man?"

"Uh…" I didn't know how to answer that.

"I'm not here to judge you."

"I know that. I just don't understand what I'm supposed to say. I had a regular life. My parents loved each other, they treated me right, I went to school; I got a good job. I'm not supposed to be here."

"There." Carlisle pointed at me.

"What?"

"That's what I was trying to get at. Do you think that the only reason people are in here is because they've gone through some kind of traumatic experience?"

"Well, yes."

"You have to understand that people are here for a variety of reasons. Many have gone through horrible things, but a lot of them had the same kind of life you did. Scientifically, your disease usually occurs when a person has had a childhood experience that they're trying to get away from. They use the dissociative disorder to hide from the real world."

"I thought I had multiple personality disorder."

"Well, it's basically the same thing. As you have said many times, you don't have that problem of needing to get away from a horrible world, so we need to figure out what the issue really is."

"But why me?"

"I can't answer that, Edward. Not yet anyway."

That seemed to be my breaking point. I kind of understood what Carlisle was getting at, and I wasn't in any position to argue with him. We continued to talk for about an hour. It wasn't like a normal session where you have to fight the clock. Carlisle just asked me questions, and I would answer them as best as I could. I didn't feel like I was being put under a microscope or anything so it was easy. I took several pills, which was now my regular routine.

"Alright, well, next time we'll try to introduce you to the group."

"Is group therapy easier?" I asked when I was at the door.

"Some find it easier to get their issues out if they have someone else to talk to. Have you tried the art or music therapy classes?"

"No, not yet."

"See what you make of those and we'll talk about them later."

"Alright."

"Okay, then. Good job today." He patted me on the back and then went to go sit back at his desk.

I left the office, feeling better. I didn't know if that was because I had talked or because Carlisle just made you feel that way, but it was as if a weight had been lifted. It would probably be back before I went to sleep.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and walked with my head down. I didn't know where I was going, but it didn't really matter. I just kept trekking through the halls.

Like there was a tracking chip on my ass, Alice skipped to my side almost instantly. Jasper was running to catch up with her.

"Hi, Edward," she giggled.

"Hi, Alice. You seem happy."

"I just painted another picture. You want to see it?"

Jasper was on my other side. "She just woke up from a nap," he whispered to me.

I nodded in understanding.

"I'll see it later, Alice," I told her.

"Alright. Are you coming to movie night?"

"No, I don't think so."

"Please, it could be fun," she pleaded.

"They're screening an old James Bond," Jasper said.

"Even the prospect of an action flick isn't enough to get me out tonight," I chuckled.

"Bella's going to be there," he replied nonchalantly.

I stopped walking, thinking I hadn't heard him correctly.

"Wait, wait." Alice stopped as well and stood in front of me. "What does that mean?"

"What?"

"Would you go if Bella was there?" Alice eyed me.

"I don't know."

She squinted and tilted her head. "Come with me." Alice took my hand, and I had to run to keep up with her quick feet. She was like a fucking Chihuahua.

Jasper followed us and didn't say a word as we climbed the stairs.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"To my room," she replied.

When we were on the second floor, she raced down the hallway. The doors passed us by, and she stopped in front of one that was painted bright yellow. It had flowers on it and looked completely out of place. She pushed it open, and I almost though that I had stepped into a Mardi Gras storing closet.

There was tons of color everywhere. I didn't know what to look at first. The room was about the same size as mine. The walls were painted a light purple color; there were pictures of Marilyn Monroe and Audrey Hepburn tacked everywhere, and a pinball machine was situated in the corner. There was a lot of glitter and flowers and… everything.

"Wow," was the only thing I could mutter as I looked around.

"I know it's kind of a mess, but I don't usually stay in here. I just use it for storage." She started throwing things around, obviously searching for something.

"Where do you sleep?"

"With Jasper."

Alice stopped moving and started laughing uncontrollably. She sat on the bed when she couldn't breathe anymore.

"What's so funny?" I asked Jasper. He was sitting in a chair, reading something and shrugged. It seemed like this was commonplace.

"I didn't mean to say that I sleep with Jasper. I do sleep with Jasper, but that's not what I meant. I stay in Jasper's room."

"Is that allowed?"

"What is with you and rules?" Jasper's nose scrunched up.

"I like to follow them."

"It's not like we're here because we love to conform to society. Might as well live it up," Alice replied. There was a slight twinge of evilness in her voice.

"Huh," I said. I wanted to back out of the room slowly and not cause any problems.

Alice sobered up and went back to searching for whatever.

I was too scared to touch anything. I thought something might shoot me in the face with sparkles.

"Where are those stupid things?" Alice was now sticking out of her closet, throwing shoes and books backwards.

"What are you looking for, babe?" Jasper asked.

"My stupid tarot cards. I know they're in here somewhere."

"Maybe you left them outside. Wasn't that the last place you used them?"

"I don't remember." She dug deeper. "Oh, wait. Here they are! Ah ha ha ha ha."

Alice reemerged with a stack of thick cards that were wrapped in a ribbon.

"Are you going to read my future?" I chuckled.

"She's not very good." Jasper sat on her bed cross-legged, followed by Alice.

"I am so." She hit his arm. "I know what I'm doing."

They both looked at me expectantly.

"What?"

"You're supposed to complete our circle." She made a gesture to the empty spot on the bed.

I climbed on and sat down so that we were seated with a large space in between us but our knees were touching.

"Oh, wait. I have to get my astrology chart." Alice stood up on the bed and ripped a poster from the wall that had constellations on it.

"You're a real ball of energy, aren't you?" I observed.

"You've only seen the half of it." She sat back down. "Okay, let's get started."

"Alice, don't you think that you should review the rules first?" Jasper suggested.

"I know how to use my own cards."

I quickly found out that Alice had absolutely no idea what she was doing. She started laying out the cards like we were about to play poker, and then realized her mistake, grabbing them back up. She laid them out in front of us so that I couldn't see the pictures on other side.

She asked me what my sign was, when my birthday was—things like that. I was confused as hell, but she claimed to know what she was doing.

"I wonder what this means." Alice turned a card over in her hands and looked at it inquisitively. "It must not be important." She threw it on the floor.

Jasper and I just sat there quietly because there was nothing we could do to convince her that she was a horrible card reader.

"Alright, I've got it," she squealed. "According to your sign and all the bullshit like that, this is your card." She handed it to me.

"I don't think you did this right."

"Just look at it," she snapped.

"Alright, alright." The card was light blue and had an angel on it. There was a red heart on the angel's chest and that was it.

"Okay, what does this mean?" I asked.

"That's your fate card. It goes with this one." Alice searched through the messy pile and pulled out a green card with angel wings.

"So?"

"This is Bella's card." She grinned.

I rolled my eyes and let out a deep breath.

Jasper was snoring on the bed, and I starting to think that he had the right idea.

"Can I go now?" I started to get off of the bed.

She scowled. "Oh, fine. One day you'll see that I was right." Alice started to gather up her things.

I don't know why I did it, but I decided to keep the two cards that she had given me. I didn't feel like putting them down for some reason. I went to my room and made sure to find out what time movie night started. I convinced myself that it wasn't anything more than me just wanting to get out of the bed.

I took a quick nap, remembering to set my alarm clock for dinner. When it went off, I jumped out of bed and ran to the cafeteria. Only Jasper and Emmett were there, but I ate with them kind of quickly so that I could get a good spot for movie night. I was like an eager schoolboy, and it was slightly disturbing.

Emmett, Jasper, and I walked outside and through the campus until we got to another building. This was the rec center, and it had all kinds of awesome things inside. On this particular occasion, we got in the elevator and went up to the third floor where the theater was.

It was just like a regular movie theater, but there weren't as many chairs. A large section was filled with beanbags and things like that where you could sit on the floor. That's where Alice and Rosalie were.

"You got the best seats." Emmett ran and tackled Rosalie so that she fell backwards onto the beanbags. They were in an entanglement of limbs for a while.

I sat on the end as the theater started to fill up and wondered how I should act around Bella when—_if—_she got here.

I decided to just be polite. No one can fight courtesy.

"Hand me some candy," Jasper said to Emmett.

"You want anything, Edward?" he asked me. I shook my head.

I don't know where all of this was coming from, but Alice and Rosalie had amassed a mountain of sweets that was laid out in front of us. We had gotten there about half an hour early, so there was still time before the movie started. I wasn't really expecting her to come, but I was pleasantly surprised when I saw Bella walking down one of the aisles towards us.

Always the non-conformer, she was dressed in the pink scrubs, but had a dark blue baseball cap on her head. It had the Superman logo right at the top. The pink of her hair was bright, but dulling, against the brown, and even though I had only seen this girl maybe twice, she was quickly becoming a fascination. She was carrying the largest tub of popcorn I had ever seen. It was almost as big as her entire torso.

Jacob flanked her like a guard dog as they walked closer.

"Sit here and don't move." Jacob pushed her into a beanbag chair, which was right next to mine. I got a big whiff of her shampoo, which smelled like a new car. I know, strange, but that's the only way I could describe it.

"Bastard," Bella's said under her breath.

"What did you just say?" Jacob spun around quickly before he walked off.

"I said you were a bastard. What are you going to do about it?" She got very defensive.

Jacob ground his teeth together and just stomped away, muttering to himself.

"Great entrance," Jasper called from down the line.

"He is a bastard." Bella dug into the massive popcorn tub, crunching on it.

"I'm glad you came, though." Rosalie smiled. It was the first time I had ever seen a genuine emotion from her other than… bitchiness. Was that an emotion?

Bella was no less than a couple inches away from me, and the air became stuffy again. I didn't know if I should speak first or what, but I didn't think she was going to take the initiative. Everyone went back to their own conversations while Bella, and I sat there twiddling our thumbs. She didn't seem nervous or nearly as anxious as I did. We waited for the movie to start, and I let out a deep breath, preparing to take the plunge.

"I'm Edward." I held out my hand. "I think we met this morning."

She continued to munch on popcorn and looked at me like I was supposed to say something more.

"Uh, you're Bella?" I asked stupidly.

She still didn't say anything. It was like I wasn't even here. She was looking right through me while still chewing on that damned popcorn. Once again, I was becoming jealous of the food that was touching her lips.

_What the fuck, Edward? _

"I'm new here so I was trying to be friendly." I lowered my hand that I suddenly realized was still outstretched.

She raised her eyebrows. "You're extremely awkward and annoying."

That was all Bella said before she took her popcorn and got up from the cushion. She went down the line to sit next to Emmett.

I just sat there like an idiot.

"Shot down for the second time," Jasper chuckled in my ear. I shoved him hard, and he fell over laughing his ass off.

The movie started, and I was trying to watch it, but I was too busy being pissed about the encounter that I had just been through. What is wrong with her? It's obvious that she's messed up because I did nothing wrong. She just couldn't have the decency of a normal human being and reply to a question I asked.

Well, then fine. I wasn't going to try and prove that we should be friends. I didn't even know this girl. Why the hell would I want to be friends?

_Stupid, stupid, stupid…_

About halfway through the movie, I felt that someone was staring at me.

I shifted my head and found Bella, still in her spot next to Emmett, but she was turned to look directly at me. She was eating her popcorn as if I was the main show, shamelessly gazing at me without any indication that it might be slightly unnerving.

I just sat there and wondered if she really was looking at me.

For the rest of the movie, Bella sat and didn't even blink. She watched me and continued to eat like there was nothing strange about this.

_What the hell is wrong with this girl? _

When the lights went up in the theater, she stood and dusted off her hands.

"Alright, well it was fun." Bella fixed the hat on her head. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." She started to walk away without a second look back.

"I liked that movie," Emmett said.

"Did no one see that she was starting at me the whole time?" I asked as we made our way out of the theater. There was no sign of Bella anywhere.

"She does that all the time," Rosalie scoffed. "It's no big thing."

"It was so weird." I shuddered.

"Don't take it personally. She just doesn't like you." Jasper threw and arm over my shoulders.

"And how am I not supposed to take that personally?"

"I don't know. That's just what people say in these situations."

I was still searching for Bella on our walk back. I was planning on asking her what the hell was going on. I wasn't just letting this slip by.

As I went down the hallway towards my room, a loud sound reverberated off of the walls.

"What the fuck is all of that?" I asked myself.

I followed the sound that I realized was _Copacabana_ by Barry Manilow. Who the hell listens to Barry Manilow? I eavesdropped at the door of each one I passed, but they were all silent.

I found the culprit and I should have known already, but it didn't click with me until I saw the Superman logo on the door.

"Bella," I said the name with disdain and a little bit of annoyance.

I put my ear to the door again, listening to the song play loudly as if there wasn't anyone else living here. It was a thousand decibels too loud. I figured that this was a common occurrence with this place. Bella playing music loudly was only a small piece of the puzzle that I was going to piece together.

I knocked a couple of times. I didn't know what I was planning on doing or saying if she opened the door. I didn't care. I just wanted to tell her that I didn't appreciate her brush off earlier in the night. I had suddenly grown some balls.

I knocked louder, but there was still nothing.

"What are you doing?" Rosalie asked from behind me.

"I'm trying to see Bella. I have a bone to pick with her." I banged this time.

"You can't go in there." She stood in front of me.

"You see I haven't gone it yet. I'm knocking like a polite person would do."

"Just go away." Rosalie started pushing me down the hall. "And don't come back."

"I can at least talk to her," I protested.

"No, you can't. Just keep your nose in your own business." She continued to push me, and I looked over my shoulder at the Superman sign that was getting smaller as I went further.

"What's going on in there?" I pointed behind me.

"Nothing. That's Bella's room and you're never to go in there. Do you hear me? _Never_."

Bella was becoming more of an itch that I needed to scratch. What was really going on? Her room was like a secret portal that was now calling my name. I wanted to get in there and see what she was hiding. I had never been an annoyingly nosy person, but Bella was making me feel extremely uneasy. I didn't understand it.

"Just go to bed." Rosalie shoved me in front of my door. I had noticed that I wasn't that far from Bella. "I mean it, Edward, and leave her room alone."

"Fine." I threw my hands up in the air.

Rosalie waited for me to go into my room, tapping her foot on the floor. "Goodnight, Edward."

"Goodnight." I offered her a half smile before opening my door, but my mind surely wasn't ready to sleep yet.

* * *

**A/N:**

My, my, my. Another piece is added to the Bella Puzzle. We shall get more peeks into Bella as the chapters progress. Our Edward is already fascinated with her, isn't he? It's very funny to me that he's so normal even in this insane place. And what about Alice? What a hoot.

So anyway, thanks to everyone who is reading and adding to faves and giving me reviews so that I know how you like this. I know it's a different kind of story, but I'm trying to make it also to **Suzie55 **and **Jeny0719** for the reading and beta. They know i loves them.

I will update again on Wednesday for the second time of the week. I don't know about the other days since I'm going away for Thanksgiving and won't have forget to follow me on twitter so that you can see when I update and things like that(at) **johnnyboy1029**

Leave me a review so I'll know how ya like.

That's all for today. Johnyboy out!


	5. Chapter 5

The Definition of 'Voyeur'

—_n, a person who obtains sexual pleasure or excitement from the observation of someone undressing, having intercourse, etc_

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* * *

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"Edward, time to get up," Emmett said as he crashed through my door.

"No, go away." I put my pillow over my head.

"Come on. We've got to go work out." He sat on my bed, the coils protesting his weight.

I looked at the clock on the nightstand. "It's seven in the fucking morning."

"Well, last week you were up this early to see Bella. You don't want to see me early in the morning?" I could hear the mocking pout of his voice. "You're no fun."

"Go away. Give me another couple of hours."

"I can't do that. You're getting fat." The covers were ripped from my body, and I shriveled up. "How do you expect Bella to fuck you if you look pudgy?"

I sat up in bed and could tell that I pretty much looked like the living dead. "You are so annoying."

"I know. Now get up. I'll be back in five minutes." He walked out of the door.

I grumbled my way to the bathroom and just stood in front of the mirror for a second while I blinked myself awake. I brushed my teeth and combed my hair, not that it helped, but I at least tried to look presentable.

I pulled on the workout clothes that were provided to us and then grabbed a jacket that my mother had brought me from home since it was raining outside. It had the University of Virginia emblem on it and reminded me that I had some semblance of a life outside of this one in the past. I sat on the bed to put on my socks and sneakers, before shaking myself awake one last time.

It was way too early for this shit. I couldn't wait to come back here for a nap.

I went out into the hall, shutting the door behind me. Emmett and Jasper were waiting in similar clothes to mine, minus the University of Virginia hoodie.

We all went out into the rain and jogged across the grounds towards the gym. Once we got there, Emmett took off towards the weights. Jasper and I decided to run the track.

"What are you going to do today?" he asked me after we made our first circuit.

"I don't know. I was thinking about going to the art therapy session later."

"That's a good one. Alice loves it over there."

"So she's told me on multiple occasions."

"Do you play any instruments?"

"Mainly piano, but I was into guitar in high school."

"Really? Cool. We should jam one day."

"You've got to let me warm up. I haven't played in years."

Since we were talking about jam sessions and instrumental history, I figured it was okay to dive into deeper subjects. We were friends like that, right?

"How long have you been here again?" I asked him.

"Uh, about four years now, I think. Yeah, that sounds about right."

"And you don't ever get bored?"

"Of course I do, but what else am I going to do? It wouldn't be a good thing for me to out into the real world. What about you? Are you frustrated?"

"I get angrier every day that I don't get any answers. I went from a normal guy to a crazy person in a week. I don't understand anything."

"That's how it was with all of us."

"But you guys know what's wrong with you."

"Yeah, after a year in this place."

"I feel like I could snap at any minute and I'm just trying to stay calm so I can find out what's going on."

"Just hang in there."

"What exactly is wrong with you?"

"Eh, a little of this, a little of that," he replied cryptically.

I remembered Alice saying something about how he was like me, but I didn't know what exactly.

"Are you getting better?"

"Every day. I can actually feel myself getting healthier. Carlisle's a very good doctor."

"What's his deal?"

"What do you mean?"

"How long has he been here and everything?"

"Well, he came here to do some studies back in college, and I guess he just decided to stay on. He never married and doesn't have any kids, so this is kind of the perfect place for him."

"How so?"

"You've got to see how drained he is all the time. He just sleeps at his desk, and he barely goes home. I don't think he would be able to survive with a family."

"Hold on." I slowed my jogging. "We've got to stop."

"Why? You getting old or something?" He continued to run in place.

"I've just got to stretch." I pulled my leg to get the muscles of my hamstring to loosen up.

Jasper kept his body in constant movement. "Where are you from?" he asked.

"Seattle, born and raised. I went to Virginia for college, though."

"I see that." He pointed to my jacket. "I was raised there."

"Really?"

"Yeah, Alexandria. My dad was in the Navy, and my mom was a school teacher."

"So how did you end up here? Sounds pretty normal to me," I commented.

"You have no idea how fucked up my dad was. He always… brought his work home with him, I guess, is that best way to describe it."

"Meaning?"

"He ran the house like it was a ship. He was strict and didn't let us to anything. I have a sister, too."

"Is she…" I made the "crazy-circle-around-the-ear" gesture.

He chuckled, "No, she's fine. He liked to beat on me more anyway."

"Is that why you snapped?"

Jasper nodded. "Yeah, I just couldn't take it anymore. I was messed up starting in high school, and I knew I was kind of screwed, but I never told anyone about it."

"What made you end up here?"

"I… got out of control one night in college. I couldn't really rein myself in like I used to. They sent me here."

I nodded. "Sounds plausible."

"And of course everyone knows about you."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah. Carlisle called it months ago. He said you have some sort of split thing going on in your head that you didn't know about when he read the papers. Of course, we didn't know who you were, but once he heard about the trial, he snatched you up. He actually took a couple days off to go watch."

"He was at my trial?"

Jasper nodded. "Yup. If he recruits you, then you know you're special."

"I feel so honored," I replied sarcastically.

"You should. Carlisle is well respected and has written tons of books on mental issues."

Jasper and I resumed our jog a little faster this time. I was actually surprised that I could keep up with him seeing as how I hadn't been working out in a couple of months. Maybe it was a good thing that I had Emmett on my ass.

Speaking of Emmett, I looked around wondering where the beast had gone off to.

"Hey, where's Emmett?" I asked and checked the weight section where he usually was.

"I don't know. Maybe he left," Jasper panted as we slowed to a walk.

"He would have come to get us, right?"

"Not if he was hungry. Nothing keeps Emmett from food."

I shrugged it off for a second and almost didn't think anything of it until I heard a massive roar from the locker rooms. Jasper and I looked at each other for a second before sprinting towards the other side of the gym and pushing the bathroom door open.

We could hear a lot of noise and what sounded like broken glass being shattered. We followed the sounds until we found Emmett lifting some guy up and throwing him across the bathroom. They almost looked like they were playing around, but there was blood everywhere… so I knew that wasn't the case.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked and stood there with a shocked expression.

The mirrors were broken and a couple of the lockers were dented in.

"Shit." Jasper ran out of the bathroom.

I wanted to follow him, but I guessed someone should stay to help the poor guy being thrown around. If I had a gun, that might have helped a lot more. As it stood, there was no way I would be able to stop Emmett, even on a regular day. With him barreling through the locker room like a tank—for whatever reason—I might as well not even be here. I remembered Alice telling me that he had an anger problem. Well, if she would have told me that I was _literally _becoming friends with The Hulk, I might have been wearier.

Emmett's face was red and the veins of his neck were popping out like they were going to burst. His eyes looked almost black, but were shifting rapidly like they were hyper-animated; almost similar to a cartoon character.

The other guy was basically whimpering on the floor in a huddled mass of bloody clothes and water from the sink that was busted up.

The locker room door opened, and a very determined Carlisle rushed in with a long needle. He expertly stuck it into Emmett's bicep without any hesitation and pumped it until the syringe was empty. Almost instantly, Emmett began to still and limped forward. Carlisle held him until he fell to the floor.

A couple orderlies were in the room now, and they tended to the other guy in the corner. Jasper and I just stood there for a second.

"Thank you for coming to get me," Carlisle said to Jasper.

"Yeah." He nodded in awe of the destruction.

"Why don't you boys go to breakfast?" Carlisle suggested.

We walked out of the gym and didn't really say much until we were back home.

"Has that ever happened before?" I asked.

"Sometimes. We can usually catch it before he goes crazy like that. I wonder what the guy said to him."

"That was kind of scary. Who was that guy anyway?"

"Mike. He's always had this crush on Rose, and Emmett can't stand him. That's happened before. Mike has a really big mouth that he never shuts up. It's his own fault."

"And Emmett just goes off like that?"

"Not usually. One time, he threw a guy out of the third floor window. _That _was scary."

"I could imagine. Should we tell Rosalie?"

"She's probably already waiting for him up in the infirmary. Emmett'll be alright. He can bounce back in no time. They'll just have to up his dosage of meds."

"At least Carlisle knows what to do."

"He's been dealing with Emmett forever."

After the very eventful trip to the gym, we went into the cafeteria, where they were just starting to serve breakfast. It was just Jasper and me since Alice was sitting with Bella across the room. Rose, of course, wasn't there.

The whole time I ate my cereal, I was trying to not look in Bella's direction. I hadn't even thought about her in the past couple of days. Okay, that was a lie, but I wouldn't give her the satisfaction of knowing that she affected me the way she did. It wasn't like I was begging for friends, so she could act rude all she wanted. I didn't give a damn. I needed to keep my dignity. That still didn't stop me from peeking.

Today, she was in her Superman pajama pants and a bright yellow shirt with the word "Help" written across the front in red letters. I had noticed that her shirt choices reflected her mood. I know, I'm a creepy stalker, but I couldn't help it. The color of the shirt was always trying to tell us something without her saying anything. When it was bright, she was happy; when it was dark, she was moody. It didn't matter what the words on the shirt said, it was always about the color. I committed my theory to memory so that I could test it out later.

Bella's hair was down so that I could see the brown with the pink strand right up front. The temporary dye was even more faded today, but still prevalent. Under the table, her bright green frog slippers were mocking me with their outstretched tongues. Bella actually looked livelier today. I think I saw a crack of a smile when she was talking with Alice. It was almost cute. My theory must be correct.

I tried to watch her out of the corner of my eye and made slight movements with my body, like I was stretching, but I was really trying to get a better look at her face. I wanted to decipher it. I wanted to know why she was acting the way she did.

"Will you stop it? You look like an idiot." Jasper ate some eggs.

"What?"

"You keep twisting and shit. It's making my head hurt."

"Oh, sorry."

"Why don't you just go talk to her?"

"Because she doesn't want me to," I snapped before I could stop myself.

"She's really getting under your skin, isn't she?

"No."

"Liar," he laughed.

"What's her deal with the pants and slippers? Why doesn't she have to wear this stuff?" I pointed to the pair of workout scrubs that I was in today.

"Bella has never been one for rules. She wore them maybe… once before she had Rose burn them all. Now the doctors just let her wear whatever she wants. Sometimes she puts on the scrubs but always has the Superman hat on."

"What's with Superman?"

"You'll have to ask her." He averted his eyes from me.

Another question that was left unanswered; another piece of the puzzle that I still hadn't put together yet.

Just as I thought I could rid myself of Bella in my mind, Alice brought her over to our table.

"We're going to go play dodge ball. You guys want to come?" she asked. Bella looked incredibly bored and didn't even bother turning towards me.

"Not me. I just came from working out," Jasper answered.

"Same with me."

"Alright, then." She skipped off with Bella in tow.

After breakfast, I went back to my room for a much deserved nap. I hopped in the shower to wipe off the sweat from my morning workout and used the products that Esme had brought me from home. The smell of my shampoo and body wash was comforting. I almost feel asleep right there in the shower. I got out and dressed in comfortable scrubs before climbing into bed.

I had been woken up too Goddamn early for this shit. Unfortunately, there was a dull thumping that was starting to shake the walls of my room. I tossed and turned for half an hour before I got up.

I put on my shoes and stomped out of my room, the sound of Barry Manilow's voice drowning out my thoughts. The thumping got louder as I went down the hall and rounded the corner. Bella's room was at the end, and I was more than pissed. Maybe I needed some of that stuff that Emmett had this morning.

I knocked loudly on the door with my fist. No one answered, so I pounded on it.

"Bella, I know you're in there. Open up," I commanded. "Some of us are trying to sleep."

There was no answer or even a whisper from the other side.

My hand unconsciously went for the handle. I didn't expect it to be unlocked, but the door opened with a 'click'. All outside sounds were cut off from my head. It was like I had mufflers over my ears or was drowning.

The door crept open to reveal Bella's room.

First of all, it was gigantic. It was a hell of a lot bigger than mine and looked like it could hold at least four beds, possibly more. There were two doors that led to a balcony and a bathroom like mine. The theme of Superman was evident on her comforter, but that was it. I would have thought that it would be everywhere since she wore it all the time. The walls were painted blue, and on the ceiling, were those sticker stars that glowed in the dark. The rug beneath my feet was incredibly comfortable and plush. It was red. I guess between the blue walls and red carpet, Superman _was_ everywhere.

A bookcase lined the wall with a couple things on it and a massive TV was mounted on the wall. My mouth dropped when I saw how modern and high tech it was.

_Why the hell did she get a TV? _

There weren't any pictures up of family or anything like that, but the room was still very specific to Bella's taste. I hadn't bothered to personalize mine yet. I had all the time in the world so it wasn't like it mattered. The room was incredibly clean; nothing like Alice's.

I closed the door behind me and walked through the room, making sure not to touch anything. As I entered further, I could hear the shower running and steam was coming out of the bathroom door.

_Shit. Get out!_

I disobeyed my own orders and strolled further in.

I went to the window and pulled back the sheer white curtain so that I could see outside. There was a balcony, and Bella's room was facing the opposite of mine so that she could see the ocean. It was a very beautiful sight.

I looked around her space again, trying to soak up all that I could and figure this girl out. The whole place smelled like her. Now that I had been soaking in the scent for a while, I could discern it as leather and spice. It was a strange fragrance for a girl, but I couldn't see Bella smelling any differently.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, it occurred to me that I was a disturbing bastard who had no business in here, but I couldn't help it.

I went to the cabinet in the corner that was slightly opened and I peeked inside. Bella would have given Willy Wonka a run for his money with the massive amount of candy she had stashed in there. My teeth were already rotting from just looking at it all. There were chocolate and gummy things and sour things. It was a lot of sugar.

My mind was snapped back when I heard the shower turn off.

I spun around stupidly for a couple of seconds before I judged the distance between here and the door. There was no way in hell I could make it because the room was so cavernous.

I ducked under the bed, which was the only place that would provide me with some coverage. It was low enough to cover me, and I made sure I was fully underneath.

My breathing was labored, and I tried to slow it as the door opened and bare feet padded out.

They stopped in front of the full-length mirror by the closet, and I saw Bella with a blue towel wrapped around her body. Her brown hair was wet and in glorious tangles. The pink strand still stood out.

She pulled the towel away from her body and began to dry off her skin.

As much as I wanted to look away, I couldn't. She was hypnotizing me.

Her body was incredibly tight and still soft at the same time. She had curves in all the right places, but was toned everywhere else. I could only see the reflection of her front, and that was almost enough to do me in. My dick was painfully pushing against the wood of the floor as it begged to be let free.

Bella's ass was something that I had only seen on models. It was round and amazingly firm without being muscular. Her breasts were perky and standing proud as she wiped the towel over her chest and then…. down.

I snapped my eyes shut when I saw her take the towel to dry her most intimate areas. That might be a little too much for me to handle.

The towel was dropped to the floor right in front of my face, and Bella's feet went to the other side of the room. She came back, pulling black panties up, and then went to the mirror to fix her white bra. She was now standing in her underwear with droplets of water still kissing her skin.

I was painfully hard. It was almost too much for me to bear. I think my whole body was shaking. I wanted to lick her entire figure clean, and that was a reaction that I had never had to a woman.

So according to my calculations, I was a creepy, stalking voyeur who wanted to taste a woman who had been nothing but rude to him.

_I definitely belonged at Windemere Center for Mental Illness and Disorder Treatment._

Bella put on her Superman pajamas and another Beatles shirt, like the one I had first seen her in, but this one was lime green.

"Where are you?" she asked in her soft voice.

My heart stopped.

"Where are you?" She asked louder. "I know you're here somewhere."

I held a hand over my mouth so that my breathing wouldn't come out ragged.

"You can't hide from me. Do you think I'm stupid?"

I almost answered her.

"Son of a bitch. Where the hell are you?"

My breathing was furiously loud, and I knew she was going to catch me.

"Stupid shoes," she muttered and started towards the corner of the room.

I could finally exhale when I realized that she was talking about her frog slippers.

The bed sunk in a little as she sat on it, and I could hear a brush being ran through her tangles.

_Just go outside for a couple of minutes. _

I shut my eyes and willed that thought to come true. I was incredibly stupid. Bella rarely went out unless it was to eat and lunch wasn't for another couple of hours. I could be stuck here for a while.

My mind started to create excuses for if I was caught. I couldn't think of anything feasible.

Bella continued to brush her hair, and I suddenly heard her humming to _Copacabana. _Her voice was loud enough to drown out the music that was pumping through the room.I had forgotten that it was the whole reason I came in here in the first place. That stupid song would be the death of me.

Five minutes passed before there was some sort of movement again.

A brash knock on the door sounded throughout the room.

"Come in," Bella said.

_What the hell? _

I banged on her door longer than that, and I didn't get a peep. How did she know it wasn't me?

"Bella, why is this music so loud?" I saw Alice's shoes as they went over to the dresser and turned off the music.

"Sorry, I didn't realize it."

"You and that song; I will never get it." Alice sat on the bed—more like jumped—and I felt the weight of both their small bodies as the mattress sunk minutely.

"It's a good song. Don't start knocking Barry. He's my lover."

"That man is old and possibly gay; I'm not sure yet."

"Still, I would fuck him just if he would sing to me."

"That's embarrassing," Alice giggled.

"How are you?" Bella asked, almost cordially.

"Fine, just got back from painting."

"Did you make me anything?"

"No, because you never put them up."

"Because you'll mess with the theme I have going."

"Which is?"

"Modern minimalism." Bella got off of the bed, and her frog slippers shuffled towards the candy cupboard. I heard the rustling of paper and she came back chewing on something.

"I don't think all those sweets are good for you," Alice told her.

"Eh, I'll live."

"How was isolation? You never told me."

"It was the same as usual. Aro was being a compete bitch and locked me up just because I wouldn't take some new pill."

"That man is a bastard. Don't listen to him, Bella."

"I know." She sighed.

_So, Bella was one of Aro Volturi's patients? _

Another piece of the puzzle was dropped into my hand.

"Maybe we can get you switched to Carlisle. I'm sure he wouldn't mind," Alice said tenderly.

"I already tried that. Aro said I was ungrateful and weak for not being up to his methods of treatment."

"So you're staying with him to prove a point?"

"No, I'm staying with him because Carlisle won't take me."

"That's absurd!"

"I was admitted under Aro so I can't just switch. The board won't let me." Bella's voice was muffled by her continued chewing on her candy.

"I'm sorry."

"I can deal with his bullshit. It's not like I haven't been through worse."

"What do you want to do today?" Alice bounced on the mattress, making the coils spring and hit me in the head.

"Nothing, I want to sit and read."

"Come on. We have to get out and do something."

"Are the new kids here? I could go play with them in the daycare." Bella's voice had a hint of excitement in it; nothing like the cold girl I had become accustomed to.

"No, they're not here yet," Alice sighed. "We could go find Edward and Jasper."

I almost heard Bella's eyes rolling. "Don't even start."

"Why are you so mean to him?"

_Get her, Alice!_

"I'm not mean. I don't have time to care about him."

"Why? He's really cute, and he's trying to be nice to you."

"He's stupid and annoying."

"You've only met him twice and both times, you were a complete bitch."

"Not my problem. I was having bad days."

"You can't use that excuse every day."

"I can when it comes to him."

"But you have to admit that he's gorgeous. Have you ever seen eyes that green before?"

"On a lizard." Bella laughed, "He's alright."

_Alright? _

"You're just being mean. Are you going to fuck your vibrator for the rest of your life?" Alice asked.

"No, I have a couple people I use for physical satisfaction."

"How many are there now?"

"Five. I found a new guy on the third floor who's afraid to talk, but his dick is huge. I spent last night up there with him."

I wanted to slam my fist down on the floor, but stopped myself just in time. My teeth were painfully clenched at the thought of her fucking some man who didn't even have the ability to talk. I wasn't sure why, but it didn't sit well with me.

"Well, I like Edward." Alice defended me.

"What's his deal?"

"Nothing, he's okay for the most part but he has that dissociative thing that Jasper has. Carlisle says we're lucky he hasn't blown up yet. He thinks it's coming."

_What? Carlisle talked about me behind my back? _

"He keeps looking at me." Bella shuddered.

"You kept looking at him at the movies the other night. I felt so badly for him."

"You know I thrive on awkwardness. I just wanted to see what he would do."

"This isn't kindergarten. I bet you like him." Alice sang.

"I do not. I just don't appreciate him asking questions about me."

"Edward's trying to be nice. Give him a smile at least. But then again, I understand if it would make your panties moist since you love him." Alice was now full-on belting out a tune.

"You need to shut up. I don't know him and yes, he's attractive, but I have to keep my guard up. I bet he doesn't even have a big dick so why bother?"

_Ha. If only she knew. _

"No wonder you're in here. You're a mess." Alice grumbled.

"Of course I am."

"Let's go to the art room," Alice recommended.

"I don't do that extra therapy shit."

"Fine, well, I'm hungry. Let's at least go eat something."

"Alright, alright."

The bed strained again as they both got up. Alice and Bella's feet walked towards the door. It opened and shut with a loud thump. I finally let out a normal breath.

I waited for three minutes just in case they wanted to come back. When they didn't, I crawled out from my hiding place and tip-toed to the door. I opened it a crack to look into the hallway. There was no one there, so I darted out of the room and shut the door behind me.

I raced down the hall and when I turned the corner, slowed to a walk to make it look like I hadn't been up to anything inappropriate.

My brow was drenched in sweat, and I inhaled deeply to get some more oxygen.

I sat on my bed for what must have been hours, just staring off into space. I had just seen Bella stark naked, not a stitch of clothing on, and my mind wouldn't shut up. I wanted so badly to go in the bathroom and relieve myself, but I figured that would be a sin on too many levels.

I had also ease-dropped and obtained some very valuable information about Bella. She was messed up for sure, but now I knew she had a heart. She must only be a bitch to me. What was up with that? I was not please.

"Edward, there you are," Jasper said and poked his head into my room.

"Sorry." I ran a shaking hand through my hair.

"What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing,"

"Oh, well it's time for lunch. Let's go."

_Already lunch? _

I was about to tell him that I wasn't hungry, but after my voyeuristic ordeal in Bella's room, I figured some nutrition would be a good idea.

We went into the cafeteria, which was lively at the height of the lunch hour.

Jasper and I traveled through the line, grabbing pizza and whatever else caught our eye. We stalked to our regular table, where Rosalie and Emmett were waiting. I was actually surprised to see him up and about so quickly.

"Hi," I said awkwardly as I sat across from him.

"Hi," he replied in a drowsy stupor.

"He's not here to talk. He's here to eat." Rose shoved a sandwich in his face. "He has to go back to bed soon."

"Baby, I'm fine," he grumbled and took a bite of the bread, leaving a piece of turkey to hang out of his mouth.

"You're in so much trouble. You could have killed that guy."

"He was fine." Emmett's head hit the table loudly.

"What did he say to piss you off so badly?" Jasper asked him.

"I can't remember," was his answer. This whole situation was kind of scary.

"He just can't control himself," Rose snidely remarked. "Come on. We're going back to see Carlisle for more medication."

"No," he groaned.

"Get up, Emmett." She pulled him by his shirt until he stood. They both hobbled out of the cafeteria.

Like a lightning bolt, Alice took Rosalie's spot. "Howdy."

"Hi," I said and took a bite of pizza, trying to be normal. My stomach was starting to churn when I thought about the last time I had heard Alice's voice. I evaded my eyes from hers. I did notice that Bella was no longer with her.

"Where have you been?" Jasper inquired.

"With Bella. She went to go get an apple." Alice pointed behind her.

Alice and Jasper started talking about something, but I pretended to be enthralled in my food. I couldn't remember what they were discussing. I smelled the sweet and enticing scent of spice. I knew Bella was near.

She came up behind Alice and just stood there, taking a bite out of a ruby red apple.

My dick was pleased but then became angry as I thought about what and whom Bella had been doing in her free time.

"There you are. You going back to bed?" Alice asked.

"Probably after I do some reading." Bella didn't look at me once. "What are you two going to do?" She made it a point to say "two", meaning that I wasn't included in her thoughts since there were clearly three people sitting at this table.

"I don't know. I want to go to the music room for some reason," Jasper said. "I have therapy later."

"Speaking of that, I'll get your guitar back to you soon. I'm still working on it."

"No problem." He shrugged.

I lifted my head to watch Bella interact with her friends. She was so at ease and relaxed. She always moved; either playing with the pink of her hair or eating her apple. It wasn't a twitchy movement, but more of a fluid gracefulness that she seemed to radiate.

Her shirt was too big for her tiny body, so the collar would slip down every so often to reveal the sliver of her bra strap. The first time I saw it, I think I blushed. I just remembered the way I had disgustingly stared at her without her knowledge. I saw everything she had to offer, and it was wrong on so many levels. I should have my eyes gouged out for retribution.

"Well, I'm going to head back." Bella took her last bite of apple.

"Okay, we'll see you." Jasper waved.

Bella turned to me, and I thought that she was going to speak. Strangely, I wanted her to say something to me, but then again, I might act stupid so that probably wasn't the best idea.

She smirked spuriously. Once again, I thought she might utter some words in my direction. Instead, I felt the juice from the apple core as it whizzed past my head. It hit the wall behind me and fell into the trash can.

I was about to say something about her attitude, but then remembered about the naked watching I had just done. She had every right to punish me, even if she didn't really know what I knew.

Bella's hips swayed lightly as she walked out of the cafeteria, and the door shut with a final sound.

* * *

**A/N:**

Oh, my, my, my. Naughty Edward has come out to play and he likes what he sees. I should be ashamed, but I"m not. Does that make me a bad person? At least we get to see Bella's nibbly bits. Plus, we have some more information on our puzzle. She's so strange, isn't she? I love it.

A lot of people have asked me what the title of the story refers to and I think it's pretty self explanatory minus the word "rorschach". Its commonly referred to as an ink blot test and it's a common psychological test that they do with patients. More on that later. I've also been asked if Edward is really sick or if something fishy is going on. He really is sick and even though you haven't seen his alternate persona, he's there. That's the point. How can this guy be so dangerous? Its all a MYSTERY.

As usual, thanks to **Jeny0719 **and **Suzi55 **who put up with my crazy ass. They know how to beat me into shape. Also, thanks to all you guys who review, add to favs, pimp, things like that.

Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate it and I'll update again on Sunday? Possibly Sunday. Not sure yet.


	6. Chapter 6

The Definition of 'Engage'

—_verb, to occupy the attention or efforts of (a person or persons)_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

_

* * *

_

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Carlisle's deep voice was like a fog in my head. I was present, but not fully coherent.

"I'm good," I drawled.

"Is the medication working?"

"I guess so. I can't feel my legs." I poked myself; there was no reaction.

"Excellent. I want you to just relax." Carlisle helped me lay down on the couch in his office, and then sat in a chair close to me.

"What's the purpose of this?"

"Do you need to know the purpose of everything?"

"It would be nice. I would feel less uneasy."

"Are you uneasy right now?

"Yes, I'm very confused. What's going on?" My mind was trying to stay alert, but the medication was too strong.

"I've given you a heavy dose of a relaxer."

"You tranquilized me?"

He chuckled. "No, I relaxed you."

"Sounds questionable to me."

"The point is that I wanted you to feel uninhibited during this session. I need you to talk with me more so that I can dive deeper into what's causing your illness."

"I'm beginning to think that I'm not sick at all."

"Why would you say that?"

"Well, I don't remember having episodes, and there's no evidence that says I actually do have them. Plus, I've been here for three weeks, and I haven't had one yet."

"Because you've been on medication and I've been watching you."

I nodded. "That makes sense."

"So, what do you think triggers your episodes?"

"That's just it. I don't know. If I did, I would be able to control myself."

"You're vey black and white, Edward."

"What does that mean?" I turned to him. It was hard to see because of the haze clouding my eyes, but I could still visualize his outline.

"My science is more of a gray area," he explained. "Each patient is different. It's not like I can make a formula that will suddenly cure you. It's a lot of give-and-take on both our parts."

"You're starting to make no sense."

"Just talk to me."

I spent another hour in Carlisle's office. Who knew what I said, or what I did. I was pretty drugged up, so I could have given away my social security number for all I knew. After a while, I was too sleepy to stay awake, and I felt my eyes close heavily.

When I woke up, I was in my bed back in my room. I was surprised that my head didn't hurt or anything like that; as if I had just woken up from a long nap and nothing more.

I pulled myself up against the headboard of my bed and looked to the nightstand. There was a small plastic cup with a couple white pills in them and a bottle of water next to it. I threw back the pills and downed half the bottle.

I took medication every other day. I trusted Carlisle—overly so. That might be dangerous, but I couldn't protest. He told me everything that I was ingesting and what the effects were, although, I had to admit that I didn't have any idea what he said. It was all medical talk. I could tell that I was getting better, though. Like Carlisle said, I was being watched, so there was no way I could hurt anybody else.

It wasn't like I had suddenly been carted off out of the real world and became indifferent to my situation. I was frustrated as hell and confused. I wanted answers, but I knew they would come in time. As long as I was getting better, I could get out of here earlier. If I didn't raise a fuss, this was going to be a lot easier.

I lied in bed for another half hour, just staring up at the ceiling. I really needed to paint this place, or at least, get some pictures in here. I would have to ask Esme for some on her next visit.

I looked out of my window and noticed that the sun was still in the sky, so it couldn't be that late. The clock said four, which was perfect, because I was starving. Therapy always took a lot of out me, even though I wasn't really doing anything but talking. In any case, I felt exhausted afterward.

I got out of bed and began walking towards the cafeteria. After I got my food, I saw Emmett and Rosalie sitting at our table. They were the only ones there.

"How was therapy?" Emmett asked when I sat down.

"Fine," I shrugged, "what's been going on?"

"Nothing." He shoved a cookie in his mouth. "A guy killed himself this morning."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he had problems."

"Which one of us doesn't?" I muttered.

"Well, he was one of Aro's patients. He's super pissed today."

"I hear all this talk about the man, but I've never seen him."

"Good," Rosalie said, "keep it that way. You don't want to see him."

"He can't be that bad," I theorized.

They both glared at me for a couple of seconds. I figured I had crossed a line, so I decided to change the subject.

"So, does suicide happen around here often?" I asked.

"No, not really," Emmett replied. "Once and a while, but not too much. The last time we had one was a couple months ago."

"That's… so sad." I deflated.

"Yeah," Rosalie agreed, "at least they're trying to get help."

I looked around secretly. I didn't want to let my mind travel down the path that it was, but I couldn't help it.

_Where was Bella? _

Like he could read my mind, Emmett answered. "She's not here."

"Who?" I asked dumbly.

"Bella, she's not here. She's been in her room all morning."

"I don't care."

"Liar." Rosalie grinned and got up to throw her trash away before leaving the room.

"Your face tells too much." Emmett pointed at my head.

"What does that mean?"

"Every time someone says her name, you either go white as a sheet or get this far-off look. It's so weird."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do. I see you do it all the time."

"Well, Bella and I aren't friends so it doesn't really matter how I react to her."

"You're not trying hard enough."

"I don't know what else I can do, and I'm _not_ going to beg her."

"She's incredibly stubborn. You have to fight her for everything. I can tell you're pretty stubborn too. Just argue with her. She'll respect you more."

"I've almost snapped at her on more than one occasion. She's so annoying."

"Right," He rolled his eyes, "that's why you're chasing her ass like a dog."

_Damn him. _

I remembered back to three days ago when I was stashed under Bella's bed. That had to be the worst and most embarrassing moment of my life. If she knew that I was under there, she might snap my head off. Bella seemed like the kind of woman who didn't take lightly to things like that. What woman wouldn't be disgusted by some dude watching her dry off after a shower?

Emmett's game plan seemed to make sense, though. Bella seemed to thrive on being different. In a place like this—even among the insane population—she stuck out like a sore thumb. She liked it that way, though. I could tell she was a fighter, and if that's what she wanted, then that's what she was going to get. I had a lot to get off of my chest anyway.

I finished my food and decided to spend the rest of the day alone. I was still kind of tired after my therapy session this morning.

I went to the library, which was pretty stocked. I didn't know exactly what I was looking for, but it had been ages since I just sat and read something. I felt kind of IQ-deprived, if that made any sense. To be honest, my head was starting to draw, which meant that I was itching to get my hands deep into an architectural project. I really wanted to design something. That would have to wait until later, though. It wasn't like I had my supplies here. Carlisle said that I might be able to make small models in my room once I earned the privilege. That I was excited about. I wanted nothing more than to get myself elbow deep in design plans. It was a simple joy, but it made me happy.

I went through the rows of books and settled on Stroker's _Dracula. _It was an easy read; I could knock it out in a couple of days, although, the subject material was sort of dark. It would be fine. I had always liked this one.

I checked it out and started to make my way back to my room.

As I turned the last corner of my hallway, I suddenly came face to face with a pair of vibrant brown eyes that held a hint of anger.

"Oh, shit." I exhaled and stopped in my tracks. "You scared the crap out of me."

"What were you doing in my room?" Bella asked acerbically. Her tone was short. I figured she only talked when she wanted, so this was a privilege, even if I was being accosted.

"Uh, I wasn't." I shook my head.

"You're lying. What were you doing in my room?" She poked me.

"I wasn't."

"The other day, yes you were." Bella squinted her eyes.

_Shit. Lie, Cullen. Lie!_

"I have no idea what you're talking about." I crossed my arms with my book pressed against my chest.

"I should have you arrested for breaking and entering."

"Oh, and what are they going to do? Throw me in jail?"

"Hopefully. You're so fucking annoying." Bella began to walk away, but I wasn't letting her get out of grasp without a fight.

"Hey." I ran in front of her, stopping her from going down the hall. "First of all, I don't appreciate you accusing me of something I didn't do; and secondly, I wasn't ever in your room. Thirdly, watch how you talk to me. I don't take lightly to being shit on and you've been doing that quite a lot lately."

"You're pathetic."

"No, you're the pathetic one. I've been nothing but nice to you, and you still act like a complete bitch for no reason."

"You don't know a thing about me, so don't categorize me under an umbrella of who you think I am." She backed me into a wall. "I don't want to be polite, because I don't like you."

"Why? What did I ever do to you?"

"You're just like every other new person who comes in here. You think you can just disrupt what we already have, and that's not how it is. We don't want you here and I don't trust you."

My eyes were darting between her face to the pink in her hair. It was fading, and I figured she was going to re-dye it soon. I looked down at her Superman pants, which made me want to smile, but I didn't let myself.

"Well, it's not like I have an option. Do you think I want to be here?"

"I hate you," she spat.

"I hate you more."

In actuality, all I wanted to do was fucking kiss this girl because arguing with her was the hottest thing I had ever experienced. She was searing and spicy, yet incredibly tender. I could see that the things she said were just to get on my nerves. I didn't know how to control my brain from going to dangerous territory. Her mouth was saying the most vial things, but my dick loved every movement her plump lips made.

"What were you doing in my room?' she asked slowly.

I said the first thing that sprung into my head. "I was looking for the guitar."

"What guitar?"

"Jasper's. I wanted to play and I knew you had it. I was looking for it."

"Do you play?" She raised an eyebrow, her hands on her hips.

"Obviously, if I was looking for the guitar."

"What the hell is wrong with you? Why won't you just leave me alone?" She was breathing pretty roughly now, her chest rising and falling rapidly.

"I just wanted to be friends. I'm not begging or anything, but since we seem to hang out with the same people, I thought it might be nice to be on good terms."

"I don't have friends."

"You don't have a problem with Alice or the rest of them."

"Because I like them. I hate you."

"What did I ever do to you?"

"You're so… normal." She looked me up and down with disgust. "What's wrong with you? Why are you here?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't have to tell you anything." I think I was shouting now.

"Just stay out of my room." Bella got close to me, her scent engulfing my nose and making it very hard to concentrate.

I desperately wanted to feel her body under mine and her lips on my skin. It was a strange feeling to be so close to her. My body was humming in false anticipation. The Sexual Edward thought that he was going to be getting some action. If only he knew that the prospect was insufferable and inappropriately annoying. This petty argument was the only time Bella had ever engaged in conversation with me. Even if it was a fight, I would gladly continue just to talk to her.

I stood my ground. "I was in your room for a purpose, which still hasn't been fulfilled."

"Fine." She stomped off in the opposite direction.

I didn't move.

Bella spun around when she was halfway down the hall. "Well, are you just going to stand there and look stupid?"

I huffed and followed her. "I don't like the way you talk to me."

"Shut up," she snapped and pushed open the door to her room.

"Am I allowed in?" I stood there with the rudest face I could manage.

Bella wasn't in the mood for games and muttered a string of curse words under her breath. I took that as a sign that it was okay for me to go inside. Her room was just as I remembered it, and I felt a shudder run down my spine as I thought about the last time I was in here.

"Don't touch anything," Bella said and went around the room. I could tell that she didn't know where the guitar was just by the way she was searching.

"This is a nice room you have here." I tried to make suitable conversation.

"You would know."

"I was in here for a second, and then when I couldn't find it, I left," I lied.

"Whatever. I could smell your disgusting scent. I don't know when you were in here, but I know you were."

"It was just for a second," I repeated.

She rolled her eyes and continued to look.

"Where's the guitar?" I asked.

"Around here somewhere." She tapped her chin.

"How can you lose a guitar?"

She snapped, "I just can't find it right now."

"So, it's lost," I concluded.

"Do you want it or not?"

"Hurry up. I have places to be," I lied again.

"Oh really." She rolled her eyes again.

I went over to the desk and set my book down.

"Hey, I told you not to touch anything." Bella came over and picked the book up, shoving it back in my hands.

"I wasn't."

"That's yours, and it was touching my stuff; ergo, you were touching my stuff."

"You're insufferable." I shook my head. She was truly starting to gloriously grate on my nerves.

"Just shut up." Bella tapped a finger on her chin again. As if a light bulb had went off, she went to the double doors on the other side of her massive room and opened them up.

I watched her for a second before she came back with the guitar.

"You have a balcony?" I asked.

"Yeah, so what?" She handed me the guitar.

"So… isn't that slightly unfair to the rest of us who have a barred window?"

"I guess I'm just better than you." She shrugged.

"Right. So thanks for the guitar." I held it up and began walking back to the door.

It was all happening in slow motion. I wouldn't have noticed it if I didn't turn my head, but I passed the full length mirror that Bella had stood at naked just a few days before.

I stopped dead in my tracks and looked at the reflection in the mirror, which from this angle had a clear view under the bed. I could see straight under it to the other side. There weren't any obstructions, and I didn't even have to bend my back or tilt my head.

"You still want to tell me that you weren't in my room?" Bella was grinning at me over my shoulder. I could see her in the mirror.

"Shit," I whispered to myself.

"I could get you in so much trouble." She laughed maniacally. I gulped down a lump in my throat.

"You knew I was here the whole time?" I turned around.

Bella climbed on her bed and crossed her legs. "I'm not stupid."

"I… I'm sorry. I didn't mean to look at you or anything," I stammered. This could turn very badly.

"You didn't look very sorry when you were watching me."

"Look, I was coming in here to turn down your music. I didn't know you were in the shower, and then when you got out, it was too late to leave so…"

"So you ducked under my bed and stared at me while I dried myself off."

"Sorry," I hung my head in shame.

"It would have been fun if you came out to play." Bella was biting her bottom lip forcefully and for the first time, I didn't get a nasty face.

"Well, it wasn't like you said anything, so you must have liked me watching you," I argued.

Bella blinked once, and her eyes seemed to glaze over. "Don't flatter yourself, pretty boy."

"Pretty boy?"

"That's what I said. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm not ashamed," I said, but felt my cheeks grow slightly hotter. "I'm going to leave you to your horrible self for the rest of the day."

I started to head towards the door.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"Back to my room. I can't stand you, and I don't want to be in your presence any longer than possible."

"Well, that's two of us, but I want you to play."

"Play what?"

"The guitar, asshole."

"Oh," I had totally forgotten the guitar in my hands, "I wasn't planning on a concert."

"So either you were lying about even knowing how to play or you really did just want to watch me naked."

"I… haven't played in years."

She raised her eyebrow in a silent challenge.

"May I sit?" I asked and pointed to the bed.

"No, go sit over there." She nodded towards the chair by the desk.

"Fine." I put my book down and dragged the chair across the room so that it was closer to her. She didn't like that very much, but didn't say anything.

I sat and cracked my neck. Preparing to play, I thumbed on the strings, making sure that they were all in tune and adjusted what needed to be fixed.

"It's been a long time," I said.

"So?" She shrugged.

"What do you want to hear?"

"Doesn't matter." Bella leaned back against her pillows with her legs still crossed.

I played a scale to warm up my fingers and was pleasantly surprised that I sounded decent. It must have been ten years at least since I had played. I let my mind just think back to anything I knew, and the sounds of Johnny Cash's cover of _Hurt_ began to fill the air between us.

_I hurt myself today  
To see if I still feel  
I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real  
The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything _

My voice had a certain drawl and timber to it that made me sound gravely, but that was prefect for this song. I don't know why I started playing it, but it seemed appropriate; it just came to me. I had hardly even thought about the lyrics. They spoke to me, though.

I closed my eyes and let the music continue to the powerful chorus.

_What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know goes away  
In the end  
And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

I couldn't stop myself from playing the whole song. I hadn't even been sure that I could remember it all, but it came out easily. You would have thought that I had been playing for all these years.

When I opened my eyes, Bella was sitting there with a blank look on her face. It was calm and serene. When she realized that I was looking at her, the old Bella was back.

She furrowed her eyebrow. "What are you staring at?"

"Nothing."

"Well then, stop looking at me."

I rolled my eyes. "Can I go now?"

She jumped off of the bed and went towards the door. She held it open for me. "You may leave."

"Thank you, oh gracious one." I collected my book and the guitar.

"You played nicely," she ground out. "It was good."

"I heard you wanted to learn."

"Yeah."

"I could teach you," I tried.

"If I needed your help, then I would ask you."

"Did I do something to offend you in some way?"

"Yes, you're annoying."

"That's all you ever say." I put my foot against the door as she began to shut it. "There has to be another reason."

"You don't need to be here. You're normal and you're being so...I can't explain it. Go away."

"Alright, look. I'm going to be in this damned place for a long time, and I'm not going to tiptoe around you, so I guess we can agree to hate each other?"

"Sounds good to me."

Something about Bella's face gave her away. Her words might have been firm, but her eyes were a window, and I was looking right through her. It was so easy to read what was going on in her head.

I decided that I was going to try one more time. That was it; just once more.

I held out my hand. "I'm Edward."

Bella looked at it. Her eyes darted from my hand to my face a couple of times before she took it lightly. "I'm Bella."

"It's nice to meet you, Bella." I couldn't keep the smile off of my face as her hand slid into mine and created a perfectly soft fit. She crinkled her forehead cutely as she looked at our hands.

"I don't like people touching me."

"Then why don't you let go of my hand," I chuckled.

"You let go," she argued.

I stood firm. "No, you let go."

She ripped her hand from mine. "Stay the fuck out of my room."

The door slammed in my face and almost bumped me in the nose. I wouldn't have cared, though. I was overjoyed like a school kid who got his first 'A'. I had talked to her. We had a conversation. No matter how short or how horrible we were to each other, we had talked. That was a good first step, but I was also kind of thrilled that she had engaged me first. I had tried and gotten shot down twice, so to see her standing in the hallway, waiting for me, was a pleasant surprise.

I could have skipped back to my room. I would have done it too, if I wouldn't look so strange.

I settled for a brisk, happy walk.

When I was in bed, I cracked open my book and got a good ways in before my eyes started to close. I was determined to stay awake, so I got up and moved around. I sat against the headboard, bringing the guitar with me and strummed through a few things to warm up. I had a new-found fascination for guitar playing. I had never particularly liked it— preferring instead to focus on the piano— but I wanted to learn more now.

I played through as many scales as I could remember. I knew that if I mastered those, my fingers would be able to play anything. I had a very good ear, so I could play things if I usually heard them a couple of times, but I would need some sheet music. It was weird to jump back into all of this, but I felt like I needed to do it for some reason. Did this count as musical therapy? I would have to ask Carlisle.

I replayed _Hurt_, letting the dark mood pour out of me. It was really a nice song; very deep and melancholy, but appropriate at the same time.

I must have played for hours; I didn't really keep track of the time. At some point, I felt the bed sink down and opened my eyes to see Alice sitting there, but I didn't stop playing. She requested a couple of songs that I knew and some more that I promised to learn.

"You're really good." She beamed.

"Well, thank you. I didn't know I had it in me." I sat the guitar next to me.

"Every month, they have an open mic thing. You should join."

"I don't think so." I shook my head.

"It would be fun. Jasper does it all the time. Emmett too, although, he can only play the tambourine."

"The tambourine?" I chuckled.

"Carlisle says it helps his rage with all the clinking and stuff." She shrugged. "I don't know, but it's really funny."

"Um, I…was wondering if Carlisle had talked to you about me?" I asked, going off of what I had heard when under Bella's bed.

"Oh," She waved he hand, "we were in group therapy and someone asked about you. He just gave general info. People start snooping if they don't get answers."

"Do you guys usually talk about other patients? Isn't that a violation or something?"

"Not really. He never goes into details. Carlisle thinks we should be educated about other people's diseases. It makes us more sympathetic."

"So what's Bella's disease?"

Alice blanched and started playing with her fingers. "I don't know if I should tell you that."

"I thought we were supposed to be educating ourselves."

She exhaled heavily. "Okay, but you can't tell her I told you."

"Alright."

"Well, I can't give you specifics, but she's in here for a lot of things. Depression, rage, things like that."

"She's not psycho?"

"Not clinically, but that's all I'm saying."

I nodded, more than happy with the information I had gotten today. " So, there's an open mic night? We could start a band."

"Oh, you should." Alice got excited. "I bet you'd be awesome."

"I was just kidding. No one would think I was any good."

"I do."

"Yeah, you and Bella." I rolled my eyes.

"Bella?"

"Yeah, I uh… played for her."

"You played for her?" Alice sat up on her knees and moved closer to me.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"Well… no, but that's strange."

"How so?"

"She doesn't let people get close to her. Where you in her room?"

"Yes." I think I blushed again.

"I knew it." Alice squealed, "My tarot cards were so right."

"We're just friends, and not even that much. I hate her."

"You don't hate her."

"I do so. She's insufferable and excruciatingly irritating."

"But you like her. I can tell."

"No, I don't. I just went in her room to get the guitar and she asked me to play. That's it."

"Fine, I'll leave it alone." There was something about Alice's tone that told me she wasn't going to follow instructions.

I changed the subject. "I'm hungry."

"Jasper just went to dinner. You can go with him. I'm going to go paint." Alice hopped off of the bed. "Bye, Edward."

"Bye."

I put on my coat since it was kind of cold and shut the door behind me. As I started walking towards the dining hall, I heard a small humming, even through the walls. I knew exactly where it was coming from, so I followed the sound until I was standing in front of the Superman logo.

A small smile creased my lips when I heard Johnny Cash's _Hurt _seeping from under the door.

* * *

**A/N:**

How cute are they? Those two people just love each other so much. Bella's not a complete bitch and won't always be, I promise, but she has some stuff going on. Obviously since she let some strange guy watch her dry off. That's a different matter by itself though. Can't you just feel the fireworks between them? haven't even gotten to the good parts of the story yet. I can't wait.

Thanks to **Suzie55 **and **Jeny0719 **for the preread/beta. Those two are the best, seriously. Thanks to all of you guys who are reviewing and adding this story to favs. I write for you. The response for this has been great, which I'm very proud of so thanks.

If you dont know already of don't follow me, you can add me to twitter (at)**johnnyboy1029. **I'm kind of fun. haha.

ok, that's all for today. Update on Wednesday.


	7. Chapter 7

The Definition of 'Volatile'

—_adjective, tending or threatening to break out into open violence; explosive_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

My muscles ached so badly that it felt like my bones were made of jelly. I tried to lift my arm up, but it was too painful. Come to think of it, even breathing was painful.

I pulled the covers up until they reached my chin because it was so fucking cold in this room. Even after my body was covered, it was still freezing. I pried my eyes open to make sure that I wasn't stuck in Antarctica somewhere. My teeth chattered loudly in my ears.

I forced myself to sit up in bed, and although my muscles were protesting, I pushed my body to at least do the simple task of waking up. I sat against the headboard and held my head in my hands as it throbbed painfully.

"What the hell is wrong with me?" I asked rhetorically.

My question was answered when I looked around my room.

The place was destroyed in a frantic, hysterical sort of way. All the furniture was turned over, the mirror was broken, the light next to my bed was smashed, and the wood from the desk looked like it had been chewed on. All my clothes were thrown everywhere, and I could hear the water in the bathroom running for some unknown reason.

I jumped out of bed and went to see what was going on in there. The bathtub was overflowing, and I had to trudge through puddles to turn the faucet off. The sink was hanging off of the wall like it had been ripped from the pipes; everything in here was broken too.

There were so many questions in my mind that I didn't know where to start first. Was I robbed? Who was in my room last night? Did they take anything? Was anybody else robbed?

I slogged out of the bathroom and opened my door to see if anything was going on in the hallway. It was quiet since it wasn't even seven yet. I couldn't hear anything abnormal, so that put my mind in more of a confused state. I pulled my head back inside and shut the door, again looking around my room that was ransacked completely.

My eyes darted from the ripped curtains, to the broken chair, to the busted up cabinet; it was all destroyed. The bed was the only thing that was left intact.

"I can't believe someone robbed me." I sunk low to the floor and banged my head against the door.

I was about to comb through my hair when I smelled rust. I looked at my hands and noticed that they were covered in dried blood. There were tiny pieces of glass in cuts across my palms. My hands started to shake, and I suddenly got very sick.

I started looking myself over and couldn't find anything wrong with me until I reached my left arm. There was a deep gash going from my elbow, upwards, and provided just more evidence of a wild night that I obviously didn't remember.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn," I chanted and banged my head with each word. The pounding was only further drenching my brain in fog. I knew exactly what had happened.

I thought I was over this. I thought I had control over my episodes. I thought that was what the medication was for.

I must have gone into Evil Edward mode last night.

The war zone that had become my room was enough to convince me that I had some serious issues. If I didn't believe it before, I surely did now; there was no way that I could consciously do something like this. My sickness was taking over.

Next to me on the floor was the copy of _Dracula _that I had rented from the library. There was blood on the cover and the pages were ripped from the spine haphazardly as if someone's teeth tore them out. I crawled on my hands and knees as I picked up discarded pages from under the bed. When I had gathered up the papers, I put them on the bed and figured that I should get some help.

I put on clothes and shoes before stumbling my way into the hall. My head was still unclear for the most part, so it was hard to tell where I was trying to go. There were nurses and orderlies around, trying to get ready for the day to begin, but I kept my head low so that they wouldn't assume anything. I passed a few other patients and just kept my feet moving until I arrived at Carlisle's office.

I knocked lightly, my hands starting to hurt from the cuts that were on them.

"Carlisle," I said eagerly. "Dr. Cullen, I need help."

There was no sound from the other side.

I turned the nob and pushed the door opened. Carlisle was laid out on his couch, still in his clothes from the day before and his lab coat. There was a thick book resting across his chest, and he was snoring.

I went over to him and poked his shoulder, "Dr. Cullen, I need help." I repeated.

He shifted on the sofa and immediately opened his eyes, "Edward, what is it? Is someone hurt?"

"Uh, I might be." I held out my hands to show him the blood on them. "I'm not sure."

He sat up and took my hands in his, examining them with a very sleepy, yet still medical set of eyes.

"What happened?" he asked me.

"I can't remember," I admitted. "I woke up and my room was a mess. The whole place was destroyed and I had blood on my hands, obviously."

He nodded and got up from the sofa, taking off his coat. "Sit in the chair."

"Can you tell me what happened?"

Carlisle started pulling out supplies from the large cabinet. "Do you remember anything?"

"No, the last thing I can remember was dinner last night." I tried to think back as hard as I could, and that was all I came up with.

"Alright, well, I think you had another attack."

"I figured." I nodded, deflated that my suspicions were proven true.

Carlisle cleaned and bandaged my hands, along with the cut on my arm, which took all of ten minutes. The whole time, he was asking me questions, probing into my mind to see what I could recall from last night. My attempts failed, and I barely remembered dinner. I was going to have to ask Jasper if he knew anything. Carlisle checked me medically in every way possible; my reflexes, my blood pressure, a basic physical. According to everything, I was normal.

That word stung deep, and I cringed when I heard it in my head, repeating like a church bell.

_Normal, normal, normal, normal… You're not normal, Edward. _

"The first thing we have to do is get you stabilized again," Carlisle instructed and handed me a set of pills, which I took without question. I never asked him what I was taking after he initially told me. I wouldn't have understood anything he said anyway.

"Am I okay?" I asked after I gulped down some water.

"I should have been watching you," Carlisle said to himself. "Nothing is your fault, Edward. I don't think you hurt anyone, but I'll have to check to make sure."

"What happened? I thought I was getting better."

"We still haven't gotten to the root of the problem. Until we find it and treat it, these things will keep happening."

"But, that could take…"

He finished my sentence, "Years. This is a very inexact science. Some people are in here for the rest of their lives. You will be too, unless we can find out what the hell's going on."

"I'm doing everything I'm supposed to be and I take my medicine."

"That's all great, but therapy is the main thing. Therapy is the key." Carlisle put his glasses on. "Well, that's my method at least. Some other doctors would disagree with me on that subject, but I have my own way of doing things."

"Maybe we should try some other methods. I could need extra help," I suggested.

"Edward, if I put you with our other doctor, you might not survive." He gave me a tight smile, but I could tell that he was serious. He walked around his desk and sat in his chair.

"You mean Aro? He can't be that bad."

Carlisle thought for a second and decided not to answer. "I want you to come into our group therapy session this afternoon. You'll need the extra treatment."

I nodded. "Okay, anything else?"

"Come with me. I need to check your room." Carlisle got up from his seat and went out of the door quickly. I followed behind him.

The walk back was silent, and I felt like the people around knew that I was a failure. I had gone about a month without any kind of problems. I almost could pass for a regular guy. Now, I knew that would never happen. I was always going to be this messed up, insane, piece of shit.

I stood at the door while Carlisle inspected my room precisely. He picked up everything on the floor and scrutinized it soundlessly. I could see him mumbling to himself, but he never said a word to me. Almost an hour had passed before he did a final walk-though.

"You'll be moving to another room for the time being," he said to me.

"I'm sorry for all of this. I didn't mean…"

"No need to apologize. You couldn't help it."

"I feel so bad. What if the next time… I hurt somebody?"

"We'll just have to watch you more closely and keep you medicated. Was there anything yesterday that might have triggered your episode?"

Though I couldn't remember after dinner, the first part of the day was vivid in my mind. I had met, fought, wanted to kiss, and played for Bella. She had taken up most of my afternoon; maybe not physically, but certainly mentally.

"No," I answered and looked at my shoes.

"Edward, you're lying to me," Carlisle accused.

"Nothing out of the ordinary." I shrugged.

"Who did you spend your time with?"

"The normal group," I insisted. For some reason, I didn't think it would be appropriate for me to be "friends" with Bella.

Carlisle studied me for a second before taking my word for it. "Alright, and you're sure you can't remember anything from yesterday that might have triggered the events from last night?"

"No, I swear. I have no idea."

"Okay, we'll figure this out, Edward. Don't worry. I'll have the nurse get your things salvaged and set you up in another room. Are you feeling alright?"

I nodded.

"Then go to breakfast and just keep to your schedule, but I will expect you in group therapy after lunch."

"Yes, sir."

He clapped my shoulder and left my room.

I stood in the wreckage that I had created. A tornado was the only way to explain what had happened because logically, I wasn't capable of this. The cabinet in the corner was smashed for Christ's sake. How the hell did I do that? This was incredibly scary, and if I really was this sick, I needed to be locked up for the rest of my life. I couldn't even fathom being out in public. What if I attacked someone… again?

I was almost out of my room before I tripped over something hard; a low dong vibrated. I looked down at Jasper's guitar that was lying on the floor.

"Oh, shit," I picked it up and turned it over in my hands. Thankfully, it wasn't as bad as I thought. The strings were just busted and sticking out at odd angles. I sat it down on the bed next to _Dracula. _

I shook my head and was determined to act like nothing was out of the ordinary. I didn't want people—especially my friends—asking questions that I had no answers to. We were all a nosy bunch, but I wasn't ready to talk about this. I was too ashamed. I was going to have to talk with Jasper privately and beg for forgiveness.

I shut the door to my room and went off towards the cafeteria. It was alive now that everyone had woken up, and I saw the group at our regular table. I went through the line and picked up some food that I assumed I wouldn't really taste.

"Finally, we were wondering where you went off to." Emmett pushed out a seat across from him.

"Sorry, I woke up late." I sat down without looking at anyone.

"Today is group therapy day." Alice clapped her hands.

"What does that entail?" I asked. "Am I going to be in there with you guys?"

"No, Dr. Cullen doesn't like to put us with friends," Jasper answered. "He thinks we need to branch out more so he splits us all up throughout the day."

I exhaled, happy that they didn't have to hear about my incident last night.

"You look like shit," Rose commented, chewing on a piece of bacon.

"I had… a rough morning." I made sure not to look at Jasper in particular.

"Really? What happened? Did you get hurt?" Alice held my face in her hands. "You look pale. I bet you have a blood pressure problem. We should go see Carlisle…"

"Alice, Alice," Emmett shook his head. "It's too early in the morning to be this annoying."

Jasper threw an orange at his head. "Shut the fuck up. She's not annoying. She's concerned, jackass."

"Oh, sorry." Alice shrunk back into her seat. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said.

"What happened to your hands?" Rose asked.

"Can you stop asking questions?" I snapped.

"So, you're lying to us or you did something really bad."

They all looked at me expectantly, but I didn't say anything.

"Anyway," Emmett deflected, "I have to go to my session so I'll catch you losers later." He gave Rosalie a sloppy kiss, and then left the table.

Everyone chatted aimlessly for a couple of minutes, just discussing our day. I kept my head down and ate my cereal, trying to keep my conversational input to a minimum.

"Oh, look," Alice squealed, "Bella's here."

My head shot up and my eyes shifted to find her in the crowd of people.

Bella was in the normal pink scrubs today, but the Superman hat was screaming loud and proud. It was sitting on top of her head as her hair spilled out of it wildly in waves. She went into the line and picked up an apple, tossing it up and down in her hand as she gracefully walked towards us.

I sat up straighter, preparing for the battle that was sure to come.

"Bella, we weren't expecting you this morning," Rose said.

"I thought I might come by and eat something. Who knows when I'll care to feed myself again." She leaned on the back of Alice's chair.

"Your hair's all boring again." Jasper pointed.

"I know." She blew a flyaway out of her face. For the first time, I noticed that the pink strand of her hair was extremely faded today. It was now a muted gray color. "I'm going to take care of that right now actually."

"What color are we going with this time?" Alice asked.

"I guess you'll just have to find out," Bella teased.

I wanted to say something to her, but I didn't know what was appropriate after our engagement yesterday. It might be too awkward. She didn't even acknowledge me; like I didn't exist.

"Do you have my guitar?" Jasper asked her.

_Shit. _

She looked at me for a second and grinned. "Yeah, I'll get it to you next week after I practice some more."

"No problem, just checking." He shrugged.

What the hell was that all about?

Bella took a small bite out of her apple and the juice ran out of the corner of her mouth. She licked it away with that luscious, pink tongue, and my body had a sort of animalistic reaction. I actually felt a low growl in my chest.

"I'll see you fuckers later." Bella nodded and began to walk away. "Oh, and Edward?"

I lifted my head. "Yeah?" My voice cracked embarrassingly.

"Nice room this morning." She sauntered backwards for a second before turning around and leaving the cafeteria.

No one said anything; I guessed that they were confused. This was the first time Bella had actually talked to me in public. Well, not the first time, but the first time she wasn't spitting acid at me.

"What was all that about?" Jasper chuckled nervously.

"Who knows?" I said through my teeth.

Bella was goading me. She was a master at deception. Even though I had only known her for a short time, I understood her well enough to know that she took a slight amount of pleasure from other people's uneasiness. She must have been in my room this morning. Why? Furthermore, what the hell did she want from me, and why did she cover with Jasper's guitar?

She was the most confusing person I had ever met in my entire life, yet I couldn't get enough of her. Bella was driving me insane. I wanted to literally kiss the life out of this girl for some reason. I must be some glutton for punishment, because no sane man on the face of this earth would keep up this charade. I hated the fact that she had power over me, but loved it at the same time.

"Bella's all kinds of crazy," Alice giggled. "She's so funny."

"She's special." Rose rolled her eyes.

"You don't like her?" I asked.

"They fight a lot but love each other like sisters," Jasper explained. "One time, Rose pushed Bella out of a tree and Bella set rats loose in her room. It was funny as hell. Rose was screaming for days."

"One of them tried to bury inside of my hair," Rosalie seethed. "That was not funny. I could have gotten rabies."

"You shouldn't have pushed her out of that tree," Alice chastised.

"She deserved it. I can't remember what she did, but it was something I didn't like."

"In actuality," Jasper interrupted, "Rose just likes attention and she always gets it, except when Bella's around."

"Why's that?" I asked.

"Because Bella is the light of our little community here." Rose crossed her arms. "She's… extra exceptional." The tone of her voice was sarcastic to the point of chilling.

"Jealously is one of her many issues," Jasper whispered to me.

"I'm not jealous; I'm bitter," Rose corrected and pushed away from the table.

"Bye, super bitch." Alice waved as Rose stomped out of the room.

"How can you all treat each other so horribly and be best friends?" I asked, astounded.

"We love each other like siblings." Jasper shrugged. "We fight like cats and threaten to kill each other about ten times a day, but what'cha gonna' do?"

"Great logic," I mumbled.

"Well, I have to get on to my session as well." Alice stretched in her seat and got up. "I'll see you later." She hugged Jasper.

"Adios," he replied.

Now that we were alone, I figured that now would be the best time to speak with Jasper about my whole "destroying his guitar" thing.

"Uh, Jasper. I need to tell you something?" I started awkwardly.

"Okay, shoot." He sat back in his chair.

"First off, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to do it, and I don't know how it happened; I really don't. I can't control these things and if I could take it back, I would. I swear to you I would, but I didn't know what was happening…"

"Whoa, whoa. What are you talking about? Slow down."

"I'm sorry," I said pathetically.

"About what?"

"I broke your guitar."

"You what?" he asked harshly.

"I broke your guitar. Bella let me use it, and I was practicing yesterday. This morning, I woke up and everything was destroyed."

"I don't understand." His eyes were closed and he was breathing heavily. "How did you break my guitar?"

"I had a… thing last night and I didn't know what I was doing. I'm sorry."

"You broke my fucking guitar?" He slammed his fist down on the table.

"Yeah, I don't have an explanation." I shrugged. "Sorry," I said again.

We sat there for a second. He looked pissed as hell, and his face was almost red in fury. I didn't have anything else to say that would make this better. Hell, I didn't even know what I had done last night.

"Hey," I heard Bella's voice from behind me, "here's your fucking guitar." She handed it to Jasper.

He looked up at her with a confused face.

"Edward doesn't know what he's talking about," she said. I got a slight jolt from hearing my name from her lips. "It wasn't broken."

"What the hell is going on?" Jasper inspected his instrument and turned it over a couple of times. The thing looked like he had just bought it new. It was polished and scratch-free. The strings were perfect.

I stared, dumbfounded, as I tried to figure out how the hell that happened.

"Oh, well thanks?" He looked between the two of us.

"Gotcha," Bella said.

"You two are so weird." Jasper pushed up from his seat and aggressively walked away.

The chair next to me made a sound against the floor as Bella pulled it from the table to sit down.

"What the hell was that? I saw it this morning." I ran a hand through my hair and tugged. "I really am insane."

"That was my guitar you broke." She stole the piece of toast from my tray that I had left uneaten. "I gave you mine instead of Jasper's."

"What? Why?"

"Because I couldn't find his at the time," she said nonchalantly.

"What is wrong with you?" I snapped at her.

"First of all, don't get a tone with me; secondly, I just saved your ass. You could at least say 'thank you'. Plus, you ruined my guitar so that needs to be replaced."

"I didn't mean to and I'm sorry, but you could have at least told me all of this before I made a complete fool out of myself."

"I do one nice thing and suddenly I'm the one who's at fault? Well then, fuck you." She threw my toast at me and crumbs fell over my clothes. She stomped out of the cafeteria.

"Oh, no. You're not going anywhere." I got up and followed her quickly.

Bella was down the hall by the time I caught up with her.

"Get away from me." She tried to squeeze between the wall and my body, but I blocked her.

"What were you doing in my room?" I repeated her words from yesterday when she stopped me in almost this exact same spot.

"I don't have to answer to you," she answered incredulously. "What makes you think I even wanted to be in your room?"

"The only way you would know about the guitar was if you had seen it broken on my bed."

"I was looking for _my_ guitar." She stressed her possession over the instrument. "I wanted to practice before I redid my hair, and when I went to retrieve it, you could only imagine what a surprise it was to me that it was destroyed."

"You don't have to talk to me like I'm a child."

"I wasn't."

"Yes, you were. Your tone is always so condescending."

"Because I don't like you."

"Well, good because I don't like you either."

I think we were screaming at this point, but who knows. I was too wrapped up in our fighting to care.

"Fuck you. Buy me a new guitar." She pushed me out of the way. "And don't ever talk to me again!"

I waited until she turned the corner until I let myself breathe again. "God, she's so fucking amazing." I hit my head against the wall.

"Is everything alright?" A small nurse asked me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Sorry about the yelling," I told her.

She smiled. "That's okay. Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yes," I answered and walked away.

The day passed quickly. I spent most of my time in the library, since I didn't have a room right now. I spent an hour with Carlisle, talking further about what happened last night and how we could combat it. His main idea was to just test me psychologically for everything, since he thought this went way beyond my preliminary diagnosis. I had no idea what he was talking about, but I trusted him. The main question was if I had something else besides MPD, because my case was too extreme.

I just let him rattle about my condition while he thought to himself about what was going on. After he let me go, I went outside and sat around while I waited for group therapy. I could only imagine what that was going to be like.

When the time came, I got up from my spot in the grass and walked over to the building where a lot of the therapy took place. I tepidly walked through the halls and up the stairs until I got to the large room for the session.

There were about ten people there, and they were sitting in chairs in a circle just talking informally amongst each other. Carlisle wasn't there yet, and I figured they were waiting.

I took one of the few open seats and kept my head down. Just as I sat, the door opened and Carlisle came in.

"Hello, everyone," he said warmly.

There were various replies of welcome from the group.

"We're going to move venues for the day," he told us.

"Why?" a girl asked.

"Because we're going to be joining Dr. Volturi's group today. He has to go out of town, so I'm going to be taking over his sessions."

"I don't like them." The girl crossed her arms.

"Pandora, it's just for the day. Everything will be back to normal next week."

"You promise?"

"I promise." He nodded with a grin. "Any other objections?"

Everyone shook their head "no".

He led us out of our room and down the hall into a bigger one with about fifteen people seated in chairs this time.

My heart jumped out of my chest when I saw Bella. She had a ruby red lollipop between her perfect lips, and her hands were occupied with long crocheting needles. There was a massive blue ball of yarn at her feet that she was masterfully weaving into what looked like a scarf. She was about half way through with it.

As I walked closer, I recognized that her hair was a different color. The pink streak was replaced by a bright yellow one. It was a canary color that shined in the light and was bold enough so that you could see it was freshly done.

There was a seat next to her, which I took without a second thought.

"I don't want you sitting there," she mumbled through her lollipop sucking, not lifting her head from her quick fingers.

"Look, I'm sorry for blowing up at you earlier today. I know I screwed up and broke your guitar, but you just make me so mad sometimes."

"Because we hate each other." She put her needles down and bit hard on the sucker. Her face scrunched up as she crunched on it, and then began chewing fluidly. She pulled the stick away and threw it at my forehead.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked under my breath.

She started popping some gum and resumed her crocheting. "What are you doing in here?"

"We're combining therapy sessions today." I sat back in my seat.

She let out a laborious breath. "I don't like change."

"Is that why you don't like me?"

"Possibly." She quickly looped yarn around the needles and did a whole bunch of stuff with it. The process was very fascinating.

"I like your hair, by the way." I pointed to the yellow that was shockingly bright against the brown.

"Yeah, it's fucking awesome," she commented. "Why are you talking to me?"

"I thought we were friends. Don't friends talk?"

"Friends don't break other friend's guitars."

"I said I was sorry about that, and I'll get you a new one the next time my mother comes to visit."

"Well, great. Until then, don't talk to me."

I ignored her. "What are you making?"

"A scarf. Fuck you."

"Why are you so abrasive?"

"You're disturbing me." She gave me a sideways glance while still crocheting.

"At some point, you're going to have to break down. You can't be bitchy forever."

"Watch me."

I was about to argue with her again, but someone sat in the seat next to me roughly. "Hi, Edward."

"Um, hi." I turned to see that Heidi girl. She was brushing her hair and had an impish smile on her face.

"You never talk to me," she pouted. "I thought we were friends."

"I guess so."

"You should come by my room later. I can be very friendly…" she purred.

Bella snorted from my other side.

"Do you have something to say?" Heidi snapped. "No one was talking to you."

"Excuse me, but we were having a conversation," Bella piped up. "You just came over and stuck your ugly-ass nose where it doesn't belong."

Heidi inhaled in shock and put her hand up to cover her face. "It's not ugly."

"It sure is, and it needs to leave." Bella was continuing to crochet through all of this.

"Shut up. No one likes you. I don't even know why you're here. Tell her to shut up, Edward."

"Heidi, why don't you go back to your seat," I suggested.

By now, everyone was seated, and Carlisle was ready to start the session.

"Is there a problem?" He asked. Everyone was looking at our small, fighting group of three.

"Yes, Bella's being a bitch again," Heidi tattled. "Tell her to go away."

"This slut is just too self-absorbed to realize that no one cares about her."

"Bella, that wasn't very nice," Carlisle said.

"I don't give a shit. Tell her to go look in a mirror or something."

Heidi actually reached over me and hit Bella in the head.

There was an audible gasp from the group, and I sat rigid just waiting for the volatile explosion that was sure to come.

"Bella, just remember our breathing exercises and use your words," Carlisle warned.

Bella cracked her neck like I usually do. "She put her hands on me."

"I know that, but let's use this as a way to grow, instead of taking steps backwards in our therapy. Heidi, you need to apologize."

"Fuck that." Heidi reached over me again and slapped Bella this time. It was hard and loud.

No one moved.

"Carlisle, I tried." Bella said almost apologetically.

Bella's hand swiftly moved over me and swiped at Heidi. It was only after she moved away that I noticed deep scratch marks on Heidi's face.

Heidi let out a scream that rattled the windows before she broke into uncontrollable sobs. She lay over my lap dramatically, clutching the fabric of my pants.

Carlisle was furious and turned his anger on Bella.

"You know I have to report you for that."

"She started it. I told her to shut the fuck up." Bella took her needles and popped on her gum.

"Bella, just shut up before you get in more trouble." I felt the need to say something for some reason.

"Oh, fuck you and the horse you rode in on. Fuck you, Heidi, and you big ass nose. Fuck you, Carlisle, just because." Bella flipped us the bird and stormed out of the room.

This was turning out to be one hell of a group therapy session.

* * *

**A/N:**

Oh my have mercy. Bella is a feisty one, non? I just love it. I swear she won't be a bitch all the time, but she needs to be now. It's all apart of the storytelling. She has a reason. Let the MYSTERY play out.

So, at the beginning of the chapter, we saw a little bit of our Evil Edward. People are asking me if I will write a chapter from the evil POV. Once again, it's all apart of the mystery. Its just scarier if you really dont know what's going on. I find it so tempting to the reader and to be honest, I really don't know myself. We're all in this together.

Thanks to Suzi55 and Jeny0719 for the pre-reader/beta help. Couldn't do it without you ladies. Also, thanks to the readers for the pimpage. I've gotten a lot of reviews and things from people telling me that they were referred by friends. I really like how much attention you're giving the story. I know it's really weird, but just stick with it.

I can't tell you how much your comments mean to me so go ahead and review.

Update on...Saturday or Sunday.


	8. Chapter 8

The Definition of 'Reciprocity'

–_noun; __a mutual exchange of privileges. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

It had been a week since the whole "Bella-scratching-Heidi" thing and similar to high school the rumors were catching like wildfire. Alice was running damage control as if the fucking president was jammed in some affair scandal. I literally thought that her head was going to explode. She was like some windup doll with no off switch.

Somehow, my ass was right in the middle of it. I didn't know how, and I didn't really understand why anyone even cared, but people were coming up to me all the time asking me things I had no idea about. Alice just told me to shut up while she smoothed all of this out. According to Jasper, I was a hero among the guys at Windemere. Having Bella and Heidi fighting over me was something of legend. The stories just got more and more exaggerated every time I heard them.

From one source, Bella, Heidi, and I had a threesome in the bathroom. Then, someone got jealous of someone else and attacked. That was basically the main story strand. The details were always skewed, though. I didn't bother answering anything, because it was all so stupid. Carlisle knew what happened; I knew what happened, and Bella knew what happened. Whoever was spreading rumors just didn't have anything better to do. No one got in trouble, from Carlisle at least. Bella _was _provoked and Carlisle said Heidi should have known better.

My room was moved—ironically—two doors down from Bella. Even more irritating, the room in between us was empty. I was literally a few feet from the Superman cave. I lied in bed every night, stupidly trying to hear her breathing. I was obsessed.

The strange thing was that I hadn't seen her all week. It was like she had become a ghost. I was starting to wonder if I had just imagined the whole thing, because no one was giving me any answers. Carlisle just said "let's focus on our own therapy". I had no idea where Bella went, but I was starting to worry. She wasn't at group therapy, meals, or even in the hallways. It was as if she evaporated.

In better news, I hadn't had an incident since the last time. I didn't try to sleep for the first couple of days. I was too scared to even think about it. I obviously didn't know how to control myself, so I just figured I should stay up. My plan was horribly thought out because Carlisle had upped my meds astronomically, making me extremely sleepy. I was walking the thin line between being coherent and living in a haze. I could function, but was slower than usual. As long as I wasn't overturning tables, I was fine.

I turned my head to look at the clock on my new nightstand. It was still dark outside and read four in the morning. In an attempt to get some rest, I shut my eyes and let my mind go blank.

Before I knew it, I felt a bouncing on my bed. I'm guessing it was an indication from someone that I needed to greet the morning. It took me one try to predict who it was.

"Edward, time to get up," Alice sang and continued to jump on my bed.

"Alice, it's too fucking early."

"But we're going to have so much fun today. We have testing."

"Testing?" I kept my eyes closed.

"Yeah. It's when the big wigs come and see if we're all crazy or not. They're here every six months."

"Why are you so excited?" I pulled the covers over my head.

"Because I always do well."

"Meaning that you're the craziest?"

She hit my leg. "I am not. Carlisle just says that I'm a good patient. Get up!"

"Why didn't I hear about this testing thing and when is it?"

"You're hearing about it now; it's in a couple of hours."

"So get out and let me sleep."

"No, you have to study."

"Alice, I'm in no mood to care about some stupid test. I'm not going to fail it."

"You're so boring." I felt her body get under the covers. "Wake up."

"I don't think Jasper would like this," I teased and glanced at her from under my sheets.

"He'd be fine. He's kinky that way," she whispered.

"Alice, go away."

"Bella's back," she said, picking at her nails like her last statement wasn't supposed to get me intrigued. She knew what she was doing.

"Oh." I opened my eyes.

"Yup, got back this morning."

"From where?"

"She won't tell me. I just checked in on her."

"Well… good." I turned over.

I really wanted to see her. I wanted to know where she had been these past couple of days, and how she was feeling, and if she got into any trouble and… so many things. It was bordering on stalker-ish, but I rationalized that friends did this sort of thing.

"She'll probably be at the testing; just another incentive for you to go." Alice sucked on her teeth, playing the part of non-nosey gossip whore.

"I don't care. Bella and I aren't really that nice to each other."

"Because you two are in love." She rolled her eyes. "Duh. Just like kindergarten."

"Don't make me laugh," I replied darkly. "I'm in no mood for your stupid tarot card readings."

"I could see that without my cards, thank you very much. Furthermore, I really like how forward you are with her. She needs a good kick in the ass."

"I don't think we'll be talking to each other much more. I broke her guitar, if you haven't heard, and she was really pissed."

"Oh, please. Do you really think it was about that guitar? She hates her guitar because she can't play it. She's just using that as an excuse to get mad. The only way she can be near you is when she's furious or has something to yell at you for."

"Did she tell you that?" I asked eagerly, turning back over.

"No, I can _see_ it." Her eyes got wide with emotion. "I have a gift."

I sometimes had to remind myself that Alice might come up with some pretty good theories, but she was just as crazy as the rest of us. In fact, she was a little more insane than everyone else. I still hadn't figured out why, though.

"Oh, really?"

"Yes, I can see what's going to happen."

"As much as I would love to entertain you, I'm trying to sleep, so go away."

"Well, fine. But don't try to talk to her today. She's not feeling well." Alice got out of my bed.

"What happened?"

"Aro wasn't too pleased with the stunt she pulled last week so he put her through some pretty rough therapy."

"What did he do?" I was sitting up in bed now.

She shrugged. "Bella never tells me, but from the stories, he's supposed to be a monster. Be up for breakfast soon." Alice left my room and closed the door behind her.

As to not appear too eager, I swung my legs over the side of the bed slowly. I stretched and acted like it was just a normal morning. Who was I kidding? I wanted to race out of the room and knock on Bella's door with an axe like Jack Nicholson in _The Shining_ until she let me in.

This wasn't a normal reaction that I had involving women. Was it Bella, or was it the location? I wonder if I would be this same way if we had met out in the real world? That would have to be tested later.

I got in the shower and quickly went through my morning routine, taking extra time with my appearance to make sure that I looked presentable. I didn't know what exactly had gotten into me, but this past week without seeing her made me very antsy. I didn't like it.

After I dressed and put on some shoes, I went out into the hallway, closing the door behind me and making sure the no one was looking. I tiptoed to Bella's room and stood in front of the Superman logo for at least ten minutes. I wanted to knock—I meant to knock—but I couldn't for some reason.

"What are you doing?" a sharp voice said from behind me.

"Go away, Rosalie," I replied without turning around.

"I told you not to bother her." She pushed herself in between the door and me, glaring me down.

"What is your problem? I can do whatever I want. Stop covering for her." I reached over her shoulder and knocked loudly.

"She's not feeling well right now. Go away." Rose pushed me.

"No." Just for emphasis, I knocked louder.

Rose crossed her arms and stood strong. Nothing happened and we both scowled at each other for what felt like hours.

"I told you to leave her alone," she snarled.

"Why do you care? I can see her if I want."

"Bella isn't in the mood to deal with you right now."

"Then let her tell me that."

Bella must have been able to hear us, because the door opened, and she stood behind Rosalie.

She didn't look at me, and her hair was covering her face, but even I could tell that she was sick as a dog. That's how she looked at least. Her face was pale, and her normally bright brown eyes were sunken in. There were deep bags under them, and her cheeks were hollowed, like she had lost some weight.

The normal shine of her hair was dulled except for the yellow streak, which was almost screaming at me. Her Superman pants were on, and if I was going by my "shirt mood" theory, she wasn't doing so well today. She was in a gray sweatshirt with the word "Guinness" on it. I guessed it was the beer.

"What's going on out here?" she asked. Her voice was tired. That was the only way I could describe it. She looked at me for a split second before shifting her eyes away.

"Hey, Bella." Rose turned into a compassionate friend. "I came to take you to breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." Bella shook her head, averting her eyes from mine again.

"Come on, you know you have to eat after your therapy. How was it is this time?"

Bella didn't answer that question. Her face said it all, anyway.

"What are you doing here, Edward?" she asked me.

"I… I heard you were back, and I wanted to see you," I stammered out.

"Why?"

"Because…" I shrugged.

"Is that what friends in the normal world do?" She hacked a cough, and I saw her grip the side of the door for support.

"Are you sick?" I asked, reaching out to catch her.

"No, this always happens after Aro tortures her," Rose sighed.

Bella coughed again. "Just leave it alone, Rosalie. I'm not hungry, and Edward, I'm fine. Thank you for checking though." She slammed the door in both of our faces.

"This is why I told you to leave her alone," Rose griped. "She's a very delicate person, and you're scaring her."

"I didn't do anything. I just wanted to say 'hi'."

"You're impossible. Leave her alone." She began to stomp off, but I caught her by the wrist.

"What exactly does Aro do to her?"

"That's none of your business."

"Tell me. Is she hurt or something?"

"Yes, she's hurt. Aro…" Rose calmed down and closed her eyes. "…he's rough with his patients. He pushes them to their limits and Bella's his experiment. Half of the stuff he does has to be illegal, but according to Carlisle, it's perfectly normal," she spat.

"Is Bella in any serious danger?" I asked worriedly.

"No, but she gets like this after her therapy. She throws up for days, and she never really goes anywhere. Carlisle tries to get the medical board down here once and a while to check on Aro's techniques, but they are viable so there's not much they can do."

"Even after the suicides?"

"Suicide is a part of life here. Carlisle's had them too." She shrugged.

"Someone has to take care of her."

"She doesn't need anyone to help her. What makes you think that she needs help, anyway?" Rose pushed me against the wall. "She was fine before you came, and she'll be fine afterwards. Leave her alone."

Even though Rosalie was the worst bitch alive, I had to admire her loyalty. After that rather heated debate, Rose didn't talk to me for the rest of the morning. She was growling at me all throughout breakfast, and everyone was asking what was wrong with us. We didn't answer. I watched the door of the cafeteria for Bella, but she never showed. I was really starting to worry, because she looked seriously sick. What the hell was Dr. Volturi doing to her?

I looked around at some of the other patients who I knew didn't belong to Carlisle. None of them looked as bad as Bella did. Some of them were actually smiling—the better off ones, of course, but still smiling, nonetheless. Bella, on the other hand, looked like she belongs in a cancer wing or something.

_Did she have cancer? _

I asked Emmett if she was physically sick, and he said "no". She couldn't be that much worse than the rest of us. There was no way that Bella's mental illness could beat my MPD. I was about as messed up as they come. I was sure of it, but Bella was this allusive character, which made me think that she was hiding something major.

After breakfast, everyone was told to come back around lunch for the testing. I still didn't know what that was about, but I didn't really care to ask.

I went to the library. That was where I had to spend my free time as punishment because Mrs. Cope, the librarian, didn't take very well to me ruining the only copy of _Dracula. _She was nice and all, but when I told her about the book, she kind of flipped out on me. I was required to be her helper for the next month since I didn't know how to "take care of books". I didn't have a problem with it, although, I tried to explain to her that I didn't really have control over my actions. She said that I couldn't use that as an excuse, and my punishment was still the same. She was like my crazy old, bat grandmother. We had a strange relationship.

"You have to put it the right way, Edward," she scolded as I stood on a ladder, putting away books. "If I can't read the spine, then it's not done correctly."

"I thought this was the way you told me to do it."

"I did no such thing." She tapped my ankle. "Don't make me have to come up there."

"Isn't it supposed to go by letter?"

"No, number first. I told you that."

"I could have sworn that you said letter."

"You just weren't listening."

"I'm trying to work here. I know what I'm doing."

"Obviously not." She fixed her black horn-rimmed glasses over her wrinkly face. "You young whippersnappers just think you're so smart."

"Well, things have changed since you grew up during the Great Depression."

"Excuse me, but I'll have you know that I was a very agile dancer in the sixties."

"Did you give Nixon a striptease?" I laughed.

She pushed the ladder, and I wobbled unsteadily. "I was a tight blonde with perky breasts. Nixon would have loved to watch me strip. My husband doesn't complain."

"Alright, old woman," I shouted at her when she walked down the aisle.

"Keep your voice down; this is a library." She held her head high and stalked back to her desk.

I continued to shelve the books, and Mrs. Cope tried to convince me with gusto that she was a bombshell back in her day. She wouldn't let up and kept insisting that I didn't believe her. She was going to bring the slides with her to work tomorrow. I made a mental note to never talk to her again.

When lunch rolled around, I followed the crowd towards the cafeteria for our testing. The tables that were usually there were replaced by long, neat rows and columns of school desks. They were filling up pretty quickly, and I saw Alice frantically waving at me from the front.

"Over here," she shouted.

"Alright, alright. I see you." I sat in a chair behind Emmett.

"We have to get good seats so that we can be the best."

"She's such a teacher's pet," Emmett said to me. "She gets like this every time we do one of these things."

"I think this is stupid," Rose said and tapped a pencil on her desk. "I don't see the point."

"They have to track our progress," Alice answered. "It's all necessary."

"I don't see why." Jasper rolled his eyes. "I would rather be sleeping or playing my guitar."

He and I were kind of at odds right now. He was still kind of confused as to the broken guitar thing. I tried to explain that it was all a joke, but he still didn't understand. Hell, I still didn't understand. Bella was confusing us all. I didn't really have anything practical to tell Jasper, so I resorted to keeping quiet. We were kind of tense.

"So what exactly is on this test?" I asked.

"All kinds of great stuff." Alice sat up in her seat. "There are word problems and logic problems and shape… thingys. It's fun."

"It's only fun if you know what you're doing, which none of us but Alice do," Emmett sighed. "It's so horrible. And we don't even get a grade for it."

"You just have to think with that meaty brain of yours." She tapped his forehead. "You did pretty well last time."

"Because I cheated off of you."

Alice gasped, "How could you? I can't believe this. I'm turning you in. Switch with me, Edward." She got up from her seat and stood in front of my desk.

"Why?"

"Because he can't cheat if I'm behind him."

"Fine." I strenuously stood and took her seat, which put me to the left of Emmett, right up front.

"Let's hope you're a smarty." He nudged me.

The side door of the cafeteria opened and a hush fell over the room.

A man with shoulder length, dark brown hair walked—almost floated—over the floor. His skin was pasty white, and his movements were so subtle that I wasn't actually sure he was real. If he weren't walking, I would have thought that he was a mannequin. His eyes were a deep color that almost looked red at first glance, but I couldn't place the correct color. He looked stoic and almost stone-like.

"Who's that?" I asked Emmett.

"Aro," he whispered back. "Complete bastard of a man. Don't trust a word he says and don't even think about approaching him for something. Just go to Carlisle."

"That's Aro?"

"He's the worst."

Aro cleared his throat at the head of the room and the already silent crowd got even quieter, if that was possible.

"As you know, today we will be starting another round of tests." His voice was stern and low, but had a high pitch to it that was extremely eerie. "You all will be sitting here and completing them as usual. You have three hours, and there will be absolutely no talking."

Nurses began passing out papers that reminded me of the SATs. I suddenly thought that I was back in high school. That seemed to be a recurring theme here at Windemere.

Aro began pacing the front of the room with his hands behind his back. "In light of recent events, we've decided to push the tests up a month. Some people can't seem to follow rules."

In an answer to his last statement, Jacob led Bella into the cafeteria—using the same door as Aro. She was in the same clothes that I had seen her in this morning and looked worse than I remembered. She reminded me of a zombie and actually swayed on her feet a couple of times.

Aro continued to talk the whole time, but I was only focused on Bella.

Jacob left her in the corner and dragged a desk towards her. He roughly pushed her down in the chair and handed her the papers that we had. She looked at me while Aro was explaining the directions.

I mouthed, "Are you okay?"

She gave a head nod and for the first time, a smile. Granted, it was a sad one, but it was still there.

"Excuse me, did I interrupt your gazing?" Aro was in front of my face, blocking my view. His hands were on either side of my desk.

"Uh, no, sir," I replied. "I heard you."

"Really?" His breath washed across my face; it smelled like chilling mint. "I don't believe we've met."

I shook my head.

"Aro Volturi," He held out his hand.

I stared at it, not wanting to touch him. He looked too fragile. I might break his limb clean off from his wrist.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

"Do you have a problem with me?" he asked. "You haven't looked at me once."

"No, sir."

"I've heard quite a lot about you, Mr. Masen. You're an extremely interesting subject." Dr. Volturi got closer to my face, examining me as if I was a rat.

I didn't know what to say or how to act, but I saw Emmett minutely shaking his head at me. I think he was trying to tell me to just stay quiet.

"Aro," I heard the clack of Carlisle's expensive shoes as they came up the row, "I think that's enough. We have a test to administer."

"I was just getting to know your new protégée." Aro stood back up, placing his hands behind his back again.

"I would have introduced you if I thought it pertinent to his case." Carlisle was next to me. It was the first time that I had seen him actually look angry. "Do you have any more questions for Mr. Masen?"

Aro grinned at me. "No, although, I would ask you to keep a better hold on your patients. He's making it very difficult to… control Ms. Swan."

"You can't control her," I said under my breath. Carlisle put his hand on my shoulder, a silent command to remain quiet.

"I wasn't aware of anything from Edward that would hinder your rehabilitation with Ms. Swan, Aro."

"Well, let's just keep the two separate, shall we?"

"Indeed," Carlisle approved.

They both left my desk and walked to the front of the room, talking to themselves.

Emmett leaned and whispered to me. "I told you he was a bastard."

I chanced a quick glance at Bella. She was playing with the yellow of her hair and biting her bottom lip. Her eyes were on mine, and they were almost shaming me, as if to say, "I told you to leave me alone. It's for your own good." That's exactly what she was saying.

"Is everyone ready to begin?" Carlisle asked. There was a low murmur from the hundred or so people in the cafeteria.

Aro set a large clock in front of us that was counting down from three hours. "Begin."

The sound of rustling papers and groans echoed throughout the hall.

Alice immediately got to work. Her pencil was scratching furiously before I could even read the first question.

The test was brutal. I had always been good at exams, but this was impossible. The logic on some of the questions didn't even make sense. I tried to think outside of the box, although, that didn't help much. There was a math section and a reading part that was pretty much designed to kill you. It had to be, because there was no way I was able to read a passage in Latin and be expected to know what it meant. There were also puzzles that I think you were supposed to put together, but at that point, I was too far gone to understand what the hell we were doing.

Alice was going a mile a minute, so I suspected that she was doing well. I looked over at Emmett, who was on my left, and Jasper, who was on my right. Both of them were making designs on their scantrons. I thought I should at least try.

There were no bathroom breaks or pauses during the test. If you left, then you forfeited, and you couldn't continue.

I watched Bella for about half an hour. She was chewing on her pencil while twirling the yellow streak around her finger. Her forehead was scrunched in concentration; the look was almost endearing.

After another hour, I was through. I gave up and just filled in whatever first came to mind. There was no way that I would be able to finish this test and do well on it, so I expected to fail. Just as I darkened the last bubble, Aro cleared his throat.

"Pencils down. Nurses will be around to collect your papers," he instructed. "You are not to talk about the test or discuss the answers. We will be talking about your individual results in therapy sessions in about a month when we get the results back. Have a nice day."

There was a loud, collective sigh of relief and chairs loudly moved against the floor.

"That was the worst one yet." Emmett stretched. "I'm going to bed." He left us without a second glance. Rose went after him.

"I think I failed, Jazz," Alice pouted.

He scooped her up in his arms. "You say that every time, sweet pea. You'll do perfect."

"Not this time. That question about the rectangles killed me."

"You got a perfect score on the last test. This one will be just as good."

"Do you promise? What if I fail? Will they make me leave?" Her lip trembled.

He rolled his eyes, gave me a curious look, and began walking away with Alice in his arms.

I looked back at Bella's seat, but she had vanished.

I was hungry, but decided to just skip lunch since the cafeteria was still in exam mode and probably wouldn't be ready to serve food for a while. I stopped off at Carlisle's office to take my daily dose of medication from a nurse, and then started walking back towards my room.

I passed Bella's room and thought about knocking just to be polite, but decided against it. She probably wouldn't be in there anyway.

Lo and behold, I went into my room, and Bella was sitting on my bed, against the headboard with her ankles crossed.

"Hey, loser." She tipped her head towards me and tapped her fingers on the bed. She looked just as sickly as she had been all day.

"What are you doing?"

"What does it look like? Sitting on your bed."

"Why the hell are you in my room?" My first instinct was to get defensive, because that was our only conversational history.

"Because I can be. Let's not forget that you spied on me when I was naked so I don't think you need to object."

"Is there anything you needed?" I asked and closed the door.

"I want my guitar."

"I told you I'd give it you the next time my mother visits."

Bella squinted at me. "Alright."

"Anything else?" I snapped.

"I have a question for you."

"Okay…" I said hesitantly. "What is it?"

"Come sit on the bed." She scooted over so that I had room.

I assessed the situation for a couple of seconds, and when I deduced that there wasn't any danger from her, I climbed on my bed and sat there awkwardly in the same position that she was in.

"This is the first time I've been next to you where you're not trying to kill someone," I said.

"I guess so," she agreed and continued to tap her fingers.

"So, you had a question?"

She turned her head towards me. "If I give you what you want, will you leave me alone?" she asked.

"I don't understand."

"What will it take for you to let me be?"

"I don't know," I answered truthfully.

"I've asked you several times to just leave me alone, and you haven't. Why?"

"I don't remember you asking me that."

"I have."

Something told me that this wasn't an option she wanted. Her eyes said that she wanted to actually sit and talk with me. She wanted to know me, like I wanted to know her.

"Ask me again," I dared her, her lips drawing mine closer. I could smell her spicy scent, and it was engulfing me completely.

"I'm mean to you because you confuse me." She said suddenly.

"What does that mean?"

Bella stared me down for a second. "If I give you what you want, will you leave me alone?" she repeated. Her face was inching towards mine as well.

"I have no idea what that means." My lips were almost there.

I suddenly felt her hand against my crotch.

My body stiffened, and I didn't know what was going on.

"Bella, what are you doing?" I asked.

She didn't answer. Instead she put her hand don't my pants, wrapping her small fingers around my prominent erection. She was stroking me delicately, but our lips never touched. She didn't take it that far.

"Bella, you can't do this," I hissed through my teeth.

"Why not?"

"Because…." I didn't have an answer.

She removed her hand and guided me down on the bed so that I was lying flat.

She kissed her way down my body until she reached the elastic of my scrubs, pulling them down to expose my hip. The feel of her lips on my skin was invigorating. She pulled my pants down further, her lips tasting me even more. Her tongue peaked out and licked the flesh of my upper thigh, dangerously close to my dick, which was begging to be freed.

With one silent motion, my hips lifted up as Bella slid my pants towards my ankles. My eyes rolled into the back of my head as Bella's hot breath blew a stream on my now embarrassingly hard cock. My head sunk back into the pillows, and I couldn't even think correctly.

Bella engulfed my dick in her hot mouth without any warning.

Her head bobbed up and down. I watched through a delicious thick haze as she sucked her way around my engorged member. It felt like Bella didn't have a gag reflex, because she was deep-throating me like nothing I had ever felt before. After about half a minute, I couldn't help rolling my hips upwards until I hit the back of her throat.

She released my cock from her mouth and let her tongue work wonders on my tip, making messy noises.

"Shit…" I moaned like a teenager when she licked her way from base to head in one lazy motion.

Bella attacked my dick with her mouth again, and I let my hands take place in her hair, bolting her to my cock. I pulled out the red streak from the bun that I was holding on the back of her head and it tickled my skin every time she went down.

I let my hips move faster as I pierced her opening, face fucking her into oblivion.

It took me only a couple of minutes more before I erupted into the back of her throat, shooting my seed gloriously in long spurts. Bella continued to suck me dry until I was basically clean and my fluids stopped flowing.

My hands dropped to my sides, and I was panting like I had just run a fucking marathon.

Bella climbed off of my bed, wiping her lips. "Now will you leave me alone?" she asked, her voice cracking.

"What are you talking about?" I said through my deep breaths.

"I gave you what you wanted. Now… just leave me alone, please. It's for your own good. I'm messed up."

I suddenly felt very sick to my stomach. Did she really think that I was after her for this? Did I come off that way? Was I that much of a pig?

I quickly pulled my pants up and stopped her before she could leave my room.

"Wait, do you think of me that way?" I stood in front of the door.

"I can't be your friend, Edward. I don't have anything to give you, besides…"

"Besides your body?" I asked, finishing her sentence.

"I see the way you look at me. It won't stop at friends and you know it. We can't be just friends."

"First of all, you don't know me enough to understand how I look at you and second, this isn't what friends do. They don't suck each other off, and then leave in the fucking wind." I was furious that she would think so low of me, or herself, for that matter.

"Everything is a system of reciprocity. I gave you what you wanted, so give me what I want. Leave me alone."

She squeezed past me, opening the door and bolting from my room.

For the first time, I realized that Bella wasn't a bitch just to be a bitch. She was protecting herself. She was making sure no one hurt her. What she didn't know was that I would never hurt her. I couldn't. Is this how men treated her? It made me sick just thinking about how low she thought of herself and I was now determined to show her that _someone _cared for her—me.

* * *

**A/N:**

So, our Bella is broken. Majorly broken, at that. She's one of those girls who just can't ever catch a break. I know these back-stories and things might be confusing but I promise Bella will open up rather shortly. I just feel so bad for that girl. As you can see, she's already softening. Edward's charms are working. We finally met Mr. Aro. Was he scary? He's a not cool guy. And people keep asking if Carlisle is a good guy. Yes, he is. He's not hiding anything so you can stop thinking those horrible thoughts right now. Like it was said in the first chapter, this isn't Shutter Island. No one is out to "get" Edward. Just keep that in mind.

Thanks to** Jenny0719 **and **Suzie55** for the beta/pre-read. Love you two. Also, thanks to everyone who's reading and me on twitter for my sometimes amusing musings **(at)johnnyboy1029**.


	9. Chapter 9

The Definition of 'Angel'

—_noun; __a person having qualities generally attributed to an angel, as beauty, purity, or kindliness. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

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I furiously bounced my foot on the floor and looked over the crowd of people in the room again, just checking to make sure that I hadn't missed her when she came in. There were families around and they all looked extremely happy to see each other.

As per my weekly visit, Esme was scheduled to come today, and I was eagerly awaiting her arrival like it was Christmas. It almost was in my mind. I had asked her for a shit load of stuff. Not only did I have to restock my room, but I requested some other things as well.

While I waited, I thought about the past couple of days and how much of a shit I was.

Unlike her first exile, Bella's retreatment from the world was now self-imposed. She was around; I would see her getting an apple every morning for breakfast, but that was it. Any other time, she was in her room and wouldn't let anyone in.

From the snippets I did see her, I was happy to notice the color had come back to her cheeks. She wasn't as sickly looking, and her body wasn't so shrunken like it had been the week before. If only I could talk to her. From what I could tell, she hadn't told Alice or Rose because they didn't question me.

My thoughts still swirled around showing Bella that she was cared for. I didn't know how deep my feelings went, but they were strong. That I realized. She really thought that I would leave her if she gave me head? That made me sick. I got that I might have been annoying or overly pushy with her, but she pushed back every time.

I thought we had some sort of friendship going on. Granted, it was a sick one, where all we did was shout, but that was at least better than nothing. Now what was I supposed to do? Walk around and not remember what happened? That was impossible.

What killed me the most was that Bella thought so lowly of herself. Is this how she got things done? I wondered how many men she had given head to in this place. I felt like a bastard for even letting it get that far. It only made her seem cheaper, and I didn't want that. I'm sure she thought of herself as trash, but I would never look at her that way. I found her intriguing, mesmerizing, attractive… She was so much more than trash.

I wanted to show her that.

My mind was brought away from its thoughts when I smelled my mother's familiar perfume in the air. She was coming through the door, dragging what looked like a shopping cart with her.

I waved her over, and her face brightened as she got closer.

"There's my sweet boy." She gave me a tight hug and sloppy kisses.

"Good to see you too, Mom." I sat back down.

"I brought all the stuff you asked for and got it checked at the door. Do you know how hard it is to carry two guitars all the way from Seattle plus this other mess?" She sat down after unbuttoning her coat.

"I really appreciate it," I said.

"So, how are you?" she asked, placing her hand on top of mine.

"I'm good," I answered, waiting for the barrage of questions that I knew were coming.

"Are you eating?"

"Yes."

"Are you sleeping well?"

"Yes."

"Are you exercising? You know how easy it is for you to pick up weight."

"Yes."

"Are you making friends? Are the people being nice to you?"

"Yes, Mom."

"I just miss you so much." She wrapped her arms around my neck.

"I'm fine. Nothing's really going on."

"Have you had any more attacks?"

"Not after the one a couple weeks ago; Carlisle's taking good care of me."

"Is he your doctor?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"I think I need to meet this man and discuss some things with him."

"He's really busy. I bet he wouldn't have time for a formal sit-down type thing."

"I hope he's doing his job. I want you back at home."

"That might not be a long time, Mom. I'm very sick and nothing seems to be working. I'm keeping up with my medication, so we can only hope," I sighed. "I probably won't ever be healthy again, though."

"Don't get down on yourself, dear."

"How are things on the outside?" I asked, trying to change the subject.

"Horrible. Your grandmother is driving me crazy. I'm tempted to just lock her up in someplace like this." She looked around. "Do they take walk-ins?"

"This isn't a nursing home." I laughed.

"What about that man over there?" Esme pointed. "He's old."

"He's senile."

"And your grandmother isn't? Yesterday, she tried to convince me that she could fly. I had to pry her off of her balcony. I refuse to go to her house anymore."

"She's just trying to express herself."

"Well, I'm tired of it. Plus, she has this new gentleman who lives across the street, and she keeps begging me to take her over there to meet him."

"That's sounds sweet."

"No, it's not. The man is married and has something like ten kids. She keeps thinking that she can woo him away. She's incorrigible." Esme rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Grandma."

"But besides that, nothing's going on. Everyone's the same and people are starting to get over you now."

"Really?"

"Yeah, there was another crime spree thing last week so they're all moving on to that."

"Good."

"How's your love life? Is there anyone I need to meet?"

"Uh, no." I nervously chuckled. I couldn't really say, "I got a blow job the other day. Wanna meet her?"

"Well, just make sure you're following the rules. I don't want you to take steps back in your rehabilitation." She began fixing my hair like she always did.

I loved it when Esme visited because she never treated me like a patient. Forget the fact that I was in a mental institution, she still saw me as her son, and I needed that sense of regularity. She treated me as if I was… normal.

Esme left after the allotted two hours. I was sad to see her go, but she would be back next week. She never missed a visit.

"What the hell is all that?" Jasper spotted me in the hallway as I pushed the full shopping cart towards my room.

"My mom brought me some stuff."

"Did you really need all this shit?" He walked with me, picking up one of the guitars, which was situated in a black case. "Why do you have two?"

"One's for Bella and one's for me."

"You're so sweet." He pinched my cheek. "Look at you, all in love."

"Stop that. I do not love her. I just broke her guitar, so I have to replace it," I explained.

"Yeah, yeah. What else do you have in here?"

"A clock, a couple books, a lamp, a few posters; things like that. I'm trying to get my room together."

"Let's try and not destroy it this time." He patted my back and held the door of my room open for me.

By this time, everyone in my circle knew about my incident last week. It was kind of impossible to keep something like that from them, and it was better to just tell them the truth than lie. It explained a few things as well, like how I didn't have any personal items anymore. They all understood, of course, Jasper included. Thus why he wasn't really mad at me for the guitar debacle.

"So, let me hear you play." Jasper handed me one of the guitars.

"I haven't been practicing…"

"Who cares? I want to hear," he demanded. "If we're going to start a band, I need to give you an audition."

"But I'm not as good as you," I warned. "And it's been a long time."

"Will you shut up? Bella said you were good."

"She said that? When?"

"Just play the fucking thing." He sat in a chair and crossed his arms.

"Alright." I unzipped the case and pulled out the beautifully crafted, dark guitar that I had bought in high school. I had barely used it back then, so it was in pristine condition.

I spent an hour embarrassing myself in front of Jasper. According to local legend, he was somewhat of a celebrity in the music world. He even put out a CD before he came here, so he was really good. I was in no way comparable.

He left when Alice came to get him, and I practiced some more so that I didn't humiliate myself when I tried to play for Bella. It seemed like that was the only way I could sit with her and have a regular conversation was if I had a guitar in my hands.

I gathered up my stuff in a small bag, put the guitar in its case, and took a deep breath before leaving my room. I shut the door and made the short walk to Superman's den.

I knocked twice. "Bella, I was wondering if I could come in."

I stepped back and waited for someone to answer.

I knocked again. "Bella, are you there?"

"What do you want, Edward?" Her voice was soft and unsure.

"I have your guitar, and I wanted to talk to you."

"Leave the guitar in front of the door. I gave you what you wanted. Why are you still here?"

"That's what we need to talk about. Can I come in please?"

"No."

"I also brought candy," I tempted her.

There was a silence on the other side for a couple of seconds. "What kind?"

"Let me in and I'll give it to you."

I heard he locks click before the door opened. Bella moved aside so that I could come in. Her room was still the same, and I put everything I was carrying on the bed, which was unmade.

"This better be worth it. I was sleeping." She climbed back into her sheets.

"It's one in the afternoon," I commented.

"So? I can sleep whenever I want," she snapped.

"Okay, sorry." I held up my hands in retreat. "May I sit?"

She nodded towards the chair that was near her bed, and I took my seat.

"What are you doing here?" she asked.

"I think we need to talk." I ran a hand through my hair.

"I want candy first." She sat up against the headboard. "Were you lying about that?"

"No, I really did bring some." I dug through the bag and pulled out a large box, handing it to her.

"What is it?" She turned the box over in her hands.

"It's my favorite candy. I didn't know if you had tried it, so I asked my mother to bring me some. It's premium Australian licorice."

She opened the box and scrunched up her nose. "Cherry? I don't like cherry."

"Just try it, Bella." I rolled my eyes. "You'll like it."

"Are they poisoned?" she asked me in all seriousness.

"I'm not trying to kill you." I took a piece of the licorice and held it out for Bella to taste.

She eyed me skeptically for a second before leaning forward, taking the candy with her teeth. Her lips molded around my fingers and sucked gently—purposefully. She chewed the licorice with a disdainful look on her face.

All I wanted to do in that second was lick my fingers to taste the wetness she had left behind. Instead, I wiped them on my pants like a sane person would do.

"I don't like it," Bella said as she picked up another piece, popping it in her mouth.

"Well then, stop eating them." I took the box from her, but she snatched it back.

"I just want to make sure." She ate another small bite.

"Okay, whatever you say," I laughed. "I brought you your guitar." I held it up for her.

Bella set the box of candy down and lightly ran her hand along the smooth wood. "This is nice." She appraised it.

"I had my mom get you a new one. It's top of the line."

"Why did you do that?" she asked me.

"Because I broke your other one." I shrugged.

"But you could have gotten some shitty guitar. You know I can't play."

"Well, you can't learn on shit. If you're serious, then you have to use a serious instrument."

"Why are you doing this?" Bella asked and got out of bed. "You don't need to be here."

"Why? Did I do something wrong?"

"I gave you what you wanted. Go away."

"Okay, look. I don't know what you take me for, but I wasn't trying to be nice to you just so that I could have sex or something like that."

"Yeah, right," she scoffed. "Because I'm such a cool person to hang out with."

"Believe it or not, I think you are. You might not be the warmest girl around, but you interest me," I admitted.

"I'm not an animal at some zoo. Can't you see that I don't like you?"

"Alright, fine. I'll leave you alone for the rest of my time here and we can act like we don't even exist to each other."

Bella stared at me for a long second, breathing harshly. "I'm not trying to be a bitch, but I… don't know how to be a friend."

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that? If you would just shut up and sit down for once, we might actually be able to have a conversation."

"Don't tell me what to do," she spat, but it was half-heartedly.

"There you go again. Do you always have to get so defensive?"

"Yes, or people will walk all over me."

"I won't," I said firmly. I really wanted to tell her how I felt, but I held back.

"You don't know me, Edward. I'm not a good person and I have problems." Bella ducked her head and got back in bed.

"Which one of us doesn't? If you ask me to leave you alone, I will, but I would like to get to know you."

"Why? What draw do I have?"

"I… I don't know," I confessed.

Neither one of us said anything else for at least five minutes. Bella went back to chewing on her candy, and I just thumped my fingers on my knee.

After a while, I couldn't take the silence anymore.

"Why did you give me a blowjob?" I blurted out.

"What?"

"Why did you do that?"

"I thought it would get you off my back. Every other time…" She shrugged.

"Is that what men usually want from you?"

"I guess."

"You can't do that to yourself. You're more than that, Bella."

"What do you know? You're not my doctor. You haven't even known me long enough to make judgments."

"I don't have to. Do you really think that all you have to offer is fucking blowjobs?"

"Would you rather stick your dick in me and call it a day?"

"No! I want to just talk or watch a movie. I'm not after you for sex."

"That's what they all say." She crossed her arms.

"Is this what you did with Jasper and Emmett?"

"They're different."

"How?"

"I know they won't hurt me."

"I wouldn't hurt you either."

"You haven't proven that yet."

"I'm trying. Just… let me try," I almost begged, "I care for you, Bella. I want to show you that all men aren't bad." I figured that was her problem.

Bella watched me for another long, five-minute period, examining my every movement.

She was such a delicate, fragile person, even though she came off as the toughest shit around. I could see it. She was broken and hurt from past experiences. I wasn't really sure what her past held, but I was determined to show her that I wasn't going to treat her badly. I wouldn't. I couldn't.

"Just remember what we talked about." I got up from my seat. "I wouldn't ever hurt you."

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving you alone, like you asked."

"No," she said quickly, "just… not yet."

"Okay." I sat back down slowly and awkwardly.

"Will you play for me?" Bella asked unsurely.

"What would you like to hear?" I pulled out the guitar.

"Whatever you want. It's fine with me." She wrapped her small body in the covers chewed on a piece of candy.

"Alright."

The strumming of John Prine's _Angel from Montgomery _started to flow from my fingers. The slow song had the best intro I knew of that I could play, and it didn't take me long to get lost in the grainy melody.

_I am an old woman  
named after my mother  
my old man is another  
child who's grown old_

_If dreams were thunder  
lightning was desire  
this old house it  
would've burned down  
a long time ago_

The song didn't really have anything to do with our situation, but I had always liked it, so I hoped Bella would as well. I watched her react to what I was playing and her eyes didn't leave my fingers the entire time. She was intrigued and fascinated with my abilities, no matter how elementary they might be.

_Make me an angel  
that flies from Montgomery  
Make me a poster  
of an old rodeo  
Just give me one thing  
that I can hold on to  
to believe in this livin'  
is just a hard way to go_

"I know this song," Bella said softly as my fingers continued to play the chorus.

"Really?"

"Yeah, my dad used to have this in his CD collection."

"Sing along," I lured her in.

"No," she shook her head frantically, "I don't sing."

"If you're going to play guitar, then you have to be prepared to sing. You can't be so nervous."

Bella bit her bottom lip, and I almost thought it was going to bleed. "Don't make fun of me

"I won't," I chuckled. "Just sing."

_When I was a young girl  
I had me a cowboy  
he wasn't much to look at  
just a free ramblin' man  
There was a long time  
no matter how I tried  
the years they just rolled by  
like a broken down dam_

I had to keep my mind focused on playing, because I was suddenly very entranced by the siren song that Bella was singing. It was angelic and ethereal.

"You have a beautiful voice." I stopped the music when she was done with the verse.

Bella's face heated up in a blush that was deliciously stunning. I actually wanted to lick her cheeks.

"Well, thank you. I haven't heard that song in years."

"Would you like me to teach you how to play?"

"No, I'm trying to teach myself. It's coming along."

"Okay." I set the guitar on her bed.

"Look, I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable the other day when I…"

"Gave me head?" I finished her sentence.

"Yeah, that. I just figured that that's what you wanted from me."

"Why would you think that? Did I ever come off like a pig?"

"No, but most of the men who bug me; that's what they want. I was going to save you the trouble of asking."

I felt the need to be close to her and climbed on the bed. She didn't protest.

"Bella, I'm not trying to get you to have sex with me or anything like that."

"Then why didn't you push me away?" Her eyes were fierce with emotion.

"I… I didn't really know what was going on."

"Bullshit. If you wanted to be 'friends', you would have told me to stop. Friends don't do that kind of thing."

"I'm sorry. You're right."

"You're just like every other man out there who wants something from me. All this niceness isn't who you are."

"I'm not a dick, Bella. I know you've probably been hurt before, but I'm not going to do that to you."

Bella began nervously playing with the yellow of her hair. "Alright, if you say so. I'll give you a chance."

"Really?" I snorted. "I didn't think I would ever hear that."

"Well, I'm trying to work on being nicer, believe it or not." She moved away from me.

"Is that part of your therapy?"

"Personal therapy; but as sweet as this heart-to-heart has been, I need you to leave now."

"Did I do something wrong again?" I sighed.

"No, I just want to take a nap." Her lips went up into a sly grin. "Don't get too scared."

"Alright, then."

"Shut the door on your way out." She snuggled under the covers and turned away from me.

I left her room with a smile that had been missing for the past couple of months.

I had done it. I had cracked her. Maybe we weren't best buds, but this was at least a step in the right direction. Now I felt satisfied; like my pathetic life just got a little bit better.

Throughout the rest of the day, I was kind of on a high, and people started to notice. Emmett tried to tell me that I was hopped up on medication. Rosalie snapped at me for smiling so much, and Alice had a superior smirk on her face, like she knew what was going on, but she didn't ask questions.

They knew that there was an issue with Bella because she had been very reclusive for the past couple of days, but they didn't have specifics. I wasn't going to tell them that their friend had given me a blowjob. That would only make me more of an enemy. They were all very protective of her, and I understood why. Even though Bella was strong, she had deep issues that I didn't know about. She was like their baby sister.

I didn't tell them about the developments I had with Bella today. I wanted to keep that private right now. I didn't know if they suspected it, but I figured that the group could detect my stronger-than-friendship feelings towards her. It wasn't like I was going to flaunt that fact around, although, I couldn't really hide it.

"Look, he's blushing again." Emmett pinched my cheek like Jasper had done earlier today.

"He always does that when we talk about Bella." Alice giggled, "He's so cute."

"I bet you just want to kiss all over her, don't you?" Emmett made kissy noises.

"I do not." I pushed him. "I just want her to know that I'm not out to get her."

"Sure. You probably think she's hot." Jasper nodded. "It's okay, she is. You're not the only one who thinks so."

Alice slapped the back of his head. "Stop that. She doesn't appreciate being objectified."

"Or do you not appreciate me objectifying her?" He grinned.

She glared at him. "I don't think I want to speak with you anymore today. You can sleep alone tonight." Alice got up from the table and slithered out of the cafeteria with an evil look.

"Now look what you did." Rosalie followed her.

"Well, she is," Jasper said innocently, like he didn't do anything wrong. "No one in this place can deny that Bella is fucking hot."

"Yeah, but you can't say that." Emmett shook his head, "It breaks the rules of common decency."

"Alice is beautiful, radiant, gorgeous, but Bella… you know." Jasper shrugged.

I had to laugh at this conversation. Of course Bella was a bombshell, but I never would expect Jasper or Emmett to agree when they were in monogamous relationships. They obviously had a death wish, because Alice and Rosalie would probably never let this one go.

"Aren't you going to go after her?" I asked Jasper.

"No, she's just being dramatic. We have this same fight almost every month. Not about Bella of course, but it's always the same."

"Whatever you say." I continued to eat my lunch.

Around five that afternoon, I was laying on my bed, waiting for Carlisle. Today we were going to try another form of therapy that dealt with me being slightly loaded up on medication. It was similar to the last time, but just a stronger dosage.

"Hello, Edward. How are we today?" Carlisle came in with his lab coat on, followed by a nurse who was carrying a tray of supplies.

"I'm well, and you?"

"Good." He pulled a chair to sit near my bed. "This is Nurse Baylor. She's going to be administering your medication today. Is that all right?"

"Sure." I nodded.

"Today is going to be simple. I just want you to tell me your first memory."

"That sounds easy."

"First, though, I wanted to ask you something." He crossed his legs, preparing for a long session.

"Okay,"

"Dr. Volturi is under the impression that you and Bella Swan have been spending an inappropriate amount of time together."

"No, just the regular amount." I looked away from him.

"Edward, I have to warn you that Bella is extremely damaged. Dr. Volturi is trying to piece her back together and if he thinks that your time with her is derailing her therapy, he has the right to ban you from seeing her."

"He can't do that." I shot straight up in bed. "She's not sick. He tortures her. I know he does."

"Edward," Carlisle sighed, "His methods might be extreme, but I can assure you that he doesn't torture his patients."

"Then why do you call the medical board down here to check on him?" I snapped.

He seemed stunned that I knew that certain piece of information, but hid it well. "I make calls based on what I think, but my medical eye is different than yours. You have no right to question him."

"I might not be a doctor, but I know when I see something wrong."

"You have no idea what Bella's been through and the type of therapy she needs. I wanted to ask you what your relationship with her is."

"What does that mean?"

"Are you two having sex?"

"No."

"Are you two friends?"

"Yes, but I don't see how any of that is your business."

"I'm asking because I tried to warn you about something like this."

"What about Rose and Emmett or Jasper and Alice?"

"They've been here for years and have a firmer grasp on everything than you do. I'm not saying that you should distance yourself from Bella because personally, I believe that this sort of interaction is necessary for personal development, but Aro thinks differently. Bella is his patient." He stressed.

"He can't tell her what to do."

"I'm just telling you what might happen if Aro deems you distracting. Make sure that you keep an appropriate line."

Fuck that. We had already crossed that line and there was no going back. I respected Carlisle's opinion, but there was no way I was letting Bella be alone through all of this. I recognized that he wasn't ordering me to keep away from Bella, but was giving more of a warning.

"I'm ready for therapy." I laid down, getting back on track.

"Alright." Carlisle nodded.

"Are you ready for the medicine?" the nurse asked me, wielding a rather large needle.

"Yes."

She cleaned a small spot on the inside of the elbow. There was a tiny prick, and I winched at the initial pinch.

It took a couple of minutes, but I abruptly felt disoriented and had to shut my eyes so that the room would stop spinning. I almost wanted to fall asleep, but my brain wouldn't let me. There was something that was forcing me to stay alert.

"How are you feeling?" Carlisle asked.

"Confused," I answered. "Where am I?"

"You're in your room and safe. Don't panic."

"Are you sure I'm okay? I feel strange." I could tell that my speech was slurred, and my mouth wasn't saying what I wanted it to.

"You're supposed to feel strange. Just relax and close your eyes. I want you to tell me what your first memory is."

"I can't remember."

Carlisle chuckled as if my musing entertained him, "You have to think, Edward."

I would have loved to see medicated me. I bet I was the worst patient ever.

"I can't remember."

"Just let your mind go."

I did as he instructed and tried to think of something besides the present. I was transported away from my bed.

_Bright blue water was in the distance, and a yellow sun was high in the sky. I could kind of distinguish it as a beach. There were tall grasses and soft waves along with a light house down the shore. _

_A small boy with bronze hair ran through my mind. He was about four and stark naked. My father chased after him with a pair of overalls. _

"_Edward, come back here. You have to put on your clothes." _

"_Nooooooo!" The boy ran into the ocean. _

_Edward Sr. kept up with the boy and didn't let him get away, scooping him up in his arms. "You, young man, are going to give me gray hairs." _

_I recognized myself from pictures when I was a baby. The boy was me, and I almost looked the same as I did now. Nothing about my features had changed. _

"_Nooooooo!" the boy said again and giggled frantically. _

_My father put him in the overalls. "Your mother is waiting for us on the boat. Do you want to keep her waiting?" He lifted him up and started walking on the beach. _

"_Daddy, can I drive the boat?" Young Me asked in broken language. _

"_No, you cannot. You might kill us all." _

"_But I promise I'll do it right," the boy pouted. _

"_Sorry. Maybe when you're older. I promise." _

_A majestic yacht with white sails was waiting in the water. _

_As the images continued, I saw my mother's young face from where she stood on the docks. She was just as beautiful as ever, and the sad eyes that she now had after my father's passing were gone. She looked so happy. _

"_There you two are. I was starting to wonder." Esme took me from my father's arms. _

"_Our son seems to think that clothes are above him." _

"_Well, he has such a cute little bottom. We should let him walk around naked." She laughed. _

"_I think not." _

"_Edward, when you grow up, I don't ever want to see you in a suit. Just wear whatever you want." She gave me a wet kiss. _

"_I want to be a sailor," Young Edward said. _

"_Well then, I think I am going to have to teach you how to work this thing." My father pointed to the boat behind him. _

"_You'll be my little Navy man." Esme hugged me close._

Then the blackness enveloped the beach, and it was gone.

"Edward, are you there?" I heard Carlisle's voice in my head.

I said something indistinguishable and my eyes dragged open. I felt like I had been sleeping.

"You were out for quite some time," he said.

"How long?" I tried to sit up, but my body was too heavy.

"About two hours." He nodded towards the window, which now showed a dark sky.

"Did I say anything worth it?"

"Yes, I learned a lot from our little session."

"Really?"

"You have a very strong attachment to your father?" he asked.

"Not really." I shook my head to clear it. "He was never around when I was a teenager, and then died right when I went off to college."

"Was he strict with you?"

"No, nothing like that. He just wasn't around that often."

"Was he proud of you?"

"He said he was. Why are you asking me all these questions?"

"Because I want to know about your childhood. We'll be doing this more often."

"Will it help me?"

"Of course it will. Anything that lets me see what you were like as a child is going to help me determine where you're breaking point was and what caused it."

"I feel like I was drugged." I finally sat up with a lazy body. The clock on my nightstand read eight. I should be hungry, but I wasn't for some reason.

"It was a strong dose, so it's expected." He stood up from the chair. "Any questions about this session?"

"No."

"Then I'll give you a day to rest and we'll try again the day after. Does that sound good?"

I nodded.

Carlisle left me alone in my dark room, and even though I didn't know what was going on inside of my brain, I was fairly emotionally drained. My eyes drifted closed, this time, in a non-medicated induced sleep.

* * *

**A/N:**

Another chapter, another piece of the puzzle. This time, it might be Edward's puzzle that we're working on, but there was some definite Bella time in there. They talked! And it wasn't shouting. Bella can be really nice if she doesn't feel threatened. I know we have some major answers that are needed out of her and they're coming next chapter, which happens to be my favorite one so far. It's a great one. The sparks are flying and the love is progressing.

Thanks to** JennyB0719 and Suzie55 **for the betaing/pre-read. I couldn't do it without them. Thanks to everyone who's reading too. You guys are pretty awesome.

Come back on Sunday for an update. I think Sunday. Probably.


	10. Chapter 10

The Definition of 'Colonel'

—_noun; an honorary title bestowed by some Southern states, as to those who have brought honor to the state. _

_All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer_

_

* * *

_

The night was a cold one, so the covers on my bed were bulked up around my body.

I had just gotten done with another one of Carlisle's "memory trials", and they always left me drained. I didn't know why, but something about the medicine just pulled the energy from my body. I could have been running laps around the campus for all I knew, because that's how I felt. Mentally and physically, I was spent.

The clock flashed midnight and I sighed, not being able to go to sleep even though I wanted to. My brain was still trying to sort out the memory I had just dived into. Now that I was back to the present, I couldn't really recall what it was, but Carlisle had written everything down, and we would go over it tomorrow. This was our third time trying it and each time, he said it was helping, although, I didn't see how.

I sat up in bed and tried to get the bad tang out of my mouth. My tongue was fuzzy, and it tasted like I had been chewing on leather.

I got out of bed and used the bathroom before brushing my teeth. When all that was done, I put on my shoes and shut the door of my room behind me as I went into the hallway. The kitchen was usually always open for the late roamers, like Alice, who never slept, so I decided to take full advantage and get a late night snack.

"Excuse me." A nurse chased after me as I walked towards the cafeteria. "You need a pass to be out late, Edward. You know that."

"I just wanted something to eat. Carlisle and I worked through dinner." I grinned at her. I could melt these nurses with a look. It was really funny.

"Alright, but you need to get it cleared with him first next time." She blushed and pulled out a green piece of paper. "You hold onto this so they don't stop you again."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." She shuffled back down the hall.

I continued towards my destination.

It seemed like I was being blocked from all angles tonight because as soon as I turned the final corner, I was shoved against the far wall.

"Stay still, Soldier." Jasper was panting pretty harshly, and it looked like he was running from someone. He kept peeking around the corner we were behind.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked.

He hushed me. "Those damn Yankees are after us again." His voice was drenched in a Southern accent, and it was so bad that I could barely understand him.

"Are you okay?" I was slightly worried.

"I'm fine. Just make sure those fuckers stay up the way. We can't have them crossing our lines." He pulled out a pistol from his pocket and pointed into the hallway.

"Where the hell did you get that from?"

"It was my Pa's. He gave it to me for the war."

"What war? Jasper, what the hell is going on?"

He shoved me against the wall, standing inches away from my face. "I'm trying to keep you safe out here. I know how to protect my men. You need to listen to me, Solider."

Now I was very worried. Jasper's eyes were darting to my lips, and he licked his, wetting them with his tongue.

"You smell very nice." His voice was husky.

"Uh, Jasper, do you want me to call anyone?"

"No," he answered immediately. "Are you scared of me?" He inched closer to my face and actually sniffed me.

"Yes." I moved my head because it looked like he was going in for a kiss.

_What the hell? _

"You have extremely soft looking lips…" He licked his again like a feral animal.

"You're starting to scare me."

There was a clattering from behind us, and Jasper whipped his head around. "Shit, they caught us. Up the stairs."

"Jasper, I'm not…"

"Up the stairs, now," he commanded, pushing me.

When we made it to the second floor, it was just as deserted as the first. There was a nurse making rounds, and Jasper stuck to the shadows so that he wouldn't be seen. I just walked behind him with a confused expression.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked him.

"I told you. If I have to repeat myself again, Solider, you'll be punished."

It was like he was sleepwalking. I didn't know if I should wake him up, but I remembered reading something that said you shouldn't. I looked around for someone I could call. There wasn't anyone, so I guessed I was stuck here.

"Jasper, where are we going?"

"First of all, you'll address me as Colonel. I am your superior after all, and secondly, we're trying to keep our heads." The Southern accent just kept getting thicker and thicker.

"Okay, _Colonel_," I emphasized, "why are we running?"

"Have you not been paying any attention? Those damn Yankees burned through Atlanta last night, and they're making their way to Savannah. We need to stay protected or we won't make it another week."

"I think we're done for."

"Where's your Southern spirit? This great nation of ours was born on principles that General Lee is trying to uphold…"

"Slow down, Colonel," I interrupted his grandstanding. "Can I break formation and get something to eat?"

"You're a disgrace, Solider. After this is over, I'm reporting you." He crouched down on the ground. "I think I hear someone coming."

"I hope so," I said under my breath.

"Get down," he ordered. "We're going to run the fake up the hill on the right.

I did as he said and got on the floor next to him. "There is no hill, Colonel. Where are we running to?"

"Just follow my lead." He had his pistol at the ready.

"Is that thing loaded?" I asked.

"Of course it is. What kind of leader would I be if I didn't protect my men? Obviously, you have no sense of nationalism for your country. You're worthless."

I rolled my eyes.

I woke up to get something to eat and was unexpectedly drafted into the Confederate Army in the year 1865. This was such a great night to live with crazy people.

"Hello? Who is that?" a soft voice asked.

"Shit, we've been made." Jasper rolled from behind the wall and had his pistol directed at the terrified looking nurse.

"I don't think you should be out this late," she said.

"Are you with the Yankees?" Jasper asked her. He was circling like he was going to pounce at any second.

"Colonel, just put the gun down," I said slowly.

"Soldier, this is where men are made. What are you going to do?" He turned towards me.

"Nothing. Both of us are just going to walk away and let the nurse go."

"I can't do that. She's a Yankee nurse."

"No, she's not," I told him and moved in front of the gun.

The poor lady was shaking now and standing with her hands in the air.

"Jasper Whitlock, you better put that gun down this instant." A fiery Alice was standing at the end of the hallway.

"Shit. The little lady's here," Jasper drawled and pulled the trigger of the gun.

The nurse and I ducked, but there was just a loud snap and no bullet.

"Damn." Jasper threw it on the ground and took off in the opposite direction.

"Don't you run away from me," Alice shouted, chasing after him. She had a pair of handcuffs and her face was very determined. "You come back here. Don't make me have to chase you like last time. Your arm was in a sling for a month!"

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, trying to control my breathing and not think about the fact that I had just been shot at.

Alice stopped next to me. "Are you alright, Edward?" she asked quickly.

"I'm fine. What the fuck is wrong with him?"

"The Colonel decided to come out and play tonight. Let's just hope he doesn't leave the building this time." She darted down the hall, screaming obscenities.

In a flash, Carlisle and a couple other orderlies passed me, running after her.

I was just lying there, not moving because I was trying to make sure that I wasn't dreaming.

"I knew I should have stayed home today." The nurse from before got up and stomped away.

I rolled over and sat up on my knees. My breathing was rasping out in huffs and I was trying to get more oxygen to my brain. I was almost about to pass out.

"That was fun, huh?" I heard Bella's voice from behind me.

I spun around and saw her sucking on a purple lollipop. She was in her pajama pants and a "Beatles" tee shirt. It was yellow this time, like her hair, so I assumed she was in a good mood.

"Did you not just see that?" I pointed down the hall where Jasper's shouts were echoing off of the walls.

She shrugged. "I've been following him for an hour. He's a hoot."

"That was not funny and if you've been following him, why didn't you stop him?"

"If you didn't notice, he was carrying a gun, although, it's never loaded." She thought for a second. "Anyway, it was funny."

"I'm glad you think so." I pushed myself off of the floor and smoothed out my clothes.

Bella and I had limited contact in the past couple of days, but it was still more than usual. She didn't push me away when I knocked on her door. Although our conversations were still snipped and slightly tense, she did make a couple jokes. I could tell that she wasn't trying to be acidic anymore.

"What were you doing up anyway?" Bella asked, twirling the lollipop in between her lips.

"I was hungry, but next time, I'm just going to suffer. A sandwich isn't worth this."

"He isn't that bad."

"He almost shot me," I said slowly. "Do you not understand that?"

"He wasn't going to kill you. The Colonel is just very patriotic and he doesn't like traitors. He's real fun to play poker with, though."

"You're all crazy."

"You haven't realized that by now?"

"I never realized how bad it was."

"Are you still hungry?"

"Yeah."

Bella nodded and started to walk off. She made it halfway down the hall before turning around. "We go through this every time. You're supposed to follow me."

"Oh, well, you didn't say anything so how was I supposed to know?" I stuck my hands in my pockets and began the walk behind her.

"I thought it was apparent. Gosh, I didn't know I had to spell everything out for you."

"Some of us don't work on the same wavelength as you."

We continued to argue all the way to her room. At this point, it was more playful banter, though. You would know when we were arguing because we did it very well, complete with screaming and red faces. I don't think she had ever really been mad at me, though. Something told me that she would make it known if we were actually fighting.

We made it to her room, and she shut the door behind me.

"What am I doing here exactly?" I asked.

"You said you were hungry. I'm going to feed you." She then went across the room to the double doors that led to the balcony. "Go outside."

I went into the cool night air and sat down on one of the large chairs that she had out there. Bella was going through her drawers and came back with a bag of chips along with some candy.

"This is all I have so you'll have to deal." She plopped down in the seat next to me in a set of her own.

"This isn't food." I picked up the chips.

"You're so ungrateful." She snatched them from me. "I happen to like them."

"Thank you." I took a handful of chips and crunched on them. "What were you doing out this late?"

"I told you, following Jasper."

"What's with him anyway?"

"He has the same thing you do; a dissociative personality, but he can remember stuff." She popped open a can of soda and handed it to me.

"How did you know I can't remember?" I stopped eating.

"Among my many other talents, I'm quite inept in the art of thievery." She wiggled her fingers at me.

"That's illegal. You can't look at my medical records."

"So sue me, fucker." She had finished her first lollipop and moved onto the next one.

"Maybe I will."

"Anyway, he has MPD and his other persona is the Colonel. It's super hilarious."

"That doesn't sound very funny to me."

"Well, it is. He thinks he's a soldier during the Civil War and here's the kicker," she leaned in, "The Colonel is gay."

I spit out the soda I was trying to drink and coughed a couple of times. "He's what?"

"Sure is. He waves the rainbow flag proudly, but Jasper's as straight as an arrow. I can't make this shit up."

"So, what you're saying is, Jasper's a heterosexual male with a girlfriend and everything, but his other personality is a gay Colonel from the Civil War?"

Bella nodded. "That's about it. He crawled into Emmett's bed one night, and he freaked out. Emmett started calling 'rape' and everything."

My mouth opened to say something, but I couldn't.

"He can remember stuff too. He'll apologize to you tomorrow." She leaned back in her seat, still eating the lollipop.

"I don't believe you. That's not Jasper."

"It is. He gets like that probably once a month. I can't wait until the next time."

"What the hell is going on in this place?" I asked rhetorically.

"If you haven't heard, we're at a mental asylum."

"I think he was hitting on me." I thought back to when Jasper was licking his lips at me earlier in the night.

"Probably."

"You're enjoying this, aren't you?"

"You have no idea." Bella grinned evilly.

"I hate you."

"I don't care." She laughed.

Bella reached into her pocket and pulled out what looked like a blunt. She replaced the lollipop with it, putting the hit in between her lips and lighting the end. She breathed in deeply, and then blew out a long stream of smoke.

"You want some?" she asked.

"Uh, no, and I don't think you need to have any either."

"Whatever," she scoffed, "we all need a little relaxation from time to time."

"Doesn't it mess with your medication?"

"That's the best part."

We both sat there on the balcony for a while, not talking. We just looked at the ocean below. Since we were on a cliff, there were mountains on all sides. I could see the lights of the city that were probably a hundred miles away. The smell of marijuana was strong, and the second hand smoke was making me a little loopy.

"Do you ever wish that you could go back?" I asked and leaned my head against the back of the chair.

"Go back where?" Bella coughed.

"To the real world." I pointed towards the city.

"Hell no."

"Why?"

"It wasn't all too pleasant for me over there."

"What happened?"

She turned to look at me for a second, and then deemed me not worthy of knowing her past. She went back to her smoking without any answer to my question.

"Why do you have a balcony? Aren't they afraid you'll jump?" I asked.

"I have too much to live for. If I wanted to kill myself, I wouldn't be a pussy and jump."

"You're so noble," I replied sarcastically.

"Are you sure you don't want a hit?" She held out the joint for me.

I debated for a short while before taking it from her, placing it between my lips and breathing in deeply. The smoke burned my throat and lungs, but wasn't unpleasant. I handed it back to her when I was done.

"Doesn't that taste good?" She took it.

"We're not supposed to be doing this," I observed.

"Half the things I do, I shouldn't."

"Why are you always defying the rules?"

"Why are you always obeying them?" Bella shot back.

"Rules are important. They make us better."

"I don't like that logic." She turned towards me. "Why should I obey when I know everyone else is wrong?"

"You're not right all the time."

"I am when it comes to me."

"Okay, but what about in the real world? You have to follow a set schedule or the fabric of society will fall apart."

"I haven't been in the real world since I was ten." She took another hit.

"I thought Jasper said fifteen."

"You've been talking to people about me?" Her head turned to mine so quickly that I thought her neck might snap.

"No," I said.

"Liar. What else did he say?"

"Nothing, I was just asking about you since you weren't talking to me."

"I don't appreciate that."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

She took a long draw from the blunt, and then blew it out through her tight lips. "I don't like people talking about me."

"I know that now. It was just a question."

"Well, yes. I have been here since I was fifteen, but… my life was complicated even before that."

"I will venture a guess and say you don't want to talk about it."

"No. You're not my therapist."

I nodded in agreement.

"Back to this discussion on rules," she began. "You're too straight-laced. You need to loosen up."

"That's what got me into this situation in the first place. I'm pretty sure that rules are created to keep people in line."

"Okay, maybe if this was turn of the century Russia."

"You're not really fooling anyone, you know."

"What does that mean?"

I pointed. "The hair color and the Superman pajamas; they're just a mask."

"For what?" she half-laughed.

"I don't know yet. We're not that good of friends. You haven't let me in that much."

"I wasn't always like this."

"What do you mean?"

"There used to be this girl who lived on the third floor, and her name was Bella too. People said we looked alike, but I didn't see it. I dyed my hair so they could tell us apart."

"Well, that actually seems like a logical reason," I said, surprised that she didn't have some strange motive behind it.

"That's not the reason I kept it, though. Once she left, I guess I could have went back to being normal."

I nodded. "That sounds more like it."

"I don't conform," she said proudly.

"But don't you think that by not conforming, you just fit in with the other non-conformists?"

"Touché, jackass."

"What were we talking about again?" I was suddenly rolling with laughter.

"I don't remember." She joined in on the laughter.

"You're so bad. We're not supposed to be doing drugs."

"Marijuana isn't drugs," she argued.

"Then what it is it?"

"What were we talking about?" she asked this time.

We continued to laugh, our minds deep in a smoke filled haze, and I was out of breath after a couple minutes.

"You're going to get me in trouble," I panted.

"I know."

There was a knock on the door, and her head turned. "Who is it?"

"Aro." A cold voice answered, "Are you sleeping?"

"Shit." She stubbed out the blunt and frantically pulled her hair into a ponytail. "Stay here and don't say a word. I mean it. He can't know you're here."

She went inside and shut the doors to the balcony.

There were curtains covering the windows, but I could still see in them a little. I crouched down and peeked inside the room.

Bella opened the door and Aro walked in with his hands behind his back.

"Good evening, Bella." He spoke lowly.

"What are you doing in my room? It's past one. Don't you have a coffin to sleep in or something?"

He chuckled darkly. "I was coming to check in on you. They said that Jasper had an episode tonight."

"So?"

"So, you shouldn't have been out of your bed."

"How do you know I was?"

"I talked to one of the nurses."

"Keeping tabs on me?"

"Of course I was. I can't have you running around at all hours of the night." He walked through the room, picking things up and inspecting them.

"Stop touching my stuff." She ripped a book out of his hand.

"No need to get testy, Bella."

"What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to come by and tell you that the board will be here next week to check on your progress."

"Tell them to go fuck themselves."

"Bella, you know I can't do that," he said calmly. "Everyone is paying a lot of money for you to stay here and get help."

"Fuck them, too." She crossed her arms.

I smiled at her sassiness.

"I wish you would stop using that word," Aro sighed.

"Why? Are you going beat it out of me?"

"I might if you don't start complying."

"I'm sure the medical board would love to hear about that."

"Like the time you accused me of setting you on fire?" He raised an eyebrow.

"You did," she said through her teeth.

"It was a viable form of treatment, and it got you over that obsession you had with that damn bear."

"You had no right to take my stuffed animal. That was a gift from my father and you burned me just because I wouldn't let him go."

"You shouldn't have stepped in the fire," he argued.

"You're a sick son of a bitch," Bella spat and stomped towards her bed. Her eyes locked with mine, and then shifted away.

I ducked down more so that I made sure Aro didn't see me.

"Why are you here?" she asked him again.

"Because you're my patient, and I need to check in on my patients."

"Get out."

"Bella, stop arguing with me."

"I'm trying to sleep."

"That's a lie. You were smoking," he accused.

"No, I wasn't."

Aro's hand moved so quickly that I almost didn't see it. I sure did hear the slap that resonated throughout the room, and Bella's whimper when it made contact with her face.

My immediate reaction was to jump up and charge that bastard, but I kept myself still. I might get her in even more trouble if I made myself known. I just clutched the windowsill and snapped my mouth shut.

"Your medical ethics are shit," Bella said. Her voice was strong, but deflated.

"Bella, you really do test my patience."

"Maybe you should give me to Carlisle."

"And why would I do that? I need you."

"Of course you do. How else will you get your funding?"

"Precisely." He walked around again. "Why were you smoking?"

"To get away from this miserable life."

"Oh, Bella. You're so dramatic." He went to her candy cabinet and pulled out the licorice that I had given her. "What are these?"

"They're mine." Bella tried to take them out of his hand, but he pushed her off.

"Who gave you these? I didn't approve them."

"I can have my own candy, dipshit."

Aro whipped his hand around again and struck Bella's face with more force this time.

"Tell me where you got these," he asked with a no-nonsense tone.

"I don't have to answer you."

"Okay, fine."

"Please leave," she growled. "I want to get in bed."

He nodded. "Alright. Since you asked nicely. I expect you in my office bright and early for our therapy session."

"Of course. Torture 101, I would never forget it. Can I have my candy back?"

"No, I'm sorry but in good conscience, I can't do that. Since I know your father hasn't been to visit you in quite some time, I doubt he brought them. You can't seem to tell me where you got them so I'm going to assume that they're contraband. I have no choice but to confiscate these."

Bella was shaking. "Give them back."

"Goodnight, Bella." Aro walked out of the room and shut the door softly.

I waited for a second until I knew he wasn't coming back before I went inside.

"Are you okay?" I asked Bella who was now sitting on her bed, her head down.

"I'm fine." She wiped her face. "I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Does he always treat you that way? You have to tell someone. I'm saying something to Carlisle."

She laughed. "That's the irony of it all. Who's going to listen to the insane girl, right? He only treats me like this because I snap back at him and Carlisle knows. The board calls him soft. They think Aro's treatments are better than his."

"Bella, he can't hit you like that."

"I'm fine."

"And he burned you?" I asked in disgust.

"Just leave it alone."

"Do the others know about this?"

"Everyone knows about Aro's 'methods'," she quoted. "He's the best doctor on the west coast. Just drop it."

"No, I'm not going to drop it. He can't hit you and just get away with things like that."

"You can't just come in here and change things." She got incredibly angry. "I said drop it."

"Fine," I gave up, "get killed."

Bella sighed heavily and played with the yellow of her hair. "Would you believe me if I told you he sometimes actually knows what he's doing?"

"No."

She got up from her seat and went over the candy cabinet. She riffled through it until she found a particularly gigantic bar of chocolate. She pulled off the wrapper and began chomping on it without even breaking the thing into pieces.

"What is with you and the sweets?" I asked.

"It helps me cope. Shut the fuck up." She sat back on the bed. "I'm going to tell you something but I don't want you to ever repeat it. I don't want my business being spread to more people."

"Alright."

"Promise me," she commanded.

"Okay, I promise."

She took another bite of chocolate. "When I was ten, I was kidnapped."

"Kidnapped?"

"That's what I said." She rolled her eyes. "I'm from a small town called Forks. I was on a class field trip to Seattle and this guy just took me. Simple as that."

"What did he do?"

"He kept me in his basement and… did things. Use your imagination."

I watched her as Bella's face distorted, and she chewed on more chocolate to ease the internal pain. I didn't know if I should say something or… put an arm around her. Was that appropriate?

"He kept me in there for five years." She didn't look at me. "I was fifteen when I escaped."

"How did you do it?" My voice was almost a whisper.

"He came in the basement drunk one night and passed out before he could get to me. He had left the door open so I just ran and kept running. When I got out… I, uh, wandered around for a couple weeks. I lived on the streets; did what I had to do. I didn't know how to get home, and I was so scared that he was going to come for me. So I stayed hidden. When someone found me, they recognized me from the photos and things like that. My dad was the police chief so he bugged everyone around here. They knew my face."

She didn't say anything for a long second and took several deep breaths.

"When I went home, everything had changed. Five years really is a long time and I didn't know how to live my life anymore. My mom had killed herself and my dad was depressed to the point that he wasn't eating. I was just thrown into back into the world."

"That must have been hard." I was trying to be supportive because I could see that this story was taking a lot out of her.

"You have no idea."

"What happened to the guy?" I asked.

Her eyes darkened intensely, and she took the biggest bite of chocolate yet. "I don't want to talk about him."

"Okay, we don't have to."

"Anyway, that's why I'm here," Bella ended abruptly. She was lying out of her teeth. There was so much more that she wasn't telling me, but I wasn't going to push. Even this much was a giant step. "I was depressed, tried to kill myself a couple of times, had an eating disorder for years, became reclusive; I was an absolute mess."

"That's a really… miserable story."

"It was worse living it. I'm here for a multitude of reasons, but I put up with Aro's shit, because no matter how much I hate the guy, he has helped."

"How can torture be helping you?"

"I can sleep again." She turned towards me. "For the first three years I was here, I couldn't even shut my eyes. He helped me sleep. His methods are harsh, but I'm not going to let him win."

I shook my head. "That doesn't mean he can treat you this way."

She shrugged. "The board is waiting for my miraculous recovery. I'm their social experiment. They want to show the world how amazing Windemere is. If they can take the worst screw up and change her into someone credible, they'll be golden."

"This place is sick."

"Of course it is, but believe it or not, it's not the worst place we could be. They actually try to help us here."

"I guess so." I nodded.

We stayed quiet for a second, letting the air fill with tenseness. I tapped my foot on the floor.

"Edward, can I try something?" she asked suddenly.

"Try what?"

"Just... stay very still."

Bella's face began to inch towards mine very slowly.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"Don't move," she said quickly.

I watched her lips as they descended on mine, softly and with such tenderness that I almost didn't feel them. She tasted of chocolate, marijuana, and… Bella. It was delicious.

She was just testing me, and the kiss was sweet instead of sexy. Our hands stayed awkwardly at our sides, not daring to touch but our lips moved in sync. Wet noises filled the air, and I was starting to feel very light-headed, forgetting to breathe.

After a minute of pure bliss, Bella pulled back, but not fully, placing several kisses on the corner of my lips. Her breath washed over my face, and I shivered from the feeling.

"Thank you," she said.

"For what?"

"For not judging me. I know I'm a complete bitch, but you listened. Thank you for being a good friend."

Maybe there was hope for us yet.

* * *

**A/N:**

Oh my. What a chapter, huh? Lots going on. I'm tired. So we get to hear some of poor Bella's past. That girl is a fighter, let me tell ya. Obviously there's more to her than we thought. In happier news, a short and sweet kiss for the love birds. At this point, I think Edward is just confused and Bella is denying. We can see it. You can see it, right? Well I can. I can't wait to go further.

And we can't forget about the Colonel of course. Poor Jasper. What are we going to do with you? HAHAHA. I can't wait for more. The humor will be sidesplitting.

Thanks to** Suzie55 **and **Jennyb0719 **for the pre-read/beta. Those ladies are the best but of course, everyone already knows that.

Update later in the week. Come back for more, but in the mean time, why dont you leave me a reivew. Tell me what you think about the story. We're ten chapters in now so I think you can kind of see the tone I'm setting up. Leave me something.

Adios.


	11. Chapter 11

The Definition of 'Kiss'

—_verb; to join lips_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

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* * *

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My bed creaked slightly as I got up and fumbled around on the dark floor for my shoes. Once they were on, I tip-toed to the door and cracked it open to check the hallway. There was one nurse pushing a juice cart around for the late night pill takers, and I waited for her to pass my room before I left.

I silently made my way to Bella's room and knocked three times.

"Who is it?" she asked quietly.

"It's me."

The door opened, and I was pulled inside roughly.

"You're late." Bella glared at me and popped a piece of licorice in her mouth. "I told you to be here at midnight and you're fifteen minutes late."

"Well, sorry. Some of us actually sleep at night and I hit the snooze button on my alarm clock."

"I was waiting." She climbed onto her bed and pulled the covers back over her body. I got in next to her.

This had become our routine for the past couple of nights and to someone normal, they might see a problem with two "friends" getting in the same bed and talking into the early morning hours. Bella was convinced that this was nothing more than conversation. I wasn't so sure; especially since we had shared several late night kisses since our first one. I had never kissed a friend like that in my entire life, but I wasn't going to complain. The only problem was that I _loved _kissing Bella. It was an exhilarating experience every time, and I couldn't get enough of her.

We never talked about our physical interactions; they just happened and we called it a night. That wasn't the only thing we did, though. I had found out that Bella was a pretty avid reader—even more so than me. She didn't like to be read to, so we would just lie in bed and flip through books silently. It was comforting and relaxing. I would try to steal candy from her, and she would smack my hand away. We would watch TV, and I played guitar for her. I was determined to teach Bella, but she wanted to learn on her own.

To be honest, we had more of a _Tom & Jerry_ relationship, except for the fact that we could kiss the hell out of each other. We hadn't gone past that point, but things were getting hotter and heavier with each night.

"What are you watching?" I scooted up against the headboard.

"Football," she answered. "I like football."

"You're a very strange girl, Isabella."

"I told you to stop calling me that."

"I can't help it. It rolls off of the tongue better," I teased her.

"If I would have wanted you to call me Isabella, I would have introduced myself as such," she said firmly, but not meanly.

"As I recall it, you never introduced yourself to me."

Bella squinted in the dark. "I think I did. You must have been annoying me or something."

"I was being polite."

"You were being stupid."

"Okay," I diffused the conversation before one of us blew up, "what are we doing tonight?"

"Well, after we make out, I want to hear you play guitar."

"What's the magic word?"

"Please," She ground out.

"And what makes you think that I want to make out with you?"

Bella raised an eyebrow. "Because you came in my room with a stiff dick so I'm pretty sure I know what your head wants. Both heads…"

"You have no idea what I want," I argued.

"Fine then, tonight we'll just do regular stuff." She shrugged.

"Sounds like a plan."

After an hour of me sitting on the bed and silently watching TV, the closeness of our bodies was making the surrounding temperature incredibly stifling. It wasn't that Bella and I couldn't talk about things, but the physical relationship that we had was very high on the list of priorities. I had never been in this kind of situation before, where kissing was at the forefront. Usually, women wanted interaction through talking, but I guess Bella was different, although, something told me that she was the same.

The strange thing about all of this was that I could feel myself being attracted to her on more than a physical level. The kissing was amazing, but… I think I wanted more. I wanted to feel a connection with her emotionally and I know that made me sound like a girl, but Bella was quickly making me sense incredibly strong feelings. I cared for her as a friend, but each night I spent with her, my 'care' was growing into something stronger. I just didn't know how to go about telling her that.

"So, how was your day?" I asked when a game show went off. "I didn't see you."

"I was in therapy." She played with her fingers. "The doctors are coming in a couple days so Aro has to make me all pretty."

"What do you have to do?"

"Basically, the board comes to see how I'm developing and if I'm improving."

"You've been here for so many years, haven't they probed you enough?"

"Obviously not. Every time they visit, it's like I'm a caged animal. They just look at me and talk about me. It's disgusting." She shuddered, taking a bite of licorice. It was the same brand that I had given her that she claimed to hate. I hadn't seen her eat anything else sense. I don't know where she was getting all this candy from though because I surely wasn't giving her anymore. She must be smuggling it in.

"Are you socially ready to go out into the world?" I said loftily.

"God, no. I would be a wreck."

I looked Bella up and down. She seemed pretty okay to me. Of course, I knew she had problems, but was she really that messed up? I wanted to understand her more and get her talking. She was very against speaking about herself, but I was going to crack the wall.

First and foremost, I needed to know about these kisses. What did they mean?

"I have a question," I stated dumbly.

"Shoot. I'm an open book. Ask and I'll answer."

"Really?" That surprised me.

"I have nothing to hide." Bella's leg bumped mine, and she didn't move it away. I had noticed that we were getting very comfortable with touching each other.

"What are we doing?" I asked.

"I'm confused."

"What is this?" I pointed between us.

Bella smirked wickedly. "Is all the kissing messing with your brain?"

"Well… yes. It's very strange. You seem to have this detachment with physical contact."

"Can't I just kiss you and we can leave it at that? We're friends."

"No we're not. Friends don't act like we do."

She seemed to be getting agitated with my questions, but I wasn't letting up. I needed answers.

"Why do you care?" She scowled at me.

"Because I want to get to know you and I'm not saying that I don't like all the kissing, but it just seems strange. Plus, I don't understand why it's me."

"What does that mean?"

"Aren't you sleeping with like, five guys? Can't you just spend your nights with them?"

Her face paled, and her brown eyes hardened. "Who told you that?"

"I was under your bed when you were talking to Alice, remember?"

"Oh," she let out a relieved breath, "I forgot."

"What's up with that? Five guys, Bella, really?"

She ran a hand through her long hair to calm herself, I guessed like I did.

"I'm not sleeping with five guys," she admitted.

"But you told…"

"I just say that so people will leave me alone. Alice, especially, wants to know everything going on in my sex life so I make stuff up."

I didn't know if I should even believe her. This didn't sound very plausible.

"It's true," she pressed. "I have a vibrator and that's it."

"So… you're not sleeping with anyone?"

Bella shook her head. "No."

"Are you sure?"

"I think I would be aware of that fact." She sighed, "I've never had sex consensually."

It took me a couple of seconds to understand what she said and when I did, all I could come up with was, "Oh."

"Yeah," she bowed her head, "I just don't see the thrill in sex like everyone else seems to. All my sexual experiences have been painful and not just the guy with the basement. Even when I came here, all guys wanted was to just have sex with me. I let them."

I was silent as we both sat there and didn't really look at each other. It was as if the air was heavier, and even breathing was hard.

"I kiss you because I like you," Bella said so softly that I almost didn't catch it.

"I like you too."

"I know you do so why are you questioning what we have? I'm not good at standard relationships. My only boyfriend was in the second grade and we broke up because he stole my green crayon."

"I'm not trying to push myself on you, but I would like the chance to get to know you."

"You scare the hell out me," she admitted.

"Why?"

"Because I don't know how to be good. I want to be good for you, but I don't think I can. I don't want you to leave."

This was a sudden turn of events. Bella was opening up like I never thought she would. I was getting some very valuable information, and I liked what I heard. She didn't want me to leave.

"I'm not going anywhere until you tell me. I'll never hurt you." I placed a kiss on her lips. "Just trust me."

"I've heard that before." She didn't push me away.

"You don't need to be taught how to care for someone."

"I do."

"You're doing pretty good so far." My lips hovered over hers for a split second before they claimed them. She accepted me, running her fingers through my hair and cementing our faces together.

Bella's lips—unlike her acerbic personality—were incredibly soft. They were almost like two perfect pillows, and the lightening that flowed between us was incredible. It was electric and set my nerves on fire. I had never experienced kissing like this, and it happened every time, without fail.

It didn't take long for us to be completely out of breath, and when I pulled away, I was seeing stars. I rolled off of her and plopped down on my back with a heavy, relived sigh.

"For a girl who's never had sex, you sure do know how to work your tongue." I said and could have killed myself for being so crass with my words. She didn't seem to care though.

"I have had sex, just not consensual sex," she corrected me, fixing her wild hair that was left a mess after my hands had devoured it.

"Then it doesn't count."

"Oh," She bit her bottom lip, "so, I'm a virgin?"

"Yes, my virgin girlfriend." I kissed her again, and she didn't push me off like she sometimes did when we got too heated.

"This is very creepy. I don't think a girlfriend is what I am."

"Yes, you are. We're in an exclusive, physical and emotional relationship. Just accept it." I shrugged, hoping that she saw things like I did.

"You're just like my second grade lover." She laughed.

"Unfortunately, I need to rest up so this can't go any further tonight." I checked the clock on her nightstand, which was now reading four in the morning.

"Oh, ok." Bella lied down on the bed. "I'll see you tomorrow," she said, like a question.

"No, I'm running away," I joked and climbed out.

She grinned and shut her eyes. I could tell that she was almost instantly asleep.

I lightly touched my lips to her forehead, trying not to disturb her. She shifted under the sheets, but didn't wake. I didn't want to leave; I really didn't. If she would have asked me to stay, I would have, but I knew Bella had space issues. It was even a leap for me to be this physically close to her.

"Goodnight, Bella." I smoothed out her hair.

I left the bedside and shut the door quietly before cautiously going back to my room.

The next morning, I was woken up early by Emmett, who wanted to go work out. I was sleepy as hell, but went to the gym. We spent a good hour there, and I made sure to watch him because the last time, it didn't turn out so well for him.

"So… how's Bella?" he asked nonchalantly as we stood in front of the mirror, pumping weights. Well, he was pumping weights. I was being lazy and settled for stretching.

"She's good."

"I've never seen her so content. It's not a happy look, but I think I saw her smile the other day. I've never seen her smile."

"Really?" I found that hard to believe since she had such a beautiful one. Bella had to smile more often. I was going to make sure of it.

"You're working wonders on her," Emmett congratulated me with a head nod. "She likes you."

"I like her too."

"Well, duh. I can even see that. Just don't piss her off. She's been good so far and hasn't had a blow up in a couple of days. That's a first and I like it. She's softening."

"I'm trying to show her that I'm not going to hurt her."

Emmett put his weights down and sighed, "I'm going to tell you something, but she'll probably kill me if she finds out."

"What is it?"

He looked around to check that no one was listening, "She used to have a boyfriend in this place. Well, it was the closest thing to a boyfriend, I guess. Anyway, like all the other fucking guys of her past, he really was just after her for one thing. Alice tried to warn her, but Bella just gives off that vibe."

"What vibe?"

"The one where you think you can walk all over her and get what you want. That's why she's so tough now. She used to be really nice, but after him, she kind of became callous towards the world."

I thought for a second and all of that made a lot of sense. Because of all the fuckers she had been involved with, I was now being punished. I was determined to not let that deter me from my goal. I was going to show her that she was… loved? No, not yet. I didn't want to jump that bridge before I came to it.

"That sounds really insightful," I said.

"I _am_ really insightful. People think I'm stupid, but I'm not." He shrugged. "Shit, did you see my sunglasses?" He started looking around.

I snorted with laughter as I saw them sitting on top of his head. What made the situation worse for him was that he was staring at himself in the mirror, thus making his last "I'm not stupid" comment moot.

"Uh, hey," I heard from behind me.

Jasper was standing there with a shy look and was trying to avert my eye line. It had been three days since "The Colonel" had attacked me in the hallway. Jasper had been in intensive therapy for that time. He wouldn't come out of his room because he felt ashamed. That's what Alice told us, at least. Carlisle explained to me that Jasper's type of small regression was normal and no matter how much progress we made, I could always take a couple steps back.

"Oh, shit. Look who's back in the open." Emmett clapped Jasper on the back.

"Yeah, look, I just came to apologize to you, Edward."

"There's no need for that." I waved it off.

"No, I feel so bad. I… kind of remember stuff and I must have scared the shit out of you."

"Yeah, I was kind of thrown for a loop," I nervously chuckled.

"Um, did I kiss you?" He said quietly, "It's kind of hazy."

Emmett was rolling with laughter at this point.

"No, we kept it platonic," I assured him.

Jasper let out a relieved sigh. "I'm so sorry. The Colonel is just tenacious. He won't leave me alone."

"What do I do if he tries to attack me again?" I asked.

"Just keep slapping me until I snap out of it. Alice usually sits on my head until I can't breathe."

"Oh, this is just too funny." Emmett wiped some tears from his eyes. "I would have loved to be there, but I was too busy being all heterosexual and shit with my girlfriend. Did you get a boner, Jazz? Did you and Edward have a roll in the sheets?"

Jasper tackled him to the ground and started to wrestle Emmett with ferocious movements. I let them continue while I lazily stretched some more. They were only playing, so no one really cared.

By the time they had gotten out their frustrations and my limbs were jelly, we decided to go to breakfast, although, I wasn't really hungry. That being said, I was never one to turn down food, so by the time I was out of line, I had a substantial amount of treats to eat.

Jasper was still trying to apologize to me, but I was trying to tell him that it was fine. I understood—possibly more than anyone—about his condition.

"I actually started off having a really severe form of MPD; kind of like you," Jasper explained, shoving some toast into his mouth.

"You were like me?" I asked, finding it hard to believe that anyone could ever be as bad off as me.

"Yeah, but Carlisle's a good doctor. Have you started the memory therapy yet?"

I nodded.

"That's when I started getting better. It took a while, but I can remember stuff when I have episodes and soon, he says I might be able to control them."

"Wow. I wish I could do that." I sighed. That would be a giant step in my recovery.

"It took me years. As you can see, I still don't have a firm hold on things."

"Great." I leaned back in my chair, starting to play with the cereal in my bowl. "Sometimes, I think that I should just be locked up. Who knows who I could hurt or what I might do? I can't remember like you."

"I'm just a raging maniac with a temper problem. Granted, I could kill a man with my bare hands, but I'm not crazy," Emmett teased us.

"But no one likes you," Jasper told him.

"I have a lot of friends," he argued.

"Rose doesn't count."

"I hear my name; why?" A sharp sounding Rosalie sat next to Emmett, carrying her own tray. She was followed by Alice.

I looked for Bella and saw her getting an apple. She bit her lip and looked towards our direction, like she wanted to sit down, but decided against it. She waved at me hesitantly before leaving the cafeteria. No one noticed any of this except me.

"We were saying that you were the only one who likes Emmett," Jasper informed her.

"Oh, of course. Who could love him except me?" She rolled her eyes.

"I have friends," Emmett spoke up. "Just because they're not you, doesn't mean I don't have them."

"We know," Alice cooed at him. "It's okay. We're here if you ever want to talk about your lack of companions."

We continued to chat and joke with Emmett throughout the rest of breakfast. He was getting seriously agitated, but it was funny to watch him puff up like a blowfish. His face would get red and right before he was about to pop, Rose would kiss the hell out of him and make him forget all about it. Then we'd start up again. It was all in good fun until I had to get up for therapy.

I walked through the halls and knocked on Carlisle's office door a couple minutes later.

"Come on in," he instructed. "You can have a seat. I'll just be a moment." He was in his glasses, taking furious notes in someone's chart. I sat in the chair opposite his.

We stayed silent for a while, and I just waited for him to be finished. He closed the file, and then took off his glasses, placing them in the breast pocket of his lab coat.

"So, how are you today?" he asked me.

"Fine, better than last time."

"Really? And why is that?"

"I don't know. I just feel… good." I tried to pull down the smile from my lips.

"Do you feel like you've progressed since being here?"

"I guess; minus the whole attack a couple weeks ago."

"Like I said before, you'll have episodes probably for the rest of your life. Our goal is to pinpoint the problem and have you be able to control yourself."

"Sounds like a plan to me."

"Well, today, we're not going to be doing the regular memory therapy. I got your test results back." He started riffling through his desk, pulling out papers. He was a very unorganized man, but somehow knew where everything was.

"I had almost forgotten that I took that test." I tried to think back that far. It seemed like so much had happened since then.

"This was your first test so we have nothing to compare it to, but I just wanted to go over some things with you."

"I don't know how much help the results will be. I kind of gave up after a while."

"That's all right. I know these things are very difficult. I even failed one a couple of years ago, so I don't put too much stock into the results, but the board makes us administer them."

"So, how did I do?"

"Not too bad. Basically, they want to make sure that your brain is working as it should."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning that you don't have any motor function issues, or permanent damage from medication, disease, things like that. The tests just try to push your brain to the limits."

"Alice seems to think that she would be shipped off if she didn't so well."

"In some cases, that might happen." He nodded.

"But I was okay, right?"

"You were fine. Your scores were remarkably good and you have nothing to worry about."

I let out a relieved sigh. For some reason, these tests now held a certain level of importance that I didn't know was there before. On the next go-round, I was going to have to make sure I took them seriously.

"Anything I should work on?" I asked.

"Well, like I said, this was your first test so you did well. We'll see about the next results." He checked his watch. "This is going to be a short session since your mother is coming for your weekly visit. I need to speak with her."

"Um, do you think that's such a good idea?" I stumbled up when he started to gather his things.

Carlisle chuckled, "I'm not going to give away your dirty secrets, Edward."

"I know, I just don't think she needs to be exposed to all of this."

"I think the exact opposite. Don't you feel she would be more at ease if she knew what you're going through or the therapy I'm giving you?"

"I guess, but I'm trying to present myself as getting better and I don't want her thinking that I'm having a hard time in here. And I know she's going to ask a lot of questions…"

"That's fine with me. I have more than enough time to answer them. I'll just be working through lunch, yet again; but what else is new?" He patted my back, and then held the door of his office open for me.

We made our way to the family meeting area and were almost to the door when Carlisle stopped abruptly.

"Hold on, I forgot your chart. I'll be right back." He walked briskly in the direction we had just come.

I went in and found my mother in our usual spot.

"Edward," she threw herself at me, "I've missed you so much."

"Hi, Mom." I hugged her tightly. "How are you?"

"I'm good. Bored as hell at home. There's nothing to do and I don't feel like being out in public."

What she meant to say was, "I don't feel like being looked at strangely because my son is in a mental institution."

"You should go have fun, Mom." I sighed, "Stop being so reclusive."

"I'm not." She tried to smile. "I just don't feel the need to parade myself around like I used to. I'm much too old to care about social standings and stupid benefit dinners. They asked me to make a speech last week at something, but I turned them down. I can't bring myself to entertain them anymore."

"You're turning into a hermit," I laughed. "You were always worried about that."

"I'll just live in my mansion as an old woman and feed my cats." She giggled.

"Well, I find you much too pretty to just sit in a house all day," Carlisle's deep voice said from behind her.

"Oh," She turned around and it took her a minute, but I saw a blush creep into her cheeks, "I'm old enough."

"I'm Carlisle Cullen; Edward's doctor." He sat next to her and smiled.

"I'm Esme Masen; Edward's mother."

"It's very nice to meet you." Carlisle took her hand lightly in his and kissed her knuckles. His movements became calculated as if he didn't want to break her.

The blush on Esme's cheeks got deeper. "I've heard so much about you from Edward. It's nice to put a face to a name."

"Likewise." He let her hand go.

"So, like I was saying…" I began.

"Edward, please. Can't you see I'm having a conversation?" Emse snapped at me, "How rude of you."

"But…"

"I was wondering if you had eaten lunch yet?" Carlisle asked her.

"No, I came right here," she replied.

"Would you care to join me and we can discuss a few things?"

"Oh, that would be lovely." Esme got up and started to get her purse. Carlisle already had her coat ready and she put her arms in it. "Edward, I'll be back later. You take care." She kissed me softly, and then took Carlisle's arm on the way out of the room.

_What the hell was that? _

I felt like I wasn't even here anymore. Those two just bypassed me completely. I knew what was going on here. I saw that look in both of them, and I'd be damned if I was going to let this go anywhere. They were supposed to be focused on my rehabilitation. I didn't think eye-fucking each other was on the agenda for today.

"That must have been painful." Bella suddenly took the seat across from me that Esme had just been in, "Burned by your mother."

"You have no idea." I shook my head. "What are you doing here?"

"My dad was here for a visit."

"Really?" I looked around, trying to see if I could find anyone who might look like her.

"He left. Don't try to guess." She pulled out a lollipop and handed me one.

"Why do you always have these?" I looked at the purple sucker in my hand.

"They help me live a stress-free life. I haven't hit anyone in almost a week."

"That's called progress."

"You're damned right it is." She nodded enthusiastically. "What are you going to do for the rest of the day?"

"I don't have any plans. We don't have group therapy so I might go back to my room and read."

"You could… come to my room. If you want," she said quickly. "You don't have to. I was just thinking that maybe…"

"Bella, calm down. You're going to choke." I held up my hands. "We can go to your room."

She bit her lip and nodded. "Okay, then."

We sat around for a second. I twirled the lollipop that she gave me in between my fingers, not wanting to really eat it.

"Your mother's very pretty," Bella said.

"Yeah, she's beautiful," I agreed.

"Do you look like your father?"

"I hope not. He's dead." I tried to make a morbid joke, which didn't work too well.

She looked at me strangely. "That was weird."

"I was trying to be funny," I confessed.

"I think you should leave that to me. You're not very good with jokes."

"Yeah, but anyway, I did look more like my father."

"Did he have green eyes too?"

"No, I got those from Esme."

"Is that her name? Esme?"

"Yes."

"I like that." Bella sucked on her lollipop.

"You should have come over. I would have introduced you."

"Mothers don't want to meet their son's psychotic love partners. "

"She doesn't judge. She would have liked to meet you."

"Maybe next time." She got up from her seat. "Can we go now? People are looking at me."

True to what she said, the people in the room were looking at Bella. More like staring and I found it extremely rude. I didn't know what their problem was, but it didn't sit well with me. I got up from my chair and followed Bella into the hallway.

I don't know why I did it, but I suddenly felt the need to touch her, so I took Bella's hand in mine.

She immediately stopped walking and looked down. "What are you doing?"

"Holding your hand," I said.

"I can see that. Why?"

"Because that's what normal…" I wanted to say "couples", but settled for, "…people do."

"Is this supposed to elicit some sort of emotion out of me?" Bella held up our hands, which were still conjoined.

"No," I shrugged, "it's just a caring gesture."

"Huh." She tilted her head to the side. "People like this?"

"Yes, I would guess so."

"Why?" She asked me. It was like she needed teaching.

"I don't know. People like to touch the ones… they care for."

"You like holding my hand?"

"Yes," I admitted, "but we can stop if you want." I took mine from hers and began walking down the hall.

I was halfway there before I felt her small hand slip into mine again. She didn't look at me or say anything, but I was more than happy to just keep walking.

* * *

A/N:

Awww. how sweet and adorkable are they? Bella and Edward are just two crazy teenagers with no sense of themselves. Reminds me of the good ole' days. As much as they'll try to be normal, they never will be so everyone has to keep that in mind. I will make sure to give them a fun road to ride though.

Everyone keeps asking me to bring the Colonel back and he sure will be. i just can't see Windimere without him now. lol. And everyone wants to know how Aro can be doing all the stuff he is and getting away with it. Actually, many "rigorous therapy" options are legal, but we all know he shouldn't be hitting anyone. Carlisle's not ignorant to the fact that Aro is probably in the wrong, but that will be revealed later. Basically, there's not much he can do. He's talked to the board and the appropriate people, but what do you do when they won't listen. Seems like everyone's in the same boat. Oh my...

As usual, thanks to **Suzzie55 **and **Jeny0719 **for the beta/pre-read. They make my life perfect. Also, thanks to all the readers. I dont know if you've checked out the review count but we're almost at 1k. I is so excited. Again, thanks.

Expect an update next week. Not sure when with the holidays and stuff. Hope everyone has a good break.

Until next time, Johnnyboy out!


	12. Chapter 12

The Definition of 'Fire'

—_noun; a state, process, or instance of combustion in which fuel or other material is ignited and combined with oxygen, giving off light, heat, and flame._

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I knew that when I woke up today, it was going to be a difficult one to get through. For some reason, I was extremely agitated and snippy. That's the only way I could describe it. Everything was rubbing me the wrong way this morning. I just hoped that people left me alone. I didn't feel like dealing with anyone.

I decided to forgo breakfast and stayed in bed, sulking.

Maybe it was the horrible weather outside because there were no physical or emotional issues wrong with me at the moment. Around lunch, I got up and played the guitar near my window as I watched the buckets of rain pour down outside. I thought September was supposed to be a dry month? Yeah, right. It had been raining for the past four days straight and didn't show any signs of stopping.

It only made me more irritable.

Sometime around one in the afternoon, there was a knock on my door.

"Hello, Edward. Are you there?" Alice's soft voice asked.

I didn't say anything as a welcome so the footsteps retreated in the opposite direction.

_What the hell was wrong with me? _

Therapy was going well, and Carlisle said that we were making progress. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I followed his treatments dutifully. Jasper also said that I needed to continue working hard so that I could get better. Truthfully, I was over this place. Windemere was getting on my last nerve, and I was starting to get highly annoyed.

The only good thing about being here was Bella. She had quickly become the highlight of my stay, and I was trying not to be so agitated with everyone, but only Bella was pulling me out of my stupor these days. Currently, though, she was being poked and prodded by the medical board, who were here to check her progress. She had been in a room with them for the past two days, and I hadn't seen her this week. That was probably the reason for my attitude. I knew that I shouldn't be so secluded, but I just didn't care.

As the day progressed, I continued to play my guitar and keep to myself. I wasn't even hungry, so I didn't care enough to eat something.

As the sun started to move across the sky, I realized that I hadn't done anything productive and since I didn't have therapy today, I had no reason to leave my room. There was another knock on my door sometime later, but I still wasn't in the mood to talk with anyone. I didn't even turn away from the window.

I felt small arms wrap around my torso and soft lips place themselves on my neck.

"Are you sick?" Bella whispered to me.

I melted right there and even though my tension wasn't gone, I felt somewhat less edgy. I had realized over the past couple of days that I relied on Bella more than I should. I needed her.

"I haven't seen you in forever." I turned around and smiled.

She looked exactly the same, but her hair was fading. She would probably re-dye it tonight. I expected her to look completely different, and I was pleasantly surprised that she had a small smile on her face as well.

"Alice said you haven't been out of here in a while." She stood in front of me and moved some hair out of my face. Even her touch was soothing.

"I don't feel like it." I shrugged.

"Seclusion isn't healthy." Bella said, "You're supposed to be socializing."

"There hasn't been any reason to leave lately. Are you done with the experiment thing?"

"I have my final one tomorrow morning. Then the doctors leave until the next visit."

"What have they been doing to you?" I inquired, pulling her closer to me.

"Basically, just looking and taking notes. They ask me to do stupid things like run or do jumping-jacks. It's very awkward. I did bite one guy yesterday, though. Aro wasn't very happy about that."

"You bit someone?"

"He stuck his hand in my mouth without warning. What was I supposed to do?" Her eyebrow shot up. "He had to get five stiches."

"Jesus, Bella. That's serious."

"I told him to leave me alone, but he didn't listen."

These board visits to see Bella were important because if she failed them somehow, she would be shipped off for more rigorous treatment. I didn't know where, but Emmett warned me that she could be gone with the snap of Aro's fingers. I heard the horror stories about treatment facilities in Texas, and things could get a lot worse than they were at Windemere.

"You can't do things like that." I pulled her towards me, sitting her on my lap.

"I didn't bite him hard."

"Hard enough for him to get stiches."

"He'll be fine. That son of a bitch should have left me alone."

"I thought we were working on our temper?" I tapped her chin.

Bella got off of my lap and climbed into my bed, pulling the covers over her head. "I like my temper."

I did too, but I wasn't going to tell her that. She might blow up just for the hell of it.

"They'll ship you away." I put my guitar down and got in the bed next to her.

"Where are they going to send me?"

"Texas," I answered.

She shuddered slightly, "Been there, done that."

"Really? Was it as horrible as they say?"

"Worse. At least Carlisle makes this place somewhat enjoyable." She propped her head up her elbow, "You really shouldn't complain. You have it good."

"I shouldn't complain?" I repeated sarcastically, "You're the one biting people and throwing fits."

"Well, I can't help that."

"I don't want you to leave." I admitted.

"You softie." She exhaled deeply and I noticed her try to take a quick whiff of my blanket. She said it was because I had a unique scent, but I think it was just her craziness coming out.

"Are you hungry?" I asked, running my thumb along her cheek. I could tell that she hadn't been eating because they were sunken in. She needed me to take care of her, because she wouldn't do it herself.

Bella shook her head 'no' as I suspected. "I'm fine. I don't really feel like eating."

"Really?" I eyed her.

"Well… I guess I could eat something, but I don't want to get up now. I'm too comfortable."

"Come on." I got out of bed and ripped the sheet from her body.

"I thought you didn't want to leave the room today?"

"I'm a little better now," I lied.

"But I wanted to go to sleep."

"Sleep after we eat."

"Alright," She followed me out of the door and into the hallway.

We held hands—timidly—all the way to the cafeteria. I was still trying to show Bella that there was more to a physical connection besides sex and kissing. To be honest, I wanted to plow the hell out of her, and I could tell that she wanted me to do the same. She always asked me to take things further, but I pulled back every time. I had never heard of a sane, heterosexual man forgo sex, but I was going to be the first. We had a hell of a long way to go before we should even attempt that shit.

Bella was too damaged for sex right now. She might not be able to see it, but I surely could. Her body and mind weren't ready for that step. I knew I was in trouble a couple nights ago when I came to a conclusion: I would wait forever if I had to as long as I had Bella next to me. I didn't know what that meant in the long run, but I didn't really want to think about it right now. That was one good thing about being in this place; the future didn't really matter.

When we reached the cafeteria, Bella tried to slip her hand away from mine without me noticing. She ran it through her hair and kept her head down. Now that I had spent more time with her, I noticed everything about the way she moved and the way she acted. It was like we were magnets, and I could sense what she was going to do next.

We silently went through the line and she only picked up a typical apple, but I wasn't going to let her just eat that. I piled my tray full of stuff.

Luckily our friends weren't around so I didn't have to interact with anyone. On point with my new reclusive personality, I was still pissed at the world and scowled at a couple of people whole looked at me the wrong way. I don't even think I realized I was doing it until it was too late.

Bella and I started walking towards her normal table in the corner. This was the first time that I would be sitting with her during meals. I was kind of on shaky ground. I didn't know what to do.

She sat down and took a diminutive bite of her ruby red apple. I took a seat next to her.

"Are you planning on eating all of that?" she asked.

"No, I got most of it for you." I took a slice of pizza off of the tray and then pushed everything else towards her.

"I said I'm not hungry."

"Bella, don't start an argument. Just eat it because you know you're hungry." I picked up a fry and held it in front of her face, taunting her.

"I don't like that stuff." She tried to move away from me. "I'm fine with my apple."

"That's not enough. You look like a broom. You're so skinny."

"I can't help that."

"Just eat it."

I think she was trying to appease me, but Bella chomped on the fry, taking it all in in one bite. Her teeth came dangerously closed to my fingers, though. Her face had a sour look the whole time she ate it, but I was happy.

"Doesn't that taste good?" I grinned.

"Shut up," she snapped. "This is so unhealthy."

"You eat tons of sugar every day and you're complaining about a little, greasy fry?"

"It's disgusting. Sugar is made for your body," she argued. "We _need _sugar. Don't you like me to be all sweet?"

I leaned in closer to her face. "I prefer sweet Bella, but I'll take you anyway I can."

"You're so corny."

"I can't help it." I tried to kiss her lightly—just a little peck—but she turned her head so that I got her cheek.

Bella's hair covered her face, and I could almost smell the blood as it rushed towards her face. "People might start talking."

"I never knew you as one to care what people think."

"Just… not yet. I'm not ready to answer questions." She bit her lip. "Sorry."

"Don't ever apologize for speaking your mind," I said firmly. "If I do something that makes you feel uncomfortable, then tell me."

She nodded, still biting her lip, which meant that she was holding something back from me. Like I said, I had become very accustomed to Bella's mannerisms. I now realized that she was more of an open book than I first realized. If you knew her, you could basically see everything she was thinking or feeling. Maybe I was becoming obsessed or something, but I was fine with that. Just add it to my list of reasons why I should be in a place like this.

I pulled away from Bella's face and looked around. No one had noticed our seemingly platonic encounter, and I knew that's how she wanted it. I felt the same way, but then again, sometimes I just wanted to kiss the fuck out of her and I didn't care who was watching.

We continued to eat, and talk lightly about nothing in particular. I wanted to see her smile so I told her a story about how I got my head stuck in a tree one time when I was five. That did that trick and Bella laughed for a solid minute, gasping for breath shortly after.

"I bet you were one of those nerdy kids who was always tripping over yourself." She wiped laughing tears from her eyes.

"I was a very popular kid, thank you very much."

"I'll ask your mother about it later."

"She would really like to meet you." I put my hand on her thigh under the table.

"We'll see." Bella played with her hair. "Have you told her?"

"About… us?" I chuckled. "No, she might try to adopt you or something."

"She seems nice."

"She is," I sighed. "I miss her sometimes."

"Mama's boy."

I was about to defend my masculinity, but the door behind us banged open. We separated our touching just to be on the safe side.

Jacob pounded his way into the line for food and the whole time, kept a constant glare on us. I even think I saw his lip go up in a growl at one point.

"What the hell is his problem?" I asked through my teeth.

"He's my handler."

"You need a handler?"

"Apparently. Aro thinks I might run off or something." Bella rolled her eyes. "Jacob's been with me forever."

"Why is he even here?"

"I don't know. He came here to study physiology with Aro in college and never left. He hasn't spoken more than ten words to me the whole time."

"He's a jackass and someone needs to snap his neck."

"Hostile today, are we?" She patted my knee.

Jacob stomped towards a table on the other end of the room and sat down roughly, still staring at Bella. He pulled his eyes away and started to eat. I wanted to go over there and release some of this pent up energy. I felt like breaking something.

Thankfully, I might not have to wait too long for that.

A foul stench descended upon Bella and I as Mike Newton sat down. I had never really had any interaction with the guy, but I did recognize him as the same person who Emmett beat the hell out of in the gym. Everyone else told me that Mike was the most annoying, pesky, douche that ever walked the earth.

"Hey, Bella." He plopped down across from us like he belonged there. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"That's because I don't like you. Go away." Bella picked up a fry and ate it slowly.

"Come on, you don't have to be like that." He nudged her leg under the table. I felt him brush up against my foot, but I don't even think he noticed.

"Just go away, Mike. You're irritating and I don't have the energy to yell at you today," she said, annoyed with his presence.

"You need to leave," I told him. I was very close to shoving his head into the table. I had never really had an angry streak, but for some reason everything was testing me today.

"I wasn't talking to you, new guy," he snapped.

Every word from his mouth felt like it was stabbing my brain, and I had to shut him up somehow. I was devising attack plans in my head.

"She said she didn't want to talk to you. Leave," I commanded.

"So anyway, you want to come up to my room?" Mike ignored me and whispered to Bella, "I heard you liked to… hand out favors if guys ask nicely."

"I don't know who you've been talking to, but I would get up right now and shut your mouth," Bella snarled, sitting up in her seat a little.

"Just leave us alone," I said.

"What are you doing here anyway?" Mike shot an angry eye at me. "No one asked you to butt in."

"Don't start with me today. I'm not in a good mood," I tried to warn him. I felt the _need_ to warn him.

"I don't care. I'm here talking to Bella." He hit her leg again and wiggled his eyebrows. "So how 'bout it? I need some sexual release."

"Leave me alone." Bella ducked her head and crossed her arms.

"Why are you being such a bitch? You can fuck every guy in here but I'm not a candidate?" Mike's tone turned purely malicious.

"I don't like the way you're talking to her. Shut up!" I slammed my fist down on the table. A few people looked towards us, but I was beyond caring about appearances.

"Don't let him get to you." Bella grabbed my hand.

"Just leave us alone." I wanted to shout, but my voice was strangely low and grainy.

My head was starting to pound furiously.

"I can do whatever I want; you're not her dad," Mike scoffed at me.

He reached for Bella's wrist and his finger ran over the blue vein just under her skin.

I snapped.

The last fight I had been in was back in high school, but that still didn't stop me from jumping over the table and tackling Mike to the ground. He hit the floor with a thud and I don't know what had taken over inside of me, but a fire erupted from my stomach. I was pounding into Mike's gel-like face with my fists, and I heard a couple of cracks, although, I couldn't really feel anything. There was a lot of noise, and I think people were screaming at me; who knows.

It was like I had turned into a different person, and I wanted to see his blood paint the walls. It was a very strange feeling for me to have, but I didn't stop it. I just kept going and kept pounding. He wasn't putting up a fight so I assumed he was either too weak or dead.

I felt myself being pulled off by someone strong.

"Let me go!" I shouted, not caring about my thrashing arms.

"Edward, calm down." I heard Carlisle's voice in my head. Maybe he was actually here, but I couldn't see straight enough to check.

"I want to beat the shit out of him!" I growled angrily.

The arms around my body got tighter and squeezed. The animal inside of me didn't want to calm down and only got more furious the more it was caged. The fire was still burning white hot.

"Edward, dude, calm down." Emmett must have been the one restraining me because I heard him in my ear.

"Let me go," I tried to shake him off.

"You've got to just breathe." He stupidly put me down.

As soon as I got the chance, I bounded back towards Mike who was nursing his bruised up face. I was caught before I got there and slammed onto the hard table. There was a sharp prick as something dug into my shoulder.

I fought as hard as I could, but the beating drum in my head was dulling and my body became oddly slow. My arms felt like they were made of led and after a second, I couldn't even move them anymore. My brain shut off completely, and I was gone to the world.

I don't know what the hell I was given, but that shit took me out for hours. I must have been sedated for at least that long—probably longer. It was one of those deep trance states where dreams didn't arrive and even breathing became a chore. It was like being submerged in water with no chance of coming back up.

I pried my eyes open after God knows how long and I was surprised that it was so dark. I turned my head to look out of the window, and the muscles of my neck ached. I tried to move my arm, but cold metal was wrapped around my wrist.

I tried not to panic as I woke up further. This wasn't my room and I wasn't in my bed. My wrist was handcuffed to a bed post and I could only sit up minimally. My knuckles looked like I had scrapped them across cement. They were bloodied and raw but there were band-aids covering the wounds. My hands hurt like a bitch.

Carlisle was sitting at the end of the bed in a chair with his legs crossed and hands clasped.

"Why am I handcuffed?" I spat. I was still very angry and felt like punching something else.

"It's protocol when a patient gets violent," he said calmly. "You were hard to control so we had to sedate you as well."

"Why did I need to be controlled?"

"Do you remember what happened?" He quirked an eyebrow.

"I remember that I beat Mike senseless." I tried to pull my hand out of its restraints, but it was useless.

"Edward, I'm going to uncuff you, but first we need to talk." Carlisle sat up and let out a deep sigh. "What were you thinking?"

"He was… being disrespectful."

"To Bella?"

"Yes." I shut my mouth after that.

"Edward, I know what happened, but I want to know what was going on with you."

"Nothing. I just didn't like the way he was speaking to her."

"I was there. I saw you go from calm to… I don't even know how to describe it." He actually looked stunned. I had never seen confusion pass Carlisle's face. It was a look that didn't suit him well. "Edward, I think you had a small panic attack or something similar to that."

"What are you talking about? I was fine until Mike came over and started messing with Bella."

"You seem very protective over her." He wrote something on a clipboard on his lap.

"What are you writing?" I sat up more. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Besides beat up a fellow patient? No, but we need to have a serious discussion. Tonight, we're having an impromptu therapy session based on the events of today."

"Great." I rolled my eyes.

"You sound annoyed."

"I'm pissed. Why haven't you made me better?" I felt like screaming, but kept my voice down.

"Do you feel like things here aren't progressing to your liking?"

"Stop asking me questions!" I closed my eyes in frustration. "Stop with the psycho-babble bullshit and just give me straight answers."

"You don't want to hear my answers," he said assuredly.

"Try me."

"Truthfully, you're very sick and after what I witnessed today, I don't know if things will get better anytime soon. I have never in my life seen someone change so quickly and switch personas the way you did."

"What are you talking about?"

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. "Edward, have you named your alternate persona?"

"No. Why the hell would I do that?"

"Because we need to separate the two of you. He's a different person completely. What would you like to call this thing inside of you?"

"I don't know," I sneered. "Max," I offered as a half-assed answer.

"Alright, well 'Max' decided to make an appearance today."

I had to really think for a second to understand what he was saying, but once I did, my heart sped up.

"It's getting worse." My voice had gone from strong to scared. "He's taking over."

"No, he's not. That's why I'm here. I won't let you get worse."

"You haven't been doing very well so far."

"'Max' is a very interesting persona. I don't think I've ever studied someone like you before."

"What are you talking about? Can't you just give me some medicine?" I almost pleaded.

"It doesn't work that way. What have you been feeling?"

"I don't know. I was… agitated and mad all day. When Mike came over, I just snapped. I couldn't help it."

"This is a very serious situation. I would classify this as an opposite personality more so than an alternate one."

"What does that mean?"

"'Max' is everything you're not; the exact opposite of you."

"So everything bad is him?"

"No, you have to take responsibility for your actions, but 'Max' is going to always be inside of you if we don't treat him. I think I've been working too quickly for you."

"I'm so confused. Who am I?" I hung my head.

"You're Edward Masen and you're in control of yourself," he assured me.

"No, I'm not. I'm dangerous. How the hell am I supposed to suppress something that I can't even see or feel?"

"That's why I'm here. Just trust me, Edward." I felt his hand on my shoulder, but didn't raise my head. "'Max' is triggered by the need to protect Bella. I don't know how far that need goes or if there's more, but I suspect that there is. He's always been there, but now he's found something that he can attach to. I need time to figure this out."

"How are you going to help me?"

"We're going to work hard because 'Max' isn't going to take over your life. Yes, you are dangerous, but I believe that I can help you. That is why I took your case."

"You can't help me."

"I'm the one with the medical degree." He chuckled, "'Max' isn't bigger than the both of us."

"I feel so lost."

"Just rest for now." He unlocked my handcuffs and my arm dropped to the bed. "You have to stay in seclusion tonight because of what you did to Mike. He's in the infirmary getting stitches."

"Where's Bella?" I asked, finally looking at him.

"She's outside. I told her that I need to talk to you first."

"Do I have to stay secluded all the time now?"

"No, I think that might hinder your social development. You'll be watched, for sure, but don't be afraid of 'Max'. You need to embrace him."

"Embrace him?"

"If you ignore him, he'll just make more appearances. Also, I would like you to spend more time with Bella."

"What?"

"I want to see how the two of you interact. 'Max', as well as yourself, seem to have a certain affection towards her."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I'm not sure. I've seen you very calm when you're with her, but today was different. I want to see how this plays out in the coming weeks."

"But I thought Aro wanted us to stay apart?"

"Let me worry about Aro. I suspect that you two already spend a lot of time together as evident from your late night visits." Carlisle smirked and pulled open the door.

"You knew about that?"

"Of course I did. Just make sure you don't hurt her. Bella means a lot to me. Do you know about her situation?"

I nodded.

"Bella is a very special patient and needs the utmost care. She's a child wrapped in a woman's body. Just make sure that you don't hurt her," he said sincerely. He spoke like a father. I wanted to know what he was talking about, but didn't get a chance before he left the room.

As soon as he shut the door, it reopened.

Bella ran towards the bed and jumped on my stomach. "Why did you do that?" She pinned my hands above my head. She was surprisingly strong for a girl that was so small.

"Do what?"

"Why did you beat Mike up?"

"Because I don't like him and he was disrespecting you."

"I don't need you to defend me."

"Obviously, you do."

"You got me in trouble, jackass." She hit my shoulder.

"Why?"

"Well because after you had your turn with Mike, I bit him."

"What the hell is with you and biting?"

"It's an effective defense technique. You weren't going to have all the fun."

"So you got yourself in trouble?"

We just glared at each other for a long second before she bent down and placed a kiss on my lips. "Thank you. Even though it was incredibly stupid, thank you for beating Mike up. I don't think he'll be bothering me anymore."

"You shouldn't be in here. I'm dangerous."

"I don't care." She rolled off of me, but stayed close on the bed. "Carlisle said you named your person thing."

"Yeah," I sighed, "He's 'Max' and he's a feisty fucker."

"I think he's hot."

"What?"

"You were seriously hot when you were throwing punches. He's so fast and powerful." Bella's eyes glazed over. She took my face in her hands and melded her lips with mine.

This time, I felt the passion in her kiss, and I immediately accommodated her. I took control, forcing my tongue into her mouth and tasting her sweet essence. I felt her hands in my hair and almost moaned when I felt her nails scratch my scalp. This was heating up very quickly and after today, I had no desire of stopping. "Max" or myself—I wasn't sure which—was sexually frustrated and wanted help with his situation. The shocks that were flowing through my body were overpowering every other feeling I had, and I could barely keep my mind focused on how this was against my self-imposed rules. There was a fire that was shooting through my bloodstream, and it was a different kind of heat that I had experienced earlier when I was beating the shit out of Mike. I accepted this fire and welcomed it.

Bella exhaled loudly and grabbed the hem of my shirt before she pulled it with frustration over my head. She kissed my chest lightly as I gripped her thigh and hooked her leg onto my hip. I was sporting a rather impressive erection and pressed it deep in between her legs, making her moan like I wanted her to. When she rolled her hips and pushed me deeper, I almost exploded in my pants. Her lips never left mine for a second, and I couldn't hold back the noises I was making.

I then remembered that Bella wasn't ready for this. She needed time, and I needed to be in better control of myself. I didn't know how "Max" might react and since he seemed just as attached to Bella as I did, this might be dangerous. I couldn't risk it.

"Wait, wait, wait." I pulled away stupidly. "What are you doing?"

"I'm… I don't know. Why does it matter?" She brought my lips back to hers.

"Because we need to slow down. You have to slow down." I held her down on the bed by her shoulders. She looked incredibly sexy beneath me with her hair in disarray and her skin flushed. I almost dove back in for another round.

"I don't want to slow down." She sat up. "I need… something." She bit her bottom lip. "My vagina is about to explode from just sitting here."

"Wow, that was some great imagery." I combed through my hair.

"I mean it. I can't take all of this cockblocking from your end. Just fuck me already!"

"Oh, my God. You're going to kill me." I lay on the bed, exhausted from the day and my recent sexual frustrations that were starting to pile up. "I can't. I won't do that to you."

"Why not? I asked," she almost pouted.

"No, you're not ready."

"You're such a buzzkill."

"I feel it too. The sexual tension is definitely building over on my end," I admitted.

"Yeah, but you can do something about it."

"So can you," I said.

"It doesn't help. Trust me, I've tried. My poor battery, operated bunny is about to die."

I wanted to dive deeper into this conversation because Bella with a vibrator was making me feel incredibly turned on, but also quite jealous. If I had my way, she wouldn't ever need that vibrator again.

"We just need to take our time. We're not going anywhere so let's not rush into anything," I sighed, trying to convince myself of that.

Bella rested her chin on my chest and looked up at me. "Why are you so good?"

"I'm not good."

"Yes, you are. You beat up nasty guys for me and don't take advantage of me."

I moved some hair out of her face and just stared at her. I didn't say anything and tried to see just what Carlisle was talking about. He referred to her as a child wrapped in a woman's body. I kind of understood that.

She was taken from her home and her family at the age of ten. When she saw the world again, she was a teenager, and then came here. She never really had the chance to live or grow mentally. That was a scary concept, and no matter how much she denied it, Bella needed time. I would wait for her.

"Bella, I don't know how to act around you," I said.

"What does that mean?"

"You keep saying that I'm this good guy, but… I don't know how to control this thing inside of me."

She scooted up on the bed to hover over me. "I'm not scared you, Edward."

"You should be."

"'Max' isn't going to run me off."

"Carlisle says we should spend more time together, but I don't think that's a good idea. I feel like I could snap at any minute, and I don't want to hurt you."

"I want to help you get better." Bella ran her finger over my nose.

"I'm supposed to be helping you."

She laid her head on my chest. "You won't hurt me."

"I might. You don't know what I could do. 'Max' scares me."

"I'm not going anywhere," she repeated.

I didn't want to even touch her, but Bella wouldn't have it. She took my arm and wrapped it around her, placing her head on my shoulder. She closed her eyes starting drawing circles on my chest.

My breathing was strained because I didn't feel like this was an appropriate position for us to be in now that I had this thing inside of me. "Max" might hurt Bella, and until I could control him, I didn't want to take any chances. How did I tell her that, though?

There was a knock on the door and Carlisle poked his head in. "Bella, it's time to go back to your room."

"Can't I stay here?" she asked.

"Unfortunately not. Edward needs to be under observation until tomorrow." He smiled sadly. "You can come back to visit in the morning."

"Alright." Bella wiggled out from under my arm. "Goodnight, Edward." She wanted to kiss me—I could tell—but she didn't with Carlisle standing there. She settled for a wave, and then slowly walked out of the door.

The door closed behind her.

I finally let out a breath and was thankful that she wasn't going to be staying tonight. I didn't think I had the energy to argue with her about this whole "Max" thing. I promised that I would never hurt her. What do I do now that I can't control myself?

I rolled over in bed and pulled the covers up. My brain was starting to shut off again and as much as I tired, I couldn't keep my eyes open anymore.

That night as I slept, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't let this thing inside of me hurt Bella. I had to keep him away from her.

* * *

**A/N:**

OH my, my, my. So much going on in this chapter. We met "MAX". I dont even know what to say about him. He's so badass. lol. I can only imagine what that devil has up his sleeve. Things could get very nasty. And what about Bella? She's doing well in her new role, no? I think she's coming along nicely. Let's just hope it stays so nice with her.

As always, thanks to Suzzie and Jenny for the pre-read/beta. Couldn't do it without ya.

Follow me on twitter (at)johnnyboy1029 for update info and my stupid mouth.

Have a happy holidays and expect an update on Monday! REVIEW REVIEW and tell me what you think


	13. Chapter 13

The Definition of 'Hike'

—_verb; __to walk or march a great distance, esp. through rural areas, for pleasure, exercise, military training, or the like. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

"So, then you just beat him up?" Alice asked with an enthusiastic gleam in her eye.

"Yes," I said for the millionth time.

"Wow. You're so macho." She giggled. "I can't believe you pounded into Mike like that."

"Why? I did it." Emmett shrugged.

"Yeah, but you're a brute. Edward's so nice," Rose said.

"I am no brute, missy," he argued, "although, I do think Edward is completely badass now."

"I told you guys, it was all 'Max'," I sighed.

"Blame it all you want on the other dude, but you were hard to get a hold of."

I think this was the hundredth time that I had told this story. Each time it seemed to get less interesting to me, but they just soaked it all up like I was some hero. Currently, Alice, Jasper, Rose, and Emmett were sitting around the lunch table with wide eyes. They expected my story to change, but it never would. The facts were all the same. It was kind of funny that they now saw me as a badass. I still felt like the same Edward. "Max" was the guy they wanted. He was the cool guy. The fight was just two days ago, but it felt like people had been talking about it for ages.

"But still, Bella said you were really angry and kept punching him." Rose sat up eagerly. She was displaying as much emotion as I had ever seen out of her, and it was still just a drop of excitement.

"I guess I just got out of control."

"What does Carlisle have you on?" Jasper asked, taking a bite of pizza.

"A couple mood suppressors I think."

"You poor thing." Alice hugged me tightly around the neck. "You must be so scared. What if 'Max' decides to visit us when you're least expecting it? How will you control him? What are we going to do to protect you? Oh my, we need to put some security measures in place."

"Calm down, Alice." Emmett scoffed. "He won't hurt us."

"I don't know that. I can't be sure," I admitted. "What if Alice is right?"

"But you know us. I think 'Max' will be on our side," Jasper said.

"We can't take any chances."

"So, you don't want to hang out with us anymore?" Alice's bottom lip trembled.

"No, no, I do but I might hurt you."

"We'll just slap you out of it. No biggie," Jasper muttered. "'Max' isn't anything we can't handle."

That's what they said now, but we didn't even know what might happen in the unfortunate case that I might snap. It scared the hell out of me. I was trying to keep myself away from everyone, but Alice dragged me out of my room today. She said I couldn't stay cooped up for the rest of my life. I begged to differ.

Bella, on the other hand, was off limits to me. I refused to talk or even be near her. I couldn't live with myself if "Max" did something to her. She had come to my room a couple of times, but I refused to answer the door. I had a feeling that I wouldn't be able to keep this up much longer.

"You're so cool; like a biker." Alice kept up her excitement with my newfound fame from the beating I gave Mike. I wouldn't apologize for it because I would beat the hell out of him again, but I knew I still knew the difference between right and wrong. A good thing about Max's appearance was that I could remember beating Mike. Carlisle thought that was at least progress.

"Well, thank you, but I still don't know how I should feel about any of this."

"Embrace it," Jasper hit my shoulder.

"That's what Carlisle said."

"We'll get you all fixed up and then you won't need to be here anymore." Emmett nodded.

"I don't think I'll ever leave." Not that I wanted to. I didn't want to ever be out in the normal world again. I was crazy enough in here. No telling what I would do out there. Ironically, this seemed like a sane line of reasoning to me.

"Still, I would love to get you in a real fight." Jasper started punching the air. "I bet you and 'Max' could take on anyone."

"I don't want to take on anyone." I shook my head. "I just want to feel safe."

"Oh, fuck that. Safety is boring," Rose snarled. "Let's light this place up and watch it burn."

"You have special problems." Alice patted her knee.

We talked some more about things that I wasn't really interested in, but as we were about to leave, Carlisle surprisingly sat down at the head of our table.

"Hello, all." He fixed his white lab coat.

"Carlisle, I've missed you so much." Alice jumped up and sat on his lap like he was Santa Claus. "I have so much to tell you. First, Edward got in a fight but you know that and just to remember it, I painted a picture. It's all red and I can't draw Edward's face but I tried. He looks all mad and angry. He told us about 'Max', so maybe it's him and not Edward, but it's the same, right? Well, anyway, after that…"

"Whoa, there, Alice." Carlisle held up his hand and removed her tactfully from his lap. "That's a lot for one breath. Slow down."

"Oh, sorry." Alice exhaled.

"We'll talk about it later." He chuckled. "I actually came to tell you guys that we're doing a special group therapy today."

"Really? Is that allowed?" Emmett asked.

"Of course it is. If you guys will join me, I would love to take everyone for a hike today since it's the first dry day we've had in a while."

"A hike?" Rose shuddered. "I don't do outdoors."

"Come on, Rosie. It'll be fun," Jasper said.

"Who's coming?" Alice asked.

"Just the five of you all, "Carlisle pointed around the table, "and Bella."

"Bella?" I lifted my head and tried to keep the surprised tone out of my voice.

"She asked to join us and I told her that it was okay." He nodded. "I'll see you guys in about an hour. I have a change of clothes for everyone in your rooms and we'll take the whole day off. I feel like we need to release some steam."

He was right about that, but I didn't think an all-day hike with Bella on my heels was the way to go.

I wanted to argue, but Carlisle left swiftly after a cordial wave.

"Oh, this sounds fun." Alice clapped her hands. "I should bring my camera."

"This is just nasty." Rose got up from her seat and threw her trash away. "I can't stand leaves and dirt and shit…" she muttered as she stomped out of the cafeteria.

"She'll be front and center in an hour." Emmett followed her.

On my way back to my room, I tried to think of a way out of this. I had spent a lot of the past few days, particularly avoiding Bella. It took hard work and now, Carlisle was trying to force us together. He might think that I needed social interaction, but I didn't want Bella in the line of fire. "Max" was dangerous, and he was attracted to Bella—maybe more so—than I was. I didn't want to chance it.

On my bed were a pair of dark jeans, a thick sweater, hiking boots, and a hat. Carlisle obviously knew my size, because everything fit me perfectly. There was also a small backpack that I put on, and then just sat there to wait out my time. I was still trying to figure a way out of this.

By the time my hour was up, I was kicking myself all the way down the hall.

Alice skipped to my side in similar clothes to mine, except she had on a bright pink sweater. Jasper was trying to catch up with us.

"Your job is to get rocks," she said.

"Excuse me?"

"On our hike, your job is to get rocks. Everyone has to pick something else up, and then I'll make a big collage."

"That sounds incredibly artistic," I observed.

"It will be so pretty."

"I've heard your stuff is very good. I can't wait to see this new piece," I said encouragingly.

"Will you two slow down!" Jasper huffed and sped towards Alice. "Between your long legs and Alice's energy, I can't catch up."

We arrived at the front of the building where Rose, Emmett, and Bella were waiting. They were all in hiking clothes and ready to go. Bella had her arms crossed and the streak in her hair was bright purple. It should have looked cute, but with the scowl on her face, it looked menacing. I had never seen her in jeans or form fitting clothes before, and I groaned lowly at the sight of her legs. They were perfectly long and slender with the right amount of curves that led up to her sexy hips. The sweater wasn't helping either since it was taught across her chest. I couldn't do this.

"Where's Carlisle?" Alice asked.

"He went back upstairs to get his book about plants or some shit like that." Emmett shrugged. "I hope we get to see some mountain lions or bears."

I tried to avert my eyes from Bella's and toed a rock on the ground. I moved to the back of the group and didn't say anything.

"There are mountain lions?" Rose screeched. "Hell, no. I'm not going into that forest."

"Oh, shut up," Alice snapped. "You're such a spoiled bitch."

While they continued arguing, I heard soft footsteps approach in my direction.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" a low, nasty voice asked me.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I kept my head down.

Bella hit my chest hard with her fist. It didn't really hurt, but I knew she could do some damage if she wanted. "You know what I'm talking about."

"Bella, just go away," I sighed. "Please go away."

"You're so stupid. Do you still think I'm scared of you?" She lifted my head up roughly so that I was looking into her furious eyes. "I'm not going anywhere. I gave you a couple days to get your head together, but now you just need to shut up and accept the fact that you're not getting rid of me."

"And here I thought I was doing so well avoiding you." I strangled out a laugh.

"If I want to find you, I will." She grinned. "Why don't you want me near you?"

"Because, I might do something bad. I can't have you near me if 'Max' comes out and decides to… I don't know, go crazy," I said in a harsh whisper.

"You won't hurt me."

"Everyone needs to stop saying that. I could seriously hurt you." I took her face in my hands, the outside world losing all focus for me. "I promised I wouldn't hurt you, and I obviously can't control myself, so the best thing to do is to just stay away."

"I'm not doing that. You can't get rid of me that easily."

"I'm trying to protect you. Stop being so stubborn." I noticed that my face was getting unconsciously closer to hers, but I had no way of stopping it.

"I don't need your protection." She bit her lip. "I missed you and I don't say that often, but I really did."

"Really?"

She nodded. "I've already gone through five bars of chocolate because I've been so bored."

"You're so damn cute," I sighed, my resolve fading with every second.

"That's my curse." Bella rose up on her toes and our lips connected for the first time in what felt like ages.

My hands dropped to her hips and pulled her close to me, my instant hard-on pressing into her stomach. Bella's hands went into my hair, pulling me even more towards her. Our lips made wet noises, and our tongues kept things civil… for now. I didn't think we could get any closer, because the body heat that was radiating off of us was making it hard to even breathe.

"I don't mean to interrupt," Carlisle cleared his throat, "but I do believe that we should be getting on our way."

I reluctantly pulled away, and Bella dropped back down on her feet. I ran a hand through my hair to tame it. I was sure that we looked like a bunch of school kids behind the gym, but I guessed Carlisle had seen worse.

Our spectacle brought out different reactions from everyone. Emmett was making inappropriate sex gestures with his hands, Rose was shaking her head in disgust, Alice was clapping excitedly, and Jasper gave me a head nod of approval.

"Oops." Bella took my hand.

"Sorry about that." I could feel a slight blush on my face.

Carlisle chuckled and muttered something under his breath, walking passed us. "Everyone follow me!"

Bella and I hung in the back as everyone's boots crunched into the moist grass. Everyone took off on their own adventures, down the path by the lake and into the woods.

Two by two—like animals into Noah's ark—we followed Carlisle who was our guide. Since it had been raining so frequently, everything was wet, but at least we weren't stepping into massive puddles. It was a cooler day, but not too cold and the sun was trying to peek out above the clouds. It was pretty pleasant.

Carlisle began pointing out wildlife and vegetation with a sharp eye. Alice was taking millions of pictures and chattering loudly. Jasper and Emmett were throwing sticks at each other. Rose was just trying not to step on bugs. Bella and I kept to ourselves and continued to hold hands. There wasn't much talking between us, but it seemed better that way.

We must have gone about a mile, because the trees were getting thicker, but Carlisle seemed to know where he was going. After a while, I stopped seeing a path and noticed that we were just walking on dirt.

"…Everyone gather around." Carlisle hunched near the ground in front of a massive, leafy looking thing. We all circled it.

"What the hell is that?" Rose scrunched up her nose. "Is it poisonous?"

"Actually, yes, it is. I wanted to show you some poison ivy." He pointed up the bark of a tree where it was growing, "There isn't much of it around here, but sometimes if the weather is right, it can grow."

"Let's take some back and put it in Mike's pants," Emmett said excitedly.

"Don't even think about it," Carlisle berated him. "This stuff can be very dangerous and I don't want any of you touching it either."

Alice pushed us out of the way so she could take pictures. "I'm going to make a scrapbook."

"Of the tress?" Bella asked.

"Duh, silly. This is the best way to document our trip."

"I'm tired," Rose complained.

"Alright, well, maybe it is time for a break." Carlisle took off his backpack and looked around. "This looks like a good place."

Before I could take a seat, Bella was pulling me off in a different direction.

"Wait, we have to stay with the group." I looked behind me at everyone who was getting smaller the further Bella was dragging me.

"I need to smoke."

"That's against…"

"Don't tell me it's against the rules," she cut me off. "I don't care."

"Do you even know this area? We're pretty far away."

"Just follow me." She kept pulling on the sleeve of my sweater.

About five minutes later, an opening in the trees broke and a small clearing presented itself like we were in some fairytale. There were tall, wildflowers in bloom and a circular area where plush grass swayed in the slight wind.

Bella pulled out a pack of cigarettes from her backpack and sat on the ground, crossing her legs.

"Why do you do that?" I sat next to her.

"Do what?"

"Smoke; you know it's bad for you. It causes all sorts of lung problems and has been proven to produce infertility in women."

"Oh, no. Whatever will I do?" she mocked me.

"I'm just saying. You might want to take better care of yourself."

She shrugged. "I can't help it."

"Yes, you can. Quitting is easy. I used to smoke in college, but stopped after a couple of years."

Bella lit a cigarette and for added emphasis, blew a plume of smoke into my face. "Let me guess, your mother made you quit?"

"Well, I quit for myself, but she asked me to, yes."

"You're so prim and proper. Did you go to boarding school?" She took another couple of puffs.

"Yes," I answered.

Bella smirked. "I wonder what your classmates would think of you now."

"They'd be shocked and probably shun me. Actually, since my trial was such a sensation, they probably already know everything."

"Too bad for them. They're missing out." She stubbed her almost full cigarette and pulled out a Ziploc bag from her backpack. She waved the cig in the air a couple of times, and then licked her finger, burning the ember out easily. She put the butt into the bag before stuffing it away in her bag.

"What the hell is that for?"

"I just needed a puff and I don't want to ruin the beauty of this place." She looked around.

"You sound like you've been here before."

She shrugged. "I come about once a month. It's my own private meadow."

"How the hell do you get away?"

"We're still technically on the grounds. I found this place when I was trying to avoid therapy. It's nice, right?"

"Very. I didn't know we had a place like this. Maybe we should get back." I tried to look for the route we had taken to get here, but I didn't remember which way we came.

"Just relax. Sheesh. You need to get over these rules. You're so uptight."

"I can't. Rules have been branded into me."

"Poor Edward." Her fingers lightly brushed some hair out of my face. "What are we going to do with you now that you're all… different?"

"Different can be good."

"That's what I've been trying to tell you." She climbed into my lap boldly, straddling me. She pushed me back into the grass so that we were lying horizontally. "I like different, if you haven't noticed by now."

"Why aren't you scared of me?" I asked. Not only Bella, but everyone for that matter, didn't seem to even care that I had something else inside of me that could snap at any second.

"Should I be?" She placed her lips on the pulse point of my neck and bit slightly.

"Yes," I gasped from the feel of her teeth on my skin, "I'm dangerous."

"I lived in a sadist's basement for five years; I think it takes a little more than an alternate personality to scare me." She kissed my neck again, this time liking me in the process.

"You're trying to distract me." I accused her when she rolled her hips into mine, grinding her center against me.

"Is that what I'm doing?"

"Yes." My eyes rolled closed as she pivoted above me.

"Go with it." Her tiny fingers trailed down my sweater and lifted it until they began crawling on my skin.

"Bella…"

She stopped me with her lips, and my hands dug into the flesh of her perfect ass, which had been taunting me all day. I tried to think about something else besides how incredibly hot she looked in those jeans, but it was no use.

"You feel very… big," Bella whispered in my ear and ground into my erection.

"Oh, God." I threw my head back into the grass. "This isn't what we're supposed to be doing."

"Of course not, but it's so much fun."

"We have to stop." I regained some composure and sat up quickly. Bella stayed situated in my lap.

"Did I do something wrong?"

"No, no. I just can't do this right now; not like this."

She rolled her eyes. "Do you still think you're going to hurt me? You're being ridiculous."

"I'm serious, Bella. I can hurt you. I'm in here because of what I did to people I didn't even know."

"God, you're such a pussy." She climbed off of me. "Let me worry about myself. I'm not scared and you shouldn't be either. You can't stop living your fucking life because of some sickness."

"That's easy for you to say because you don't have anything to worry about. What if I hurt you?"

"You won't. Just shut up."

"I might not, but 'Max' might."

She got up off of the grass and cleaned her jeans. "Fine, do whatever you want but I'm not going to sit around and wait for you to get your ass in gear. You're in therapy, taking your medication, and you're not trying to do anything intentionally wrong; that's all you can do. Everything else is left to chance."

"That's the scary thing."

"Well, get over it. You can't control everything, Edward." She picked up her bag and threw it over her shoulder before shuffling into the trees.

I quickly followed after her so that I wouldn't get lost, but stayed a good ways away. I could hear Bella's strong curse words from here, and she gave a rather harsh punch to an unsuspecting tree. This would be the perfect time for me to scream and shout at her for being stupid. I cared for Bella enough to know that being around me was too dangerous.

"You're being stupid!" She shouted at me without turning around. "Even Carlisle says you need to be around me, so stop being such a bitch."

"I'm trying to protect you."

"I don't need your fucking protection! I just want you to stop acting so cautious all the time." She stopped walking and spun around. I almost ran into her. "You don't even kiss me the same anymore."

"After what happened, I can't control myself."

"What if I don't want you to control yourself?" She poked my chest, backing me into the bark of a tree. "I happen to like you all fucked up and crazy. That's the only life I know how to live. Stop feeling sorry for yourself."

"You're starting to get very annoying," I growled. "No one else is shoving themselves down my throat."

"Because no one cares about you like I do!" She slapped a hand over her mouth and backed away from me.

Her words went through my brain like an echo in a cave. I had to think about what she said, and it was strange because no one had ever said anything like that before, minus my mother. She cared about me? What did that mean?

I didn't have a chance to ask her anything because she took off in the opposite direction, back to the group who was starting to pack up to resume the hike.

I slammed my head against the tree and cursed myself for having such strong feelings for Bella. We were falling for each other. I couldn't regulate anything anymore; my love life, my personal life, my alternate personality. Nothing was in my control. What would happen if I just let go? Would my world crumble? I was already in a mental institution, how much more screwed up could I get?

_What was I worried about? _

"Edward!" Alice called. "Come on, we're leaving."

"I'll just walk back." I lifted my head up.

"No can do. Carlisle says we have to make it up the mountain." She pulled on my sweater and started skipping towards the group.

I didn't want to be a downer on this trip when everyone seemed to have a fun time. Alice stayed with Bella, and I hung with Emmett. After a while, Carlisle began explaining that he wanted us to relax. That was easier said than done, but I tried to just breathe in the clean air.

"You seem down today," Carlisle said to me as we continued our walk.

"No, I'm fine."

"You can't lie to a therapist, Edward."

I sighed, "I'm just thinking about shit."

"Meaning…?"

"Meaning that I think I'm falling in love with her," I said, making sure that no one was listening.

"Bella, you mean?"

"Yes."

"And what do you plan on doing about that?"

"What can I do?"

"Have you ever considered that this is what you need?"

"I care about her, but I can't be anything that she needs."

"And why is that?"

"Because I'm not me." I stopped walking. "Does that even make sense?"

"To me it does." He picked up a stick and started twirling it in his hands. "Edward, I'm not trying to tell you what to do, but I feel I should warn you that you can't stop living your life because of your mental issues. Remember what I said about embracing 'Max'?"

"Everyone says that."

"I know you haven't gotten used to everything yet, but don't shut everyone out because you're scared. Do you see any of them running from you?" Carlisle pointed behind me at my friends who were all laughing and seeming to have a great time.

I shook my head.

"There are worse conditions than yours, and let me assure you, they've seen the horrible things that can happen to a person when they don't have a strong support system."

"What if I hurt them?"

"Physically, I don't think you would. You're emotionally hurting them by shutting them out, Bella especially, but I think you and 'Max' have more control than you think."

"I need you to give me more medicine or something."

"I won't do that, Edward," he replied. "You don't need more medicine. You need to stop fighting yourself. That's essentially what you're doing and it's hurting you more than anything. 'Max' is a part of you and by cutting him off, it's becoming unhealthy."

"He needs me just as much as I need him," I said to myself. "That is the most convoluted and pathetic thing I have ever heard."

Carlisle shrugged. "It's a symptom of your psychosis. Don't get me wrong, we want to control 'Max', but that comes with time and my help. You can't do it alone."

"Is that what I'm trying to do?"

"I believe so. You're trying to shut down and get back to normal. That will never happen. Stop fighting 'Max'." He patted my shoulder, and then walked ahead of me.

"Told you." Bella hit my back hard before speeding to catch up with Carlisle.

I prayed that she hadn't heard all of that conversation.

_Please, God. _

"Alright, we're going to take another break," Carlisle said to all of us.

"Thank you!" Rose wiped her forehead like she had been doing actual work.

I decided to sit down on a log that was a little ways from the group and overlooked the ocean. I could see Windemere in the distance across the sound, and the green trees were crawling high onto the hill. The waves below were crashing onto the rocks and making loud noises, but they were oddly comforting.

I pulled out one of the sandwiches that Carlisle had given us as our lunch and started munching.

As I began eating, a strong, smoky scent assaulted my nose, and I sniffed the air, trying to figure out what was going on.

"What the hell is that?" I asked myself, looking around.

"Rose is burning some leaves," Bella said from out of nowhere.

"Oh," I said without turning around. I didn't know what to say, so I decided to stay far away from the argument we just had. "Why does she do that anyway?"

"The voices in her head used to tell her to burn stuff. The voices are gone, but she loves fire. She can't help it."

"Doesn't Carlisle have some kind of medicine for that?"

"Medication doesn't fix everything, Edward. Besides, we like her better when she's burning stuff. Her bitchiness isn't so apparent."

Instead of saying something else, I decided to just keep eating.

"Will you believe me now when I tell you that I'm not going anywhere?" Bella sat next to me suddenly.

I swallowed the bite I had just taken. "How much did you hear of that _private _talk I had with Dr. Cullen?"

"Not much. Just what came after you trying to convince everyone that you're super fucking special. Get over yourself." She rolled her eyes.

I thanked God that she didn't hear the most important part.

"You're very blunt today," I said.

"Because I'm pissed at you for making me think that I did something wrong."

"What?"

She sighed, "These past couple of days, I thought that I did something wrong and that's why you weren't talking to me."

"Why would you think that?"

"I don't know." She ran a hand through the purple of her hair. "I told you I'm not good at relationships. Everyone always leaves me at some point."

"That's ridiculous. This had nothing to do with you. _I'm _the one who's fucked up."

"You're not that fucked up to me." She scooted closer and laid her head on my shoulder. "Just so you know, I don't treat everyone this way so don't tell anyone I'm all gooey on the inside."

"Your secret is safe with me." I kissed the top of her head. "And I'm sorry if you felt shut out because of something you did."

"And… I meant what I said before. I do care about you."

"Are you scared?"

"No, are you?"

I shook my head because I didn't know if my voice would be as strong as I wanted it to be.

"I can't stand you sometimes," Bella said.

"I can't stand you either," I chuckled.

"This isn't funny. I don't appreciate you shutting me out because you're such a pansy ass and get scared of 'Max'."

"Carlisle says that he's attracted to you."

"That's kind of scary." She admitted.

"That's why I was trying to stay away from you. What if he wanted to do something with you?"

"I'll keep the fucker in line. Don't worry."

"I'm sorry," I said again, just to be sure we covered that.

"You should be." She hooked her arm in mine.

"Are you hungry?"

She shook her head. "I'm fine."

We sat on the log and didn't say anything else for a very long time, just listening to the seagulls above and the waves crashing below.

* * *

**A/N:**

These two just get me every time. I loves them. How can you not? They are the perfect mixture of spicy, awkward, and lovable. I think everyone liked Max. lol. Shows me what kind of readers I have, but I dont blame. He's pretty awesome. What if Max and the Colonel had a meeting? Oh my. That might be too much for me. hahaha. And Bella seems to be along for the ride. Now if only Edward would just let go. I'm sure we could get a lot out of him. I guess you'll just have to stick with the story. All apart of the mystery.

As always, thanks to **JennyB0719 **and **Suzie55 **for the beta/pre-read. They keep me in line. Also, thanks to all the readers. You guys rock my socks.

Follow me on twitter for the crap I have to say (at)**johnnyboy1029**

Come back on Sunday. I think I should be updating on Sunday. Probably.


	14. Chapter 14

The Definition of 'Romance'

—_verb; to court or woo romantically; treat with ardor or chivalrousness_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

There was a knock on my door, but since it was so late at night, and I was so dead tired, I didn't know if it was real or not. All I could hear was the raging storm outside and tree limbs scratching eerily against my window. According to the weather report, this was the rainiest September on record. We had that one day of clear skies when Carlisle took us for the hike, but that was a week ago. It had been raining since.

I had lived in this state for most my life, and I had never seen it this bad. Maybe it was an omen of bad things to come. I tried not to think that way, though.

I rolled over and saw that the clock was flashing three in the morning. I had no plans of getting up to answer the door if someone was even there.

There was another knock, a little louder this time. I groaned again, and still didn't get up. If it was the Colonel then I definitely didn't want to answer it. If it were Bella, no matter how much I protested, she would let herself in anyway.

The door opened, and then closed.

"Scoot over," Bella's voice said softly as I knew she would.

"Go away." I put the pillow over my head, trying not to wake up. I knew I would never be able to get back to sleep if I opened my eyes.

"Please," she pleaded.

I sighed, myself slightly so that she could fit into my bed. Her warm and small body snuggled under my covers. She lifted my arm up and placed it over her. Bella sighed contently when she was in place.

"Not that I'm complaining, but may I ask why you're here?" I said without opening my eyes.

"It's storming," she answered.

"I can see that."

"I'm afraid of storms. Rose usually lets me stay with her, but I thought you would be a better option."

I smiled, regardless of the fact that I was still trying to sleep, when I thought about the fact that Bella came to me for protection.

"So you're afraid of a little rain?" I pulled her closer to my chest.

"Just a little. Aren't most people?"

"Most kids," I teased. "You should be all grown up by now."

"Shut up. I can't help it. I never grew out of the fear. Storms are probably the only thing I'm scared of."

"Well, I'm glad you're here." I searched around in the dark for her lips with mine and finally found them. "Now go to bed."

"I'm not tired anymore."

"Well, then let me sleep. Some of us have things to do in the morning. Not to mention, I'm exhausted."

Bella stayed quiet for a couple of seconds, and I thought she had fallen asleep. She started to sing _Angel from Montgomery _tenderly, and her voice was just as beautiful as I remember. I always tried to persuade her to sing more often, but Bella was convinced that she sounded horrible. Even when I played guitar, she wouldn't do it.

I was so tired that I didn't even know if this was real, but I hoped it was because her voice was incredibly soothing. I was asleep in minutes.

A couple of hours later, the annoying alarm of my clock was blaring in my head. I swung my arm over and nearly smashed the thing to bits. The sound stopped, and I brought my arm back over to envelope Bella's body.

_Say what? _

I opened my eyes and saw Bella lying there in peaceful sleep, her chest rising and falling in a steady motion. I guess all of that did really happen last night.

I didn't know how long I stayed in that position, just watching her, but I couldn't help it. Did she realize how stunning she looked?

"Stop staring at me," she mumbled. "You're creeping me out."

"I can't help it," I said truthfully.

"Bring the cheese factor down about ten levels."

"I'm allowed to be cheesy."

"Well, stop looking at me."

"I look at what I want. I think it's time to get up anyway," I sighed.

"Your alarm is so fucking loud," she grumbled and rolled away from me.

"Are you hungry?"

"Am I ever hungry?"

"True." I sat up in bed and wiped my eyes. As usual, outside it was raining like hell, and I knew Emmett was going to drag me to the gym, but I sure as hell wasn't going out in that shit.

"Stop taking all the blanket." Bella pulled and covered up more.

"You have to get up too. It's time for breakfast."

"No," she groaned.

"It's past seven," I pressed.

Bella shot straight up in bed with wide eyes. "Shit, shit, shit, shit…"

"What? What happened?" I asked worriedly.

She stumbled out of my bed. "I'm late for therapy. Aro's going to kill me."

"Slow down. You're going to trip," I said as she raced to the door.

"I'll see you later." She slammed the door shut, and I heard her footsteps in the hallway.

I shook my head from the whirlwind that I had just experienced and got out of bed myself. I did my morning routine, which consisted of a shower and thorough teeth brushing. I dressed for the day and started my walk towards the cafeteria for breakfast.

As soon as I opened the door, Alice was bouncing in front of my face.

"Hey, Edward." She jumped up to kiss my cheek. "How are you today?"

"Um, I'm good." I was taken aback by her enthusiasm so early in the morning when everyone else looked like the walking dead.

"Are you coming to art therapy today? You've never been and I want to show you what I'm working on."

"Sure. I'll be there after I sit with my mother for a little bit."

"Oh, good. I'll be able to show you my paintings."

"Why exactly are you such a livewire today?" I asked as we stood in line.

"Carlisle has me on some new medication and I actually slept a full eight hours last night. It was amazing." Her eyes grew as wide as saucers. "I can't remember the last time that happened."

"You seem happy."

"Overly so. I feel so energetic now."

"We should all duck-and-cover." I chuckled, "You're like a jackrabbit on crack."

"I want a bunny." She totally disregarded my last statement and started fantasizing about what her rabbit's name should be. All the way to the table, she was debating between "Bugs" or "Cadbury". I just let her talk.

By the time I sat down next to Emmett, I was tired again.

"Alice, are you still talking?" He banged his head on the table. "Just shut up."

"She can't help it," Rose snapped.

"How does he deal with it?" I asked, pointing to Jasper who was reading a car magazine.

"I'm used to it," he answered. "Besides, I occupy myself."

"You guys act like I'm some annoying, little sister." Alice giggled, "You're all so are funny."

"She won't shut up," Emmett growled at me. "Make her stop talking."

"Can't help you." I took a bite of my bagel.

"So, what are we going to do today?" Rose asked us.

"About what?" I said.

"I figured you, of all people, would know the significance of this wonderful day." She rolled her eyes.

"Should I?"

"It's Bella's birthday, silly." Alice shook her head. "You're embarrassing yourself with your lack of knowledge."

I thought back as far as I could and tried to remember anything from Bella about it being her birthday. Come to think about it, there were a lot of things that I didn't know about her. What was her favorite color or book or movie? I was slacking on the boyfriend front. Alice was right. I should be embarrassed with myself.

I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that there was more than enough time for me to make a call to Esme before her visit. She could bring me a gift for Bella. Being the nosy mother that she was, she would ask questions, but I think it was time for her to get some answers.

"So, what do you guys normally do?" I asked, trying to seem nonchalant about the whole situation.

"She hates to celebrate it; literally hates it," Rose explained. "One year, Alice planned a small party and she flipped out. She ran away for two days."

"She's just being stubborn. No one hates their birthday," Alice quipped.

"Bella does," Emmett said. "We normally just don't talk about it."

"Well, that doesn't sound fun."

"No, it's not," Alice pouted, "but I shall respect her wishes. We can have a boring day as usual."

I wondered why Bella didn't like to celebrate her birthday. A gift would be acceptable, right? And maybe I could even take it a step further than that. Every girl loves romance no matter where they are. What better day than today?

After breakfast, I made my call to Esme and gave her the list of things that I needed her to bring for the weekly visit. I also talked to some other people around Windemere to get plans together for a "non-birthday" dinner for Bella. Just the two of us. That would be nice, and I made sure that no one knew about it, especially Alice… not yet, at least. She wouldn't be able to keep her mouth shut, and this had to be timed right.

Today was Bella's long therapy day, so she would be busy and I could plan without her trying to peek in on what I was doing. I had to sneak this up on her because according to everyone, she didn't like being made a fuss over. I wasn't going to throw her a parade or anything like that, but I just wanted to show her that she was cared for. I wondered if her father was going to visit or anything like that. I suspected not. I hadn't met him yet, and she almost never talked about him, so I didn't usually think to ask.

As I sat waiting for my mother, I kept going over the plans for tonight in my head and was suddenly getting very nervous. This was going to be the closest thing to a real date Bella and I would ever have, so I wanted to at least do this right.

"Hello, my darling boy," Esme's voice said as her small arms assaulted my neck. I almost couldn't breathe.

"Hi, Mom," I choked out.

"I've missed you so much." She let me go and sat across the table.

"Did you bring my stuff?"

"Yes, it's all here. Someone put it all in your room for you." She sat down and took off her jacket. "What use do you have with a suit in here?"

"I'm having a nice dinner with someone tonight."

"Oh, a lady friend?" She grinned.

"Yes, mother."

"This is so exciting. Who is she? Is she here? What's her name?" She began looking around furiously. "I bet she's pretty."

"Please don't embarrass me," I whispered. "Stop looking for her. She's not here. She has therapy, but today is her birthday. I have some plans for tonight."

"How sweet. You obviously got your father's knack for treating women right."

"I'm trying." I shrugged.

"And how are you doing? Carlisle said you had a little setback last week."

"Carlisle? Are you two on a first name basis now?" I said, a little too sharply, but I couldn't catch my tone.

She blushed. "Well, no, but he calls me from time to time and gives me notes on your progress."

"I don't think it's appropriate for my doctor to be calling you at home."

"Edward, no need to get defensive. I'm just worried about you and asked for updates."

"Really? Are you sure it's nothing more?"

Esme clicked her teeth together in thought for a couple of seconds, thinking about how to answer that. "Let's not get into that right now. We're here to talk about you."

After that, the conversation between my mother and I was tense.

She and Carlisle had met each other a little over two weeks ago, and I'd noticed the change in both of them immediately. Esme was giddy and practically blushing with every mention of his name. Carlisle was like a schoolboy with a permanent smile on his face these days. He looked younger and incredibly happy. Now I guess they were even talking over the phone, which was something I didn't know about. I wasn't stupid. I knew that they were attracted to each other and probably more than physically, but I wasn't having it. I didn't like it.

My mother deserved to be happy; I wanted her to be happy. Just not with my doctor and not with a man who was so closed off as Carlisle. He wasn't right for her. Maybe I should talk to him about it. I didn't want Esme to feel bad about how she felt, but couldn't she find someone else to fall for?

By the time she left, I was kind of pissed off; at whom, I didn't know. I tried to just take a couple of breaths and not let Max emerge. I didn't know what triggered him, but I wasn't going to let him get control of me. Not today. I had things to do.

Like I promised, I went to art therapy. Alice was begging me to see her stuff, and maybe I needed some extra therapy. It couldn't hurt, right? I had never been before, but I heard it was quite beneficial in controlling your temper and focusing on something positive.

"Edward, over here!" Alice shouted as I went into the room. It was large like the cafeteria, but paintings dotted the walls and there were art supplies in every corner. Everyone seemed to be having fun with their pottery or weaving or whatever the hell they were doing.

I headed over to where Alice and Jasper were sitting. She had a large canvas in front of her that was painted in a deep blue with nothing else on it. Jasper was just drawing on a sheet of paper.

"Hey, guys." I waved when I sat down.

"I'm so glad you're here. You can finally see my masterpieces," Alice said excitedly.

"I can't wait."

"Alice is finishing up her latest painting for Bella's birthday," Jasper told me.

"You can give it to her tonight on your date." Alice sat back down and picked up a paintbrush.

"How did you know about that?" I tried not to sound too surprised.

"I know everything." She scoffed. "I'm psychic."

"Of course," I sighed. "Well, don't say anything. I want to surprise her."

"Bella hates surprises," she warned me.

"Maybe she'll like them from me," I thought hopefully. "I thought you said you were psychic. Can't you see and just tell me if she'll like a surprise from me," I said sarcastically. I was goading her, but she took it in stride.

"We shall see." Alice smiled, "Anyway, do you want to paint or something?"

"Um, what about that?" I pointed to a girl who was pounding some clay. "That looks fun."

"Okay, follow me." Jasper got up and went to a cabinet. We came back to the table with a couple pounds of clay and the art teacher gave us instructions.

It took me awhile to get into it, but I was pounding away with a force that almost scared me. It was very… therapeutic. I didn't really know what I was making, though. The teacher, whose name was Mrs. Ronald, tried getting me to make a pinch pot, as she called it.

"…And then you take your fingers and clamp all around the edges until it's closed." She demonstrated.

"That's easier said than done." Jasper grunted as he tried to make his own pot. "Mine looks like a piece of shit; literally."

I laughed at his clay that was all clumped up and piled on top of each other.

"How did you make yours look like that? Mine is bad, but at least it resembles something presentable," I said.

"Shut up. Maybe it will look better if I paint it."

"We can't paint it until you have created something, Mr. Whitlock," Mrs. Ronald replied. "I'm sorry, but that has to be the worst pinch pot I've ever seen." She giggled under her breath.

"This is not my forte. I only come here because of Alice," he mumbled. "Art therapy is stupid."

"Art therapy is beneficial," Alice shouted from across the room. She was with the "real artists" as they called themselves. They thrived on outdoing everyone else.

"She has ears like a dog," Jasper whispered to me. Alice scowled at him.

"Well, my pot looks impressive, if I do say so myself." I appraised my work. "I didn't think I had it in me."

"I'll get you a tray so you can put it in the kiln," Mrs. Ronald said. "Very good job, Mr. Masen." She got up from the table and walked away.

"You're such a teacher's pet." Jasper rolled his eyes. "I hate you."

"You just didn't try hard enough." I shrugged.

"What the hell is that?" Bella appeared out of nowhere and sat next to me. I had to do a double-take to see if it was really her.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I heard you were in art therapy so I had to come check it out for myself."

"You never do extra therapy," Jasper said.

"Did I say I was here to participate?" she snapped.

"Okay, sheesh." He bit his tongue.

"What the hell is that?" she asked me again.

"It's a pinch pot." I held it up proudly in front of her. "I made it myself."

She raised a skeptical eyebrow. "That's… interesting."

"It's nice."

She dug into her pocket and pulled out three lollipop sticks. "I needed a place to put my trash." She stuck them in my pot.

"Are you crazy?" I dumped them out onto the table. "This is beautiful artwork."

"It looks like shit to me."

"No, that's shit." I pointed to Jasper's pot, which he was still trying to wrestle with.

"You can both shut up!" he barked.

"It will be perfect when I paint it," I said, "and then I'll give it to you."

"I feel so honored. I can't wait to display it among all the other wonderful artwork I own," she replied sarcastically.

"You better put it right up front and center."

"Yes, sir."

"How was therapy?" I asked.

"Same ole', same ole'." She shrugged.

That's all she ever said. I didn't push.

I got up and headed over to the kiln, where Mrs. Ronald was waiting for my pinch pot.

Bella waited with me, and we talked about everything except her birthday. I don't know what it was, but she seemed to be purposefully avoiding the subject. I hadn't let onto the fact that I knew, although, she was fidgeting and kept looking over her shoulder as if she was nervous or something. Alice kept skipping by us with a smile, which we both ignored.

I decided to just dive into the subject headfirst.

"So," I tapped my foot on the ground, "I hear it's your birthday today."

She stopped twirling the purple strand of her hair around her finger. "Who told you that?"

"People," I answered with a shrug. "Is it?"

"Is it what?"

"Your birthday."

"Yes," she sighed, "don't you dare tell anyone."

"I think everyone already knows."

"Damn it. You all are so nosy. I can't stand this place." She mumbled, "I hate birthdays."

"Why?"

"Because they're just another reminder of a year, which I've wasted away."

"That sounds like a piece-of-crap answer."

"You're not getting the story right now. I don't feel like talking about it." She crossed her arms.

"Alright, we don't have to talk about it." I chewed on my lip. "What if I told you I got you a present?"

"Then I would kill you."

"Come on, Bella. I had to do something and since you didn't give me any warning, I did the best I could on such short notice."

"I hate birthdays," she groaned. "It better not be anything embarrassing."

"It's just something nice. I wanted to do it."

"I hate you and I refuse to participate in any birthday related activities."

"We'll see. I have my ways." I leaned back arrogantly. She had no idea what I was capable of.

"You better not be doing anything sneaky. I will blow up and bite you."

I didn't say anything else because I didn't want to get into anything right now. This had the potential of being a large argument, which I wouldn't back down from, so it was best to let it go.

When my pinch pot was done, Mrs. Ronald pulled it out of the kiln. She placed a bunch of paints in front of me and said that I should get to work. She tried to convince me that this was a good therapy technique, but I was less than convinced. What was therapeutic about painting? I continued to cover my masterpiece in colorful shades of blue and purple that Bella chose. She helped me decorate the pot, which was looking better by the second, and I was actually proud of myself for creating something so artistic.

"This is looking kind of nice," Bella evaluated.

"You sound surprised."

"Well, I never knew you to be such an artist."

"I have many talents. You just don't care enough to investigate them."

"That was cryptic and didn't really give me the information I wanted to know."

"Alright, let's play a game. I'll tell you one thing about myself, and then you can tell me something about you."

She thought for a second. "Alright. You go first."

"Um, my favorite book is _Jane Eyre." _

"Isn't that kind of too feminine for a guy?"

"I didn't realize books had a gender. Isn't the world of literature free for anyone?"

"I guess, but I've never met a guy who has heard of _Jane Eyre, _let alone liked it."

"I read it in high school and found the writing intriguing; more so than the subject matter. It was the first book that captured me."

"Interesting," Bella said.

"Okay, you're turn."

She bit her lip. "My favorite movie is _Casablanca." _

"I knew that."

"How?" She stopped painting.

"You have the poster in your room. It's the only movie poster up."

"Keen eye. I'm impressed."

"I hate cats," I said as my next fact.

"I love cats, but I'm allergic to them."

I laughed and tried to picture Bella as an old cat lady. She had the attitude for it.

"It's not funny." She nudged my shoulder. "I seriously can't breathe when I'm around them, but I love to hold the little things."

"Sorry, but that's hilarious. Usually, people stay away from things that hurt them."

"I can't help it. They're so cute." She giggled. "Okay, you go. Tell me something embarrassing."

It didn't even take a second for me to come up with something.

"They used to call me Cum Jeans in high school," I sighed, already regretting what erupted out of my mouth.

"Cum Jeans?" she said slowly, "Cum as in…?"

"Yeah, as in _that."_

"I can't wait for this story."

"You have to understand that when you're a sixteen year old boy, not much else matters besides sex and food," I sighed. "Well, there was this girl that I really liked and she was a senior. Every guy in school knew that they didn't have a chance with her. One day we had this pep rally in the gym with every student from school and she happened to sit next to me. We started talking and she was really nice, but I was so fucking awkward. She kept touching me and I was incredibly turned on. I was trying to sit so that she wouldn't see my erection."

Bella was no leaning in with anticipation. "Then what happened?"

"Um," I lowered my head, "she dropped her pen on the floor in between my legs and when she bent down to get it, I kind of lost control."

"What does that mean?"

"I blew my load in my jeans," I said through my teeth. "It was a lot too. I couldn't help it. First, her hand brushed me, and then with her head there, it kind of… just happened."

"But… she didn't even do anything."

"She was just there. That was enough." I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm myself from the memories.

"So you just came in your jeans in the gym?"

"Yeah, and there was a massive wet spot on my pants."

"What did she do?" Bella was fighting her laughter.

"She didn't notice it, but the football player next to me did and at first he thought I'd peed myself. He started laughing, and of course I had to argue that I didn't pee. He then kind of caught on as to what happened. I lived through the next two years as Cum Jeans."

"That is… just so embarrassing." Bella broke down, roaring with laughter. I had never told that story to anyone and it surprised me that the words came so easily. I thought I locked that anecdote up in my brain vault forever. There was something about Bella that made me trust her with this kind of story.

After my excruciating fact, Bella refused to go any further with our game. She said she couldn't bare another story. We continued to paint my pot with minute and matched movements.

I told Bella that I had to use the "bathroom", but I really talked to Alice about tonight. I needed her help. Of course, Alice was more than happy—overly so—to aid in my surprise.

By the time the pot was finished, the sun was setting.

Bella got up from her seat and stretched. "That was fun. I've never done that before."

"We'll have to come back and do another one."

"Don't get your hopes up. Extra therapy is not for me."

Before I had the chance to say anything, Alice nearly crashed into us as she ran to Bella's side.

"Hey, Bella," she chirped.

"Hi."

"I was wondering if you wanted to see what I did with my room?"

I had to stop from rolling my eyes. That was the worst "come away with me" strategy I had ever heard.

"I've seen your room already, Alice," Bella said.

"I know, but I've made it super pretty now."

Bella looked at me confusedly, and then back to Alice. "Um, okay, sure."

"Cool," Alice pushed Bella out of the room, but not before giving me a conspicuous wink.

Once they were gone, I put my pot on the windowsill to dry and raced back to my room. Alice was going to work quickly and everything was already set up, so I needed to get dressed.

I shaved and furiously brushed my teeth, making sure to treat this like a real date. Of course, the nerves kicked in and I became nervous, but I tried not to think about how horribly wrong this might turn out if Bella argued about it.

_She better not bite me._

An hour later, I was in a casual gray suit with a crisp white shirt and shiny dress shoes. My face was smooth and clean, my teeth were shiny and Winterfresh, and my hair was tamed in a gentlemanly way—or as much as I could pull off.

As I paced in front of the private room that I had asked Carlisle for earlier today, my whole mind started creating ways of dealing with a feisty Bella if she didn't go for this. At least all the hard things were done. Awkwardly, I talked to Carlisle, making sure not to mention my mother. I didn't want to talk about that today. I stuck to the subject of Bella's birthday. He was more than happy to help with my requests. I hadn't checked if everything was done to my liking, but I trusted that it was taken care of.

Two minutes past seven, I heard two feminine voices bouncing off of the hollow walls of the corridor, and my ears perked up in an effort to better distinguish them. I wiped sweat off of my brow as I heard Bella complain about something.

"Alice, I look stupid," she griped.

"No, you look beautiful and Edward will like it."

"I don't give a shit what he likes. I'm not doing this."

"It's your birthday. You have to at least do something."

"Right. I'll sit in my room and eat candy. That's perfect." I could almost see Bella in my head as I pictured her crossed her arms and stomping.

"Just shut up. I won't have you messing things up. He worked hard all day for you and you're going to like it." Alice had a fire in her voice that I didn't ever think I would hear. It was dripping with anger, pent-up rage, and a threatening timbre.

Bella didn't say anything else, but when they rounded the corner, there was a scowl on her face that made me shiver. I could almost hear the paint peeling from the walls behind me as her steely brown eyes bore holes into my head.

I awkwardly waved and tried to smile, but it didn't work.

While her face might have been disgustingly cute in its terrifying state, the rest of her looked splendid. The dress was purple and left nothing to the imagination. It had no straps, and I didn't know how the thing was staying on her body, but it hugged her curves all the way down until it hit mid-thigh. Besides that, Bella looked almost the same. Her hair was obviously more styled as it fell over one shoulder— the purple matching the color of her dress—and I could see light eye shadow even from down the hall.

I had to suppress a laugh as my eyes traveled down her creamy legs to the bright green frog slippers that I bet she refused to change out of.

Alice and Bella stopped right in front of me with two very different facial expressions.

"Here she is." Alice bounced up and down. "She didn't have a dress, so I had to loan her one of mine."

"It's three sizes too small and my boobs are practically sitting on my face," Bella growled at me. "They're squished together."

"Your… uh… your boobs look very nice." I tried to avert my eyes, but now that she mentioned them, they were all I could see.

"This is so cute." Alice pulled a camera out of nowhere and snapped pictures like Bella and I were going to prom.

"Stop it." I covered my eyes from the flashes.

"I have to document this," she pouted. "Let me get one with the two of you."

"Alice, I swear to God…" Bella stomped her foot like I knew she would. "You have me in a dress, makeup on, my hair done, and I don't even know why I'm fucking here. Stop taking pictures!"

"Okay, okay. Sheesh. You two are perfect for each other." She backed up. "A pair of old grouches."

Just to annoy us, Alice took a couple more pictures, and then skipped off down the hall, swinging her camera like a purse.

"I'm going to break that thing," I said under my breath.

"What the hell is this?" Bella snapped at me.

"Your birthday dinner." I smiled.

"I don't need a birthday dinner. I told you I wasn't participating in anything."

"Well, you're having one." I shrugged. "You look very nice."

"I have never in my life worn a dress and now, look at me." She threw her hands in the air. "I look like some kind of magazine whore."

"I think you look incredible," I said truthfully, trying not to sound like a prepubescent teenager. Sudden pictures of wet jeans, high school taunting, and sounds of horrible nicknames played in my head. I shook them off easily.

"I hate you with such a passion that I might…"

I cut her voice off with my lips, strong on hers. I had to show her that this was a good day. I didn't know what had happened in her past birthdays, but I was going to do this one right.

I didn't even breathe, because I was afraid that she would break away if I gave her one chance, so I kept myself connected to her mouth. We must have stayed that way for several long minutes, but I wasn't really sure.

When I finally did take a breath and open my eyes, I felt Bella's fingers in my hair, pulling at the roots. She was gone to the world just as I was.

"Can you let me be romantic for one night, please?" I rested my forehead on hers, panting and sexually exhausted from one kiss.

"No one's ever been romantic with me." Her voice was so small that I just wanted to wrap her in my arms. She sounded scared.

"I can show you what it's like to be cared for. Please just let me show you."

She nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm not a bitch. I promise."

I chuckled and took her hand, opening the door at the same time.

Just as I had specified, the shades were drawn and the lights were off. We were in an empty classroom, with minimal furniture.

I know it was cliché, but I was all about classics. Small candles and rose petals were scattered everywhere—on the floor, on the empty bookshelves, on the counters. Sure, we were in a mental institution and technically candles weren't allowed, so they weren't lit. Just the illusion of fire. They trailed a pathway towards the center of the room where a circular table was situated with two chairs.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked.

Bella didn't speak for a second. She ran her hand over the soft tablecloth, her fingers brushing the silverware.

"How did you do all of this?" She walked around the table in a dream-like state.

"I honestly didn't do anything. I just had the plan in my head. I couldn't really sneak away all day, but everyone was more than happy to help."

"Who helped?"

"Um, Carlisle gave us a room, Mrs. Cope set everything up, my mother brought stuff from home, and the dinner is the same as what they're having in dining hall. I just asked them to spice it up a little." I pulled the covers off of the plates on the table. A generic dinner presented itself, but there were nice garnishes and it looked ten times better than anything we had ever eaten at Windemere.

"And, of course, Alice," she stated.

"Of course." I nodded.

"This is… incredible." Bella sadly smiled. "I've never even…"

"Would you like to sit?" I asked again when I noticed her voice crack. I wanted her to be happy.

I pulled out a chair for her, and she lightly sat down.

Over the next hour, most of the general, ubiquitous questions that had been floating around in my head were answered. I wanted to learn everything about Bella, and this was the first step.

She revealed her favorite type of music, favorite color, favorite TV show, holiday, food, number, song; anything I could think about. After a while, I was just asking the silliest stuff I could. She answered them all dutifully and without argument.

"I can't believe you did all of this." She shifted in her seat when we finished dinner.

"I had to do something. I thought you were going to put up more of a fight," I confessed. "I was making plans to hold you down."

"You get one night to be romantic," she said firmly.

"How am I doing so far?"

"Amazingly well, but it's not like I have anything to compare it to."

"Good." I took her hand.

"I've never had a good birthday," she admitted, bowing her head. "You made it special."

"I tried."

"You didn't have to."

"Yes, I did." That was all I could say. It felt like I had to do this.

I noticed her wipe her cheek, but I knew she wouldn't want me to say anything about it.

"I got you a gift." I dug under my chair and pulled out a large gift wrapped box.

Bella's eyes glazed over when I handed it to her.

"Can I open it?" she asked excitedly.

"Why don't you wait until you get back to your room?" I suggested.

She nodded and put the box down, letting out a deep breath. "What now?"

"Would you like to dance?"

"Dance?"

I got up from my seat and went to the CD player that was on the far side of the room, flipping it on easily. The soft sounds of Edith Piaf's _La Vie en Rose _played through the room, and I went back over to Bella. I took her hand and lifted her off of her seat.

"I don't know how to dance," she said worriedly.

"I've got you." I raised her onto my shoes and my arms went around her waist. Her slipper covered feet feeling like feathers.

I took my time, spinning us around the room slowly. She rested her head on my chest, and we just listened to the music play around us.

"Happy birthday, Bella."

* * *

**A/N:**

Isn't he so sweet? Edward sure does know how to treat a lady right. **  
**

Hello, all! How has our week been going? Well, I hope. Just a sweet chapter just to build. Feel the pressure stewing? I hope you you look at the categories that this story falls under then you will see that it's Drama/Romance. I think we've taken care of the romance. So...yeah. That's all i will say. I also feel a little itchy to get something from Bella's mind out there. Maybe? Possibly? Oh an lemons? I needs me some sourness. Anyway, not much more to say for this chapter.

As always, thanks to **Jenny **and **Suzzie **for being just plain awesome. They truly are the best.

Dont forget to follow me on twitter** (at)johnnyboy1029**

Update early next week!**  
**


	15. Chapter 15

September 13

BELLA POV

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

"Thank you for letting me be romantic tonight." Edward's voice was so loving and tender that I didn't know how to react. I usually didn't when it came to him.

"You're welcome?"

He chuckled and let go of my hand when we reached my door. He set my gift wrapped box on the floor. "Don't forget to open that."

"Can't you just tell me what it is?"

"Not a chance." He leaned in. "Happy Birthday, Bella."

Edward's lips were so soft on mine and something animalistic erupted in my blood—like it always did, but I tried to suppress that. It felt like we had been kissing for years as I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. My hands immediately went into his hair, and the taste of his lips was overwhelming. They were the most succulent thing I had ever tasted in my life, and I sucked his bottom one gently while he took my top one into his mouth.

I opened my mouth while moaning against the force of our kiss. Our tongues thrashed together, and I didn't even think I took a breath the entire time that we stayed connected. We didn't bother with formalities as our tongues collided in a wicked dance of wetness that I loved. I began scratching his scalp involuntarily as his strong hands massaged my hips. My skin was burning, my ears were ringing, and my head was swirling, but I could have cared less.

"I have to go back to my room now." He relinquished my lips.

"Why? Stay with me," I almost pleaded. I had become very accustomed to his body next to mine while I slept. I liked it that way, and I sometimes couldn't drift off until I heard his light snoring.

"I think it would be best if we didn't take this any further. I might not be able to control myself." His voice had a low sensuality to it that made me want to jump into his arms. This man had been challenging my self-control since I met him.

"I don't want you to control yourself." I ran my hands through his hair. He shuddered.

"No, I can't." Edward shook his head. "Happy birthday."

Like a lightning bolt, Edward dashed in the opposite direction towards his room. He didn't even turn around to wave goodbye. I could hear him muttering the entire way down the hall.

"Damn," I sighed. Edward was the master of willpower. Didn't most men want to have sex? That's what I thought, at least. I hadn't made any headway with that yet. I had done almost everything I could think of to take that step and still… nothing. He had seen me buck-naked for Christ sakes.

I picked up my large gift off of the floor and made my way into the room. I shut the door and leaned against it, thinking about how different this day was from the others.

_September 13__th__. _

Probably one of the worst dates on the yearly calendar. My birthday had never brought anything special or memorable.

Even when I was a little girl, I hadn't really liked to have big parties or a massive cake. I just wanted a little affection; nothing over the top. As the years went on, birthdays just got worse.

I had blocked the day out of my mind after I had been taken from my home. Sir never made it a good day. He was always a little _too _affectionate. When I came here to Windemere, the old feelings just stayed within me. I couldn't get rid of them. Birthdays were bad. That was it.

For the first time in a long time, I had someone who actually wanted to make _me_ feel good.

Who was this man?

Edward had to be the best person in the entire world, and I wasn't exaggerating. There weren't enough words in the dictionary to describe him. Gorgeous didn't even begin to classify his looks. My insides tingled just thinking about his emerald eyes. They were mesmerizing and hypnotic and… gorgeous. His soul was completely indescribable, and I didn't know people were actually that nice. He was gentle, among everything else. His touches were never controlling and his voice was easygoing, but firm at the same time. He was the perfect amalgamation of everything that I had never experienced or thought existed, but dreamed of.

I let out a deep breathe, exhausted from my mental fawning over Edward.

I put my gift on the bed, and for some reason, I didn't want to open it—not yet. Even though I never liked my birthdays, I had to admit that Edward had made this one the best of my life. The candles, the roses, the music, the dinner; it was all too much. The gift—no matter what it was—was just something else that I couldn't repay. What could I ever give him in return?

Edward made me feel so many things and never once asked me for anything. I wanted him and loved all of his attentions and gestures, but sometimes they made me feel bad knowing I couldn't give back to him in the same way.

He had done too much already.

As I started to unzip the back of my too tight, too small dress, there was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said without turning around.

"Alice demanded that I come down here and get all the juicy details from your love fest." Rose shut the door with her foot. Her hands were occupied by a gigantic painting.

"What the hell is that?"

"Alice's gift." She turned it around.

"There's nothing on it." I looked over the canvas that was just painted a dark blue. There wasn't anything else.

Rose shrugged. "I don't know. She said it was something about artistic freedom. She'll come down later to explain it." She put it on the bed. "What happened? Tell me everything."

"I don't think I should." I smirked and went back to dressing in my Superman pajamas.

"Come on," Rose groaned. "Just tell me what the fucker did for you. Alice has been bouncing all night. I want to know."

"You'll just make fun of him."

"Of course I will, but I still want to know."

"Can you help me with my hair?" I changed the subject, going into my closet and searching through the massive collection of dye that I had amassed. "What color should I use?"

"Just pick one." She snatched a box down and ripped the packaging open, stomping to the bathroom.

I dragged a chair behind me and placed it in front of the mirror. I sat down as Rose was snapping on some gloves, preparing to color my hair.

"So, Edward can give you birthday present, but we can't?" She turned her lip up.

"Alice gave me a fucking present; _you _didn't. And besides, Edward's different."

"I was _forbidden _to get you anything and why?"

"Because he doesn't know about my other horrible birthdays. He just wanted to make this one special."

"You're such a sap." She rolled her eyes. "He has you brainwashed."

"Of course he does. He's so damn sexy," I almost whined, just thinking about Edward's glorious body in his suit. He was perfect in scrubs, so Edward in a suit was too much for my lady parts. I don't know where he got it from, but it fit him perfectly and I could see every line of his body. His sculpted chest, his powerful yet slender legs, his biceps, his ass; everything.

"Stop shaking." Rose hit me with a comb.

I didn't even realize I was sexually shuddering until she pointed it out. I dabbed my forehead with a towel to calm myself.

_This man was going to make me melt. _

Rose worked silently on my hair. To be honest, as many times as it had been dyed, I should know how to do it, but I always needed help. Alice was too jittery to give a good dye job, so Rose was usually the best option. The color of choice today was a peach color, which was more red than orange. It would settle once I washed my hair.

"I think you're in love with him," she said to me in a clipped tone.

I bit my lip and just chewed on a piece of licorice. I had blocked the word 'love' out of my vocabulary when I was thirteen, maybe younger. Love didn't exist.

"And I don't know how I feel about that," she continued. "He's not right for you."

"What's right for me?" I scoffed.

"Someone who's not in here. He's an insane, bi-polar, freak."

"That's the best part about him." I tried not to smile. "And don't call him that. Edward is just a little mixed up. He's not a freak. You burn things to keep the voices away. Let's not get started on freaks."

"I burn things because I can."

"Edward can't control himself sometimes."

"I like Max better."

"Edward is the best thing that's ever happened to me," I sighed. "He's going to leave me. I just know it."

"You two can't just act like lovers and stay here for the rest of your lives. That's not how it works."

"You and Emmett love each other, so why can't I have someone for me?"

"Because it doesn't work that way. You're not healed yet. I'm worried for you."

"I'm not healed?" I shot her a dirty look. "I won't ever be healed. I'm fucked for the rest of my life. Get over it; I have."

"You're supposed to be focusing on your therapy. Edward's distracting you."

"You sound like Aro."

"What does he have to say about all of this, by the way?" She continued on my hair.

"He doesn't say anything. He actually hasn't been here the past few weeks. He's transferring to some hospital in San Francisco."

"Really? I haven't heard that."

"Yeah. He leaves at the end of the year so he's trying to do as much damage as possible." I shrugged.

"Wow, that's serious."

"Carlisle doesn't even know yet. The board is trying to keep it quiet. I hacked into his computer and found out. He doesn't know I know."

"What are you going to do?"

"They're looking for another doctor. I don't care just as long as the new guy leaves me alone."

Rose rolled her eyes and applied hair dye without saying anything.

It didn't take very long, but after about an hour, my hair was set in pins to keep it in place. The orange was striking and reminded me of the sun; it matched my mood at the moment.

"Thank you," I said as I gathered up the trash and put it all in the can near the sink.

"No problem." She leaned against the doorjamb. "Look, I know that I'm not the warmest person in the world, but I care about you. I don't want to see you get hurt and I don't think that Edward's the best option for you."

"Options? I don't get to have options." I pushed past her and went into my bedroom. "I just want to feel normal for a change and Edward does that for me."

"Do you really think he's going to be there after he knows everything?"

"Why are you shitting on my night?" I snapped loudly.

"I'm trying to make you see reality."

"Reality is what I see in front of me and Edward is the kindest, sweetest…" I trailed off, "Forget it. I don't have to explain myself to you."

"Bella, I'm just trying…"

"Get out of my room," I ordered, cutting her off. "I don't want to talk to you anymore."

She exhaled deeply and nodded, "Happy birthday, Bella."

I sat on my bed angrily and had the strong desire to punch something. Rosalie was the one person who could make you feel so inferior and make you question yourself in a split second. I had seen her demolish a nurse with just one word and reduce a full grown man to tears with her eyes. You would think that Rose had some more tact with her friends, but she was just as bitchy. I hated her and loved her all at the same time. She was one of the few friends I had. I couldn't be choosey.

As I tapped my fingers on my knee I thought about how much my demeanor had changed after meeting Edward. It was hard to understand the feelings that I had for him. He was my friend—my best friend. At times, we were more than that. I cursed our situation. How much of a relationship could we have in a place like this? It was impossible, but he was trying very hard to make me feel special. I could see that through his actions and words. That's what mattered.

I shifted on my bed, the wrapping of the gift Edward had given me, rustled.

In a split second, I snatched the box up and started tearing the paper off and tried not to seem too eager, but this was the first real birthday gift I had received since I was fifteen. Charlie didn't even bother sending me things anymore.

I ripped the box open and there was even more paper inside.

"Sheesh," I said to myself at the sight of even more wrapping.

The first thing my hand touched was the packaging of candy. I could tell by the sound.

A wide smile burst onto my face as I started pulling out bunches of candy. It was all of my favorites; a gigantic bag of lollipops, chocolate in all varieties, gummy bears, and that weird Australian licorice that Edward loved so much. It had quickly become my new devilish delight. They were strangely addicting.

It felt like Christmas morning as I hugged the bags of candy to my chest. There was a note in the box as well, but I would have missed it if it hadn't fallen out. I put the candy down on the bed and unfolded the letter.

_Dear Bella, _

_First of all, Happy Birthday! I know that you don't like them, but I had about five hours to put this whole night together so you'd better not complain. I don't know how this will all go yet, so if you're mad at me when you read this, just eat the licorice. It will remind you of the good times. _

_Secondly, I don't really want you to feel like I'm making a big deal about this, but I just wanted you to know that you're worth fussing over. I would spend every day celebrating your birth if I could, but people might get annoyed with me. You seem to think that you're not special enough to make a big deal over, but you are—to me at least. I hate it when you put yourself down or say that you're not worth it because you are. You've made my stay here incredibly enjoyable; I would even say pleasant. I'm seriously debating on whether or not I want to be fixed at all. I wouldn't get to see you again and I don't know how I would be able to go about my day without you in it, and I mean that genuinely. _

_I'm going to wrap this up before I start going into prose, but remember what I said. You're worth it. _

_Happy Birthday and enjoy the day because it only comes once a year. _

_Love, _

_Edward_

A small droplet of water stained the ink of the second paragraph as I read the letter again. I quickly whipped my face, trying not to embarrass myself.

_Love? What did that mean? _

"Damn that man," I said softly. Edward was doing it again. He was making me feel so normal that I didn't know how to react. He was perfect, and he deserved better than me. When was he going to see that?

I jumped off of my bed, my frog slippers making soft padding on the floor, as I went to the mirror. I pulled the pins out of my hair and fluffed it up, trying to look somewhat presentable. I was never going to look as good as him, but I could at least try.

I ran to the door and peeked out into the hallway, making sure that no one would see me. I lightly tiptoed to Edward's room, which was only a couple doors down from mine.

I knocked lightly. There was no answer.

"Edward, are you up?" I asked in a whisper. "I wanted to thank you."

There was still no answer.

I turned the knob of his door and pushed it open.

The first thing I smelled was blood. I hated the rusty, sweet scent, and I could recognize it anywhere. I covered my nose and started to panic, looking around to see if something bad had happened. His room wasn't any messier than it normally was, but I could tell that there had been a struggle of some sort. The bed sheet was ripped and the drawers were pulled out of the cabinet in disarray.

"Edward, are you alright?" I asked.

I saw him sitting on the bed, his back against his headboard in the dark, but even then I could see the unnervingly glow of his green eyes. They were the only thing that stood out in the shadowy room.

"Edward?"

"Do I know you?" His voice was two octaves deeper and sent a chill down my spine that rattled my whole body.

"It's…. Bella."

"I'm Max. It's nice to meet you."

"Oh! Okay." I said with my back against the closed door. It took me a second to even breathe again, which I shouldn't have done with the stale scent of blood hanging in the air. I didn't even realize that I was talking to someone new until I remembered that Max wasn't Edward. They were two completely different people.

This was intriguing**.** Max had come out to play. Should I be scared?

I didn't even want to consider leaving this room now, though I knew I should. I probably needed to call for Carlisle, but I felt drawn to this… this other side of Edward… this Max character. I wanted to know him. I wanted to see him and be near him. I convinced myself that this was therapy. I wasn't scared, but I knew I was walking on thin ice, so I played along.

"It's nice to meet you, Max," I spoke softly.

"Where am I?" He looked around, but didn't seem agitated.

"You're in your room," I answered.

Max nodded. "It seems nice."

"It was." I stepped over the disregarded clothing on the floor and sat on the edge of the bed. "You kind of had a fight, I guess."

"Did I make all of this mess? I usually keep things pretty clean."

"You don't remember doing it?"

Max shook his head.

I looked at the clock and saw that three hours had passed since I'd last seen Edward. Now he was a whole new person.

"I think you're bleeding." I pointed to the cut above his eyebrow. A small drop of blood poured out over his skin.

Max touched the spot and winced.

"I'll clean it." I jumped off of the bed and went into the bathroom, grabbing a washcloth.

As I wet it with warm water, I noticed that the mirror was shattered. Glass shards littered the floor. My first reaction was to go tell someone, but I stupidly didn't. I wanted to know more about Max and that would never happen if Carlisle was breathing down my neck.

Once again, I debated whether I should get help. That would be the right thing to do here, but I couldn't. I was going to get in so much trouble for this.

I came back into the bedroom and without hesitation, sat on the bed next to him. He didn't scoot away, but just stared at me.

My eyes had adjusted by now and I could see that Edward wasn't in a shirt, the muscles of his chest were defined and oddly more pronounced than usual. It took me a second to stop gazing. Even though this was a dangerous situation, I noticed that Max was physically different from Edward.

I lightly traced a vein that was protruding from his upper arm and he shuddered.

"Do I know you?" Max asked, his voice still deep and husky.

"Um, yeah. You gave me a birthday dinner tonight."

"It's your birthday?"

I nodded.

"Well then, happy birthday."

"Thank you."

"I like the orange in your hair. It's very whimsical." He snickered.

"That's a good word for it." I bit my lip to stop from laughing.

"Do I know you?" he inquired again.

"We're… friends." I stopped my eye-fucking and started to clean the cut above his eyebrow, holding my breath so I didn't smell the horrid odor.

"Friends?" he asked skeptically. "I don't think I could just be friends with a woman as beautiful as you."

"Smooth." I snorted and wrung the bloody washcloth out in the trashcan before going back to cleaning.

He smirked deliciously, and his eyes darkened even further, if that were possible. "Are you scared of me?"

"No," I said truthfully.

"I think you are."

"Why would you say that?" I asked.

"You're shaking." He took my free hand and held it tightly.

"Am I?"

"Yes. Don't be afraid of me."

"I know you won't hurt me. " I wiped the cloth over his eye one last time before placing a Band-Aid over the cut. He pulled it off immediately. He wasn't bleeding anymore.

"Have we known each other long?" Max asked as he crumpled the Band-Aid up.

"Since you've been here; a couple of months." I shrugged and relaxed onto the bed. He didn't say anything to stop me.

"Are you sure we're just friends?"

"Yes. Why?"

"Because I'm finding it very hard to control myself right now." Max's long fingers wrapped tightly around my upper thigh, making me gasp slightly. He didn't let go and stared deep into my eyes. It was unsettling and exhilarating all at the same time, a lot like Edward makes me feel.

"Then don't," I said boldly.

"You smell incredibly enticing—too enticing." Max leaned in and grazed the side of my neck with his nose. "You shouldn't be here."

"Why?" My voice wouldn't come out **any louder** than a murmur.

"Because I can't regulate my instincts, and I'm very worried for you." His lips softly touched my skin.

Even in his alternate persona, Edward was cautious with me.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm a big girl."

"Oh, that's obvious." His eyes began undressing me as his fingers danced up the inside of my thigh, tickling me even through my Superman pants.

Never in my life had I hated Superman more than I did now. Why was I still wearing pants? I wanted his fingers on my skin.

His lips met mine, softly at first, and then stronger as the seconds passed. I couldn't help my hands as they gripped his massive shoulders, and Max's hand traveled up my body, gliding over my hips and under my shirt. My skin erupted in fire.

"I like your Superman pajamas," he panted when his lips moved to my collarbone, "but they need to go."

"Please." My eyes rolled back.

I was roughly pulled so that I lay flat on my back.

"Lift up," he commanded, and I did as he said. My shirt was nearly ripped form my body. A slight chill crept over me just looking at the passion in his eyes. It was scary, but turned me on like nothing I had ever felt in my life.

I pulled him back down so that our lips met and since he wasn't in a shirt, my fingers took the opportunity to dig into the skin of his hard chest. He growled harshly, and I almost thought he was an animal.

Max was bold and didn't shy away from pinching, touching, grazing, and gripping my legs as our lips meshed. The fabric of my pants was crumpled and creased as he began slipping them down my legs, placing kisses on his way.

"I would usually start at the top, but you're making it very hard for me to even think about your incredible chest," he chuckled.

"I have an incredible chest?" I squeaked.

"_Very_… incredible."

My breath came out harder as I gasped for words, but none came.

"Your skin is so fucking delicious." Max's voice got even deeper. "I want to taste you so badly. Will you let me?"

"God, yes." I pulled on his hair as he spread my legs and his lips traveled up my thighs.

"Look at me, Bella," he ordered.

"I can't." I kept my eyes closed. "I don't think I'll make it." I could already feel the cusp of my orgasm approaching.

"Open them," he said more forcefully.

I complied and saw him watching me through hooded eyes from between my legs.

"I won't hurt you." He grinned. "I promise."

I nodded, my voice too soft to speak.

"You smell wonderful." Max sniffed and his fingers walked up my legs, hooking onto the sides of my embarrassing, plain green panties. "I bet you taste even better."

I was in love with this new side of Edward. He was killing me slowly and painfully, but I would die a thousand times over to feel his tongue and lips on me like this. It was too good to let go. Thank God I had recently groomed down there and everything was in order, although, I doubt if either one of us would have cared.

"You have to stop closing your legs, Bella." He slid my panties down and threw them to the side. "I can't help your release if you're embarrassed."

"I'm not embarrassed," I lied. "I've just never done this." I arched **up **as he blew a stream of cold air onto my wet center.

"You've never done this?"

"No, not this way."

"Well then, happy birthday." He licked the small area of skin on the inside of my thigh where my leg and hip met.

"Oh my…"

He ran his index finger in between my wet folds. I watched in amazement as Max put his finger in his mouth and began sucking on it, moaning while licking my juice off.

"Sweet as I expected," his low voice said.

"Is that a good thing?" I panted, hovering between embarrassment and bliss.

"Very good."

I screamed when I felt his wet lips on my center. They almost ghosted across my sensitive area, but ate me with a veracious appetite at the same time.

"Did that scare you?" he asked, concerned.

"No, keep going." I think I was having my first out-of-body experience.

He puckered and again kissed me down there. His tongue crept out and longingly licked over my now drenched folds.

"Shit…" I grunted.

"God, you taste exquisite," he moaned against me, creating a soft vibration that ran over my entire body. When his tongue found my bundle of nerves, I couldn't help but thrust towards him and further into his mouth.

"Please," I whimpered.

"Please, what?"

"More, please, I need more. Don't stop."

"Look at me, Bella," he said gruffly. "I want you to look at me."

I was pulling his hair and kept my eyes open the entire time he was devouring me. His green orbs never left mine. I felt like I had been hit over the head with a brick. Stars flashed in my vision and my head swirled.

I could feel two fingers make their way along my slick folds before he gently entered them into me. I gasped at the coldness, his digits working their way in my hot, wet entrance.

"Oh…." I moaned, my back lifting off the bed, hands still latching onto his hair, and my whole body seemed like it was flying. I felt his tongue run along my clit as another finger entered, thrusting their way in and out of me. I began rocking as much as I could against his hand and mouth, trying to reach my orgasm

He moved so that he was further down the bed and pulled me until I was on the edge. He dove in between my legs more hungrily, and I nearly came undone as his lips and tongue made quick work for my sopping wet area.

I felt the soft brittles of his unshaven face on my sensitive skin and there was mixture of pleasure and pain that was incredible.

"Let go," he whispered.

As I had done the rest of the night, I did as he ordered and my whole body collapsed within itself. It was like a weight had been lifted from me, but then crashed back down into my chest.

Max crawled back up my body with a sinister smirk and wiped his lips with the back of his hand. "Delicious."

I was too… overwhelmed to actually say anything. Just nodded.

"You look so sexy right now," he laid next to me.

"Thank you?" I whimpered.

"You sound unsure of yourself."

"I… I don't know." I tried to cover up my lower half, which was starting to get cold without Max's constant attention.

"You're beautiful." Max kissed me. "And don't ever think otherwise."

I had to turn my head away from him so that I didn't get caught up in my lustful haze again. I felt tears in my eyes, but they weren't from sadness. I had so many things coursing through me that the only thing my body could do to cope was cry.

"Happy birthday," he said tenderly.

"Thank you." I smiled and blinked away the tears. "That was… amazing."

"I didn't hurt you, did I?"

"No, no." I sat up. "It was perfect."

"Maybe you can come back next time and we'll try something else out." He put the orange of my hair behind my ear.

"Something else?"

"Sure." He shrugged. "There are a whole bunch of things we can do. I'm very adventurous," he teased me.

"Um, do you want me to…?" I pointed to his erection, which was straining against the fabric of his pants.

Max looked down and then laughed. "No, that's alright, but thanks for the offer."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm fine." He smiled lopsidedly.

Now that I could think again, I was wondering what exactly I should do about this whole situation. Should I tell Edward when he came back? Should I try to get him back? Should I get Carlisle?

"I'm going to clean up. I feel so embarrassed having you here with this mess. I should have handled this earlier. Sorry." Max rolled out of bed and picked up his shirt off of the floor. I watched him for a couple of minutes, cleaning the room and putting everything back in order.

Everything about this man was different from Edward—minus his polite personality. He walked with more of a swagger, and he talked with a confidence that I found incredibly sexy.

"I'm… going to go." I stumbled out of bed, my legs complete jelly.

"Oh, are you sure?" He sounded sad.

"Yes, I think I should let you get back to bed." I crawled on the floor, grabbing my panties and pulled my pants from under the bed. I put on my clothes and shoes, all while holding onto the wall for support. I didn't have enough energy to stand up fully.

"When will I see you again?" he asked, trapping me against the wall with his arms.

"Soon?" I guessed— hoped. "It all depends on you."

"I'll be waiting." Max smirked, kissing me assuredly.

When he let me go, I wobbled out of the room, closing the door behind me.

On my way back to my room, I realized that Max had given me my first truly pleasant sexual experience.

_Happy Birthday, indeed! _

* * *

**A/N:**

Surprise! And what a pleasant surprise it was, huh? A Bella, lemon chapter? Yes, please. I felt like I wanted to hear from her and she was speaking to me in my head, thus the change in POV. It won't be happening often, but it might. Just to keep you on your toes. Plus, its a new perspective on Max. You seem from someone else's eyes. he's not so mysterious now? Maybe he's just more mysterious. That's how I want it. Mwahahahaha!

In other news, was it hot enough? I don't know. I hope so. I can go further. I _will _go further. We're just getting started, but obviously Max has more of an adventurous side than Edward. Maybe we can get a dual Max/Edward lemon. Oh, the possibilities. So many ways to go.

Hope you're enjoying the story. I know I'm enjoying writing it. Keep on reviewing so that I know if I'm on the right track. I hope you guys like it.

As always, thanks to **Suzie55 **and **Jenny0719**. Go read their stories. They have awesome imaginations and write some amazing things.

Update early next week!


	16. Chapter 16

The Definition of 'Aftermath'

_-noun; something that results or follows from an event, esp. one of a disastrous or unfortunate nature_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

I shot straight up in bed and looked around frantically. There was sweat dripping from my brow, and my shirt was plastered to my body.

It took a second of me moving around to realize that there was a massive, sticky spot on the front of my pants. I looked down at the now drying stain.

"What the fuck?" I touched the spot and smelled the liquid, identifying it in a split second.

I threw my head back and lay on my pillows.

_Did I just have a fucking wet dream? _

The pictures of my dreams flashed through my mind, and they were definitely steamy enough to produce the current hormonal situation that I was in. The images of Bella's bare skin against mine and my head between her legs, along with her screaming my name; that was definitely enough for me to lose control. The feel of her fingers in my hair was almost making me cum again.

"Pull it together." I ran my hands through my hair.

I can't believe that I had dreamed about her like that. I should be disgusted. I defiled her in my head and utterly disrespected her. Of course, I would have been happy to do those things if she asked. Never in my life had I experienced this kind of attraction. _A wet dream_? I wasn't thirteen, and I had better control than this.

_Get it together, Edward. _

I climbed out of bed awkwardly, trying not to touch the giant cum stain in my pants, and waddled to the bathroom. I stripped and immediately hopped in the shower. I spent the time banging my head against the tile while the warm water ran over my body.

My muscles felt sore—almost painful. My shoulders especially had a low burn to them that caused me to stretch my neck and roll my back. It felt like I had been in a hardcore football game with Emmett.

After my shower, I dried off and wrapped the towel around my waist. I had the intention of shaving, but to my surprise, there wasn't a mirror in my bathroom anymore.

"What the hell?" I looked around stupidly, like I might find it in another location.

Where was my mirror?

The whole thing was cleanly busted out, but there weren't any shards on the floor. It was just… gone. I tried to think rationally about what could have happened. Nothing was coming to mind, but I wasn't stupid. I knew that I had a mirror yesterday before I went to bed, so what happened? Maybe I really was diving into a new realm of crazy.

I quickly got dressed and stumbled into my shoes before I peeked out of my door and into the hallway. Nothing seemed to be out of order and people were milling around like it was any other day. I cautiously shut my door and walked towards the cafeteria.

Almost instantly, someone was pushing me in the opposite direction.

"Don't say anything. I need to talk to you," Bella whispered quickly and kept shoving me towards her room.

"What are you doing?"

"Stop talking." She shushed me.

When we were in her room, she slammed the door shut.

"What the hell's going on?" I fixed my clothes, which she had messed up in her haste.

"Sit down." Bella bit her bottom lip.

"No 'good morning'?" I rolled my eyes and plopped down on her bed.

"I have to talk to you."

I nodded. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Bella began pacing and pulling at the bright peach color of her hair, which I hadn't noticed before. "First of all, thank you for the gifts last night and everything else you did."

"Did you like the candy?" I forgot about my worry and remembered that Bella's birthday was only yesterday. It seemed like so much longer.

"I did and it was very thoughtful of you."

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"Okay, so last night, I went to your room, but you weren't there." She bit her lip again, almost painfully this time.

"Yes, I was. I stayed in my room all night after I left you."

"Um, well, here's the thing. I kind of met… Max," she replied hesitantly.

"Who's that?"

"_Max," _she said slowly.

I thought for a second. "My Max?" I shot up from the bed.

"Before you get crazy mad, nothing bad happened." She tried to calm me.

"Oh, my God." I breathed deeply and gripped my hair. "Did I hurt you?"

"Uh, no," she clipped. "Everything was fun. Don't worry. We just talked."

"We talked?" I repeated slowly.

"Well, no, but you didn't hurt me." Bella pushed me back on the bed, climbing on as well. "I wanted to meet him."

"You shouldn't have done that," I said through my teeth. I was trying not to scream and shout. "You know he's dangerous and you could have been in danger."

"I know, it was stupid, but you were hurt and…"

"I was hurt?"

"Yeah, your room was a mess and you had a cut on your eye, so I was trying to help you clean it." She moved towards me, touching above my right eye. I winched slightly, but it didn't really hurt.

"My mirror," I said in understanding and slammed my head back on the bed. "This can't be happening."

"Max was actually really nice." Bella said quickly, "He didn't act out or anything while I was there. It was like you didn't even know who I was."

"Are you serious? I could have hurt you." I slammed my fists down on the bed.

"Shut up." She hit my chest. "Stop saying that. If I thought I was in real danger, I would have left."

"You don't know what I'm capable of."

"Hence the reason for me staying. I wanted to find out who he was, so stop worrying. It was actually a very… pleasant night."

"What does that mean?" I banged my head on the mattress.

"Um… Max was kind of frisky."

"Frisky?"

"Yeah."

"Bella, you're not making any sense."

Before she could say anything, there was a knock on the door and a very stern looking Carlisle poked his head inside.

"I need to speak with both of you," he said in a frigid tone.

"I told him this morning. Sorry." Bella slid off of the bed.

"Great." I sat up.

Bella and I followed Carlisle to his office without a word. I had the strong feeling that I was going to be reprimanded. This was like going to see the principal, and I was in a shit load of trouble.

By the time we got there, I was going through my mind, trying to find any excuse or reason for my actions last night. Of course, I didn't remember anything and I had no idea what Max had said to Bella, but I prayed it wasn't anything bad.

I felt like throwing up. I didn't like being in these situations without knowing anything. It made me feel very uneasy.

Carlisle held his office door open for us and we walked in.

"Sit," he instructed, and we did.

"Am I in trouble?" I asked. Bella shifted in her seat.

"No. I'm more disappointed in Bella right now than you, since you don't have much control of things, but we can't really talk about you like you're not here."

"Well, Bella said that nothing really happened. That must be good, right?"

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. "Edward, I have a feeling that you might need some extra therapy this week. Do you remember anything?"

I shook my head no.

"I was afraid of that." He took a pen from his desk and wrote something in my chart. "It seems that when you sleep, you can't remember things, but if you're alert and Max appears, things are clearer. Sleep intensifies your symptoms."

I leaned back in my seat and let out a frustrated sigh, "I hate this."

"I know you do, but we're going to start recovered memory therapy."

"Which is?"

"Care to explain that, Bella?" Carlisle took his glasses off.

She let go of her bottom lip with her teeth. "It's a long term therapy in which suggestive techniques are used to coax the patient into remembering what they feel are repressed memories of sexual and physical abuse during childhood. Most of the time, these are false recollections."

"You sound like a textbook."

"Aro makes me memorize them." She shrugged. "You weren't abused though, were you?"

"No."

"Carlisle's going to try and talk to Max in the rest of your therapy sessions. If he does it right, you won't ever remember what you two talked about."

"That sounds serious." I looked to Carlisle for verification.

"It is and involves extensive medication," he sighed.

"The goal of the therapist and client is to reintegrate all of the mesh all the personalities into one. That way, you can be both Max and Edward at the same time," Bella concluded.

"What the hell?" I rolled my eyes. "How long is that going to take?"

"Years," Bella and Carlisle answered at the same time.

"It's a form of therapy that's ridiculed in my field of study," Carlisle said. "Therapists believe it takes too long and doesn't work. I, on the other hand, believe that it does."

"It doesn't work," Bella muttered to me under her breath.

Carlisle glared at her. "Unlike Aro, I don't think I need to speed along the healing process. Nothing is achieved that way."

I didn't know what to think about all of this. I wanted to get better, but I didn't want to fucking be here for the rest of my life. It was almost as if I was running around in circles with no end in sight.

"I feel like I've heard all of this before." I ran a hand through my hair.

"At least you have good health insurance, but it's not like you're paying for anything since you were sentenced to be here." Bella shrugged. "Some people have to leave because they can't pay for it and then they end up right back on the streets or in jail."

"That's true." Carlisle nodded. "It's a bad system, but we do what we can for the majority of our patients."

"That doesn't sound promising." I raised an eyebrow. I was starting to like Carlisle less and less as the days went on. First, he wanted to fuck my mother, and secondly, I had a feeling he was holding back. He could probably snap his fingers and have me cured. I know he could.

"Is there any reason I need to be here?" Bella spoke up.

Carlisle made her recite the previous night. After our loving dinner and date, I couldn't remember anything. I went to sleep. Bella had a rather eventful night talking with Max. She claims that it was just for a couple of minutes, but I knew she was lying.

"And that's all that happened?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes. I went in; he was bleeding, so I helped him, and then we talked. He cleaned up the room as I was leaving. That's it," she stressed.

"Why were you cleaning up your room?" Carlisle asked me.

"How the hell should I know?" I snapped rather rudely. I wasn't in a good mood at all.

"No need for the attitude." He rubbed his brow, "Look, I know we're all wound up, but let's try to stay focused."

"I didn't hurt you?" I repeated to Bella for probably the hundredth time today.

"No. Stop asking me that!" Bella pushed up from her seat. "I'm going. Is there anything else you need?"

Carlisle shook his head. "I'll be speaking to you in private later about this. You know you were wrong in your actions."

"Bite me." She stormed out of the office and slammed the door shut.

Carlisle looked like he was about to blow a gasket, but calmed down after a couple of seconds. He and Bella had that tense father/daughter relationship where she would rebel, and he would just put up with it. That came with a limit, though. I bet their conversation later was going to be a loud one. Neither of them held back in their opinions, but he cared for her and her for him. That was evident.

"I'm going to call your mother. She asked for regular updates." Carlisle picked up the phone and started dialing.

I hit the receiver button so quickly, that I couldn't stop myself. "I don't think that's necessary."

He eyed me suspiciously, and then set the phone down. "Is there a problem?"

"No, I just don't think you need to involve Esme and I surely don't think _you_ need to be calling her."

Carlisle nodded solemnly. He actually looked hurt. "I understand."

"Is there anything else? I would like to get some more sleep," I lied. I was actually fairly hesitant about sleeping again since Max took over when I was at my weakest. I wasn't going to let that happen again.

"You may leave," he said.

I made my way back to my room with my head down. I bumped into a couple of people on the way, but they all seemed to be avoiding me. They just knew to stay away.

I could smell Bella as I neared my room and knew she was inside. She was sitting on my bed, biting her lip and playing with her hair.

"I want to go to bed," I snipped. I was kind of angry with her at the moment. She knew that my worst fear was hurting her, and she just sat with Max like they were old buddies.

"I need to tell you something," she said.

"Okay." I plopped down on my stomach, burying my face into the pillow.

"Um, I was lying before when I told Carlisle that we didn't do anything more."

"I know."

"You know?"

"I could tell," I sighed heavily, inhaling a strong whiff of fabric softener. "Did I hurt you?"

"I swear to God, if you ask me that one more time, _I _will hurt _you." _

"You know how I feel about Max and I can't believe you would just talk to him like nothing was wrong."

"It wasn't bad at all and I wanted to show you that he isn't a monster."

"You didn't know that, though."

"Yes, I did. I've dealt with enough MPD patients to know that they don't hurt people unless they feel threatened."

"I'm still mad at you," I grumbled.

"You're going to be super pissed then." She climbed onto my back, her legs on each side of my waist.

"Why? What did you do?"

"Well, it's not so much what I did. It's more of what you did." She began to knead my shoulders.

"Meaning?"

"Um, there's no easy way to say this, so I'm just going to come out with it." She exhaled. "We did some things last night when you were in your other state."

"Okay."

"Like I said before, Max is very frisky and once we started kissing it kind of took off from there and…"

I flipped over under Bella and caught her before she fell off the bed. "You made out with Max?" I was already furious and jealous and bitter. I knew that she was about to tell me more, though, so I tried to save my rage.

"He was eager," she said innocently.

"I don't like where this is going. Took off from there?"

"Yeah, but it wasn't anything bad," she assured me.

"Bella, explain yourself."

"You kind of… performed certain sexual acts that were very enjoyable." She blushed and hung her head.

"Certain sexual acts?"

"Oral sexual acts."

I pushed her off of me, and she bounced on the bed. "What are you talking about?"

"Max decided to…" She shrugged, "You know."

"Oh, my God." I got up from the bed and almost punched a hole in the wall. The aftermath from this thing keep getting worse and worse. Next, she was going to tell me that I killed ten people last night.

"I enjoyed it."

"Tell me exactly what happened?"

"It wasn't bad. Max is just a little more adventurous than you are. It was actually really hot and…"

"I can't believe you did this. You took advantage of me."

"No, I didn't."

"Yes, you did. You knew he wouldn't say no."

"It wasn't like I asked him to do any of that stuff." She sat on her knees.

"But you didn't stop him either," I accused. I was trying very hard to keep my cool because I was about to rip the door from its hinges. I hadn't felt rage like this in a long time, and maybe I was overreacting, but my anger prevented me from thinking rationally.

"No, I didn't stop him." She admitted.

"This is ridiculous. I fucked you and can't even remember."

"You didn't fuck me. It was just some… _foreplay_."

"I can't believe this." I banged my head on the wall. "You should have stopped me. That's not how I wanted things to go and you knew that!"

"You're always so uptight. Max is just trying to live his life just like you're living yours."

"So, what? You prefer Max because he doesn't respect you like I do? I'm a gentleman; he's a monster. Max doesn't exist," I spat. "He's a figment of everyone's fucking imagination and I'm not going to let him take over. This is fucking crazy!"

Bella didn't say anything.

"You should have stopped me. You should have run out of the room to get Carlisle as soon as you noticed something was wrong."

"I'm sorry," she said softly.

"Get out." I turned away from her and tried to calm myself.

I kept my eyes closed as I heard her feet travel to the door and then close it.

I punched the wall repeatedly and stopped only when I saw blood on the paint. My knuckles were raw and the skin was tearing. I wanted to scream out my anger, but I settled for physical pain and banged my head on the door.

My anger was starting to take over and I felt a heat course through my veins that was almost painful.

"No," I shut my eyes tightly and suppressed the feelings that were threatening to overtake me. I wasn't going to let Max ruin anything else.

* * *

**A/N:**

I know it's been a long time, but with the start of school and stuff, I had to take a week to chill out. And I know it's short, but this is kind of a transition chapter between part 1 and part 2. Better updates to come. As you can see, Edward is just getting worse and worse, but no one's going to give up on him. He just needs to learn that Max might not be all that bad.

More Aro, more Jacob, more Max, more...of everything to come.

Thanks to Suzzie55 and Jenny0719 of course because they're awesome and put up with me. I don't know how they do it because I'm a mess. But they always know make my chapters better.

Update early next week!


	17. Chapter 17

The Definition of 'Rorschach'

_—noun; __a test for revealing the underlying personality structure of an individual by the use of a standard series of 10 inkblot designs to which the subject responds by telling what image or emotion each design evokes. _

All things Twilight realted belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

I watched Bella from my window as she fed ducks in the pond outside. For once, it was nice with no clouds or rain or gale force winds.

The peach of her hair was vibrantly visible against the green foliage of the grounds, and her Superman pajamas were just as shocking as ever. The ducks seemed to just gravitate towards her. That might be because she was giving them chunks of bread, but everywhere she went, they followed. There was a line of about twenty of them waddling behind her as she walked around the pond dropping food.

It had been a couple of days since I blew up at her and I felt kind of bad for that, but I was still pissed. How could she do that to me? I was, in essence, taken advantage of. I was completely and literally unable to control my body when Max took over. I didn't remember a thing. It was hard for me to wrap my mind around it and it scared me. I was in the same position that I was in when I first got here; lost, confused, and terrified.

I was supposed to start my new therapy today and that provided me with fresh things to think about. Fortunately, Bella had kept her distance like I needed. Every time I made a move to speak with her, my rage would come back and I couldn't talk. I had only been getting a couple of hours of sleep a night, for fear of Max trying to overpower me. I was starting to take drastic measures. When I felt myself getting sleepy, I would take a freezing cold shower. I allowed myself, at maximum, four hours of sleep a night. That way, I could keep myself monitored. It was a flawed plan, but that's all I could come up with right now.

As I looked out of the window again, I saw Bella continue to feed the ducks. Emmett suddenly appeared out of nowhere, running down the hill with a massive loaf of bread. It looked like a baguette. I could almost hear their conversation from their over exaggerated movements.

"_Look, Bella. I have more bread." Emmett bounced over to her. _

_She turned around and shook her head. "We can't feed them this." _

"_Why?" he pouted. _

"_Because it's too hard. They don't have teeth to chew it." _

"_They'll be fine." Emmett started ripping the bread apart and throwing it at the ducks. He was more like pelting them instead of dropping it gently like Bella had done. _

"_Stop it." Bella snatched the loaf from him. _

"_They'll be fine. Bread is bread." _

"_You'll make them choke." _

"_You're so lame." Emmett threw his dinner plate sized hands up in the air. "I want to feed the ducks." _

"_Well then, you should have gotten softer bread." _

"_You're so mean." _

"_Tough. My ducks aren't going to be dead because of you." _

"_I'll cook 'em up and make a delicious soup." Emmett rubbed his hands together. _

_Bella scowled furiously before she attacked. She jumped on his massive back, throwing her arms over his neck and hitting his head with the hard loaf. She was knocking him so forcefully that the breadstick of death split down the middle. _

"_Ow, Bella, get off." Emmett flailed around. _

"_Apologize to my ducks!" _

"_No, they're annoying and they squawk. Plus, they poop everywhere." _

"_I will never forgive you." Bella hit him harder. "They did nothing to you." _

"_I hate them." He laughed under her rage. He lightly picked Bella off of his back and set her down. "I don't even know why we have them here." _

"_Because I asked for them and Carlisle said we could. They've been here for years and never did anything to you, jackass." _

"_I just wanted to feed them. Sheesh." He rolled his eyes. _

"_They don't like this kind of bread." She hit him again, crumbs littering the ground around them. The ducks were going crazy. "I told you to get soft bread." _

"_It doesn't matter. They're greedy bitches." _

"_What if I shoved it down your throat?" Bella forced the bread into his mouth as much as she could, and he choked violently. _

"_What the hell? You're one crazy woman." He laughed._

_She was vibrating with anger. "I hate you." _

_Emmett kissed her cheek before stealing the bread from her hands. "No you don't." He scared the ducks before running back up the hill. _

_Of course, since he had the bread, they flocked after him. He then started running faster, trying to evade them. He eventually went around the corner and out of sight, but I suspected that he was about to snap some of their necks. Emmett didn't look pleased at all. _

I laughed at the thought of their conversation. Emmett was the biggest kid I had ever met, and I even saw Bella crack a slight smile as she watched him stomp away. He just did things to annoy her to judge her reaction.

I desperately wanted to go out there and enjoy the nice weather. I would even settle for feeding screeching ducks. They were better than secluding myself up here all day, but I needed my space. I knew that I sounded annoying with my self-loathing and whining, but no one else gave me any options.

Carlisle was pissing me off, and I didn't feel like listening to him anymore. I had the strong suspicion that he didn't know what the hell he was doing. I had been here for three months now, and there was no improvement. Shouldn't I feel something different? Instead, my symptoms were getting worse. I came to the silent conclusion that Carlisle Cullen was a fraud. He had to be.

I went to the library as a part of my isolation to do some research on the esteemed doctor. According to newspaper clippings and textbooks, Carlisle was somewhat of a superstar in the realm of psychological treatment. His specialty was dissociative disorders like mine, which provided me with a small amount of solace, but I was living proof that sometimes talk is cheap.

"Edward, hello!" There were a couple rapid knocks on my door and Alice's high-pitched voice invaded my ears. "I know you're in there. Open up."

I didn't say anything.

"I won't stand for this any longer!" The door banged open. "What the hell is wrong with you?"

"Leave me alone," I sulked.

"You're such a baby." She skipped over to me and sat on the windowsill. "Why are you still in here?"

"Because I'm trying to prepare myself for therapy."

"You're so boring now," She pouted, kicking her feet against the wall. "Let's go outside."

"I don't want to."

"Jasper never gets like this after an episode."

I looked at her minutely surprised without commenting.

"Bella told me what happened." Alice shrugged. "You should stop feeling so sorry for yourself."

"Bella shouldn't be talking to you about our personal life." I crossed my arms, turning back towards the window and away from Alice.

I felt a hard slap on the back of my head, and the spot stung painfully.

"Ow. Jesus, Alice. What the hell?" I rubbed my head.

"She talks to me because _you_ won't," she glared. "Bella is a very fragile person…"

"Oh, please," I cut her off. "She wasn't so fragile when my head was between her legs. She was wrong and she knows it."

"First of all, you are so annoying sometimes. Secondly, she didn't tell me that, you did? And OH MY GOD! I can't believe you did that to her. Are you a good pussy licker, Edward?"

I wanted to cover my ears, but that might be a little too childish.

"I bet you are. Look at those lips." Alice teased, "And that tongue. Yup, Edward is the Number Two Pussy Licker. After Jasper of course."

I huffed in frustration, running my hands carelessly through my hair. "That is not to be repeated. Got it!"

"Whatever." She giggled.

"Got it, Alice?"

"Fine. Got it." She looked out the window briefly and lowered her voice. "Have you ever thought that maybe Bella didn't want to stop you because she wanted to feel connected to you on a more physical level?"

"Maybe _I _wanted to give her that experience; not Max."

"She wasn't trapping you in her web of sexual lies," she said dramatically. "So, let me get this straight. You're mad because _you_ couldn't suck her into oblivion? Men are so selfish."

"I'm not selfish."

Alice suddenly gasped, "You're jealous, aren't you?"

"No," I snapped bitterly.

"Yes, you are." She rolled her eyes, "It's different for women, Edward. This was a good thing and you're kind of spoiling it. You can't really control yourself when Max takes over so it's not like you could stop it. Just think about how good it is kissing her. Could you imagine what it felt like to…"

"Stop it," I shut my eyes, "just…shut up."

"Well, I'm trying to help you out. This isolation shit isn't healthy." She picked at her bright pink nails. "Did you know your mother was here yesterday?"

"She was?"

"Yup, and I had a long conversation with her. She was very saddened by the fact that you're being so self-destructive. She ended up spending her time with Carlisle, for God's sake. All she wanted to do was see you, although she was happy to hang on Carlisle." Alice wiggled her eyebrows.

"She was with Carlisle?" I sat up in my seat.

"Yes, she was and I think it was very rude of you to leave her out in the cold like that."

"First, I didn't know she was here, and second, she's done it to me before. With Carlisle, no less." I ground my teeth like a child.

"I think they're cute. She blushes all the time and they look so adorable. Just because you don't like it, doesn't mean you can shit on everyone else's happiness."

"My mother and my doctor don't need to be feeling anything towards each other."

"Shut up. Why do you think everything revolves around you, huh?"

"I don't."

"Yes, you do. There are people with worse disorders in here and yes, sometimes it's scary, but it's not the end of the world." She inhaled for what I knew would be a well-rehearsed speech. "You have a treatment plan, and people who care about you, so I'm kind of confused as to why you're moping all the time."

"Because I'm pissed."

"At who?"

"At… everyone," I sulked further.

"You're also pissing everyone off."

"I don't care." I scoffed, "I just want to do my time and get out of here."

Alice didn't say anything for a while and hung her head, but I knew she had something to say.

"What?" I asked.

"You don't know how good you have it," she sighed.

"What does that mean?"

"Did you ever pay attention to your hearing?"

I shook my head no.

"You were _sentenced_, but that doesn't mean that this is jail. Some of us are never going to leave this place, but you were sent here to get better. You'll leave one day. That's the plan, at least. You and Bella aren't meant to be here forever."

I guess my face showed my confusion.

Alice exhaled. "I'm not going anywhere for probably the rest of my life. There's no need for me to be out in the real world. You and Bella are experiments, which is a good thing in a place like this. They want to cure you both. They want to show everyone that you're fixable. They could give a shit about the rest of us."

"That's not true," I argued half-heartedly.

"Yes, it is. We're not stupid. Every physiologist in the country has their eyes on you, and Bella's the best experiment of them all, for reasons I can't get into. But who cares about the little girl who can't sleep?" Alice pouted. "I'm not complaining, mind you. I'm just telling you how it is and giving you some perspective. You _will _get better."

I was quiet for a long time, digesting what Alice had said. It never occurred to me that the future might be something of a gray area for everyone. I always assumed that the patients here were on a cycle of entering, and then exiting Windemere. Did people really stay here until they died? I figured I would be here for a while, but not that long.

Was Alice in that particular group of patients who were never going to be healed? And what did she mean by Bella and I being experiments?

"I meant that this is all a circus show," Alice read my mind. "The best attractions are always the ones that garner the most attention; the freaks."

"Me and Bella?"

"Yup. You two are like the perfect sideshows. She's a raging maniac with a laundry list of issues out the window and you're two polar, opposite extremes wrapped into one."

"But there has to be people here worse off than us, like you said."

"Worse off, yes. But more fascinating? No." She shrugged. "You're like a mouse in a maze and everyone's watching to see what you'll do next."

"This is making me kind of nervous."

"Carlisle wouldn't want me telling you any of this because he's trying to make it seem like you're a normal patient, but he knows better. You're so intriguing. Your file is a mess."

"How has everyone in this place read my file except me?"

Alice giggled. "You're so cute and naïve. Once a month, Bella breaks us into Carlisle's office and we all go through everyone's files. We have to know what's going on in this place because it's not like we'll get answers anywhere else."

"Isn't that illegal?"

"Are they going to send us to jail? Can't get any lower than this." Alice held up her hands. "Anyway, I was just coming to tell you to shut up and get better."

"How sweet of you."

"Carlisle's going to help you. Jasper's issues are diminishing every session. It's really impressive to watch him and the Colonel come together."

"That must be a mess." I chuckled at the thought.

"It's helping." She shrugged. "Here." She threw something in my lap and I hesitantly shielded the family jewels just as a reaction.

"What's this?" I picked up the torn and tattered book.

"_The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde." _She hopped off of the windowsill. "It's the perfect book for you."

"I haven't read this all the way through," I admitted.

"You should. Despite the fact that he kills and rapes people in his alternate persona, Dr. Jekyll knows how to balance his two lives."

"Well… thank you," I said.

"Are you hungry? Do you want to come to lunch?"

"No, I think I'll just stay here for now. I have therapy later."

"Alright."

There was a fast series of knocks on my door. Alice and I looked at each other, perplexed as to who it was.

"Yes?" I called and turned around.

A girl who couldn't be more than a teenager poked her head into my room. "Are you Edward Masen?" she asked with a tremble in her shy voice.

"Yes."

"Dr. Volturi wants to see you," she said quickly before leaving and shutting the door.

My heart kind of skipped a couple beats before it took off, racing with fear and anticipation. I had only met this man once and his ghostly figure passed me a few times in the hallway, but the stories made him seem so much worse. He had spoken maybe ten words to me and I was somewhat terrified, but more than anything, intrigued. Like Bella used to be, Aro was a puzzle that I wanted to solve. He didn't have the draw Bella had, but he was just so mysterious. My curiosity was too much to quell.

I got up from my seat and made my way to the door. Alice darted in front of me and blocked my path with her back against the wood and her arms outstretched.

"No!" she yelled. "I won't let you go."

"Alice, calm down," I scoffed. "He asked for me. I just want to know what he wants."

"Edward, I mean it. You can't go to his office."

"Why?" I crossed my arms.

"Because he's insane. Don't do it."

"Stop being so dramatic." I tried to push her out of the way, but Alice was like an annoying alligator and snapped her small jaws at me.

"He probably wants to convince you to do something bad and he has this way of talking… you just get wrapped in what he says. It's like a trance and you can't get out of it. He's dangerous."

"So why does he still work here? Everyone has tried to convince me that he's just another doctor. Now that I have a chance to see for myself, you go crazy? What's going on?"

"I don't know what he's planning, but he has no business talking to you. You're not his patient."

"Alice, I can talk to whoever I want," I argued.

"No, Carlisle won't allow it."

"Move out of the way." I lifted her off of the ground and set her behind me. I opened the door quickly and went into the hallway.

Aro's office was on the other side of the grounds in an old building like this one, but behind a bunch of trees. It was "that place" where everyone stayed away from unless you had therapy there. All the kids thought it was haunted and even on sunny days like this, the light seemed to stray away from that certain corner of Windemere.

Horrifying stories came out of the haunted house and people convinced themselves that they heard screaming, but I highly doubted that. After hearing all these outlandish fables for so long, I had to admit that one of the reasons I wanted to meet Dr. Volturi was to see if any of the tales were true.

As each of my feet took a step, there was a tug on the back of my shirt.

"Alice, let go of me," I ordered.

"No, stop walking!" By this point, I was dragging her behind me and her feet were just sliding across the floor. "I won't let you kill yourself."

"Get off of me." I struggled with her surprisingly heavy weight as she kept pulling. People were passing us and had those 'what the fuck' faces on.

"I'm telling." She grunted and gave a final tug.

"I don't care," I lied. I didn't know if this was against the rules, but I was at least allowed to talk with Dr. Volturi, right? He _did_ request me.

"Edward, I'm trying to protect you." She gave up with a huff, but ran in front of me. "Please don't go over there." Her face was actually terrified and her bottom lip was trembling.

"Alice, are you okay?" I asked worriedly.

"No, I'm not okay." She stopped her foot. "I don't want you to go." Her arms quickly wrapped around me; she was so short that she only came up to my chest.

"I promise I'll be fine," I said hopefully, patting her back.

She pulled back slightly. "I'm worried."

"Don't be." I moved the hair out of her face. I gave her an encouraging nod before walking out of the massive foyer and into the sunny, warm air.

As I walked on the path towards the opposite end of the grounds, I looked over my shoulder and waved hesitantly at Alice. She looked like a five year old with her hands twisting together as if she had done something wrong, and wide eyes of fear. She waved slightly, and then darted back inside.

I walked slowly, trying to take everything in since I never visited this side of Windemere. Thankfully, I wasn't anywhere near the pond, so I didn't have to duck if Bella saw me. I couldn't bring myself to say anything pleasant to her just yet. I still felt violated. Maybe Alice was right and I had to look at this with a better perspective, but Bella knew she was wrong. I trusted her to keep herself safe when I couldn't, and it was obvious that she wasn't thinking clearly. I would figure out what to do with Bella after I started some therapy and got back on track.

I kicked a rock on the ground and kept my head low as I made my way towards the looming mansion in the distance. Even in the bright sunlight, the place looked spooky. Dark green vines were crawling up the walls, covering some of the windows, and large steeples rose into the air, making it seem like a castle. As I walked further, people seemed to dissipate, and I stopped seeing the smiling faces of patients as they sat in the grass. Even the air got chillier as the house covered the sun and I stood in its shadow.

I took a deep breath, preparing for the worst, and pulled the massive wooden door open. It creaked and revealed a simple hall. The walls and floor were stone, furthering my suspicions that this was some converted castle from Europe.

I had just stepped inside when something rammed into my side. It was a cart filled with medication and the pills rattled to the floor, making soft pellet noises on the stone.

"Oh my God," a nurse said, exasperated, "I'm so sorry. I didn't see you."

"It's okay." I started helping her pick up the pills. I didn't know where anything went, so I just put them all in my hand.

"No, I should have been watching where I was going." She sighed, "Now I have to redo all the medication."

"Where do you want me to put these?" I held out my hand, filled with pills.

"Just dump them in the cups. I have to throw it all out."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"It's not your fault." She looked completely frazzled and nothing like the prim nurses across campus. They always had their hair done and bright smiles. This lady looked like she was about to die from exhaustion.

"Are you here to see someone?" She picked herself and the cart back up.

"Um, yes. Dr. Volturi asked for me." I put my hands in my pockets.

"Oh, I think he has patients right now." She closed her eyes and shook her head.

"Where is his office?" I asked.

She eyed me suspiciously and raised her brow. "Do you have an appointment with him?"

"Yes, I just said that," I snapped. I didn't mean to, but I think Max was getting very annoyed with her. I could feel him trying to creep out. That had been happening the past couple of days. I would have to talk to Carlisle about that.

"Second floor, third door on your left." She squinted, and then pushed her cart down the hall.

I hesitantly climbed the stairs, making sure that I didn't run into anyone again, but the place was deserted. I didn't hear a peep. This was nothing like what I was used to.

I counted down the doors until I reached the third one and exhaled before knocking.

"Come in," a soft, yet masculine voice said.

I pushed the door open and popped my head in. "Um, hi."

Aro was sitting at his desk and a male patient, in similar scrubs to mine, was seated across the desk.

"Ah, yes. Mr. Masen, I was expecting you." Aro nodded. "Have a seat and I'll be with you in a moment."

I closed the door and lightly walked towards the plush, leather, navy blue couch. I sat down on my hands so that I wouldn't fidget with them. It was an old habit that my father instilled in me at a young age, and I had the feeling that Aro would reprimand my tics if I didn't keep them under control.

His office was similar to Carlisle's, although bigger. It was obvious that the board favored Dr. Volturi because he had all the finer things—things like a TV on the wall, a massive hand carved desk, and even a wet bar in the corner—which I didn't really think were necessary. Aro's Cornell certificates and Harvard diplomas were on the walls, proudly on display for the world to see. Next to me was a bookcase, and I could see the spines of all the books he had written. There must have been about twenty.

"I don't feel like doing these treatments anymore." The patient broke my inquisitive thinking.

"Jeremy, I don't have the authority to stop them. Your parents sent you here for treatment and that's what I'm going to do." Aro crossed his hands.

"Please," Jeremy almost pleaded. He must have fifteen; not much older, "I can't do this anymore."

"Your macular degeneration is causing you to act out in angry ways. You should be in a regular hospital for this,because you can't seem to regulate your emotions, we have to medicate you heavily." Aro sighed, "I'm sorry, but until you can control yourself, we have to continue."

"I'm trying, but this is so hard." Jeremy pulled at his hair.

"I know it is, but it will get better. The voices will go away." Aro stood up and went to a cabinet in the corner. He pulled out a needle and bottle of serum.

Jeremy pushed up from his chair and lied on the medical bed on the other side of the room. I got the feeling that he wanted to protest, but what could he do? I knew how he felt. He was just didn't have the energy to fight anymore. I was getting to be that way.

Aro continued to talk to him as he fastened Jeremy with a weird looking head brace. There were prongs on the sides that went under his eyelids and held them open.

Aro emptied the serum from the bottle and held the needle to Jeremy's eye.

I couldn't look anymore and turned my head from the sight. I couldn't believe that I was watching this. Did he just stick a needle into someone's eye? I didn't even want to imagine how that felt, and Jeremy's whimpering only made it that much worse.

"Alright, you're all done," Aro said, almost happily. "I'll see you tomorrow." I could hear the head brace as he dismantled it.

"Thanks." Jeremy swung his legs around and placed them on the floor. I could hear the sniffling from his nose, and he just seemed so defeated. The words of hate were on the tip of his tongue; I could almost hear them, but he just shook his head and jumped off of the table.

As he was leaving the office, I realized that Jeremy was blind. He wasn't fumbling around and didn't trip, but he felt for the doorknob. It was obvious that he couldn't see.

"Sorry about that." Aro fixed his white lab coat and sat back in his seat. "Come over here."

I got up and sat in the chair that Jeremy was in. I probably looked at Aro with disgust. I could feel it in the muscles of my face.

"Jeremy lost his sight to macular degeneration. It usually only occurs in the elderly, but when he started going blind, he complained of voices in his head. His parents sent him here."

"He went crazy because he's going blind?"

"Sometimes, people just snap for no reason. I once had a patient who started hearing voices because her cat died. The gene can be latent for years before the inevitable occurs."

"Is that a legal form of treatment?" I said quietly.

Aro chuckled lowly. "Why of course. What do you think I do here?"

I didn't say anything and tried not to look him in his eyes. His brown hair was graying at the temples and made him look wise, but I knew better. What looked wise on some men only looked menacing on Aro.

"Eye injections are the only way to stop the deterioration. He can still see somewhat. I'm trying to help him," Aro assured me.

"Is there a reason why I'm here?" I asked, moving my hands so that I was sitting on them. I felt like fidgeting again.

"Actually, there is." Aro put on his glasses and picked up a folder. "How is your therapy going?"

"Fine," I answered.

"Really?" He cocked an eyebrow.

"Yes, really."

"Seems to me that you're not getting what you came here for." He flipped pages.

"What is that? What are you looking at?"

"Your file."

"What the hell is this file everyone keeps talking about? I have yet to see anything pertaining to me since I've been here," I said and I had to blink my eyes a couple of times to make sure I wasn't asleep. My voice had just deepened about two octaves and came out raspy. I had never heard it like that before.

I coughed and tried to play it off. Aro didn't seem to notice.

"Everyone has a file. Yours is rather fascinating, though, I must admit that I expected Carlisle to keep better track of you."

"He's doing his job," I said, my words betraying my thoughts earlier today. Thankfully, my voice had gone back to normal.

"So it would seem." Aro wasn't even paying attention to me.

"I don't feel comfortable here," I admitted.

"Are you afraid of me?" He chuckled.

"Should I be?"

"You're very good at not giving me answers. I called you down here so that I could learn some more about you." Aro put my file down and looked at me. "I don't think I've ever spoken to you privately."

"I was warned to stay away from you," I said truthfully.

"Now that's just not nice. I know your mother taught you better manners than to believe and spread gossip."

"Don't talk about my mother," I growled, my voice deepening again.

"Alright, alright." He held his hands up. "I'm just trying to find out why you're spending so much time with my patients."

"Just one patient," I clarified harshly.

"Precisely." He took off his glasses. "I guess I should get to the point. I'm restricting the time you spend with Bella. I don't approve of it."

"You can't do that!" I said loudly.

"I can do as I please and I don't think you're helping her recovery."

"And you are?"

"Mr. Masen, I would watch how you talk to me." He tapped his fingers on his desk. "I can make things very difficult for you and I would hate to resort to drastic measures."

"I'm not your patient. I can do as I please and I don't appreciate you telling me who my friends can be."

"Friends is one thing, but when sexual activity is involved, I find it my business to make sure I know what's going on."

"How did you know about that?" I was shaking.

"Bella told me. She tells me everything." He almost grinned, "Did you really think you can have some pretty little life with Bella and the outside world won't forget how sick you are? I'm here to treat people and whatever shit Carlisle is putting in your head is just driving you further off course."

"_He's _helping people." I stood up. "You're torturing people." I realized that this speech I was making was going against everything I had been thinking by the window half an hour ago, but I felt like I needed to stand up for Carlisle. He was the lesser of two evils.

"Is that what I'm doing?"

"You know you are, and I don't care what you say. I'm going to keep on seeing Bella because she makes me feel normal."

"Do you love her?" He produced a fully maniacal grin. "Do you really think you can love a girl like that?"

"Yes, and I don't need you telling me what I can and cannot do."

"Sit down, Mr. Masen," he instructed.

"I'm leaving." I made my way to the door.

"I want to show you something before you go," Aro said and I heard the drawer of his desk open.

I turned around, but stayed by the door.

"Do you know what a Rorschach test is?"

"An inkblot?" I said.

"Yes. They're kind of outdated because they don't really do much besides test the patient's state of mind, but I like using them." He unfolded a large piece of paper. "Every time I get someone new, I have them go through a set and pick out the one that makes a lasting impression. This was Bella's."

It was a massive ink stain and I recognized immediately as some sort of bird. That was the closest thing it reminded me of. From what I understood, Rorschach tests never made a real picture. It changed depending on who was looking at it, but that was the point, I guess. With this particular one was in the outline of a bird complete with wings and a slender body.

"She came to me so broken that she wouldn't talk. I held this up to her in each of our sessions for a full year before she finally told me what it was."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I usually let them keep their inkblots, but I've held onto this one since she got here."

"Why?"

"Bella's my little blackbird and I'm going to nurture her until she's ready to fly again," he said creepily. I was starting to see why everyone hated this man.

"Why do I care about any of this?"

"You might think that you know Bella, but you don't. I take it that by now she's told you somewhat of what happened to her. I'm trying to warn you." He stood up. "Bella is dangerous and you can't give her the help she needs."

"Did you ever think that maybe she's the one helping me?"

"Really? Do you feel any better since being here? You're both bad for each other."

"I don't believe that." I _won't _believe that.

Before he had the chance to say anything, the door banged open and since I was standing so close, it knocked me in the back of the head really hard. I stumbled forward and to the side.

"What did you do?" Bella came into the room, staring daggers at Aro.

"Let's stop with the dramatics. You don't have therapy today."

"What did you do to him?" She was shaking so badly that I'm sure she couldn't see straight, and her face was a bright red.

"I was just informing Mr. Masen of your recovery process. It was just a talk."

I could see Alice peeking her head into the office, and she waved at me shyly after mouthing a 'sorry'.

"You had no right to talk to him," Bella shouted. "He's not your patient."

"No, but _you_ are and if I feel like he's hurting more than help, I can do what I want in regards to your therapy." He tipped his head in my direction.

I don't even think Bella knew I was still in the room until she whipped around. Her face fell, and she paled slightly before a mask of rage appeared. I didn't know who she was mad at, but she was actually shaking.

"Did he hurt you, Edward?" she asked me in a menacing voice.

"No, I'm fine." I rubbed the back of my head, which seemed to be getting hit a lot today.

"Leave my friends alone," she roared. "They have nothing to do with this."

"He's not your friend, Bella. I'm sorry to say…"

Bella didn't let him finish. She jumped across the table like a lion and pounced with a fire that I hadn't seen in a long time. I expected Aro to shrink back and wait for the attack, but he obviously had some experience in dealing with her.

He grabbed her by her shoulders before she could release the anger. He spun them around and slammed Bella against the wall behind his desk. He was so close to her face that I couldn't hear what he was saying, but Bella's face dropped into a terrified look.

"Get your hands off of her!" I yelled. Max was not happy, and he was overpowering the Edward inside of me. My body seemed to just react immediately and I made the move jump across the desk as well, but strong arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me backwards.

"Don't fight me." I heard a deep voice as his arms went around my neck in some sort of hold. I was starting to loose consciousness very quickly, but tried to stay awake. I figured it was Jacob because it sounded like him, but I couldn't be sure.

There was a large pressure that started building in my head and when I couldn't take it any longer, I let myself succumb to the darkness.

* * *

**A/N:**

Oh my goodness. What is going on? So much happening and so many directions to go. I always keep you on your toes if nothing else. That's just my writing. haha. you just never know so stay tuned. Aro is creepy, Jacob is back, Max is...well he's angry, and Bella is just going out of her mind. I can't help it. I love the craziness. And then what about poor Esme? Shes just out there wanting some love too. I'll make sure to give her some. Not much else I want to say. I hope you all enjoyed.

As always, thanks to **Jeny0719 **and **Suzzie55 **for the wonderful comments and suggestions. They really do shape the story and my words into something presentable. if only you could see my drafts. You'd probably cry. So thank these ladies for polishing it all up for me.

I'm going to start updating every Thursday. if i have chapters before then, i will post them, but as of now expect chapters on Thursday. I need to get back on a schedule and start putting out chapters on a regular day. So Thursday it is.

Review and give me comments. Thanks!


	18. Chapter 18

The Definition of 'Fight'

_—noun; any contest or struggle_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

"_Let me do it!" _a sharp, angry, raspy, masculine voice spoke in my head.

Along with the voice was a white hot fire that seemed to run through my veins that I had never felt before. A war was raging and through the pain, I could still feel the significance of this moment. The battle had begun, and I thought I was going to die. I had never in my life experienced a pain like this, and my head started to pound so heavily that it was hard to hear anything expect the voice.

Something was around my neck, pulling and strangling me, but I could handle that discomfort. It was almost minor.

"_No. Who are you? Go away!"_ I tried to push the voice out.

"_Look at what he's doing to her. Are going to let that bastard get away with hurting Bella that way?" _he snarled.

My eyes honed in on Aro's hands across the room as he gripped Bella's shoulders tightly. Her face was twisting in pain, and I could see the small formation of tears in the corners of her eyes. Aro just held on harder and leaned in close, whispering in Bella's ear.

I wasn't sure if there were any other people in the room, but if there were, why weren't they helping her? Why weren't they helping me?

"_What is he saying?" _I asked eagerly_. "What's happening?" _

"_Just let me take care of it," _the voice said harshly._ "I will give him a piece of our mind." _

"_Our mind?" _

"_Of course." _He laughed heartily_. "You didn't think you could get rid of me, did you?" _

"_Who are you?" _

"_You know the answer to that." _he said impatiently.

I did know who he was, but didn't want to admit it to myself.

"_Leave me alone." _I shook my head forcefully although it didn't really help as I had wanted it to since the massive arms were still around my neck.

"_Shut up," _he snapped_. "What are you going to do? Bella's in trouble. Are you just going to stand here? Let me take care of it. Let go of the anger…" _

I had no choice but to allow the heat take over. There was no use in fighting it any longer because if I did, I would surely burn in the heated oven that had become my body.

I didn't know what happened, but I opened my eyes and everything was magnified. It took me a second to get used to it. A second was all I had before my body reacted on its own. I had no idea what was going on.

I threw my elbow backwards and felt the hardness of someone's stomach, but also the bones of ribs. I knew who it was, and I didn't like him touching me. I spun around and my hand gripped Jacob's side. I was surprised that I had such a hard clasp and twisted, feeling his side collapse. I wanted to hear the crack of bone; I _needed _to hear it. I wanted others to feel my pain too. I had the most malicious thoughts in my head and didn't know where they were coming from, but I liked the agony I was causing Jacob.

Jacob fell over with a howl of pain and even though he was enormous, I seemed to be doing fairly well at containing him.

After he had experienced the hurt I wanted him to, I let go of his side. He was on the ground, clutching at his ribs and trying not to scream.

"_That was good." _The voice reappeared._ "I liked that." _

"_Why are you making me do this?" _I begged for an answer.

"_Don't act like you didn't want to hurt him," _he chuckled_. "I can see what you're thinking. You can't hide your thoughts from me." _

"_I'm so confused." _I felt exhaustion seeping in and I was still terrified of what was happening to me.

"_Don't give up yet." _

My head snapped to attention when I heard Bella whimper, and my rage came back full force when I saw Aro's hand strike her across the face. Bella fought him as much as she could, but I could tell she was starting to give up. He stuck a massive needle into her upper arm. She was being restrained on a bed in the corner.

Once again, I couldn't stop myself and attacked.

I ran across the room and tackled Aro to the ground just as he pulled the needle out. He fell hard and I smashed his head into the ground. He let out a muted grunt when his face met the wood and he tried to turn over, but I pushed my knee deep into his back.

"If you ever put your hands on her again, I will kill you." My voice was threatening and shockingly deep.

I could almost hear the struggle of Aro to speak, but I was smashing his face into the floor so hard that grumbles were the only thing that emerged.

"Edward, get off." I heard Carlisle from behind me. His usually calm voice held a hint of urgency. "Let him go."

"No, get away," I growled and pushed deeper into Aro's back. He strangled out a groan; he might actually be unconscious.

"_I want him dead." _

There was a slight prick at the base of my neck and my body froze in an instant. I fell over, crumbling to the ground. My brain shut off before I hit the floor.

* * *

I could hear voices.

_That's all I heard nowadays._

I wasn't sure if these were real or in my head. I wouldn't be surprised if I had taken off from Crazytown and made a left into Insaneville. The way my life was going, it only made sense.

I kept my eyes shut tight and my breathing regulated so that no one knew I was awake. The talking didn't stop, so I assumed they weren't in my imagination. They would surely go away once I became conscious, right? In any case, I just pretended that I wasn't the wiser about anything going on.

"You had no right to even contact him." I identified Carlisle's deep timber. I had never heard him so angry. I had to keep my body from shaking. "He's not your patient and you know what you did was inappropriate."

"I did nothing wrong, Carlisle." Aro's voice wafted through the room eerily. "I had every right to speak with Mr. Masen."

"No you didn't!" There was a loud crash, and I could almost see glass shattering to the floor from behind my eyelids. I didn't need to open them to feel his anger. "He could have killed you."

"I think we need to take the dramatics down to a manageable level, although, I will admit that he is highly dangerous."

"You're overstepping your bounds!" Carlisle seethed. "Come near one of my patients again and I will take action."

"You can't save them all."

"I can try. You have no right to ever talk to Edward."

"Why? If I have the means to help him, wouldn't you want me to?" I could imagine Aro's cockiness and the grin that was plastered on his face.

"_I'm _helping him and you need to stay away."

"We both know who the better doctor is and we both know what the truth is. Edward should be in my care."

"You just want him for your resume. You don't care about any of these patients."

"How dare you insult my career! I deserve Edward."

"Why? So you can torture him like you do Bella? I won't let you."

"Carlisle, I'm really getting tired of you spreading these rumors about me torturing patients." Aro chuckled. "It's not good for my image."

"Stupidly, I stand up for you. We went to school together and I trusted you all those years when I should have been watching you more closely."

"Is that what this is all about? You're jealous of me."

"No, I'm not jealous. I could honestly give a shit about you, but when your antics start disrupting my patients then I'm going to take action."

It was the first time that I had ever heard Carlisle curse, and I had to admit that he sounded terrifying.

"_My _crazy antics?" Aro feigned hurt. "I was the controlled one in that little argument yesterday until he went off the deep end. He gave me a concussion."

"And now both of our patients are lying in hospital beds. What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I'm not your child, Carlisle, and I don't appreciate you talking to me that way."

"I'm not going to stand for this anymore. You leave Edward alone and Bella for that matter."

"Or what? Are you going to report me?"

"Don't tempt me, Aro. I've been much too tolerant with you over the years and I will take matters into my own hands if you ever lay another hand on Bella again."

"You can't save them all, Carlisle," he repeated. I heard the door open. "Especially not her. Let me do my job and you just focus on your own failing patients. It's a wonder they haven't pulled your license yet with your poor success rate."

There was another crash and the door shut, but not before Aro snickered. He was baiting Carlisle and from the sounds of it, winning at their game.

I heard footsteps and smelled Carlisle's cologne as he moved closer. There was a shuffle next to me, and I opened my eyes to peek and see what was going on. Through my lashes, I could see a bed to my left and Bella was propped up on pillows in a deep sleep. She looked pale and slightly blue.

"I won't let him hurt you anymore, Bella." Carlisle promised and fixed the blanket around her body. "I'm going to get you transferred over to me. I'm not taking no for an answer this time. I will get you better." He sighed and shook his head slightly, guilt written all over his face, pinching the bridge of his nose.

I clamped my eyes shut when he came over to my bed.

"You are one brave man, Edward," he said, concerned. "I let you have a few seconds with him before I pulled you off. Max was angry today, but I'm going to fix you too. Your mother and I are very worried about you."

_My what and who are worried about what? _

I know he did not just say that like a father speaking to his son. On some level, I felt pissed that he would take on such a role. Did he really think he was in any position to put himself into my life? I was a grown man and I didn't need a father. My original one obviously didn't do a good job since I ended up in a place like this. He was my fucking doctor, not my dad.

"Esme is trying to be strong for you, Edward, but she needs my help. I'm trying my hardest to stay away from her. It's just so hard." He exhaled. "I wish you could see that I would never hurt her. She means the world to me. I know it's against certain… um, ethics but I can't help it."

I was tempted to say something, but kept my eyes closed with great determination.

Somewhere in the back of my mind, I realized that I was a selfish bastard. I was only thinking about myself, as usual. It was obvious that Carlisle and Esme cared for each other. Why couldn't I just get over whatever issues I was having? I had my own problems to deal with. My mother was a grown woman with her own life. Why couldn't I let her go? I convinced myself a long time ago that keeping the two of them separated was the best thing for everyone.

"I promise to heal you. It will just take time. Trust me," Carlisle said, with such strength that I had no choice but to believe him.

I heard his shoes retreat towards the door and it closed a second later. There were voices in the hallway and Carlisle's voice was saying 'Not yet' and 'Later'. I figured that some of our friends were here to see us.

I opened my eyes and looked around the room as much as I could. I was surprised that my hands weren't bound in cuffs or I wasn't strapped down to the bed. The muscles of my neck were killing me, and it was hard to even turn my head. I had a suspicion that it had something to do with Jacob fucking Black when he put his hands on me. I was going to have a talk with him soon, because I was pissed. Where the hell did he come from? I hadn't seen that bastard in a month, and suddenly he turns up just to snap my neck in half?

It took me a couple of minutes to stretch myself back from my slumber. I cracked my body and made my limbs fluid again before I started to pull my mind back to reality.

I focused my attention on Bella. She was still sleeping heavily, her chest rising and falling softly. It brought a smile to my face to see her like this again. I had missed her sleeping next to me for the past week.

_Wait, what day was it? _

I tried to think about how long I had been sleeping, but couldn't remember that far back. It was light outside, so I assumed it was the day after the ordeal in Aro's office. I took the sheets off of me and stepped on the ground. My legs were kind of wobbly, but once I got blood flowing again, I was able to stand up.

I went over to Bella's bed and was shocked at how pale she looked. I was right before; she had a slight hue of blue covering her skin. Even her lips were a weird purple color. Unlike me, Bella had an IV in her arm, and I started to get worried when I saw the drip.

"What the hell happened, Bella?" I said quietly, not wanting to disturb her. "What did you do?"

This was the first time that I had seen her up close in what felt like months, and I wanted to say something profound. I wanted to forgive her or say that I was over whatever happened on her birthday, but I also wanted to just forget about it. Like Alice had asked me the other day: When you put it in perspective, did any of it really matter?

I sighed heavily, sitting on Bella's bed. I touched her face and retracted my hand because of the temperature. She was freezing. I jumped off of the bed and grabbed my blankets before throwing them over Bella. I tucked them into her body, creating a cocoon around her. She shivered in her sleep, but didn't wake.

"I'm sorry for neglecting you lately," I apologized, kissing her forehead. "We'll talk later."

"I want to go in." Rose's sharp voice interrupted my moment. "Let me in."

"Carlisle said we can't yet," Jasper argued. "Leave them alone."

"I'm with Rose. I say we just go in," Emmett replied.

The door creaked open, and I didn't have to turn around to feel their presence behind me.

"Oh my God, are you okay." Alice's tiny arms wrapped around my body and almost pulled me from the bed.

"I'm fine," I choked out.

"Move out of the way." Rose shoved me. "I'm trying to check on Bella."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Jasper asked me. "Alice said you two got torn up pretty badly." He looked at my hands, which I hadn't even realized were swollen.

"Well, I don't remember much," I lied. I think I could remember something—a few things, actually—but I needed to work out my brain alone. I needed to sort this out on my own and didn't need them breathing down my neck.

"Edward was attacking like a maniac. I've never seen anything like it." Alice started throwing her hands around. "You were both on a roll. I haven't seen Bella pissed like that in a long time."

"Why did you tell her I was there?" I asked harshly.

"Because I was worried about you," Alice snapped. "And I told you not to go, but you didn't listen."

"You're so stupid, dude." Emmett shook his head. "_Never _go to see Aro, especially when he asks for you. That's the cardinal rule."

"And then you got Bella in trouble," Rose growled at me. "Look at her. She's almost dead. And they didn't even dress her right. "

"Only you care what she's dressed in." Jasper rolled his eyes.

"What happened after Carlisle came in?" I asked Alice.

"Well, you were all Maxed out, and then you pounced on Aro, and then Carlisle was just standing there, and then Jacob was on the floor, and then Bella started to pass out, and then Aro was so mad at her…" Alice took a breath.

"Did I hurt Aro?" I asked.

"His nose was bleeding and he says he has a colossal headache now." She shrugged. "He was just lying there until Carlisle pulled you off. Aro was furious. He gave Bella something so she'd calm down. Then he put her in an ice bath…"

"An ice bath?" I cut her off.

"He says it helps control her anger, but he just likes hurting her." Rose tucked the blanket further into Bella's side. "She was in there for at least half an hour."

"Carlisle was so busy dealing with you that he didn't even have time to get to Bella." Alice's voice was so sad. "I tried to tell Aro that he was hurting her, but he wouldn't listen to me. She passed out in there and was shivering the whole time."

"Why the hell is he still here?" I commanded an answer. "Aro can't treat her like this!"

"What do you want us to do?" Jasper said, "He thinks he can help her with his crazy ways."

"He's putting her in danger." I looked at Bella painfully. Now that I knew why she was blue, I was furious.

"He takes his tests right up to the line of illegal." Jasper shuddered.

"Carlisle said he was going to get her transferred to him."

"He's tried that before. It's not going to work." Rose sighed. "We have to kill Aro. I'll get the matches and kerosene," she said in all seriousness.

"He's leaving anyway." Alice hopped up on Bella's bed and snuggled next to her. "It's okay, Bella. We won't let him hurt you anymore."

The five of us pulled up chairs and sat around Bella's bed for the rest of the day. Carlisle popped his head in and told us that she would be fine after she rested. He pulled the IV out of Bella's arm, but told us to be quiet so we didn't wake her. He looked tired. I didn't give any indication that I had heard him and Aro earlier in the day. Carlisle wasn't his usual sociable self and just left after checking Bella's vitals.

"He's so exhausted," Alice pouted. "The poor guy."

"And Edward is cockblocking like a laser condom." Emmett slapped my back hard.

"A laser condom?" I coughed out.

"Yeah, you know, like a condom with a built in laser." Emmett looked around the room at us.

"You're so stupid," Jasper said. "I'm seriously in awe of how stupid you are."

"I'm going to create one and you'll wish you jumped on board with this." Emmett crossed his arms.

"Maybe you should have said a chastity belt." Alice patted his knee. "Edward is cockblocking like a chastity belt."

"Yeah. Carlisle is so totally hot for your mom." Jasper shrugged. "You could be a little more supportive. Esme is the nicest lady I've ever met."

"Since when is everyone seeing my mother besides me?" I threw my hands up.

"Since you became a hermit and decided to seclude yourself." Rose rolled her eyes. "She's coming back tomorrow and I suggest you see her this time."

"Isn't it against the law to be involved like that? Carlisle's my doctor, for Christ's sake. He can't sleep with my mother."

"That's not your concern. They're grownups. If they want to defy the law then let them. It's not hurting you." Emmett shrugged. "Let them have their fun. They're both too old to care, but you're cockblocking them. Stop it."

"I don't think I could look at Carlisle the same way," I admitted.

"Get over it." Emmett slapped me again.

Alice added softly, "Carlisle deserves a little happiness in his life."

About an hour after the sun set, Bella began to stir and we thought she would wake up, but nothing happened. She just moved her head, but I knew she was listening to us. I could see the gears behind her eyes turning. I smirked at her deviousness and continued with whatever conversations we were having.

Jasper and Alice were sent out for food when we got hungry and came back with an entire pizza. I don't know where they got it from, but it tasted amazing. I couldn't remember when the last time I ate was, but I didn't take the time to savor anything. I inhaled two slices before taking my time on the third.

I really wanted to talk to Carlisle, but I didn't feel right leaving Bella. I held her freezing cold hand for hours. Everyone eventually feel asleep in their chairs, but I wasn't going to let my eyes close for a second. Emmett's snores were drowning out my thoughts. I wished they would all leave me alone with Bella, but I understood their devotion and I was glad that she had friends like them. We had formed our own support system.

"Wake up, Bella," I said softly.

"I am up," she whispered.

I almost jumped back out of my seat. I stopped myself from yelling and waking everyone up.

"You almost gave me a heart attack. I thought you were sleeping."

"You just kept touching me. It felt good." She opened her eyes lazily. "Do I look as bad as I feel?"

"You look beautiful." And she did, always, but she looked unwell at the same time. I withheld that part.

"No, I don't." She tried to sit up, but was too weak. I helped her against the pillows. "That fucking bastard tried to kill me again."

"Are you cold? Do you need anything?"

"I'm fine." She coughed. "I'll be better by tomorrow. It's just a little ice bath."

"Why did you go crazy like that? I could have handled things."

"Oh, really? Was that before or after Jacob had his hands around your neck?" She crossed her arms.

"You didn't have to barge in there and attack him. You only made Aro madder and he's not going to let this go. You know that."

"He can deal with it."

"He's going to punish you."

"I'd like to see him try. I'll just bite his hand off."

"Bella, he put you in a fucking ice bath." I tugged slightly on my hair out of frustration. "What more does he have to do for you to see that you're in danger."

"What about you?" she scoffed. "You went ape shit and pinned him to the ground. I was awake long enough to see that and you're in big trouble. The board will kick your ass for that."

"I don't care."

We stayed silent for a full minute. Bella's coughing was like a knife in my side every time.

"Are you sure you don't need anything?" I asked hesitantly.

"No, I'm fine." She shrugged.

I nodded.

"You know, we never really talked about what happened after my birthday."

"I was too mad to talk."

"Are you still mad?"

I leaned back in my seat. "No, I'm fine."

"We still need to talk." She huffed.

"Since when do you care about talking?"

"Since you told me to get out of your room, and then shunned me for the past week."

"Sorry," I clipped.

"You don't need to be. I should be saying sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel… used."

"Alice thinks I'm jealous of Max," I admitted.

"You are, obviously."

"No, I'm not," I almost yelled, but managed to keep my voice down. "I'm not jealous."

"I know why you're so mad at me and I promise to slap the hell out of you the next time I see Max. I promise." She sat up.

"It's okay." I sighed. "I was just pissed that _I _couldn't be the one to give you that experience. I can't even remember it."

Bella hung her head, her hair hiding her pale face. "I know it's not an excuse, but I was so caught up in the moment. I didn't really mean to emasculate you."

"Is that what you think this about?"

"I assumed." She shrugged.

She did have a point. I was fighting someone for Bella's affection, but he was inside of me. That didn't make any fucking sense, but that's how my life was going right now.

"I was confused and angry and hurt that you would do something like that to me. I was taken advantage of," I reminded her.

"I know, and next time you go down on me, I swear to make sure it's you and not Max."

I tried not to laugh, but couldn't help it. "The next time?"

"Yeah." Bella nodded assuredly. "The next time and the time after that and the time after that…"

"Okay, okay, I get it," I stopped her.

"I don't like him better than you," she assured me. "Max is fun and… amazing at things, but I'm sure you'd be better. I actually like _you_."

"I think I was worried about that the most," I said.

Bella opened her mouth to speak, but was cut off.

"Oh my God, you two just keep talking," Emmett shouted and staggered up from his seat. I had almost forgotten about them around the room. "I'm taking my sleep elsewhere. This shit is ridiculous."

He lifted an exhausted Rosalie up out of her chair and carried her out of the door. Alice and Jasper were still snoring in the corner without hearing us.

"Go back to sleep." I told Bella. "Carlisle says you need rest."

She tucked under the covers and pulled them up to her chin. "Have you talked to Carlisle yet?"

"No. I think he's avoiding me or I'm avoiding him. I'm not sure which."

"You've been avoiding everyone," she almost pouted.

I couldn't help but feel bad as I sat up in my seat. "I said I was sorry."

"So did I." Bella smiled. "Are we cool?"

"We're cool." I nodded. "Can I have a kiss?"

"I don't think so." She turned away from me. "I'm too tired."

"Geez, I'm not asking for a blowjob. Just a small kiss."

"Only if you make it good."

"I promise."

Bella turned over again and didn't even give me time to prepare before she pulled me by my shirt. Her lips were freezing, but incredibly soft. It was almost like kissing a delicious cone of ice cream. After so long apart, she didn't bother with being gentle. I had more restraint because I didn't want to hurt her, but Bella was trying to bite my lips off, which I wasn't opposed to at all. I had to stop myself from climbing on top of her, but I had to admit that it was nice feeling her close to me again.

When Bella's fingers threaded into my hair, I was beginning to feel the outer scorch of a low burn in my stomach. I wasn't quite sure what that was, but I tried to ignore it.

"Bella, we have to slow down," I said.

She stopped kissing me and pulled back, her hands still in my hair.

"What?" I asked her.

"Your voice… it was different."

"What do you mean?"

"Listen to yourself. Say something…"

"Um, I don't know what to say," I replied, but I heard it. My voice, like in the office yesterday, had a deep and raspy timbre.

"There it is."

"You heard it too?" My eyes widened.

She nodded. "That was Max."

"What was Max?"

"That voice." Bella sat up, still holding onto my face. "That was him. He sounds like that."

"Oh." I said stupidly. I felt kind of like a deer-in-the-headlights right now.

"Can you remember kissing me just now?" she asked eagerly.

I nodded.

"This is good." Bella hit me hard in the chest. "You can remember."

"I can remember and I can see some of the stuff in the office yesterday," I recalled. "Not much, but it's there. I just have to think about it."

"I'm so proud of you." She hugged me tightly around the neck.

"Well, I didn't really do anything."

"Still, you're progressing."

"I guess. I wish I could remember more." I sighed. "Now we just have to figure out what triggers him."

Bella bit her lip, indicating that she wanted to say something, but held her tongue.

"This is such a slow process," I groaned.

"Small steps, Edward." Bella snuggled back under her blankets.

"We'll talk about it more tomorrow." I kissed her forehead.

"Don't do that." She wiped my kiss off.

"Why?" I chuckled.

"Because that's too platonic. I don't like those kinds of kisses from you."

"Okay, then." I shrugged. "Goodnight, Bella." I kissed her gently on the lips and got back in bed.

"Emmett was right. You two talk _way_ too much." Jasper complained and stretched from his seat.

"Go choke on your dick, jackass," Bella snapped.

"Why must you be so abrasive?" Alice yawned.

"Because I'm a bitch when I don't get my sleep."

"Come on, Alice." Jasper held her hand. "Let's go someplace where we'll be welcome."

"Good luck searching."

Bella covered her face up as Alice slammed a pillow down on the bed. She and Jasper both muttered under their breaths before leaving. While all of this was going on, I couldn't keep my eyes open, even though I tried. These past couple of hours had taken a lot out of me, and I hoped that tomorrow brought a better day.

* * *

**A/N:**

Well, that was quite the chapter if I do say so myself. It really does take a lot out of you to read something like this, doesn't it? I feel so bad for Edward, but at least we see more Max and he's being somewhat controlled. It can only get better from here, right? Maybe? Yes? No? Lol. I know i create a lot more questions with each chapter, but I promise to start answering them and getting these characters all healed. I'm not sure if there will be a cutesy happily ever after, but i'll try.

Some have been asking me how many chapters this story might be. I honestly dont know, but it won't be a long 50 chapter story like some of my others. Maybe 30? Probably about that long.

I guess that's all I have for right now.

As always, thanks to Suzie55 and Jenny0719 for the . I need it more than you know. Also, thanks to the wonderful readers who have stuck with me through my craziness. I love you guys.

Oh, since people still ask. Here's my twitter name were you can follow me for my nonsense (**at)johnnyboy1029**

Review, please!


	19. Chapter 19

The Definition of 'Ethics'

—_plural noun; a system of moral principles_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

"What are we doing here?" Emmett banged his head against my wall.

"I don't know," Rose sighed. "Carlisle just told us all to meet here. I'm so fucking bored."

Currently, Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett, Bella, and I were standing in my room on a rainy day in early October.

"He said be here at noon." I huffed, "I don't like all of you in my room at once."

"Doctor's orders." Alice bounced on my bed.

"Bella's the only one allowed on there, pipsqueak." Emmett lifted her off and set her on the ground. "That's where they do the nasty all the time. Who knows what kind of cum germs are on that bed. Just disgusting."

I didn't tell him that Bella and I hadn't done anything very intimate—nothing that I could remember anyway. I just rolled my eyes and flopped down in a chair near the window.

"This is incredibly boring," Bella groaned. "I have better things to do than wait for Carlisle to reveal his surprise."

"Like what?" Jasper asked her. "Today is your day off from everything."

"So. I still have a life," she pouted.

"I think this is some kind of trap." Alice squinted.

It was kind of confusing as to why Carlisle had gathered us all here today, because I hadn't heard anything from him for a week. I thought I was going to get in a hell of a lot of trouble for what happened in Aro's office, but everyone except Bella and I were acting like it didn't happen. I didn't hear a word from Aro, Carlisle, our friends, or even Jacob (who was normally silent). I thought there would be some kind of rumor going around by now.

Carlisle, especially, was avoiding me. I knew he was. I even went to speak to him a couple times, but he could never be found. I waited outside of his office for hours one day and was determined not to move until he opened the door. He never did. Everyone else had their therapy sessions, but not me. Bella tried to convince me that Carlisle just wanted to let me rest; I had different opinions on the subject. Was he scared of me? Was he tired of treating me? Did he give up? These questions were starting to eat me up inside. I hated being in the dark, especially when it concerned my wellbeing.

I knew I wasn't the easiest patient, but I hoped he could find something within him to keep going with my therapy. I _needed _more help now than ever, and I was ready to take on the challenge. Bella had been riding me about not being committed to my therapy so I was trying my hardest to be optimistic.

Come to think of it, in the past couple of days, Bella had been the most help. She was there to talk with me since I had completely disregarded Aro's threat for us to stay separated. I was in no way complying with his stupid rules. He hadn't said anything to me yet, so assumed he either didn't know or didn't really care. I'm assuming it's the former. Bella said he was scared of me now that I kicked his ass. Like any other bully, Aro had more bark than bite obviously.

"Oh, there you are!" Alice exclaimed when my door opened.

"I need everyone to move the furniture away from the walls." Carlisle smiled and a couple nurses followed him into the room carrying carts and buckets of things I didn't recognize.

"What's going on?" Bella asked.

"We're doing some art therapy today on a larger scale."

"What does that have to do with everyone being in my room?" I stood up.

"Your walls still aren't painted," he observed. "I assume you would want your friends to help you finally get this place in order. I really should have asked first, but I didn't have the chance."

"Because you've been avoiding me." I crossed my arms.

The room suddenly became tense. Everyone looked between Carlisle and I with darting eyes, trying to figure out how this standoff would end. I could tell that he wanted to say something, but refrained.

"We'll talk about it later, Edward," he assured me.

Bella suddenly slipped her hand in mine, a signal to calm me down and for me to just be quiet right now. I sighed and didn't say anything back to Carlisle.

"So… art therapy?" Alice asked awkwardly.

"Yes, I figured we could do something that will benefit everyone today." Carlisle dug through a bucket that one of the nurses had brought and held up a large, swollen, red balloon with some sort of liquid in it.

"What's that?" Emmett's eyes grew wide with excitement. "Are we throwing water balloons?"

"No." Carlisle chuckled. "This is something my mother used to do with my brother and I when it was a rainy day. She was an artist and had us always painting something."

Carlisle moved to a vacant wall on the other side of the room. He took a thumbtack from a nurse and stuck the balloon on the wall.

"What the hell is going on?" Rose snapped. "I don't like this."

"It's an exercise in anger management, healthfully releasing stress, and Edward's room does need some sprucing up."

He walked to the other side of the room and suddenly withdrew a dart from his pocket. It was one of those kiddie ones with a soft covering over the pointy end. He threw it perfectly at the balloon so that it burst all over the wall. Blue paint splattered everywhere as the space was dotted with color.

"I'm still pretty good," Carlisle gloated. "If we place these up all over the room, it should be painted in no time."

"Oh my God!" Jasper yelled. "Yes! This is awesome. Let's do it."

Now, this I could get into. The kid in me was so excited that I almost had a hard time controlling myself. Therapy? Forget therapy. This is definitely five times better and way more fun.

Like busy worker ants, we all moved the furniture to the middle of the room and covered it with plastic so that we wouldn't make a complete mess. Carlisle then gave us rain ponchos that we put on and large glasses to cover our eyes. The nurses left us alone after helping us put up the balloons. There must have been over one hundred placed all over the room in different locations.

"What if I don't like a certain color?" I asked. "This is my room after all."

"I didn't put any pink or purple in there," Carlisle said. "I just kept it pretty basic."

"Can we go now?" Emmett jumped up and down. "Can we?"

"Sure," he replied. "Please don't hit anyone."

There were a couple of loud pops as darts flew through the air and hit their targets.

Paint was flying everywhere, but somehow was still very controlled. We started popping balloons, not caring that we looked like fools. Jasper and Emmett went into a corner to set up a competition. Rose was being fairly nonchalant about the whole thing, throwing darts with an unimpressed scowl on her face. Alice was actually stressing out because she had a plan for painting my room and this, obviously, wasn't it. She was trying to instruct everyone to pop the balloons in a systematic manner, but it wasn't really working. I thought her head was going to blow up. After a while, she gave up and pouted her way through the rest of the painting exercise. Bella showed rare smiles in the presence of other people and kept laughing every time she popped a balloon.

"What's so funny?" I asked with my own smile, just from watching her.

"I don't know. I can't help it," she replied, shrugging. The glasses and poncho were way too big for her so they kept falling over her face, and she had to constantly push them up. I found it incredibly cute. "This is fun."

"It is," I agreed.

"I can't see anything." She huffed and pushed her glasses back in place.

"Then maybe you shouldn't be throwing darts around." I tossed one in the air and it struck a balloon across the room. Alice spun around and glared at me. That certain balloon just happened to be in "her corner".

"Your room is looking pretty impressive," Bella appraised. "Lots of blue and green. It looks like a forest."

"This was a good idea." I nodded. "I can feel myself being… happy."

"Strange, isn't it?" she asked rhetorically. We exchanged a quick glance and shy smile before resuming our work.

"Will you two stop jabbering?" Emmett plucked a few darts from the wall. "This is no time to be wrapped in that Bella/Edward bubble. We have a room to finish painting."

The last balloon was popped over an hour later. I didn't know why it took us so long to finish, but there always seemed to be one more. I think Carlisle was refilling them, although, I could never catch him doing it. He just sat by the window the whole time, watching us.

"Look at this place," Alice screeched. "It's a mess and nothing like how I wanted it to be."

"I gave you ample time to decorate Edward's room, but you never took the initiative." Carlisle shrugged.

"Well, I got busy and then forgot about it." She stomped her foot. "This is just unacceptable. I'm going to complain until we change this."

"It looks so fucking awesome," Emmett shouted. "Like a couple of blue and green birds took massive shits everywhere."

"That was such a wonderful description." Rose took off her poncho, sloppily messing up her hair. "Do I have to clean up? I'm too tired."

"Yes, we all have to help in the clean up after everyone eats and this dries some," Carlisle said. "Lunch first."

We undressed and looked like a group of friends who went paintballing. Fortunately, there wasn't much paint we had to clean off, so we went straight to the cafeteria. For the first time in a long time, I forgot that I was growing crazier by the day. All thoughts of medication, and therapy sessions, and Aro fucking Volturi were gone.

After lunch, Carlisle forced us to clean up my room, which didn't consist of much. We had opened the window to get some ventilation into the room before lunch so it didn't smell overwhelmingly of paint. We pulled off all the plastic from the furniture. We pushed everything back where it was supposed to go, but not fully up to the wall, which was still drying. Of course, Emmett, Jasper, and I did most of the work. Alice complained that my room wasn't painted correctly. Rose sat on her ass and picked her nails, while Bella sneakily smoked a cigarette out of the opened window.

"Okay, that's all the therapy I have for everyone today. I guess we'll resume our regular schedules tomorrow." Carlisle clapped his hands when everything was clean.

"That was fun. Find us some other things like that to do." Jasper plopped down on my bed.

"I'll think of some." He chuckled, and then left the room quickly.

"He's been acting so weird lately," Rose commented, only half caring.

"Did you notice it too?" Alice asked. "I thought it was just me. Was it something we said?"

"It's all Edward's fault," Emmett said. "He was dancing around the guy all day. What the hell did you do, dude?"

"_I _didn't do anything," I insisted. "He's the one trying to sleep with my mother and he doesn't even have the decency to ask me first?"

"Maybe he's scared to bring it up. He's trying to be the perfect doctor, but he wants your mother _soooooooo_ badly," Alice exaggerated. "You could loosen up a little."

I sighed, "Do you think it's more than a sexual thing?"

"I would say so." Rose clicked her teeth together. "Every time see walks into the visiting room, his eyes glaze over and not in that 'I want to fuck you' way. It's more of the 'we could have magic together' kind of way. Definitely more than physical."

"It's the only thing that makes him happy nowadays," Jasper said. "Why don't you like him, Edward?"

"I do like him. Just not with my mother."

"Point taken. I don't think I'd dig it too much either, and yet I think Carlisle's a reasonably upstanding guy," Jasper added.

"I don't think you have much of a choice. They're two seconds away from jumping on each other. I'm surprised they've lasted this long." Bella took a long drag of her cigarette and blew the smoke out of the window.

"Damn it," I tugged on my hair, "I'm going to have to get over this, aren't I?"

"Yes, and maybe if you let Carlisle be happier, you can get some better therapy." Alice got up and patted my head. "Come on, Jazzy. Let's go do something."

"Coming." Jasper chased after her as she headed into the hallway.

"Then that's my cue to leave because… frankly, I hate you." Rosalie shot fire out of her eyes and it burned my chest. She was the devil. Mark my words. She took Emmett's hand and darted out of the room.

"She is such a bitch." Bella shook her head, stubbing out her cigarette on the windowsill. "I really don't like her."

"She's your best friend." I dragged a chair over and sat next to her.

"Then I need new friends." She smirked. "You're my best friend."

"I'm honored, truly."

"Be honest with me, Edward, what's your beef with Carlisle?"

"I don't have beef with Carlisle. I just think this is the worst turn of events."

"Have you talked to him about it?"

"I want to talk to him about a lot of things, but he keeps avoiding me."

"Men are so stubborn." Bella rolled her eyes. "You both are annoying the hell out of me."

"Well, what can I do? You heard him. Every time I want to talk, he just says later."

"So stupid." Bella got up from her seat, took my hand and pulled me up as well.

"Where are we going?"

"To speak to Carlisle. I can't have you two sulking or no one's going to get better."

We shuffled into the hallway. "It's going to be so awkward."

"But how are you going to move forward if you don't?" Bella asked, twining her fingers in mine as we walked slower.

"He's just supposed to get me better. People must be forgetting that he's my doctor. I don't need this extra stress."

"You can't keep putting this talk off. Let's get it done."

"I know. He hasn't given me the chance."

"That's why I'm here." She shrugged, exasperated. "Geez, nothing would get done without me, I swear."

We arrived at Carlisle's office a couple minutes later, but the door was closed, just like it had been all week. I really wanted to just bust thing open with a sledgehammer.

Bella knocked roughly.

"Who is it?" Carlisle asked.

"Bella… _and Edward,"_ she stressed.

"Um, I'm in therapy right now. Can you come back in about an hour?" he replied.

She didn't even wait for him to finish his sentence before she opened the door. As Carlisle said, he was in a therapy session with Heidi sitting in the chair across from his desk.

"Oh, this bitch is still alive," Bella groaned. "I thought we got rid of you."

"I told you I was busy." Carlisle sighed, clearly irritated that Bella had barged in. "Bella, remember our talk on boundaries? _This _is what I was talking about. Get out!"

"We have business to take care of. What if I was about to kill myself? Are you going to shoo me away then?" She crossed her arms.

"You're not about to kill yourself."

"You don't know," she snapped.

I think he suspected she would barge in anyway. He only looked at me for a second before his eyes shifted away. That made me angry.

"Hi, Edward." Heidi flirtatiously waved. "I haven't seen you around."

"Your session is over," Bella snarled.

"It's over when I say it's over, bitch."

"Heidi, please refrain from that language in my office," Carlisle scolded.

Bella's hand was still in mine, and I tightened it when she tried to pull away. She even took a step forward, but I wasn't going to let her get in trouble. We didn't need any more fights.

"Speak to me like that again and I'll rip that pretty little hair out of your scalp," Bella threatened.

"You two need to leave until after I'm done." Carlisle stood up.

"We'll be back in an hour," I said quickly and walked out of the door, shutting it behind me.

"Can you believe that slut? She has the nerve to even look at you." Bella ground her teeth together. "Who does she think she it?"

"You need to calm down." I chuckled. It was kind of funny watching her get so defensive all because of me.

"I can't stand her. She needs to keep her eyes in her head."

"You're so angry all the time."

"Maybe you need to be angrier. That's probably your problem."

We sat on a bench in the middle of the hall to wait. I calmed Bella down since she was still fuming for some reason. I guess she and Heidi would just never get along, and even those few seconds in Carlisle's office were enough to set her off. We distracted each other with kisses and soft touches, not caring that people might be watching.

"You're very naughty today," she breathed harshly after we disconnected.

"I can't help it," I said truthfully.

"We can't fuck each other in the middle of the hallway. That's so inappropriate." She giggled as the whiskers of my face brushed against the soft skin of her neck.

"Do you realize that you ooze sex?"

"I _ooze_ sex?" she said skeptically. "I should probably have that checked out. It doesn't sound healthy."

"I'm serious, Bella. Everything about you is sexy." I took my finger and lightly traced the outline of her face, from chin to brow. "Your eyes, your lips; your voice."

Bella stared at me with a slightly open mouth. "You think I'm sexy?"

"Incredibly."

"No one's ever told me that before." She blushed a deep color that I hadn't seen in a long time. "I'm sexy?"

"Yes. Have I never told you before?"

"Maybe. I'm not sure." She thought. "I mean, you're… like beautiful but I'm not…"

"I'm beautiful?"

"Manly, though." She kissed the corner of my mouth. "Manly beautiful."

"Why, thank you."

"Edward, Bella." Carlisle's voice alerted us to his presence. "You can come into my office now."

I almost felt embarrassed to have him catch Bella and I like that—_almost_.

We separated and as we walked down the hall, Heidi passed us with a furious look on her face. I kept Bella close to me, so she didn't get tempted to do something rash. Carlisle shut the door behind us as we sat in the chairs by his desk.

"So, what do I owe the pleasure?" he asked as he sat down.

I didn't know what to say so I stayed silent. Bella hit my shoulder.

"What?"

"Talk to him," she said.

"I don't want to," I replied under my breath.

"Should I be worried?" Carlisle interjected.

"No, Edward has some things to say and he's just being shy today."

"What's this about, Edward?" He had a look on his face like he didn't already know.

"Why are you avoiding me?" I questioned.

"I… uh… haven't." He avoided my eyes yet again.

"Why won't you look at me?" I asked, more agitated.

He sighed in resignation, "You're right. I have been avoiding you and I'm sorry about that, but I just… this is just a strange situation and I don't know how to go about saying this."

Did he still think that I was oblivious to everything that was going on in his head?

"First, before we even say anything about my mother," I stopped him, "can we just talk about what happened in Aro's office? We haven't discussed that."

He nodded. "You're right and that's very important. That must have been a tough day for you."

"It was," I agreed. "I had no idea what was going on and I was pretty scared…"

"Nothing was your fault," Carlisle assured me. "Aro had no business asking to see you and I'm dealing with it. Don't think that you're in trouble for anything. Do you remember it?"

"Yes. That's what I wanted to tell you." I huffed. "Max was fighting me in my head and it was really strange, but I could hear him."

He pulled my file from his desk and flipped open some pages before writing furiously. "When did you realize that Max was talking to you?"

"After Bella came in and attacked Aro, Jacob suddenly had his hands around my neck and it felt like I was passing out, but I wasn't. _His _voice was in my head the whole time."

"What was he saying?"

"Um, I can't remember specifically, but he wanted me to let him take over. Does that make any sense?" I asked Bella. She nodded, but didn't say anything.

"And you let him control you?"

"I couldn't do much to stop him. My body just… gave up. I don't know," I said, defeated.

"This is good, very good. We can work with this." He wrote quickly. "Did you realize that you were a different persona?"

"I think so. I was fighting with him."

"That means you were conscious. This is _very _good. Would you say that there was a trigger?"

"Besides Jacob putting his hands around my neck?" I stopped myself from having an attitude when I said that. "Probably when Bella was in trouble."

"I told you," Carlisle said to her. "We talked about this."

"I know." She blew out a stream of air and this time, it was Bella who was avoiding me.

"Talked about what?" I asked.

"You and Max are very protective over Bella. I think she is a significant part of why he appears seemingly out of nowhere."

"I don't understand. So Max likes Bella more than I do?" I got defensive.

"That's not what I said. He might just feel the need to protect her and feels like you aren't doing enough to help."

"He's ridiculous. Does he think I wouldn't do something to help her?"

"He's just making sure Bella's taken care of. That, among many things, is why he's part of your subconscious."

"The drama always follows me." Bella patted my shoulder. "It's okay, Edward. Now I just have one more person who's looking out for me."

"This is a good thing." Carlisle sounded confident.

"I told you," Bella whispered to me.

I was starting to feel a lot better now that I was getting some positive feedback for a change.

"What does this mean?" I asked hesitantly. "That doesn't explain why Max appeared in the outside. Bella wasn't in my life back then."

"I know, I know. I'm trying to figure it out."

"Damn."

"The bright side is your medication is working. It's not necessarily suppressing Max, but it's making you stronger so you can identify him. In time, we should be able for you to shut Max down whenever he arises. This is the first step." He smiled brightly.

"So where do we go from here?"

"Continuing with our memory therapy. I have never seen Max in a calm situation. I'm going to try and bring him out here, in a controlled environment."

"I guess your quack methods aren't all bad." Bella said.

"I'm glad to have your approval," he responded sarcastically.

"So… I'm getting better?" I asked.

"Yes, you are."

That hit me like a ton of bricks for some reason and I felt like throwing a party for myself.

_I was getting better!_

"I would say that if we were working on the twelve step program, you'd be around the fourth step," Carlisle said. "I told you it was going to get a lot worse before it got better. You just have to trust me."

"I… do," I lied somewhat. There was a large part of me that wanted to believe him, but I couldn't neglect the doubts I still had.

Carlisle and I both hung our heads and refused to look at each other. I twiddled my thumbs together and bit my lip. The tension was suddenly back, and I felt very uncomfortable sitting here in front of him. The collar on my shirt became tight and to keep my mind occupied, I started counting the Superman symbols on Bella's pants.

"Is that all?" Carlisle asked.

"Yes," I said quickly.

"No," Bella interrupted forcefully, "Edward has something else to say."

"Okay."

I didn't want to talk to him about this. It was really none of my business. Of course, I said that now when I'm sitting here.

"Look, Edward, I know that I am seriously beyond my ethic right here," Carlisle began. "I know what you want to talk about and I'm trying to keep my… emotions in check, but it's getting very hard."

_Ha. Play on words there, Doctor? _

"My mother is lonely, I know that," I said. "For some reason, she seems to like you… a lot. For the past couple of months, all she talks about is you and I think you're feeling the same way."

"We're all adults here and we should be able to talk about this maturely."

"Do you love Esme?" I asked frankly.

Carlisle took a second to answer. "I'm not sure, but I would like to get the chance to find out. I've never in my life felt this kind of connection with anyone else. Does that make you uncomfortable?"

"Yes, it really does. You're my doctor," I stressed. "Aren't there rules about this sort of thing?"

"There are," he admitted. "I should have transferred you to another doctor when I first had these feelings. My medical ethics are being compromised for even speaking to you, but there aren't any other options. You can either stay with me or…"

"Or go to Aro and that's not happening," Bella said sternly.

"So where does that leave us?" I asked.

"I don't know. I'm trying to not let this interfere with my job, but as you can see, I'm failing at that. I feel so guilty for splitting my time with you and I want to see Esme more often, but then again, I know that I can't…"

"Okay, okay. You're rambling," Bella said. "You need a therapist."

He dryly chuckled, "Yes, I do."

"We need Esme in here." Bella stated finally.

"Since when did you become such a mediator?" I asked.

"Since you two became such jackasses. Edward, Carlisle needs some emotional ass." Bella began her speech, "By that, I mean that he's been so lonely for so long and he's finally found someone he connect with, but they haven't had the opportunity to explore it and he's trying to do what's right for you. Carlisle, you need to be more of a man. Do what you want to do and fuck the consequences because I'm tired of seeing you so sad all the time. You always smile when Esme is around and you deserve to be happy. If she does that for you, then go for it. Does everyone understand the plan?"

Carlisle and I were stunned. I don't think I had ever heard her speak so much in one sitting.

"Don't look at me like that," she snapped. "I'm just trying to make everyone feel better. And this little charade that everyone's putting on is too tiring."

"I have certain… morals that I can't break," Carlisle mumbled, almost to himself.

"I hate to tell you, but they've already been broken," I said, not really meaning to.

"You don't understand." He pushed himself up from his large leather chair. "How can I try to make you guys live by a moral code when I can't even follow one myself? That makes me the utmost hypocrite. Not to mention my entire career could go up in smoke and the people I care about could be seriously harmed all for my selfish needs."

"I think you've given enough to this place. You're not going to use Esme for sex and then toss her aside, right?" Bella asked. I winced.

"No, of course not!" He seemed angry and offended that she would even suggest such a thing.

"Well then, take a chance. This could be a good thing for you and I hate how closed off you've become. It's not healthy for anyone."

Carlisle sighed and I tried not to seem surprised when he ran his hand through his golden hair. It only made this conversation even stranger. He was picking up my habits, and I realized that I was picking up his.

_Great!_

"You should call Esme right now and ask her on a date," Bella said enthusiastically.

"I… um… I don't think so." Carlisle wrung his hands together nervously. "I have more than just me to think about. What if someone finds out about this? I'll lose my license and all my patients will get transferred. I can't do that to you guys."

"Stop worrying about everyone else," Bella groaned. "Pick up the phone."

Carlisle looked at me for conformation. I had almost been non-existent these past couple of minutes, and I really wanted to protest this, but couldn't. There were good arguments on both sides of the table. Carlisle would get in a hell of a lot of trouble. He was the one who was going to be hurt if this turned out badly. I really shouldn't even be having this discussion with him.

I just grumbled under my breath and turned my head away from him. That was as much of a 'yes' as he was going to get.

"Come on, Edward. Let him have his privacy." Bella tugged on my shirt.

"Just… treat my mother right," I warned him. "If she really means a lot to you, then you'll think about what you're doing."

He nodded, but didn't say anything.

"He's a good man, Edward." Bella when she closed the door, "Don't worry. It'll all work out."

"I sincerely hope so."

Everything in my life might be going to shit, but that didn't mean my mother had to suffer more than she already was.

As I walked away from Carlisle's office, I decided to leave them to do whatever they wanted. I just hoped Esme was happy. That's all I could wish for.

* * *

**A/N:**

Things are moving along. Everyone is just in their own little problems to deal with and I like it. More answers to come. We're going to start moving pretty quickly now so everyone pay attention to the next chapters. Lots going on.I don't want to say much more.

Hope everyone's enjoying. I'm liking the reviews and they're always so informative so thank you.

More thank yous to my wonderful beta and pre-reader **Jenny0719 **and **suzie55**. They always keep me on my toes with these pesky chapters.

Follow me on twitter if you'd like (at)**johnnyboy1029**


	20. Chapter 20

The Definition of 'Forget'

—_verb; to cease or fail to remember; be unable to recall_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

As fall rolled over the campus of Windemere, the leaves started turning a deep orange color that was rarely seen in the city. I found myself just sitting near my window and staring at the trees for hours. It was so peaceful and when the red started peeking through the orange, all of the trees looked like they were on fire. The wind picked up considerably as mid-October arrived and thankfully, the rain stayed away so we weren't freezing our asses off.

The days passed for me in extreme exhaustion. Carlisle was starting my intense therapy, and it left me severely drained. I would spend a lot of time in bed and when I didn't have enough energy to move, Bella would bring me food and lay with me. Carlisle explained that my body was fighting with itself. The good thing: I saw progress from the process. Of course, we were just starting my "healing stage" as Bella called it, but I still blacked out on occasion.

I could identify and feel Max inside of me sometimes. That was the first step. Whenever I got angry or tired, a low heat would rise in my body. I hadn't heard him since the time in Aro's office, but Carlisle said that would come with time. That only pushed me to work harder.

Besides the heavy medication, we were working on memory therapy along with some electroshock treatments. I was terrified of it, but Carlisle said it would help in controlling Max. We had only done it twice, though. I was put under anesthesia and given a muscle relaxant so that I didn't convulse. When I woke up from that, my body would just feel like it wanted to die.

Today, unfortunately, was one of those days when I could hardly move. It was still early in the morning. By lunchtime, I would be more alert, but right now all I wanted to do was sleep.

"You have to eat something, Edward," Bella sighed.

"I don't have the energy," I croaked.

"At least drink some orange juice." She held a straw up to my lips.

I complied and swallowed the thick liquid. It burned all the way down my throat, and I felt worse with it being in my stomach. The medication I was on had side effects, which included nausea, among other things. There was a bucket near my bed that I had to use a couple times a night, but I was good so far.

"I hate seeing you like this." Bella looked pained as she rested her head on my chest. "I wish there was something I could do."

I wrapped my arm around her small body. "I'll be better soon."

"That didn't sound too optimistic."

"I'm trying."

"Is your stomach feeling better?"

I nodded in a lie.

"I feel so bad for you." She sounded hurt.

"I'm fine. Stop worrying about me."

She tucked her head into the crook of my neck and took a deep breath. The closeness of her body was enough to settle my nerves and calm my stomach. I just held her in the same spot for at least half an hour.

"Esme's coming today," Bella informed me.

"How do you know?"

"Carlisle told me this morning."

"I can't let her see me like this. She'll flip out," I groaned.

"She was crying the other day when you wouldn't let her see you."

"She's going to want to be my roommate if she gets too worried."

"Esme's your mother. That's her job."

"I can't let her see me."

I had spoken to Esme over the phone in Carlisle's office almost every day, which was a privilege he allowed me. I hadn't seen her though in two months.

"She's going to just knock the door down one day." Bella sat up.

"She needs to just focus on her own life and forget about me." I rolled over.

"You are her life."

"Not anymore. She can't help me in here."

"I wish you would stop being so morose."

"Good word." I chuckled, and then stopped when my stomach turned.

"I've been reading the dictionary instead of sleeping," she said nonchalantly, like it was a normal thing to do. "I have to watch you all night."

"You need your rest too," I replied, concerned.

"I'm fine." Bella kissed my ear. I didn't know why, but she loved my ears. "What are you going to do about Esme?"

"Leave her in the hallway like I always do."

"I think you're being ridiculous."

"I know, but I can't help it. She'll be even more hurt if she sees me."

Bella didn't say anything else. She could tell when I was getting agitated and at the first sign of an attitude, she would lay off.

I felt her small hand glide over my back for an hour. Her touch settled me and as it traveled up the knotted and bent bones of my spine. I suddenly felt like an old man. I had almost fallen asleep when there was a knock on my door. I jolted awake and had to keep myself from rolling off of the bed.

"Who the hell is it?" Bella shouted.

"Carlisle."

"Can he come in?" Bella asked me in a whisper.

I nodded, my voice too weak to say anything.

Bella got up and opened the door. "Do you need anything?"

"You are quite the sentinel," he snickered. "I've never seen you so protective."

"Because I normally don't have things worth protecting."

I wanted to get up and kiss her for that, but my body wouldn't let me. I could barely roll over to look at Carlisle.

"Is everything alright?" I asked.

"Yes, it's fine." He came into the room. "I just wanted to tell you that your mother is here."

"Oh," I said.

"That didn't sound too enthusiastic." His voice was almost scolding. "I'm keeping her occupied with paperwork, but I want you to see her today. At least for five minutes."

"Why, so she can start worrying over how much weight I've lost or how I get nauseous when I stand up? She doesn't need that."

"She just wants to see you." Bella sat on my bed and put her fingers through my hair, smoothing it out.

"When am I going to stop feeling like shit?" I asked.

Carlisle offered me an answer filled with pity, "Unfortunately, not for a while. I won't be giving you any more medication this week so your strength should be back by the morning, but I'll start back up soon."

"I don't know how much more I can take of this," I groaned.

"It's like chemotherapy. It hurts, but there's no way around it." He sighed. "But back to the situation with you mother. I'm bringing her in here."

"No!" I sat up so quickly that my stomach turned, and I hurled over the side of the bed into the bucket. There wasn't anything to give so bile burned my throat, and I was coughing violently after a couple minutes. The whole time, Bella's trembling hand was rubbing my back.

"Take this." Carlisle was kneeling next to me with a capful of a thick pink liquid.

"Is that Pepto-Bismol?" I wheezed.

"Yes," he pushed it on me and I drank it greedily, "It'll settle your stomach."

Bella held a can of ginger ale up for me and I took it from her, feeling the bubbly fizz coat my insides.

"I need energizer pills," I laid back into my pillows.

"We'll take a couple days off from medication. I know this is hard, Edward, but I'm proud of you. You're doing really well."

"Thank you, Doctor," I almost laughed.

"Is everything alright?" Esme's sweet voice traveled through the room.

"Oh, great." I rolled my eyes.

"Esme, why don't you wait outside?" Carlisle jumped off of the bed and blocked me from her.

"No, I don't want to. I want to see my son."

"I don't think now's the time."

"Please, Carlisle."

Esme poked her head around his body. She gasped softly when she saw me and her hand covered her mouth, but she tried to act like everything was normal.

"Hi, Mom." I waved.

"I'm going to go." Bella started to get up, but I grabbed her hand and pulled her back down.

"Don't. I want you here."

She nodded and didn't move.

"Is he okay?" Esme asked Carlisle, like I wasn't here.

"He's just a little sick from the new medicine he's taking."

She eyed me up and down. I could almost hear her heart breaking. Esme took small steps towards me. "Are you doing okay? I haven't seen you in a while."

"I know, Mom," I said. "I've been… busy."

"You look… good." She hesitated. She was trying so hard not to cry.

"I look like shit."

"Edward Anthony Masen, you stop that language right this instant." And just like that, Esme was back.

"Sorry."

She sat down on the edge of my bed. "Why didn't you want me to see you?"

"Look at me. I didn't want to upset you, and then things were kind of awkward with you and Carlisle. There was just too much going on," I explained.

Esme blushed deeply. She actually turned red. "You knew about that."

"Of course I knew," I scoffed. "You two are worse than teenagers."

Bella made a noise that sounded like a sneeze. "Sorry."

"Oh, hello," Esme said. I guessed that she just noticed that there was another person in the room. "I've seen you around here."

"I'm Bella," she said.

"Nice to meet you." My mother saw our hands intertwined. She raised an eyebrow.

"Um, yeah," I replied uncomfortably, "this is my um… girlfriend?"

"Oh." Esme acted surprised. "How nice. Well, this is a wonderful turn of events. Carlisle, why didn't you tell me he had found someone so beautiful?"

"I didn't think it was my place."

"Now I feel so much better." Esme exhaled. "I thought you were just sitting up here all alone, but now I see you have such a pretty young lady…"

"Mom," I stopped her, "I have friends, you know."

"I was just worried."

"You're always worried."

"I wanted to just make sure you're okay."

"Bella, why don't we go outside for a second," Carlisle suggested.

Bella debated and then leaned down to kiss my cheek. "Just call if you need anything."

I nodded as she walked out of the door.

Esme and I sat in a thick haze of tension that didn't evaporate as the seconds went on. We just stared at each other. She looked completely torn and tired. I didn't know how to explain it. My burden was her burden. She didn't look well at all.

"You haven't been sleeping," I accused.

"You haven't either."

"That's all I do nowadays." I shrugged.

"Well, you don't look rested. How are you feeling, really?" She felt my forehead.

"Like shit. My stomach always hurts, my head is pounding; my heart is always beating a thousand miles a minute, and I can't breathe sometimes."

She flinched at my words, the pain of her hurting son evident on her face.

"You shouldn't be here, Mom."

"I had to come and see you. I can't just sit at home and think about how you're doing."

"Does this make you feel any better? Seeing me like this?" I sat up painfully. "I don't want to see you stressing over me."

"I can't help it. You're my baby boy." She caressed my face with tears in her eyes.

"I just hate feeling this weak," I sighed in aggravation. "I'm sorry for not seeing you sooner."

"It's okay. I understand." She pursed her lips. "Your father was the same way. Always so prideful."

"It's the Masen curse."

Esme got up and walked around my room. "I've never been in here before. It's a nice place. Very… colorful."

"We painted it a couple weeks ago," I said. I was wondering how long we were going to skirt around the two giant elephants in the room: Carlisle and Bella.

"I like it. There aren't any pictures up."

"Of who? You don't like taking pictures and Dad was never around for pictures."

"No, he wasn't," she admitted.

"What do you think he would say about me being in here?"

"He'd probably kill himself," she said without a hint of amusement. "He almost died when he found out your uncle was gay. Social embarrassment was something he never accepted. This would have been too much for him."

"Maybe he knew I would end up like this."

"Edward, I don't want to talk about your father right now." She rubbed her hands together. It was no surprise to anyone that my parents had fallen out of love before Edward Sr. died. Of course, he would never admit that, but like Esme said: social embarrassment wasn't an option. That included divorce. They loved each other deep down, but it just wasn't working for them in the end.

"Okay. We can talk about Carlisle then." I sat up further.

"I don't want to talk about him either." She turned away from me.

"Do you love him?"

Esme stopped walking and bit the inside of her cheek. "I… I don't know. Maybe. I've never felt like this in my entire life. Does that mean I'm in love?"

"I don't know, Mom. I don't know what love is," I lied. It was evident to me and I think everyone around me, that I was falling more in love with Bella every day.

"I think you do." She came to sit back on my bed. "Love looks good on you. Is Bella nice?"

"She's amazing," I said quietly. "She cares about me."

"I know. I can see that." Esme grinned. "Does she make you laugh?"

"Yeah."

"Well, I'm going to have to meet this Bella properly and spend some time with her. Alice wouldn't tell me what you had been up to in this place, but now I know."

"So you've been talking to all of my friends?"

"They're very nice people. I had to occupy myself somehow."

"Besides Carlisle?"

"Are we back on him again?" She rolled her eyes in a very un-Esme-type move.

"Yes. I want to know what's going on."

"Nothing, as of now. We went on a date last week and it was very nice." She blushed.

"A date?"

"Yes, well, one official date. We spend a lot of time together here when you wouldn't let me see you. We've have lunch in his office a couple of times and he even sent me flowers the other day."

"You both could get in a lot of trouble," I warned.

"I know and he's very cautious about things. We're trying to keep it very casual right now."

"At your age?" I joked.

"And what is that supposed to mean?" She giggled. "I will have you know that I'm in my prime."

"I'm just saying, you don't have the time to mess around. Get that ring and walk down that aisle."

She clutched my blanket in laughter and almost fell over. When she calmed down enough to breath, she wiped tears from her eyes. "Oh, Edward. Let's not start that."

"Is he 'the one'?" I asked.

She sobered up and exhaled heavily. "I don't know him enough…"

"You know."

She nodded hesitantly. "Yes, I think he is. He makes my heart thunder every time I look at him."

It felt weird to be talking about this when I thought about the fact that my mother had been married for years to a man she loved, but I could tell that my father wasn't her soul mate. She stopped looking for one when she got married and although she was happy with my father, I could tell she always wondered.

"I'm not creeping you out, am I?" Esme asked. "I don't want to talk about this if it's making you uncomfortable."

"No, I need to know these things. Carlisle is obviously very important to you."

"He is," she confessed.

"Then don't be afraid to talk to me." I took her hand and tried to be comforting. I knew she didn't have anyone else to confide in. All her friends were gone because of me, my grandmother was bordering on senile, and she had an empty house that reminded her every day of the husband who had been gone for ten years.

"I loved your father very much," she said. "And I still love him somewhat, but he changed so much as the years went on. He wasn't the man I first met."

"Does Carlisle treat you right?"

She smiled sweetly. "He does and he's so shy. It's cute. I think he wants to say so much, but holds back. I get nervous around him too."

"Go find your own happiness, Mom. Stop worrying so much about me."

"Of course I'll always worry about you, but Carlisle does make me happy. I dream about him sometimes."

"Mom, I don't want to know about this." I cringed.

"Not that way." She hit my leg. "I mean… if it were easy and we lived in a simple world. We could go to the park and just walk around. It's a fantasy that I doubt will ever happen."

"It could."

She shook her head. "Maybe. Let's stop talking about this. I'm going to let you get back to sleep. You look tired."

"Do you promise to sleep more now that you've seen me?"

"I promise."

"When will you be back?" I asked and realized that I missed my mother deeply. I really did.

"Tomorrow if you want." She got up from the bed and smoothed out the covers. "I get certain perks now that…"

"Now that you're fucking my doctor." I smirked.

"First, stop with the language. Second, we're not… doing what you said. It was just one date."

"Which will turn into two, and then three, and then four. And since you're dreaming about him and all…"

"Okay, okay." She held my lips closed with her fingers. "I'll be back in a couple of days. Get better." She kissed my forehead.

I yawned as a sudden wave of exhaustion crashed into me.

"I love you, Edward." Esme tucked me into bed like she used to do when I was a child. It felt comforting.

"I love you too, Mom."

My eyes were closed before I heard the door shut.

* * *

The days slowly passed with me getting weaker and weaker. Carlisle had come up with an intense schedule. There was more electroshock, and a new form of therapy that involved Carlisle looking into my dreams. I had machines hooked up to me and everything. I would receive medication in the earlier parts of the week with Fridays and weekends free for me to recuperate. Bella was with me the entire time forcing me to eat when I couldn't. She never complained, and I couldn't believe she was still here.

For the most part, I could see results in my demeanor and my control over Max, but that was only with help from the medicine. The real test would be if I could rein him in without it. Carlisle explained that we would work on that later. My internal debates with him were more frequent, though, just not as long, and I could bring myself back most times.

Esme came to visit every other day and like she said before, she got certain "perks". She spent a lot of time with me, talking and making sure that I wasn't too sad all the time. She had this idea that I didn't have any friends and all I did was pout all day, even though she had met the group.

Plus, being with me allowed her time to see Carlisle more often. I realized that just like teenagers, if you tell two people that they can't see each other, they'd just sneak around. Esme decided to "donate her time" as she called it and volunteered at Windemere. When she wasn't with me, she could be found in the art room or the music room or reading to the kids. She told me that it felt nice to be useful, but it also didn't hurt that Carlisle was never far behind her, always smiling and laughing. I didn't comment on anything I saw because if she wanted Carlisle, then so be it.

That being said, it was kind of gross to think of my mother with a boyfriend. Is that what she had? I didn't think to ask. Carlisle and I never talked about the situation. It always just seemed too awkward when we tried. Esme was more than happy to discuss her newfound happiness.

Today was one of those rare days when I was full of energy and actually felt like doing something.

I knocked on Bella's door around noon and was surprised that she opened it with a smile.

"Wow. Happy day?" I asked as I went inside.

"I've been teaching myself guitar all morning." She happily trotted to her bed and climbed on. "Jasper gave me this book and it makes sense now."

"Show me what you got." I laid face down on the covers and buried myself deep into her fragrant pillows.

"Okay, well, I'm not really that good yet, but I can play a couple scales." She put the TV on mute and took a deep breath.

She picked up the guitar that I had given her, and it brought a smile to my face that she still had it. Not only that, but she was learning to play with it. The guitar basically covered her entire body, but she positioned it correctly and her small hands begin to clumsily play a scale. I watched Bella the entire time and had to suppress my laughter whenever her face would scrunch up in concentration.

She finally let out a frustrated breath when the last note of her choppy scale was played. I rolled over on my back and clapped. She scowled.

"Don't patronize me." Bella squinted angrily.

"What?" I shrugged. "It was good."

"It was not. I could play better if you weren't looking at me. Go outside and listen from there."

"It was good, Bella," I assured her.

"I'm going to learn a song soon." She set the guitar down and snuggled up to my side. "What would you like to hear?"

"Anything you learn will be fine with me." I took a deep breath, relaxing further into the comfort of her bed.

"How are you feeling today?" Her lazy finger traced my jaw. "Have you eaten? Are you keeping hydrated?"

"Good, yes, and yes."

"Esme's here again. She's always running around now."

"She's small like Alice, but unlike the pixie, she's silent." I chuckled, "I think she likes you."

"I think so too. She approves. We're in the clear." Bella rolled on top of me and covered my mouth softly with hers.

"I wonder what people think of us," I pondered out loud and put my hands behind my head.

"Why do you ask that?"

"I don't know. It just seems that we make everyone uncomfortable."

"Oh, please," she scoffed. "They all wish they had what we have."

"But still… I'm sure someone's complained about us."

"So what." She rolled off of me and almost fell off of the bed. "Emmett and Rosalie do worse."

"And I get uncomfortable watching them."

"I think PDA is healthy."

"I know you do. I'm always being groped in the hallway."

"You ask for it." She grinned. "I think as long as we're more civilized than Emmett and Rose, we'll be fine."

"Good answer."

"Do you think I should color my hair gray?" she asked randomly.

The small strand of hair that she usually dyed was uncharacteristically void of color. I hadn't even noticed it in a while. It was starting to fade dramatically. "Why haven't you dyed it already?"

"Rose thinks I should let my hair rest for a while." Bella played with the strand. "Maybe next month."

I snatched the remote from off of the bed and flipped through the channels. Bella was the only one I knew of who had a TV and when I was feeling well, we would watch movies. I decided that today was a day for news since I had been hidden away from the world for almost six months now.

I watched a few minutes of some reporter discussing the falling stock market and revolutionary governments and nuclear warfare and widespread diseases.

"If you ask me, it's better in here," Bella said and picked up a book from her nightstand.

"Maybe," I sighed, "but don't you wish you could take a break from all the medication and therapy sessions?"

"I don't take medication."

"You know what I mean." I rolled my eyes.

"I like it better here."

"Don't you ever want to go home?" I asked after a couple of minutes.

"I don't have a home." She shrugged, not looking up from her book.

"But what about Charlie and…"

"It's just better for me to stay here," she cut me off. "It's better…for everyone."

"Okay," I said in conclusion. It was obvious that she didn't want to talk about it so I wouldn't push her.

I watched her out of the corner of my eye for a while, pretending to be entranced with the TV. I could give a shit about the news at this point. I just wanted to make sure that I hadn't offended Bella with my questions.

Bella put her book down and bit her lip almost painfully. "If I tell you something, you won't judge me, right?"

"Of course not." I shook my head.

"Okay, well… after I ran from _him_," she took a deep breath, "um, I went back home and lived with Charlie, but it wasn't the same. I was so mad at the world and even at fifteen, I had such horrible nightmares. Charlie convinced me to talk to the police after a couple of months and I figured that if I told them everything that happened to me, I could save another girl from going through the same thing."

"That was admirable of you." I sat up against the headboard.

"Yeah." She sighed. "So I told them and they arrested the guy, but then I had to testify at the trial. That was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my life. Reliving those experiences was the reason I couldn't sleep for years. It was so embarrassing and everyone was looking at me in that courtroom."

I took her hand for support because I could see her starting to tremble next to me. "But they threw him in jail," I said.

Bella shook her head. "They didn't have any evidence. By the time I told the police what happened, everything was gone. The basement was clean. It was obvious that I had been through some shit, but it was my word against his. There weren't any witnesses or anything, so it was like I made the whole thing up and ran away. They said I was crazy and that was just a stupid teenager."

"How could they do that?" I was almost furious at the fact that people didn't believe her story.

"He was acquitted and they let him go. He just… walked out of the courtroom. That was kind of when I snapped. I stole my neighbor's car and drove to Seattle that night. I went to his house and burned it down, but only after I made sure he was in it. I think that's the only reason Rose really likes me." She grinned sadly.

Bella looked at me with tears in her eyes, but they weren't from sorrow. They were angry and frustrated. "I wanted him to die," she spoke softly.

"What happened?" I asked, encouraging her to keep going.

She wiped her face roughly. "He didn't die, of course, with my luck. He had burns, but he's still alive. I see his face in the newspaper sometimes. He got married a couple of years ago. But they arrested me and I was almost about to go to jail, but Aro convinced them that I needed help and he brought me here."

"He's still out there?"

She nodded. "He's just walking around free and I'm not sure what would happen if they let me out of here. I would probably kill him. You don't know the thoughts that I have about him. I plan his death," Bella said truthfully.

Hell, I wanted to kill this man I knew nothing about. Bella would have to wait her turn if I ever got my hands on him.

Max obviously wanted a piece of the action because I could feel the strange warmth of his presence creeping up my spine. I didn't let him take over, though. I kept him at bay by calming myself down.

"I wear Superman all the time because that was the only hero I knew back then. My dad used to read me his old comics and whenever I got down on myself, I would go over them in my head. So, now you know why I'm so messed up." Bella dryly laughed. "I've been in some sort of prison for most of my life and I think that this one is better than anything out there. I don't know if I'll ever want to leave, even though I might have the option to one day. It wouldn't be good for the world for me to be out there. Did Aro show you my Rorschach?

I nodded.

She reached into the drawer of her bedside table and pulled out a folded piece of paper, "I traced it when I first got here. I thought the bird was so pretty. I know it sounds corny, but I really wanted to fly away from here. I had so much hate for the world and I wanted to be free."

"You'll get out of here." I hugged her to my body. "You and I are going to go live in… Texas or something like that and be loners."

"I wish." She had such hope in her eyes, even though her words were the complete opposite. She rested her head on my shoulder. "You can send me postcards."

"I'm taking you with me," I vowed, making that promise to myself. I wasn't leaving here without her. "I love you, Bella." My words slipped out as if they were natural and came without hesitation.

"What?" Her head jerked up so quickly that it almost hit my nose. "What did you just say?"

"I… love you?" My voice had turned the statement into a question.

"_Really_?" She held my face in her hands, and my cheeks were squished together. "Say it again."

"I love you," I gurgled out.

Her lips covered mine forcefully and crudely, not taking time to savor the taste or feeling. She was staying something, but I couldn't hear her because our lips were glued together. I pulled back slightly and the floodgates opened.

"I love you too. I swear I do, but I was so nervous that you didn't and it's been like six months and I didn't know if it was there was a right time for something like this so I didn't say it… but I love you too," she stammered. "I really do."

No one had ever told me that they loved me besides my mother. Not even Kate had said anything about love. We had been committed to each other for years, and I got nothing out of her. The feeling was something overwhelming, especially coming from Bella. I almost didn't know how to react, because I figured this must be some kind of dream. I shouldn't feel this good.

Bella and I just stared at each other, studying and memorizing our faces. She looked… at peace, content. Did I look that way? I certainly felt that way. A calm settled over me that I had never felt before.

"Can I ask you to do something for me?" Bella asked, climbing into my lap.

"Anything," I said, swallowing the massive lump in my throat.

"Make me forget him." She kissed my neck. "Make me forget all of it. Please. I need you to make me forget."

I knew what she was asking, and I knew what she wanted. Her hands crept over the planes of my chest and down until they were under my shirt.

"Bella… I can't. Not like this." I stopped her.

"Why? I want to know how this feels with someone I love and who loves me. Please, Edward." She kissed me softly. "Don't deny me anymore." She lifted up her shirt without hesitation, leaving her completely naked up top.

We sank down into the bed, and my body reacted on its own, taking control. I could feel the warmth in my nerves that signaled Max was near, but I concentrated on staying in control; determined not to be left out of another sexual experience.

I kissed everywhere I could reach and started to descend down her body. On her own accord, Bella lifted up so that she could slide her Superman pajamas down her silky, perfectly sculpted legs. I tried not to stare, because we would never get anything done.

My eyes learned every curve of her body as they toured every part of her body.

"Is something wrong?" Bella asked, biting her lip. "Did I do something wrong?"

"No. You're perfect."

I moved my fingers across the thin fabric of her panties, noticing the dampness that lingered there. She let out a whimper that became a deep throaty moan as I slid her underwear aside and dipped a finger into her heated sex.

I had to remind myself to savor each and every feeling that I had.

"_Do it," _the deep voice in my brain said.

I shook my head and concentrated further on my task at hand. Max wasn't going to take over this time.

Bella's chest heaved with each breath she took. I kept my finger going as I crawled back up her body. She pulled my lips to hers and kissed me fiercely without an inch of space between us.

"Don't stop," Bella panted, moaning into my mouth as I inserted another finger. The slick, wet heat of her was driving me mad. All I wanted was to be inside her but I didn't know if she was ready for that.

"Do you want this?" I asked as I laid us down, our bodies meeting on the mattress. "I won't be able to stop if…"

"Yes." She cried out softly as I press my fingers inside her again, gently rubbing her clit with the pad of my thumb. "I want you now!"

"Are you sure?" I asked, needing to hear it again.

"God, I want it. I want _you, _Edward." She lifted her pelvis, trying to regain the friction of my finger.

I slipped my index fingers under the elastic at the sides of her underwear. She raised her hips, granting me access to slide the material down her soft, thighs. She was now laying naked for me. I had a perfect view of her rounded breasts and dark, pert nipples.

I almost forgot how to do this.

I moved up her body and leaned forward, placing my mouth over her breast, sucking her nipple between my lips. She gasped as I gently scraped my teeth against it.

"Please," she whimpered, throwing her head back and raising her hips towards me.

I couldn't refuse her. I would never be able to refuse her.

I pulled away and hastily removed my own clothes, quickly settling myself between her thighs again. I groaned loudly when my cock brushed against the slick heat of her folds. I was aching to be inside her.

"Wait, do you have a condom?" I asked, almost not caring.

Bella reached over to the bedside table and opened the drawer to reveal about a hundred condoms.

"Should I be concerned?" I eyed them skeptically.

"Just in case," Bella said when she saw the confusion on my face. She tore open a pack with her teeth and in one quick motion, rolled it over my hard dick. It was so fast that it took me by surprise.

"I don't want to hurt you," I whispered, reaching between us to rub the head of my cock against her. She dug her fingernails tightly into my shoulder blades and whimpered into the crook of my neck.

"You won't. I trust you, Edward," she replied quietly, releasing her grip on my back to stroke her fingers through my hair. "You're all I've ever... oh!" She cried out as I buried myself inside her in one fluid motion.

She disentangled her fingers from my hair, and I hissed through my teeth as once again her fingernails pierce through the flesh of my shoulder blades. I ease out of her slowly, a deep moan escaping my lips as her wet heat milked my cock in the most delicious of ways.

I pressed my body deeper and molded myself to her in every way I could.

She cried out, biting into my shoulder as I steadied myself with shaking hands and began easily slipping into her in rhythm.

Her mouth found my own, hot and needy as she whispered against my lips. I couldn't hear anything she was saying, though. I was trying to concentrate on everything around me. Bella panted, tightening her grip on my hips, digging her heels sharply into my ass as she nipped at my jaw.

"I can feel you," I told her breathlessly. She was constricting tightly around me, like a vice grip. A hot, wet vice grip. "Oh, God, I can feel you," I groaned, slowly thrusting harder, deeper, aching with the desire to get to my own release.

She arched her back, crushing our sweat soaked skin closer together as she spoke my name softly.

I could feel her calves knocking into my hipbones as her legs trembled from the force of our lovemaking. I ground my pelvis against her clit, pulling away to see if that was okay. She didn't care so I did it again.

"I… I…" Bella was trying to speak, but nothing came out. I could feel her getting close and I didn't have any strength left to keep going.

Her release was fucking mind blowing to me. I could feel every contraction of her walls as her orgasm ripped through her. My name was falling from her lips quietly.

All at once, every nerve, every fiber of my being that was begging for release suddenly erupted. It was like my body exploded.

My face fell into the curve of her neck, and I cried out her name as I buried myself inside of her, spilling into the condom over and over until I was nothing more than a mass of shaking limbs.

She was completely still beneath me, and I was afraid that I might have hurt her.

"Thank you, Edward." Bella sniffled. I felt the tears from her eyes on her neck.

"Was that too much?" I quickly pulled out of her.

"No, no. It was perfect." She continued to cry. "It was… perfect. Better than anything I could have imagined. Thank you."

I kissed her tears away and settled against her warm body, pulling the covers over both of us.

"No, Bella, thank you."

_For everything, my heart included. _

* * *

**A/N:**

Bam! Did you see that coming? I figured it was time to take this relationship to the next level. We've suffered enough. Bella and Edward probably have too. Maybe Edward will be all better now that he's got some sexin? Maybe? Hopefully? Possibly? No. It's not that easy. I I promised, we are moving faster and getting things answered. I know there's a lot of questions. All will be answered.

As always, thanks to **Jenny0719 **for the beta'ing and **suzie55 **for the pre-reading. My drafts are embarrassing and they make them wonderful.

follow me on twitter for updates, and my nonsense **(at)johnnyboy1029**

Review, Review, Review, and tell me what you're thinking.

Until next Thursday, adios!


	21. Chapter 21

The Definition of 'Scarf'

—_noun; __a long, broad strip of wool, silk, lace, or other material worn about the neck, shoulders, or head, for ornament or protection against cold, drafts, etc.; muffler. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

My Popsicle stick building fell down for the thirtieth time, and I grunted in frustration as I saw the pile of rubbish grow higher on the desk. In my former life, I was the best damn architect around, so why was it hard for me to make something out of fucking Popsicle sticks?

Carlisle suggested that I try this exercise to unwind on the days that I wasn't in intense therapy. He said it would help me if I were able to relate to my older self. Usually, that included friends coming to visit you and talk about old times. Since all my friends had abandoned me, I was shit out of luck. Fortunately, the good doctor was always thinking. He said that my job was very important to me back then, so I should continue doing it in here.

At first, I was ecstatic to get back to working with my hands. I used to build models all the time of buildings I was working on and even as I child, I was never far away from my Legos. Carlisle said I should focus my downtime on something positive like constructing. That was easier said than done. I had obviously lost my touch because I had been at this thing for an hour already and it still wasn't working.

"You sure you don't need any help, Edward?" Alice asked me, like she had been doing all morning.

"No, I've got it," I said through my teeth and started at the beginning yet again.

I picked up a Popsicle stick and dabbed a small dot of glue on the side, placing it at the end of another.

_Step one complete. _

I kept gluing and delicately building my masterpiece. My hands were steady as ever and I was almost halfway done when I felt a soft tap on my shoulder. I jerked slightly and the tower I had created, crumbled onto the table again.

I sighed heavily, and Alice shook her head in an 'I told you I could do it better' kind of way.

"Don't say anything," I told her and turned around. "What?" I snapped at some girl who was behind me.

"Dr. Cullen wants to see you." She giggled. "I'm sorry about your stick thingy."

"It was supposed to be a building."

"It looked like a stick thingy to me." She shrugged and skipped out of the door.

"I'll finish it for you." Alice pushed me away from the table and snatched the glue out of my hands.

"Fine." I aggravatingly stalked off towards Carlisle's office. I tried to calm myself down on the way, because I didn't need to have an attitude when we spoke—whatever it was about. I had the day off from therapy, so I was actually kind of curious to what I was going to his office for.

I knocked on the door and waited for a reply.

"Come in," Carlisle said in his 'doctor' voice. I could tell that this wasn't going to be a cordial visit.

I went into his office, and he was sitting behind his desk. A short, stoutly man was across from him. He was balding and had glasses. His jacket was too small for his fat body and made of a horrible green tweed fabric.

"Edward, this is Dr. Orange," Carlisle said.

"Dr. Orange?" I replied skeptically, not meaning to.

"I know. I hate my father for the surname. The family tree is filled with oranges." The man shook my hand without standing up.

"That was funny," I said in response to his joke. Well, I think it was a joke.

"He's one of the benefactors of this facility." Carlisle gave me a look when I sat down. It was the look that said, 'I don't like him at all, but we have to put up with him.'

"Nice to meet you." I nodded.

"How are you feeling?" Mr. Orange spoke loudly, like I was deaf or as if he thought I was a foreigner.

_What the hell?_

"I'm fine," I said slowly.

"Are you calm?"

"Yes,"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes,"

"Are you taking your medicine?" He leaned in closer to me.

"Are you?" I spoke as loudly as he did. I almost wanted to apologize, but Max prevented me doing so.

Carlisle chuckled, "Aaron, you don't have to talk to Edward that way. He's perfectly lucid and can understand you fine."

"Oh," the man blushed, "I didn't know if he could hear me."

"Edward, Mr. Orange is here… with a proposition."

"Okay," I said.

"Well, the board is very fascinated in your case and we haven't had much time to get to know you. We hear that you're doing well, though. We were wondering if you'd like to take a field trip. As you know, the Thanksgiving holiday is coming up and some of the… less dangerous patients can be signed out to visit families. Would you like to go home?"

_Home? _

That was such a strange concept at the moment. My mother always used to say that home was where the heart is. My heart is here. Very few people knew that, but I considered this place to be my home now.

"I'm confused," I said, trying to process this man's words. I was still trying to get over his last name, let alone his last sentence.

"It's sort of an experiment, and we want to see how you would be able to function outside of Windemere," Mr. Orange stated. "Of course, Carlisle would be going with you for supervision."

"And where would we be staying exactly?" I asked. It wasn't like I had my apartment anymore.

"At your house with your mother, if she agrees to it," he replied, like it was obvious. "We want to see how you function in a different environment."

"I don't agree with this at all, just to be perfectly clear," Carlisle informed me. "I think that this is an inappropriate situation…"

"Carlisle, it's not really that important what you think." Mr. Orange showed his first signs of anger.

The normal Edward would just sit and keep my mouth shut, but Carlisle had been teaching me that leaving my feelings inside might cause more mental stress.

"Can I say something?" I asked, even though I would talk anyway.

"Sure." Mr. Orange smiled. "Anything on your mind?"

"Well, to be honest, Dr. Cullen is my doctor and if he doesn't think it's appropriate for me to go home then I don't think I should."

"I didn't ask him. I asked you," he replied rudely.

"He should be running this place," I ground my teeth together. "The power structure here is complete bullshit…"

"Edward, please," Carlisle cut me off.

"I thought I was supposed to speak my mind?" I said, repeating his words from our many therapy sessions.

"Now's not the time." He said quietly.

"So it's settled then. You and Carlisle will travel to Seattle over the break and we'll see how it goes. That's all I have to say on the matter. The board has already agreed to it."

"This isn't going to have the effect you want it to. You can't throw him back out there and expect him to be cured. He's only had seven months of therapy and it's going to take a lot longer for us to even attempt at taking Mr. Masen back home," Carlisle argued.

"I'm not going." I crossed my arms like a petulant child. "Fuck you and your rules."

"Edward, that language isn't necessary," Carlisle scolded.

"This is bullshit," I muttered.

"I won't allow you to jeopardize my patient's health like this."

"You have two weeks to prepare him. We want to see how this goes. May I ask how you're doing with your therapy?"

"It's going fine," I said shortly.

"Mr. Orange is an accomplished therapist from UCLA," Carlisle informed me.

"I applied there for college," I said, not caring about where the hell this man was from.

"And how did that go for you?" Mr. Orange asked.

"They fucking rejected me. They said I wasn't diversified enough." That was actually the only school out of them all that had rejected me. It was still a thorn in my side.

"That must have made you angry." Mr. Orange tipped his head in thought. "How does that make you feel?"

"You're not my doctor."

"I'm just trying to help."

"Aaron, this conversation obviously isn't helping anything. Is there anything else you needed?" Carlisle interrupted.

"No, I guess not." Mr. Orange stood up and didn't even bother bidding us goodbye before he strode out of the office.

Carlisle was on the phone within an instant. His face was red and I think I saw sweat on his brow, but he hid his agitation well. He swiveled around in his chair so that he was facing the window and away from me.

I didn't know whom he was talking to, but he didn't hide the anger in his voice. He was worried about me leaving the compound and being out in the world when I clearly wasn't ready. It was obvious that the person on the other line agreed with Mr. Orange. Carlisle tried to convince whomever that I needed more time here. Even if the break was for a couple of days, it was too soon. There was no way to determine how I would react.

With a regretful sigh, Carlisle hung up the phone about an hour later. "I guess we'll be spending Thanksgiving with your mother."

"This is bullshit," I spat. "I trust you to know what's best for me and if you say it's not healthy for me to go, then I'm not going."

"You and I are both going. There are worse consequences if we don't."

"Like what?"

He bit the inside of his cheek for a second, "I'm sure you've heard by now that Aro is leaving at the beginning of the New Year in January?"

I nodded.

"He might be taking some of the patients with him to San Francisco. He's trying to get you to go with him."

"What?" I stood up so quickly that my chair toppled over. "He can't do that!"

"Edward, calm down. He's not taking you away from here."

"I'm not really worried about myself."

"You should be." Carlisle raised an eyebrow. "You're a prized commodity, but they won't transfer you. Switching therapist would be more detrimental now. As far as Bella goes… I can't guarantee that she'll be able to stay."

"You have to do something," I almost begged. I wasn't above begging him or anyone, "Get him fired, hid her in your closet, do…something."

"Edward, I'm trying, but Aro has a lot of clout around here."

"Well, try harder. Make them see that she needs to stay. She can't be shipped off to San Francisco or wherever the hell he's going."

"I'm working on it. Untimely though, he has the final say."

"Does she know?" I picked up my chair and collapsed in it.

"If she does, she hasn't told me yet. They haven't made any kind of announcement, though, so no one really knows who's going and who's staying."

"I can't do this without her here," I admitted to anyone who was listening. I know I sounded like I was whining, but I honestly didn't care. It was true.

"I can't let her leave either. I don't know if she'll survive outside of here. Please don't bring it up with her. I'm not sure if she's been told yet."

"Okay."

As if someone above knew that I was out of things to say, there was a knock at the door, interrupting our conversation.

"Carlisle, are you busy?" my mother's voice asked and she glanced into his office.

"Hello, Esme." Carlisle immediately perked up. "I wasn't expecting you until lunch."

"I was finished teaching piano so I thought I'd stop by." She shut the door. "Hello, Edward."

"Hi, Mom." I showed little enthusiasm.

"I can come back later," she said, sensing the tension in the air.

"No, it's okay. I actually need to speak with you," Carlisle replied.

Just by looking at them, I could tell they were itching to touch each other. Esme stood with her hands clasped and toeing the carpet like a little girl who was in trouble for something.

"I'm going to close my eyes for two minutes and whatever happens, I won't know about." I shut my eyes tightly and started counting.

By the time I opened them again, Esme was seated in the chair next to me, looking calmer. Carlisle actually had to reposition his tie and tried to wipe the smile off of his face, but it wasn't working.

"So, I saw Mr. Orange in the hallway," Esme said.

"You know him?" Carlisle asked.

"Not really. I've met him at a party or two, but he seemed to know me. He asked if you and Edward could stay at my place for Thanksgiving. What was that about?"

"He had no right to do that. The plans aren't finalized, but I believe the board would like Edward and I to stay with you so that we can see if he's progressed."

"That sounds good," She patted my knee. "it will be nice to have you home for a little bit."

"No, it's not good, Mom. Carlisle doesn't think I'm ready."

"I said you _might _be ready, but I would prefer not to chance it. In any case, we can try, I suppose. Are you okay with that Esme?"

"Of course. I would be more than happy to accommodate you both."

"Mr. Orange suggested that I stay with you, but he doesn't know about… our situation. I can stay in a hotel…"

"No, no. I have more than enough rooms." She flushed a red color that made her look like a tomato. "Are you okay with that, Edward."

"Yes, I'm fine," I answered.

I really didn't mind if they kissed or fucked behind closed doors. I just didn't want to see it. I wasn't used to them in that way yet. I supposed this might be the chance for them to consummate their relationship, if they hadn't already.

"This might be good for us, Edward," Carlisle spoke. "Maybe I can learn more about your family and your past. I'm not planning on evaluating you like they want me to. That would do no good."

"That doesn't sound too bad," I agreed.

"Let's not think of it as an experiment." He put his glasses on. "Those quacks on the board have no idea what it takes to cure someone. This certainly won't do it. They're just trying to see how long it will be before the can present you to the world again."

"I'm not a hamster."

"My point exactly. But we can fool them somewhat. I'll just write up some fake notes and tell them that you're progress is standard."

"What a bad doctor you've become." I grinned. "Sleeping with a patient's mother and fabricating notes. I'm shocked."

"Now I'm excited. I can cook for people," Esme said eagerly. "A real family Thanksgiving."

That kind of shook me a little bit. I hadn't sat down for a family dinner in well over a decade. Between work, my personal life, and my lack for anything family related, I just never saw the point. I regretted that now.

"I'm sure the board will be giving us further instructions as the days go by. But as of now, that's all the information I know, Edward."

"Can I go now?" I asked.

He nodded.

"I'll come by before I leave." Esme kissed my check.

Before I left, Carlisle gave me my anti-anxiety medication. I felt myself lift in spirits on the way back down the hallway. My feet carried me to Bella's door and I smiled when I heard the loud sounds of Barry Manilow's _Copacabana. _She was singing to the music in her bell-like voice, and I was surprised that no one had told her to turn it down. Maybe they did.

I didn't bother knocking, because she wouldn't hear if I did.

I went in and found her bobbing her head to the music and her knitting needles going rapidly in her hands. She looked up when I came in. Her mouth started moving quickly, but I couldn't hear her. I went across the room to turn down the music.

"What did you say?" I asked.

"I said I'm almost done." She held up whatever she was knitting with a smile. "Can you believe it? I've been working on this thing for months. I forgot about it."

"What is it?" I climbed on her bed.

"It's a scarf. It was going to be for me, but I added some yarn to it. Now it's for you."

"You… made me a scarf?" I asked, slightly shocked. I felt the soft, navy blue yarn between my fingers. There were white stripes going across it horizontally and it looked like it took forever to make.

"I sure did," she smiled proudly, "and you better wear it. It's getting cold outside."

"I didn't know you were such an expert at knitting."

"I'm not." She threw a skimpy 'How-to' book in my lap. "I read that thing for three months before I even started. I tried to make Alice something, but it turned into shit. That was right before you got here. I'm pretty pleased, if I do say so myself."

"This is impressive," I admitted. "You can do everything."

"Except play guitar."

"Even that is coming along. You're like Superwoman."

"Hence the pants." Bella pointed. "Now stop talking. I have to concentrate on finishing this up before you leave for Thanksgiving."

"Do I even want to know how you know that?"

"I was listening at the door. Alice told me that you were called to Carlisle's office so I had to know what it was about. I'm too nosy for my own good. I can't help it."

"That might get you in trouble." I nudged her leg with mine. "Some people don't like their business being known."

"Well then, they shouldn't have anything to hide," she said as if she was a wise sage. "It's not that hard to figure things out if you just snoop a little."

"Once again, your lack of boundaries astounds me," I chuckled.

"It's not like anyone ever gives me any information around here. Carlisle won't even tell me what the hell's going on anymore."

My mind went back to the time I had just spent in his office. Had she heard it all? Did she know that there might be a chance she would be leaving?

"Where you there the whole time?" I asked after clearing my throat.

"No. I followed that nasty Mr. Orange down to the cafeteria after he left Carlisle's office. That fucker only comes here if something big is about to happen so I knew he was here for a reason."

"You would give Sherlock Holmes and run for his money." I exhaled, thankful that I didn't have to talk about her possible departure. I didn't know how we were going to approach that subject.

"Well, you'll have fun at home."

"Would you like to come?" I thought out loud. "I'm sure we could arrange something."

"Edward, we talked about this. If they let me out of here, it won't be good for anyone, especially if I'm let loose in Seattle. They've tried this little experiment with me already. I ran away and they couldn't find me for three days. I created a scandal." She laughed, almost hysterically.

"Okay, so that option's out," I said, realizing that there was little to no chance that Bella was going to be allowed out for any amount of time.

"I thought I asked you to stop talking? I can't concentrate." She huffed, furrowing her brow and making her fingers go faster.

I stayed silent for about half an hour while Bella finished up my scarf. I watched her expertly tie the pieces of yarn so that they wouldn't unravel. I didn't really know how the hell the mechanics of knitting worked, but Bella looked pretty efficient. She worked quickly, with her head down, and was finished in no time at all.

"There," She put the yarn in a basket near the bed and held the scarf out for me, "it should be long enough. And it'll keep you nice and toasty."

I took it from her and wrapped it around my neck. "It's almost too hot," I said.

"Good. You can't get sick." She fixed it so that I was even more covered up. "I did an amazing job. Now I can make everyone one for Christmas."

"This is incredible. Almost like I bought it at a store," I told her and she beamed brightly.

"Thank you." Bella climbed into my lap. "I know how you can repay me."

"Really?" I placed my hands on her hips and gave a slight squeeze, "Tell me."

"I think you can guess." She kissed me.

It had been about two weeks since Bella and I had first gone down the sexual road. I quickly found out that she was insatiable and with my hormones revived, I was almost as bad as she was. We had to sneak away during odd hours of the day when our kisses got too heavy or Bella begged me to teach her something new about sexual pleasure. It wasn't like I was an expert or anything, but everything was new to Bella so she was willing to try anything.

Of course, this only happened when I wasn't on medication or sick to my stomach. I think we were hiding it well, but I wasn't really sure. None of our friends had said anything, at least. I hadn't told Carlisle about Bella and my intimate moments because Max had been kept at bay for the most part. He usually had something to say, but I was able to control him. Bella said that the sex was helping with my stress and thus helping with my control. Made sense to me.

Needless to say, today there was some kinky stuff involving a scarf that I would never look at the same way again.

* * *

The days passed incredibly fast and before I knew it, the Thanksgiving break was here. Patients had been leaving throughout the week, but only a couple of people were going home. None of my friends were going anywhere and they all gave me shit for leaving.

"You're such a pussy," Jasper said as he sat on my bed, strumming my guitar. "You don't see any of us bailing, do you?"

"I told you, the board's making me," I replied for the fiftieth time. "I can't just say no. I tried."

"Sounds fishy to me." Emmett shrugged. "They never let me out."

"Emmett, you almost killed a guy with your bare hands. You don't need to go anywhere." Jasper shook his head. "It's better for you to just be here for a while."

"It's not like I_ need _to go home." I started packing what little I had in a small bag that Carlisle gave me, "They're forcing me. I don't think I'm ready yet."

"You're not going to just be let loose. Carlisle will be there. He can help you. Are you nervous?" Jasper asked.

"I guess. I try not to think about it much. If I just keep doing what I'm doing and stay medicated, I should be fine, right?"

"I guess we'll find out," Emmett stated. "Although, it would be fun to watch you go completely crazy again."

"Stop discouraging him," Jasper snapped. "You'll do fine, Edward. Just stay calm and keep yourself under control."

"That's the plan," I said to myself.

Bella came into the room without even knocking. "What are you assholes doing here?" she asked Jasper and Emmett.

"You are so uncouth," Emmett pouted. "Haven't you ever heard of manners?"

"I didn't even think you knew a word like that. Do I need to recall that incident when you threw up on me… twice? Where were your manners then?" She scowled. "I can still smell the puke in my fucking hair."

"You got me drunk. That was your fault." He crossed his arms. "I told you not to let me have more than half the vodka."

"We need to have another party," Jasper sighed in remembrance. "That was fun."

"Alice's birthday is coming up right after Thanksgiving. Perfect excuse to drink." Bella nodded.

"And where will you be getting this alcohol," I asked.

"Don't worry about that," Bella replied. "Carlisle told me to tell you that it's time to go. That's why I'm here. You haven't even packed yet." She inspected my measly belongings.

"I'm going to be gone for three days. I don't need much."

"Bring us back something nice." Jasper dragged Emmett out of the room. "Have fun."

I sat on my bed next to my bag. "This is going to be disastrous."

"This is going to be awesome. Once they see that you can handle yourself outside, you'll be able to leave."

_I don't want to leave. _

"If I can do this, then that shows progress," I said, in an effort to pump myself up.

"That's right. This is a good thing. Have fun. Don't think about it as being outside. Just keep doing what you're doing."

"Right." I stood up and zipped my bag.

"Well, Carlisle's waiting." She stood on her toes to wrap the scarf around my neck.

"I'll miss you."

"Of course you will." She slinked her arms around my middle.

"Are you sure you don't want to go?" I hugged her.

"I'm sure, Edward." She laughed. "I don't think the world is ready for me. Can I have a kiss before you leave, though?"

"You can have anything you want." I captured her lips in mine. I was only going to be gone for a couple days, but I knew it was going to feel like a lot longer.

Immediately, Bella's hands tangled into my hair and the back of my legs hit the bed. I crumbled onto the sheets with Bella on top of me, boldly rotating her hips on my lap. It felt amazingly good and I made some sort of moan into her mouth. I should have been embarrassed, although, I wasn't.

"_Take her," _the deep voice in my head commanded. "_Take her before we leave." _

"_No,"_ I replied loudly in my thoughts.

"_Do it. Now!" _he responded louder. "_Touch her, lick her, bite her…" _

"Bella, we have to stop." I turned my head away, disconnecting our lips.

"Oh, sorry." She blushed.

"You didn't do anything wrong." I shook my head quickly to come back to reality. "It was me."

"Was he there?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

I debated on telling her, but decided not to. "Nothing. I controlled him."

She bit her lip and nodded, climbing off of me. "I didn't mean to do that."

"It was fine. More than fine, actually." I grinned.

"Have fun at your mom's house."

"I will."

After another quick kiss goodbye, I was on my way to Carlisle's office. He was on the phone, but waved me in. He was once again shouting at someone. That seemed like all he did nowadays. Everyone stepped on Carlisle, and it wasn't fair. He had good ideas on how to run this place, but the guys higher up on the food chain didn't seem to care.

Ten minutes later, he slammed the phone down on the receiver.

"Damn it," he said under his breath.

"Something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine." He ran a hand through his hair.

"Does it have something to do with Bella?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"No." He couldn't even look at me. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yes."

I was afraid to ask him what that phone conversation was about. I didn't even want to think about it. He was still trying to keep Bella here, but it wasn't looking good. He didn't' tell me much, although the signs weren't looking good. It made me sick. Was she leaving? I prayed that wasn't the case.

"Alright." Carlisle went to the door and put on his jacket, grabbing his own bag on the way.

I followed him out of the office quickly, and he locked the door behind him.

The only way to go from here was up, right?

* * *

**A/N:**

More potential for drama, I know. Don't kill me. I'm just setting the stage. As you know if you've been reading some of my other stories, I usually set up several different routes, but only take one to reach the end. It's a tactic that's not perfected and usually provides me with more trouble, but I like the mystery of It all and not knowing the outcome.

There are lots of things that could happen here, but others that might not. I can hear your frustration from here. Don't worry. I'm feeling it took. Anyway, hope you're not getting bored.

As always, thanks to suzzie55 and Jenny0719 for the wonderful work on the chapter. They are amazing, really.

Also, no updates next week. I'm on spring break and probably wont have internet so you'll just have to wait. I know, sad, but we can make it thought together.

Until next time, adios!


	22. Chapter 22

The Definition of 'Revelations'

—_the act of revealing or disclosing; disclosure. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

_I can do this!_

I pushed myself forward off of the boat, and for the first time—since I started my stay at Windemere—stepped onto the mainland.

It looked no different than it had when I left it all those months ago. The people were still walking around, not paying any attention. The air was still chilly; the sun was still covered with clouds, and the ground was still wet from recent rain. The only difference was that when I left, I was in shackles as a prisoner, and now that I was back, I was a patient. Nothing visually tipped these people off that I was crazy. My pale blue scrubs had been replaced by jeans and a sweater. It was… normal.

What was I expecting? I don't know. This small town was literally, only five miles from Windemere, but it might as well have been a different world completely.

Here, things were simple and easy.

"How are you feeling, Edward?" Carlisle asked from next to me. "It's not that bad, right?"

I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak just yet.

"Are you still calm?"

I nodded.

"Good, that's the first step to all this."

"I feel fine," I said to myself.

"And you haven't even had your medicine for the day. How's Max?"

I always appreciated how Carlisle separated the two of us.

"Non-existent as of now." Maybe he didn't know we were in a different location? Maybe he was trying to make a good impression? Did Max even care about that stuff?

"Alright then, let's go." Carlisle pulled car keys out of his pocket, and we went to a blue BMW that was in the parking lot near the docks.

"Is this your car?" I asked him.

"Yup, I live right over there." He pointed down the street, to the left at a suburb hidden behind some trees, "I don't go home much, though."

"Oh." I got into the plush leather seats of the car and relaxed into them.

Everything was new to me. The roar of the engine, the air condition blasting in my face, the soft sounds of the radio; I had to re-learn how to live in the real world. I hadn't yet grasped that I was going back to civilization.

As the sleepy fishing town passed us by, I started to wonder if they knew, just like I did when I first came here. Could they tell that I was insane? Did they see the façade that I was trying to put up? They probably could.

At a stoplight somewhere on the outskirts, I saw a little boy waiting to cross the road, holding his mom's hand. He pointed at me in the car and tapped his mom's leg. She looked at me before they rushed across the road. It was almost as if they knew I was no good. I was the shit of the earth in their eyes. Maybe that was an over exaggeration, but it's how I felt.

The car traveled quickly and I suddenly saw the trees of rural Washington turn into the more dense buildings of Seattle. We made it into the city in about two hours, which seemed a lot shorter since I wasn't paying attention.

The Cullen family home was a decent-sized house on the far north side of Seattle in the perfect suburbs. All the lawns were manicured, the schools were exceptional, and the neighborhood associations were extremely strong. Anything abnormal was considered inappropriate.

_I grew up in a place like this? _

I shuddered at the thought of it.

Carlisle didn't ask me where Esme lived, so I assumed he had been to the house before. He hummed to the radio and strummed his fingers on the steering wheel, all while driving like he knew where he was going.

Curious, I decided to ask, "So… do you need directions?"

"Oh, um, no. I know where the house is," he stammered.

"Really?" I didn't act surprised in the slightest.

"Yes." He bit his lip, almost like Bella did when she was thinking. "Would you believe me if I said that she gave me the address?"

"No."

He chuckled and blushed. "I cooked her dinner one night at her house."

"Impressive," I acknowledged. "I bet she loved that."

"She seemed to enjoy herself. That was my main goal."

I nodded as a silent approval. I was starting to like this man more and more when it came to him dating Esme. She could do a hell of a lot worse.

Carlisle was at the house a couple of minutes later and pulled into the driveway, where an excited Esme was waiting to greet us.

"You're home." She nearly ripped the door open and had my seatbelt undone before I could even blink. I was in her arms within the next second. "My boy is home."

"Hi, Mom." I hugged her back. "I'm glad to be back."

"Are you lying?" She pulled back to look at me. "I can always tell when you're lying."

"No, I'm serious. I think I need a break."

"Well, I'm glad you're here. We'll have a good Thanksgiving."

I got my bag out of the car while she and Carlisle talked quietly. She was giggling shamelessly, and he had a strong hold on her waist. I tried to stay in the car, pretending to look for something, to give them extra time.

"Come in, come in." Esme pushed us both up the driveway. "I've already started cooking, but you two should rest up. I'm sure it was a long trip."

"It wasn't that bad," Carlisle said. "Just a couple hours."

The house was just as I remembered it; big and with a lot of personal style from Esme. I really thought that she would downsize after my father died, but she did the exact opposite. She redid the house completely, turning it into her personal playground.

"Is Grandma coming?" I asked when I took off my shoes at the door, just like I did when I was a child.

"No," Esme exhaled, frustrated, "she and her garden club went on a cross-country road trip or something like that."

"Really?" Carlisle raised his eyebrows. "That is quite something."

"I tried to convince her not to go, but she's more stubborn than I am. I gave up after a while."

We all went into the kitchen where steaming pots and pans were cooking on the stovetops. The smells were mouthwatering and completely overwhelming—in a good way.

I sat on a stool in the kitchen and awkwardly positioned myself and kept my hands in my lap. It felt strange to be sitting here, and I didn't know what to say or do. I was just trying to keep myself calm and focused.

"So, would you like something to drink?" Esme asked us both.

"I'll have water, thank you," Carlisle answered.

"It's your vacation. Would you like something stronger? A beer maybe?"

He grinned. "Sure. Sounds good."

"Edward, beer?"

I looked at Carlisle to see if that was okay.

"Not with his medication, Esme," he spoke for me. "It might be a little too much."

"Oh, that's okay." She dug through the fridge. "I have something much better."

She pulled out a beer for Carlisle, handing it to him, and then placed a large quart of grape soda in front of me. I smiled as I picked it up and turned it in my hands.

"I forgot this stuff existed," I laughed.

When I was a child, I used to sneak this stuff out of the fridge. Esme and Edward Sr. wouldn't let me drink the stuff, but I couldn't help it. On my tenth birthday, I drank so much of it that I threw up all over my dad. I was sick for the next three days. I would take this over beer any day just because of the nostalgia.

She slid a glass in front of me. "It's your vacation too, Edward."

It was starting to feel like it too.

For the next hour, all three of us tested the waters. We had to get used to working around each other in such a small space. It was awkward at first, but slowly started to feel easier. Esme was trying her hardest to avoid the fact that besides her boyfriend and her son in the kitchen, we also held the roles of doctor and patient. I made it a point to let go of that thinking, though.

I let myself relax, just slightly, and it felt good.

Carlisle was completely different from the man I knew at Windemere. He was laid back and had a sense of humor about him that I could actually relate to. I found out that he was a baseball fanatic and had a pretty unhealthy obsession with the Mariners. He even tried to help Esme cook, but that didn't go so well. They weren't paying any attention to the post and ended up getting gravy on the ceiling. Neither of them cared, though.

Surprisingly, he multitasked well. I could always tell when Carlisle was watching me. He was trying to keep an eye on me, but kind of kept his distance, observing. He never made me feel like an experiment. We never talked about Windemere, almost as if it didn't exist beyond the small confines of that island. Here, in my mother's kitchen, I was normal.

"How is Bella?" Esme asked me when Carlisle went to the bathroom and left us alone.

"She's good."

"I really do like her, Edward. She's so nice and sweet, despite everything that's happened to her."

"Yeah, she has a lot of hate for the world, but… Wait, how do you know about that?"

"About what?" She continued to cook.

"About what's happened to her? You just said that."

"Oh, she used to be all over the news. I knew I recognized her from somewhere when I first met her. She was that little girl who was in that basement for all those years."

I tried to think back to see if I had ever heard anything about that when I was here. Surely I should remember, but I didn't.

"You must have been in college," Esme thought out loud. "Well, it was a big deal here. And then she went to trial and of course it was a huge shock to all of us. We never thought Caius was capable of such a thing and…"

"Wait, you knew him?" I tried not to shout.

"Knew who?"

"The man who kidnapped Bella?"

"We all knew him. He was one of your father's business partners. They worked together quite a bit. We even went over his house a couple of times for parties. Everyone around here knew him."

I felt like throwing up. I felt like I had just been crushed by a piano. Was this true?

"No one could ever imagine that he was capable of that. Some still believe that he didn't do anything wrong."

"And you?"

"I never liked that man. I knew he was guilty. I could see it on his face." Emse sat next to me. "You don't remember him at all?"

"I think I would remember someone as vile as him." My voice was dangerously low and almost came out in a growl.

"He lives across town. It's a shame, really. She got hurt so much and he didn't get punished at all."

"He ruined her life." I slammed my hand down on the counter that it stung from the contact.

"I'm sorry. I thought you knew." She grabbed my hand to stop me from punching something. "I shouldn't have said anything."

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to scream, but I suddenly didn't have the energy for it. These revelations were draining.

"_Let's go find him." _The voice in my head was barking at me like a rabid dog, "_I want the fucker dead." _

"Where does he live?" I asked Esme.

"He just got married, I think. They moved outside of the city, not too far from here."

"_We're going to find him and make him suffer. I want his heart in my hand." _

I realized that the heat in my body was dangerously hot and I had to suppress it, but I really didn't want to.

Carlisle came back into the kitchen, and Esme popped up from her seat. I pushed away from the counter roughly and took the stairs two at a time as I went to the second floor. I slammed the door of my old room shut and kicked the wall with enough force to make it shake, leaving a dent.

My anger was more than a few layers deep. I felt like I betrayed Bella in some way. How could I be so oblivious to the world around me? I fucking knew him. Now that I thought about it, I remembered short snippets of Caius. He was always creepy, but I never thought of him as sadistic or evil. My father didn't speak of him much. They kept their distance, only relying on each other for business, but I had been around him. I had spoken to him. I had shaken his hand. What the hell was wrong with me?

"You couldn't have known, Edward," Carlisle's voice said from somewhere in the room.

I had to keep my eyes closed because the searing pain in my head wouldn't get any better if I opened them.

"I should have known," I argued.

"No, it wasn't your job to save her."

"Then whose was it!"

"You had nothing to do with this so stop blaming yourself."

"This is so fucked up." I sat on my bed and it rattled under my weight. "How can I look her in the eyes knowing I attended a party where she was being abused one floor below?"

"You don't know that she was even in that house. She could have been anywhere."

"I could have helped her."

"Is this your father?" Carlisle asked, trying to change the subject.

I raised my head to see him holding a picture that was taken at my high school graduation, maybe three months before Edward Sr. died.

"Yeah. I think that's one of two pictures I have of him," I scoffed.

"You don't look very happy." He sat next to me.

"Why should I be? That was the day he told me what I was going to do with the rest of my life."

"You didn't always want to be an architect?"

"No. I learned to love it, thank God, but ever since I can remember, I wanted… never mind."

"No, tell me."

"It's stupid."

"I'm sure it's not."

"I wanted to work for _National Geographic." _

"Really?"

"Yeah, as a researcher or maybe an anthropologist. I even spent a summer in New York, working for them during an internship. He thought it was flimsy work."

"He put a lot of pressure on you," Carlisle stated. It wasn't a question.

I nodded. "I was expected to be him."

"That must have been a lot of pressure on you."

"He loved me, but he stressed me out to the point that I almost lost my hair in high school from it. I made a B my first semester and he flipped out. He said if I ever made another one he was kicking me out of the house. He was just strict, I guess."

"He just wanted what's best for you, I'm sure."

"I know he did."

"Still, that pressure on you must have been daunting your whole life."

"Do you think that's why I cracked?" I asked him.

"Possibly. Probably," he admitted. "One of the reasons I agreed to this trip because you needed to see where this might have all started. This might have very well been the source of your mental breakdown. Look at this picture, Edward." He put it in my hands.

"What about it?"

"Look at your body language. Everyone behind you is smiling, but you look absolutely miserable. Why?"

I tried to think back to that day. "I don't know."

"Maybe it's because you know you didn't live up to your father's expectations and never could?"

"Maybe."

"Or could it be that you were trying to be him?"

"I don't know. That all sounds right."

"Did you have any goals of your own?"

"Not that I can remember."

"Edward?" Esme interrupted us and poked her head in the door. "Oh, sorry."

"It's okay, Esme," Carlisle smiled. "We were just talking."

"Edward, you have someone at the door who wants to see you."

My brow furrowed in confusion.

"Are you better?" Carlisle asked me with his hand on my shoulder. "Are you calm enough to see people?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

We got up from the bed, and I wiped my hands on my jeans. As I walked out of my room, I wondered who the hell was at my house. More importantly, who knew I was even here?

"Edward, oh my God. You look amazing," a shrill voice said as I descended the stairs.

"Kate," I had to stop myself from rolling my eyes, "what are you doing here?"

"I heard you were back. I just wanted to come and see you." She smiled and her whole face looked like it was made of plastic. Her blond hair was in curls like it always was and I had to ask myself how I ever found her attractive.

Esme and Carlisle left us alone in the foyer to talk.

"Well… you look good," I lied. "How'd you know I was back?"

"You do too. Muscular even." She squeezed my bicep. "That place must be doing wonders for you. I went through rehab too. It was hell."

"Kate, I'm not in rehab. I'm sick."

"Aren't we all?" she whispered and winked. She took off her jacket and went into the family room, plopping down on the sofa. "Come sit with me."

I hesitantly did, but kept my distance. "You never came to visit me after I got arrested."

"I know. I was just so confused, Edward. We all were. We thought you were some kind of maniac."

"Well, a little support would have been nice."

"I'm here now," she purred and scooted closer to me. "I've missed you, Eddy."

"Don't call me that. I think it might be time for you to go." I all but jumped up from the couch. I began to feel the familiar feeling of anxiousness crawling up my spine.

_I think it's time for your medicine._

"I've missed you, though." Kate's eyes were dangerously fierce, like an animal on the prowl. "I've been a very patient girl and now that you're back…"

"I'm not here for good. I'm leaving to go back soon." I was now pushed up against a wall.

"But you're here now." Kate trailed her finger up my chest,. "I'm here now."

"Get your hand off of me. We've been through for a long time now, in case you forgot."

"I know, but love never dies, Edward."

"I was never in love with you."

"That's not true. You're just trying to hurt me." She pouted, "Don't talk like that."

"It's the truth. I never loved you and I realize that now. And I don't think you ever loved me either."

"I did. I really did." Her eyes shifted like they always did when she lied. I still knew her like the back of my hand.

"I have a girlfriend and she loves me just as much as I love her."

Kate backed up a little. "You have a girlfriend… in rehab?"

"I'm not in rehab!" I shouted. "I'm fucking insane and there is another person inside of my head! Haven't you been listening? This isn't drugs and alcohol. This is serious shit."

"What does she look like? Is she prettier than me?"

"Of course she is."

Kate scowled, and then took my face in her hands without a second thought, placing her lips on mine roughly. I choked from her kiss and pushed her off, almost a little too hard.

"Edward, is everything alright?" Carlisle suddenly appeared at my side. "What's going on?"

"She kissed me." I wiped my mouth clean from her germs.

"You'll regret that, Edward." Kate fixed her hair and put on her coat. "No one turns me down… ever."

"I think you need to leave." Esme held the door open and tapped her foot impatiently.

"Don't worry, I will." She began collecting her things.

"You're moving too slow, Kate! Get out of my house," Esme demanded.

She backed out of the house, and Esme slammed the door in her face.

"Are you okay, Edward?" Carlisle asked me.

"I need my medicine." I stumbled towards the stairs and sat down to catch my breath.

Carlisle left, but came back a second later with pills that he held out for me to take. I gulped them down swiftly and felt the effect immediately. My nerves calmed, and my head stopped pounding.

"Are you good? Do you need anything else?"

"No, I'm fine. I just need to lie down."

"Are you sure, Edward? You can go back if you need to," Esme said.

"I want to be here. I'm staying. I just need to take a nap." I steadied myself on the railing and climbed the stairs to take a much needed rest.

* * *

**A/N:**

We're back. How much of a mess was this chapter? Started off positive enough, but then it all went to hell. The Cullens knew the man who kidnapped Bella? Oh my goodness. How could it any worse? Kate arrived. That's how it can get worse. Sheesh. Can't Edward catch a break? Apparently no.

More to come.

Expect shorter chapters now. I figured that I should just stick with important information and not get bogged down with boring scenes or extra stuff. Hope that dosn't bother anyone.

As always, thanks to JennyB0719 for the amazing beta work. We all love her, right? Of course. And suzie55 for the pre-reading. Her comments always make me better. And of course, all of you. Thanks to everyone!

Update next Thursday!


	23. Chapter 23

The Definition of 'Move'

—_verb; to go from one place of residence to another_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

"Edward, would you like to do the honors?" Esme asked, holding the large craving knife out in front of me.

"No, Carlisle can do it." I nodded towards him. I didn't think I should be around sharp objects right now.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Alright then." Carlisle stood up and took the knife from Esme's hands. "White meat or dark?"

"Whatever is fine with me," I said truthfully, almost happily. My mouth was salivating at the sight of Esme's beautiful table spread, which made the "gourmet" food at Windemere seem like canned chili.

This was the second day of my visit home and I was starting to feel restless. I didn't like this place anymore.

Kate ruined it all for me. Who the fuck told her I was here? My mother swore she hadn't said anything, but in a neighborhood like this, it didn't matter. Someone probably saw me pull up in the driveway and called someone, who called someone else, who called another person. Suddenly, I was the topic of hot gossip in the town. It didn't take much for rumors to become the subject of local conversation. These people didn't have anything better to do than talk. They made money and talked.

Now I felt like I was being watched.

On top of all that, I needed to tell Bella about some of things that were revealed to me lately. I knew that man who kidnapped her. I said that a thousand times in my head and it always made me sick. How was I supposed to tell her? How would she react? Carlisle said it wasn't my job to save her, but it was definitely my job to protect her. This was surely going to be a problem. Didn't I have the responsibility to tell her?

_Damn these questions with no answers. _

"Edward, did you hear me?" Esme asked from across the table.

"Sorry, what?" I blinked myself back to the present.

"I asked if you wanted to go sailing today? It's probably the last good day of weather before everything freezes over."

"Sure, that sounds good." I nodded, taking a bite of succulent turkey.

"I haven't been sailing in years. I don't have the time," Carlisle said. "Are you any good, Edward?"

"He's very good." Esme smiled proudly. "He won all his regattas in high school and even got a scholarship to sail at Yale."

"Impressive," Carlisle praised. "I was never that good, but I can keep up."

"We can go out to the shore and have a picnic. Wouldn't that be nice?"

I wanted to match my mother's enthusiasm, but it wasn't working. I just kept eating so that I wouldn't have to speak. I was very impressed that both Carlisle and Esme could act so nonchalant about the world around them. Maybe it was just us crazy folks who had this kind of massive burden on their shoulders.

The food was wonderful, and the conversation was abundant. By the time Esme served her famous coconut cake, I was stuffed.

"I must say, this has been one of the best Thanksgivings I've ever had." Carlisle leaned back in his chair with a full stomach. "Thank you, Esme."

"No thanks needed." She blushed furiously. "I was happy to do it."

"Too bad we have to go back tomorrow," I sighed.

"You wouldn't want to stay with your dear old mother anyway." Esme took my plate and went into the kitchen. "Besides, I'm sure Bella misses you."

"I miss her too," I said quietly. "I wonder what they're doing."

"There's always a dinner and everyone kind of relaxes," Carlisle answered. "They won't start up therapy until sometime next week."

"What am I going to tell Bella?" I hung my head.

"The truth. You might find that she's more mature than you realize."

"Maybe you're right," I said hopefully.

Last night, Carlisle stayed up with me and we had an impromptu therapy session. I really just needed someone to keep tabs on me because Max wanted vengeance. Caius was not only close, but sitting in his house, unsuspecting of the danger nearby. Esme wouldn't tell me where he lived, but I'm sure I could find out easily. I didn't know how I might react if I was left alone. Knowing that Caius was so close didn't do anything to quell my thirst for his blood.

"Let's not talk about that right now." Esme came back into the dining room, wiping her hands on a dishcloth. "Everyone get dressed so we can go sailing."

Ten minutes later, I had on a heavy coat and warm hat since it would probably be windy on the shore. I decided while I was getting dressed that I was going to try and enjoy the rest of today. When was the next time I would be out again? I should appreciate this while I could.

"Is everyone ready?" Esme asked at the door, carrying a large picnic basket.

"Are we eating more food?" I asked, patting my stomach. "I don't think I have any room."

"One thing I've learned when you were growing up is that boys can always eat. After a couple hours on the water, you'll be ready for more. Just you watch."

Esme drove us towards the docks, where the hundreds of white sails bobbed in the clear water. I couldn't hide the excitement in my eyes when she parked. This was my element, and I forgot how much I fucking loved sailing.

"Who's been taking care of the boat?" I asked when we got out of the car.

"Your uncle, but no one uses it. It's not like I'm a master or anything," Esme said.

The boat was idling and I jumped on board, feeling the swaying motion beneath my feet. Carlisle helped Esme while I checked the equipment and ran my hand over every surface I could reach. A sense of calm set over me as I saw the waves and green trees as the climbed up the cliffs.

"This is quite the boat you have here," Carlisle said from behind me.

"Esme bought it for me when I graduated. I haven't been out on it in years, though."

"It's beautiful. Let's take her out."

It was really easy to cast off with two experienced people, and I was quite surprised at how confident Carlisle was on the water. Being out on the boat again made it easy to push Windemere and Max to the back of my mind and enjoy my long weekend of freedom.

I was attacked by small arms that wrapped around my body as soon as I walked into the hallway at Windemere.

"Edward, we've missed you so much," Alice squealed.

"I missed you too. Where is everybody?"

"In your room waiting for you. Come on." She pulled me down the hall; I let her drag me all the way there. "Did you have a nice Thanksgiving? We sure did. We had turkey and cranberry sauce and lots of potatoes. I was so full that I couldn't move for hours."

Emmett, Jasper, and Rose were in my room before we arrived. They were looking through my stuff like the nosy busybodies that they were.

"Oh, hey, Edward." Emmett dropped a book from his hands, trying to hide the fact that he had been snooping. "You're back."

"Yes, I am. What the hell are all of you doing here?"

"Just making sure you're not some mass murderer," Rose said, digging under my bed.

"Where's Bella?" I asked.

"She's in therapy today. She'll be back in a couple hours," she answered.

"How was Thanksgiving?" Jasper popped his head out from the bathroom.

"Fine."

They all looked at me as if to say, _You're a lying sack of shit. _

I sat on my bed and divulged to them most of what had happened over my very eventful break. I tried to judge their reactions on what I should do to tell Bella about the fact that I knew Caius. I don't know why I spilled my guts to them, but it wasn't like I had anyone else to talk to besides Carlisle. Plus, I wanted them to be as angry as I was over the situation. It helped me deal with it better.

"What's his name and social security number?" Rose asked seriously.

"You're not going to kill him." Alice rolled her eyes.

"Why not? We could sneak out there and just chop his head off or something."

"I agree," Jasper and Emmett said at the same time. It was times like these that I was reminded where exactly I was and that I was surrounded by crazy people, although, I felt the exact same way.

"What am I supposed to tell Bella?" I brought the attention back to the main problem. "Do you think she'll be mad?"

"No, of course she won't. How were you supposed to know?" Alice comforted me. "If you just tell her the truth then everything will be fine."

"Yeah, right," Rose scoffed. "Has Bella ever been one to not take things and blow them out of proportion? Her anger won't be for you, but it'll be there. Mark my words."

I was afraid of that.

Before I had the chance to speak, there was a knock on my door. Jacob Black barged in with a serious look on his face.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I spat.

"You need to come with me," he said, almost angrily like I had wronged him in some way.

"Come with you where?" I squinted.

"Carlisle would like to see you."

"Then he can ask for me."

"There are some people here to see you."

"Don't be so modest." I heard a voice that I somewhat knew, but it took me a couple of seconds to figure out who it was.

Detective Avi sauntered into the room with a superior grin. He walked around my room, pacing the area.

"What the hell are you doing here?" I asked.

"We've had some complaints that need taking care of. I was called down to see if we can't sort this out."

"Sort what out? Who are you?" Alice hopped up from her spot on the bed and poked him in the chest.

"He's the guy who fucking arrested me. Where's your partner?"

"He's back at home. We didn't need him for today."

"Why are you here?" I asked again.

"I told you. You're needed in Dr. Cullen's office. We have some things to discuss." He and Jacob stood at the door, waiting.

I walked tepidly, judging if this was some kind of trap. We went down the hall and I kept myself alert because something didn't feel right.

Carlisle's door was open and the first thing I noticed was the excessive amount of policemen in the room; I counted ten. Aro was also there glaring at Carlisle who was red in the face. Mr. Orange was there along with a couple other white-haired men I didn't recognize. The last thing I saw was Kate on the sofa, crying into a flurry of tissues.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked, looking around.

Kate cried harder. "It was him." She pointed at me.

"What did I do?"

"Mr. Masen, you're being investigated for sexual harassment." A police officer cuffed one of my writs.

"Hold on." Carlisle stood in front of me. "This is outrageous. I was with him the whole weekend and nothing happened. She's lying."

"Is she, Carlisle, or have you just lost all control of your patient?" Aro patted Kate's back. "There, there."

"She was the one who harassed him. Get Esme on the phone."

"Carlisle, you have to understand that we need to take this seriously, even if it is a false accusation. Every claim has to be investigated," Mr. Orange said.

"I didn't do anything," I argued. "This is bullshit."

"Edward, calm down…" Carlisle turned to me with his hands in front of his body as if to tell me to let him handle this.

"No, I'm not being blamed for something stupid like this. I never touched her."

"Oh, really, Edward? You didn't push me up against a wall and bruise my poor body?" Kate stood up quickly, her eyes filled with fake tears. "I had to go to the hospital."

"_You_ fucking kissed _me_. You just can't accept rejection! What was I supposed to do?"

"So you did touch her?" Mr. Orange asked.

"Well… yeah, but I didn't do anything wrong. Nothing was my fault."

This guy seemed hell bent on believing the lies. "This is serious." Detective Avi sucked on his teeth. "I knew I was going to be dealing with you soon enough."

"You're such a fucking liar!" I shouted at Kate.

"Edward, you can't react. Just keep calm." Carlisle pushed me against the wall roughly. "Don't do this to yourself."

"He's just some crazy monster," Kate cried into Aro's shoulder.

_If she wants crazy, I'll give her crazy._ The voice was as clear as a bell and as much as I tried to keep the heat out of my body, this time, it was too powerful.

I felt my body react to the enclosing closeness around me. There were too many people and Max didn't like that at all.

Then, I saw the stupid fucking grin of Detective Avi and I just couldn't take it. I lashed out and my fist connected with his face. I heard a sickening crunch and he stumbled backwards, his lips bleeding.

_Good. Again! _

There were a lot of hands trying to grab at me and a flurry of commotion in the room, but I wasn't paying attention to any of it. I lunged again, this time taking Avi down as I wrapped my arms around his middle. We crashed into the shelves and books rained down over us.

All I saw was red.

"Get the fuck off me." Avi tried to push me away, but I held him down with my knee and my fingers wrapped around his throat.

_Don't let go. _

I did as I was told and clutched tighter.

I was thrown backwards by strong arms and fell to the ground, but got right back up. My body felt invincible, like I could do no wrong. I used that energy to propel myself into another fight, with Aro who was standing near the door.

"Edward, think about what you're doing." He struggled to get out of my grasp.

I think I spoke, but I couldn't be sure. My senses weren't really all working at the same time right now. I just knew that I was mad, and I had to release this anger.

I brought my elbow down hard, smashing him in the nose and blood gushed everywhere.

Cold steel wrapped around my wrist and I heard the clanking of handcuffs, but I ripped my arm away and swung it until I felt someone's face beneath my fist.

_Perfect. _The encouragement in my head just spurred my further. The smell of blood became more prevalent, and my fury just got stronger with each second.

The prick of a needle at the base of my neck shut my mind down, and I was immobile almost immediately as the room went from dim to dark.

"Edward, wake up." I felt someone's hands shake me. "Edward…"

I couldn't move. I could barely breathe, but I could remember. That was what scared me the most. I didn't have a hazy feeling or any blackness in my memory. I remembered every punch I threw.

"Edward, I know you can hear me." Bella's soft voice filled my ears. "You have to wake up."

I tried to speak, but couldn't. My mouth was too dry and I just sputtered in response. I opened my eyes and saw whitewashed walls in an unfamiliar room.

"Hold on, I'll get you some water." The bed I was on jostled a little when she got up. She came back and held a straw up to my lips. I drank for a solid minute.

"Where am I?" I asked, my voice coarse and raspy.

"Isolation," Bella answered. She had a couple of bruises on her face that were starting to turn a discolored yellow.

"If I'm in isolation, then how are you in here?"

"Carlisle wanted me in here. He said I could calm you." She wiped my forehead with a cold cloth. "You caused quite the stir today."

"How long have I been out?"

"Six hours."

My left hand was cuffed to the bedpost and I didn't even bother trying to escape. It would be no use.

"Everyone is going crazy over you." Bella ran her finger over my jaw and I winced. "Aro is demanding that Carlisle needs to step down, the board is scared out of their mind, that Kate bitch is talking about suing, and the police want to send you to jail."

"Wonderful." I rolled my eyes. "Great first day back."

"I missed you." She smiled. "And you look like shit, by the way."

"You do too. What happened to your face?"

"You weren't the only one with an eventful break." She shrugged. "Aro and I got into a fight."

"You did what?" I tried to sit up, but it didn't work. "He hit you in the face?"

Bella pushed me back down on the bed, "I did worse to him. He had to get stiches."

"What the hell are you doing fighting people?"

"I could ask you the same thing." Bella scowled. "Change of subject. Why was that Kate slut kissing on you, huh? Who is she?"

"She's my ex-girlfriend." I sighed. "She came over to the house during Thanksgiving and just… kissed me. I didn't kiss her back, though; I swear."

"Oh, you better not have. I had a few words for her. Why is she crying?"

"She said I assaulted her or something. I don't really know. Where you listening at the door?"

"For the most part. Carlisle filled me in on the rest. Your mother's here too."

"Great."

"Listen, Edward, Max just got a little out of control. Carlisle's not even mad."

"He's not the one I'm worried about. You never answered my question: why were you fighting Aro?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Bella turned her face away from me.

"Well, we're going to talk about it."

She exhaled, "He wants to take me with him to San Francisco."

I had been preparing myself for this for a couple weeks now so it wasn't a complete surprise, but I still felt like I had been hit by a truck.

"Are… you going to go?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

"He's making me."

"I won't let him take you. I'll… write a petition or something."

"I don't think he's going to separate us, Edward." She bit her lip. "After today, he asked the board for you to come with me. He's saying that Carlisle's lost all control over you. They said yes."

I opened my mouth to say something, but couldn't speak.

"We're moving. We're going to San Francisco, Edward."

* * *

**A/N:  
**

Sweet baby Jesus, what else could go wrong? There is never a dull day with Edward, is there? This poor guy just can't a break. Will the move to San Fransico make things better? Yeah right. YOu know me better than that

Sorry for the length between updates. Chapters will now be posted on Wednesday! Had to switch the days.

As always, thanks to Suzie55 and Jennyb0719 for their lovely work. I need them more than they'll ever realize.


	24. Chapter 24

The Definition of 'Lies'

—_noun; __a false statement made with deliberate intent to deceive; an intentional untruth; a falsehood. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer._  
_

* * *

I didn't know if this was how they usually transported patients across states lines, but I had the feeling that this wasn't the best way to go about it.

I was currently on a bus, handcuffed to a railing, along with four other patients and three policemen with large guns. They tried to be intimidating, but weren't really paying any attention. I think we had just crossed the state boarder into California, but I couldn't be sure. I had slept rather uncomfortably most of the way, so I was kind of disoriented. We stopped about every three hours for a bathroom break and to stretch, but the guards never let us go off alone. The ride was going to take about twelve hours, but we left at six in the fucking morning.

My transfer to the mental institution in California was fought hard by Carlisle. He wasn't too pleased about Aro's allegations that he couldn't handle his patients. The charges from Kate were, of course, dropped once the board offered up a large sum of cash, but that still didn't bode well for me. I was considered too much of a liability for Windemere. The damage was done. I wouldn't even be surprised if Aro coached Kate in an effort to get me.

I didn't know where I was going or how the courts could allow this sort of thing, but I wasn't really in any position to plead my case. I was the responsibility of the state and as the judge explained it to me, it was their obligation to find me the best medical accommodations possible. Bella told me that there were laws against taking patients across state lines, but the special cases were obviously given exceptions.

My mother was fighting hard, along with Carlisle, to have me brought back. I doubted it would do any good. Besides, I wouldn't dare leave Bella alone in a different state with Aro. They could protest all they wanted, but wherever Bella went, I was going too.

I had no possessions and instead of being Edward Masen, I was just another patient.

I stupidly rattled the chains of my cuffs, trying to see if I could at least loosen them. It was no use. I huffed and slid into the hard seat I had been in all day.

"Don't you know how to get out of handcuffs?"

Bella's voice caused me to jump slightly. She peeked her head around the seat behind me.

"Holy shit," I whispered. "How long have you been there?"

"Not long. I didn't like it in the back. Josh smells really bad."

Josh was another one of Aro's patients, who must have been the biggest man I had ever seen. I didn't even know how he could walk around.

Bella had a large chocolate bar in her hand and a Superman cap over her brow, looking perfectly content.

"Why aren't you in handcuffs?" I huffed in annoyance.

"Because I wasn't the one who attacked a police officer. Besides, I'm not good at being restrained. I'd probably throw someone out a window." She shrugged and plopped herself down next to me.

"Why do you sound so fucking happy?"

"Someone's testy." She patted by knee. "And I'm happy because we're going away."

"But I like Windermere."

"I'm trying to be positive." Bella shoved a piece of chocolate into my unsuspecting mouth. "At least we're going together. And who knows, maybe this new place will be better."

"How can it be better?"

"I don't know. It's a change. It's… interesting." She looked at me with such wide, fresh eyes; almost like a child.

I didn't want to spoil her youthful optimism, so I didn't say a word. To be honest, this new place was probably going to be more like the mental institutions that you always saw in movies. I was picturing a dark and drab facility with strange nurses and even stranger patients.

"Just look at it this way, if you play by the rules, you could be gone within a couple years." Bella rested her head on my shoulder.

"I wouldn't want to leave you behind."

"You can't think about that. I'll be fine."

"I'm not gonna be one of Aro's fucking lapdogs. He can't treat me like an experiment."

"Who knows what he has up his sleeves. Just bite him."

"I'm not putting any part off him in my mouth. Are you really not scared at all?"

"No. I'm a little nervous, but not scared. What's the worst that could happen?"

"Famous last words."

The bus stopped every three hours—as promised—at a rest stop or a place where people usually stayed clear of. Who would want to be near crazy patients anyway? I guess an innocent observer wouldn't know we were crazy, but no one wanted to take any chances. The guards always surrounded us, but especially me since I was considered "dangerous". In any case, I felt like a child on a leash. All the while, I was kept in handcuffs, but Bella was the only one of us walking around freely. I figured she would be the least likely to run for it.

We ate two meals of dry ham sandwiches and chips, along with a bottle of water. Of course, that wasn't enough for Josh and he flipped out. I had never seen a fat person move so fast as he tried to tackle one of the guards for more food. It was astonishing, but terrifying at the same time. Along with Bella, Josh, and me there were two other patients, but I didn't bother getting to know who they were.

The sun set, leaving us in complete darkness on the bus, and we finally arrived outside of San Francisco sometime around eight that night. I think it was eight. But who the hell knew?

The Golden Gate Bridge was in the distance as we climbed a hill and arrived at a gate that opened up slowly.

"Where are we? Can you see anything?" Bella leaned over me, trying to get a glimpse out of the window.

"You need to move off of my lap," I wheezed as she slid up and down my now hardened dick.

"I like it here." She grinned.

"Bella," I grunted, "not here."

"I think I see someone." She pressed her face up against the glass. "Damn. It's just the Dragon."

"The Dragon…"

"My wonderful and affectionate name for my master." Bella huffed and sat back normally in the seat.

_What the hell? _

"Your master?" I asked gruffly.

"It's just a joke, Edward."

"I didn't think it was that funny."

The bus stopped abruptly and the handcuffs on my right wrist cut into my tender skin. The doors opened, and Aro stepped up with a smile.

"Hello, my wonderful patients. I trust that the ride went well."

There were various forms of unenthusiastic replies.

"Welcome to Dixville. This will be our new home for… Well, forever, I assume." He clapped his hands together. "Everyone wait here while I get things together. It'll just be a few minutes."

Aro almost skipped off of the bus and I saw him out of the window talking to a couple of nurses.

"He seems entirely too happy," I said quietly.

"Of course. He can do whatever he wants now." Bella responded.

"Is that any different from what he was doing before?"

"Now he doesn't have a board to answer to. I've done some research on Dixville. They're privately owned—have been since the Civil War. Besides the medical associations, they don't really have to abide by any rules."

"No rules?" I cleared the lump in my throat.

"Don't be scared, Edward. It'll be fun." She smirked.

"Are you some kind of sadomasochist?" I whispered harshly.

"No, but there's not much more damage they can do to a person like me."

Despite the uncharacteristic cheeriness in her voice, what Bella said was incredibly sad. It hurt me to think that she thought these things.

I still hadn't gotten a chance to tell her about what I learned over Thanksgiving. To be honest, I didn't want to tell her and I spent a lot of sleepless nights trying to convince myself that I didn't need to. As Bella said, she already had so much pain in her life; did she need to know that I was acquainted with her kidnapper?

Aro was back on the bus a couple seconds later, pulling his first victim from the front of the bus.

"What if they don't let us stay together?" Bella threaded her fingers through my uncuffed hand.

I didn't have an answer for her. I didn't know anything about this place or what it was like in there. I could only hope that it wasn't as bad as I imagined.

Slowly, the bus emptied of patients until it was only Bella and me. Then, Aro walked back on and right up to us.

"How are we tonight?" He leaned on a seat.

"Fine," Bella snipped.

"Isn't it nice being here in December and it not being cold? I think it's wonderful." He smiled.

I shuddered.

Neither of us said anything, and his face fell.

"I'm trying to make this as enjoyable as possible, but I can see that the time for pleasantries are over. I'll be dealing with Bella first, and then I'll come back for you, Edward."

He pulled her up from the seat roughly and I really wanted to punch the shit out of him, but there wasn't anywhere I could go. Bella waved as she was dragged off of the bus, and I saw her one last time before Aro pushed her into the large building.

I only had to wait ten minutes, which felt like longer, until he came back for me.

I was uncuffed by one of the security guards, and then hoisted up by my shirt.

"I don't want any trouble from you, Edward. Just do as I say and everything will be fine." Aro spoke to me very authoritatively; I didn't like it. At all.

"It's not like I'm going anywhere," I replied.

"No fighting or I can make your life a living hell."

"Like you haven't already?"

"I haven't even gotten started." He grinned sadistically.

I was shoved inside and didn't get a chance to really see anything before I was pushed into a small room. A group of nurses searched me and when Aro assured them I was clean, they left quickly. It was only the two of us now.

"The last time we were left alone, I attacked you," I said, feeling slightly better at the fact that he might be a little afraid of me.

"Oh, I remember. I have the scars to prove it."

"Why am I here?"

"You harassed a nice young lady and the state felt that you were becoming a danger…"

"Those charges were dropped and weren't even true!"

He paused. "In any case, we felt like more stringent therapy was needed."

"You and I both know I don't need to be here. You just want to control me like some lab rat."

He looked down at his shoes as if he was bored. "Despite what you may think, Edward, I'm a very good doctor. I heal people."

"No, Carlisle heals people. You torture people."

"Whatever you wish to call it, my patients leave me happy and cured," he replied flippantly.

"What are you getting out of this?"

"Why do you assume that I want to gain anything from having you here?"

"You just seem like that kind of man." I shrugged. "I knew people like you in college; those guys who only look out for themselves and never care about anyone else, no matter who they step on."

Aro laughed heartily. "And you're so much different? Have you ever stopped to think about who _you've_ stepped on?"

"I'm a good guy. You're some kind of… sadist."

His laugh died to a chuckle. "Do you really want to know the truth?"

"Yes, or I wouldn't have asked you."

Aro's face seemed so uninterested and blasé about this whole conversation. "My job is my life, Edward; much like it is to Carlisle. I've worked very hard to be where I am today. I take pride in being the best. How can you truly be the best without conquering the worst of patients? That's a question I ask myself every morning when I wake up."

He started to walk around the room like a mad scientist.

"If you take so much pride in your work then why do you make people hate you so much?" I asked.

"Because I like being hated. It means I'm doing something right."

"You can't keep me here forever."

"We'll see." Aro patted my shoulder and I flinched away from him. "They'll take you to your room and we'll start tomorrow."

A group of nurses flooded into the room and surrounded me in an instant. I was almost pushed into the hallway. Unlike Windemere, Dixville was a drab place with gray walls and no personality. I didn't see anyone in the halls and there were no sounds anywhere. It was very eerie.

"There isn't anybody here?" I asked one of the nurses.

"Roaming times are only a couple hours in the afternoon. Other than that, patients stay in their rooms," she replied robotically.

"You have a schedule here?"

"We set up a very rigid structure for our patients so that they don't get confused."

"Confused?"

"Yes." She smiled tightly, and then we all stopped at a door. "This is your room. Breakfast is promptly at seven. An announcement will be made. There's a change of clothes on your bed. Have a nice night."

"Wait. Do you know which room Bella Swan is in?"

"I'm sorry. Even if I knew that information, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Patients never fraternize with each other. It's against policy."

All the nurses walked away in identical movements.

I pushed the door open to my room and saw white walls with a bed. That was it.

On the bed was a pair of white pants and a shirt. I stripped out of my jeans and sweater, folding them neatly. I put on my new clothes and felt so constricted, almost worse than when I was in the handcuffs. I walked around the room. It only took a couple of seconds to make a full circuit, and then I was right back where I started. The window was barred, and the view was nothing like what I was used to. There wasn't even a bathroom in here.

I peeked out of the door and looked into the hallway. I figured I wasn't supposed to be out, but since I had slept all day, I couldn't really get into sleeping mode right now. Besides, I wanted to explore and find Bella.

From what I could tell, Dixville wasn't very big. There was only one main building and one floor. I walked the halls and tried to be as quiet as possible. I didn't even see nurses walking around.

I was about to round a corner when I heard soft footsteps approaching. I pushed myself up against the wall and stopped breathing.

Lo and behold, Bella's body smacked right into me and stumbled backwards a little.

"What the hell?" she grunted. "Oh, it's you."

"What are you doing out here?"

"I could ask you the same thing." She pulled my shirt until my face was down to hers. Our lips touched and I immediately started to feel better.

"I missed you," I admitted when we pulled away. I couldn't help myself as my lips trailed down the column of her neck.

"I'm on a mission, Edward." Her fingers weaved into my hair. "I have to find Aro's office."

"Come back to my room."

"As much as I would love to, I can't. We have to get going before someone sees us." She took my hand and started dragging me down the hall.

"What are we doing?"

"I have to make a call," she said quietly. "Besides, I haven't broken into his files yet. I need to know why we're here because there's more to it than what he's telling us."

"We're breaking into his office?"

"Stop being such a pansy. This'll be fun." She stayed to the walls and dashed around like some kind of rodent.

"Do you know where you're going?"

"Yes… Well, no, but we can find it."

It didn't take us long to come to a door that looked incredibly fancier than all the others. It was made of a dark wood.

"I think this is it?" She pushed her ear against it, trying to listen.

"What if he's in there?"

"He's not." Bella rolled her eyes. "He's gone to his new house in some rich part of the city. Aro would never lower himself to stay in the same place as us."

She knocked, but there was no answer.

I tried the handle and as I suspected, it was locked. "Now what?"

"We get creative." She pulled something long and pointy out of her hair. It looked like a letter opener. Bella had a devilish glint in her eyes as she stuck the end into the lock and twisted it with vigor.

I heard a pop and the door loosened when I turned the handle this time. "Impressive."

"I've been breaking into places since I can remember. Charlie would be ashamed of me if he knew." She laughed and we entered his office.

I flicked on the lights. It looked identical to his old one, down to the ugly couch and the hospital table in the corner.

"Here, go through this stuff while I make my phone call." Bella used her trusty letter opener to bust into the file cabinet.

"I'm kind of scared by you right now, but turned on at the same time," I said truthfully.

"I get that a lot." She nodded, picking up the phone on the desk. She typed in the number quickly and then waited.

"Who are you calling?" I asked as I went through the files, looking for my name or Bella's.

"Alice. She's expecting me."

"What the hell have you two set up?"

"Can't talk right now, Edward." She put her head down and started muttering very quickly under her breath.

"Okay, then," I sighed.

It didn't take long to find my file because Aro was meticulously organized. Everything was alphabetically arranged and 'Masen' was easy to locate. I opened it up and saw a lot of medical terms that I didn't understand.

"Violent, hostile, not able to control?" I read the words off of the page. "Split personality that's incredibly aggressive. Must be treated with the utmost security."

_Bullshit!_

Well, I guessed I was kind of violent, but only when pushed. I wasn't just born that way. I noticed that all the negative terms were in Aro's handwriting, but Carlisle had many nice things to say about me, like 'improving' and 'willing to communicate'.

I put my file down on the couch and began searching for Bella's. I found it and was about to read about her darkest secrets before it was snatched from my hands.

"I don't think so." She scowled at me.

"What? You've read mine."

"I'm too complicated for you."

I pulled at straws to get some answers. "Couples in love don't have secrets."

"Couples in love respect secrets," she countered.

"Maybe, but how can I trust you if I don't know what you're hiding?"

"Nice try, Edward." She flipped through her file, which was massively bigger than mine. She shuffled through the pages with an inquisitive face. "He's such a jerk."

"What did he say?"

"That I have problems getting close to people, which is of course true, but he doesn't know what he's talking about. He wants to start me on some new kind of experimental medicine. All lies, I tell you." She gasped. "Let me see your file."

"No, you didn't let me see yours." I held it close to my chest.

"Edward, this is serious. I just want to check something." She held out her hand.

I tentatively handed it over.

Bella bit her lip. "I knew it."

"Knew what?"

"He has us on the same shit. This… Drymazapan. It's an experimental drug that's not on the market yet." She ripped a piece of paper from Aro's desk and wrote down a couple of things. "I'll check it out, but I know what he's doing."

I put it all together. "We're test subjects. Can he do that?"

"He can do whatever he wants now."

That scared the shit out of me.

* * *

Oh my, my, my...

So we've left the wonderful paradise of Windemere. What's to come? I will warn you that there aren't that many more chapters left of the story. I can't say anything more.

As always, thanks to **suzie55** and **Jennyb0719** for the wonderful work they do. I couldn't make it without them.


	25. Chapter 25

The Definition of 'Nightmare'

—_noun; __a terrifying dream in which the dreamer experiences feelings of helplessness, extreme anxiety, sorrow, etc. _

**BELLA POV**

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

I stood under the shower and let the warm water run over my body, ironically cooling my fiery nerves.

I hated it here; I _really_ hated it here. I was trying to act like the move to Dixville wasn't any skin off of my nose, but I couldn't stand it in this dirty, drab, cold place. I wanted to go home. I figured that was never going to be a possibility now.

It had only been a week and besides our late night visits, I hadn't really gotten a chance to see Edward. There was usually no interaction between the patients—even during mealtimes—so we had to sneak around like teenagers.

I thought my life would completely change when I got here. Maybe I needed to give it more time, but I honestly didn't see a difference. I woke up and did the same routine I always did back at Windemere. The only positive thing about all of this is that Aro was head of the facilities here, so he didn't have a lot of time to spend with me. Here, there were more patients like me, who were fucking screwed up in the head. He didn't have the time to keep me for hours in his office. It was always a quick therapy session that never really accomplished much before I was back in my room for the rest of the day.

The new drug he was testing, Drymazapan, was a mood suppressor. It was supposed to make you feel utterly lifeless and for some reason, Aro wanted Edward and me on it. I couldn't figure out why yet. Through my research, I found that the drug didn't work when taken with fruit juices, though; something about the way the body breaks them both down. I didn't really understand it, but every time I got out of therapy, if I couldn't throw up the medication, I would down a bottle of orange juice. Edward did the same. I wasn't letting him take anything until I did more research.

It sucked here. The lack of communication with my friends was horrible. Of course, I would sneak into Aro's office at night and call Alice, but I missed them all terribly. Thank God Edward was here with me. I might not make it without him.

"Bella?" his voice asked over the sound of water in the shower.

_Speak of the devil…_

"What are you doing in here?" I asked him.

"I snuck off and got bored. Why the hell do you have a shower and I don't?" He sounded slightly irritated.

"Because I requested one. Aro does anything I ask to keep me comfortable. I'm his prized possession, after all."

"Can I… join you?"

"I thought you'd never ask." I peeked over the shower curtain. Edward was standing there and blushed a little bit. "Come on in."

He started pulling off clothes, letting his shirt fall to the floor, and I had to remind my brain to make my mouth shut. Edward was naked within seconds, so I made room for him in the shower.

I immediately knew where this was going.

Edward pushed me up against the wall, still under the scolding fire of the shower, and began kissing the skin of my neck.

"I've missed you," he growled as he bit lightly.

_That was going to leave a mark. _

"I've really fucking missed you too," I breathed as I clawed at his shoulders to give me some stability.

"How was your therapy today?" He kissed the spot that he just bit, soothing it immediately.

"I haven't been yet."

Edward's hands trailed lightly over my body with delicate touches, but still had a firm urgency that made me shudder in anticipation.

He was about to say something, but I pulled his face up to mine so that our words were drowned out by our kisses.

Our tongues thrashed together. His swept the inside of my mouth, and I moaned into his lips as the heat got hotter in my lower stomach. I saw the passion in his eyes; it was rare that Edward had this sense of aggressiveness, but I loved it.

"Edward…" I panted as his lips left my lips and went to my shoulder before going lower to the tops of my breast.

"I need you, Bella," he said and lifted me up so that I was pushed against the wall. "I need you…_now."_

My left nipple was in his mouth in a second, and it hardened just from the thought of Edward inside me. Being with him was like nothing I had ever felt. I didn't know happy emotions like that existed before Edward.

His lips stayed on my chest while his hands kneaded the flesh of my ass. My legs wrapped around his waist, drawing him as close as I could. I felt is raging cock against the inside of my thigh, and I wanted it so badly.

"Edward, please…."

He lifted me up slightly before positioning himself at my entrance. His eyes locked with mine as he spread my wetness with his tip. Just the sensation was enough to almost kill me. I didn't know if he was teasing me on purpose or not, but I was about to combust. And if he didn't stop soon, I was going to take matters into my own hands; literally and figuratively.

"God, you're so fucking wet," he whispered into my neck.

"That might have something to do with the fact that we're in the shower." I huffed, trying to sass him but he wasn't having it.

Edward set me down and turned me around so that my front was pressed against the cool, tiled wall of the shower. His chest was pushing me further into the wall, and his hands gripped my waist tightly.

_Oh my…_

"Are you saying that I don't make you wet?" Edward asked and moved my hair to one side.

"I don't know."

"You don't know?"

"You… You're…." I couldn't even speak correctly because his hand moved from my hip to position in between my legs I spread for him and he ran his finger along my wet folds.

I shuddered and almost collapsed; it was a good thing he was pushing me against the wall, because I didn't know if I had the strength to stand any longer. The sensations that were running through my body were almost painful.

He rubbed my clit, and I yelped. I was almost ashamed because I'm sure someone could hear me, but he did it again and I couldn't stop myself. I came hard and his fingers weren't even inside of me. Just the feeling of his body against mine, and his touch between my legs, was enough to make me shake with pleasure.

_A fingerless orgasm. Is that even possible? I didn't think so before now._

"Answer me," he commanded.

"What was the question?" I whimpered.

"Do. I. Make. You. Wet?" he growled in the sexiest way.

"Yes. God, yes. I don't even know why I try to hide it. I'm always wet for you Edward." My words poured out and I didn't even know what I was saying.

"I think I just made you come without any fingers." He chuckled against my neck and I whimpered again.

I nodded because I couldn't say anything. He was thinking the same thing I was.

He spread my legs a little more and I felt his dick at my entrance, waiting to take me from behind.

"Hurry up, Edward," I snapped.

He pushed himself into me slowly, and I stretched to capacity. Even after all this time, I was still scared that he might not fit all the way, but I wasn't letting him stop for anything. He pushed harder and with one final grunt was in, making me utter sounds that I had only heard on _Animal Planet. _

"Holy shit, Bella," he said against my skin and pushed deep into my body.

I still couldn't speak because all my senses were cut off from the outside world.

He held my body in place as he thrust harder and faster with each passing second. I felt my walls trembling around his length, and I knew he was close because I could just tell. He moved more frantically behind me; I was gone in the next second. I couldn't hold off any longer.

I screamed his name as I came for the second time and felt Edward's warm seed fill me to the brim. He leaned against me and we both panted like crazy beasts as we rode out our orgasms.

Neither of us moved for a long time. I decided to actually try and move my exhausted limbs when I felt my skin start to shrivel. Edward finally slipped out of me, and I had to hold myself up against the wall so that I didn't collapse.

"Are you trying to kill me?" I asked him and turned off the water.

"I was about to ask you the same thing."

We stood there, our bodies dripping and fatigued, but blissfully happy at the same time.

_I'm in love. _

I couldn't stop the smile, but tried to desperately because I knew Edward would say something about it.

"What are you so happy about?" His long arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me towards him.

"Nothing." I blushed.

"You can't lie to me, Bella."

I decided to just tell him, "I love you."

He chuckled, "Well, I love you too, but I think we already covered that."

"No. I'm _in _love with you… immensely."

Edward's toothy grin grew wider. "I like to hear that."

"It's so weird that I fell in love with you in a mental institution. I don't think that's how it's supposed to work."

"I had to go crazy to find you and now… I'm crazy in love with you." He laughed at his joke.

"Good one." I kissed him once and then took his hand, leading us both out of the shower.

We dried each other off, and Edward redressed in whatever he had on before. I pulled on my Superman pajamas and a yellow Beatles shirt. Unlike my room at Windemere, this room was horribly plain. I didn't plan on staying here very long so it didn't really matter, but I at least needed a TV. Aro refused that request.

"I just realized that you haven't colored your hair in a while," Edward said as he sat on my bed.

"Oh. I guess I haven't thought about it." I shrugged.

"Do you need help doing it? I'm sure I could read the directions."

"First of all, you're not getting anywhere near my hair, and secondly, I just don't want to anymore." I lied next to him.

"Alright." He let it go.

Truth be told, I didn't really feel the need to dye my hair anymore, and I hadn't for a couple months. Carlisle said I used the colorful strand of my bangs to hide myself. I didn't really know how his theory worked because he never really had time to explain it to me before I was shipped here.

I guess I was… growing up.

_Finally!_

There was a knock on my door, and I sat straight up in bed.

"You're not supposed to be here." I pushed Edward until he stood up. "You're going to get in trouble."

"Damn it." He ran a hand through his hair before dropping to the floor and crawling under the bed.

"Don't say anything," I whispered to him.

I went to open the door to find Aro leaning against the wall.

"Oh, great." I sighed.

"You have therapy in five minutes. Let's go," he clipped.

"I don't want to go." I crossed my arms like a child.

_So much for growing up. _

"Bella, now's not the time for this. My schedule is too full to argue and I'm much too tired."

"Well then, leave and we won't have to deal with each other."

His hand connected with my face so quickly that I didn't have time to stop it. My head whipped around and a loud smack sounded off of the walls. I think I tasted blood in my mouth. I prayed that Edward would stay under the bed.

"I told you that it was time to go." Aro's eyes flared with fire and made me shudder with fear, but I wasn't letting him get away with that.

I pulled my hand back and slapped him so hard, his whole face turned red. I was sure there would be a welt in a couple of hours. Aro's hair fell in front of his face, and his breathing came out harsher.

This is how our relationship worked. His bark was always worse than his bite so if you just put him in his place, he'd shut up for a couple days. He would slap me and I would slap him back. It was a sick, copasetic way of life.

He didn't say anything, but grabbed me roughly and pulled from the room. He started dragging me down the hallway aggressively.

"Will you slow the fuck down?" I ripped my arm from his grasp and stopped walking.

"Isabella Swan, if I have to drug you up then I will, but you're having this therapy session," Aro roared.

"Keep your voice down or the nurse might start to question your authority." I walked passed him and down the hall. "What would they think if one of your patients had the balls to put you in your place?"

My hand was on the doorknob of his office.

"Oh, we won't have therapy in there today, Bella." He had seemed to calm down considerably and placed his hand lightly on the small of my back, guiding me to another door.

"What's this?" I asked, confused.

"Just be patient."

He opened the door and pushed me inside.

There was just a small chair and nothing else. It looked like one of those cop interrogation rooms on TV, complete with a one-way mirror on one wall of the room.

"What's going on?" I turned around, but I was alone.

This felt very wrong.

I sat in the chair in the middle of the room with an unwavering stare on the mirror. I wasn't going to let my discomfort show because that's what he wanted. Aro liked to watch me suffer. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction this time.

I must have waited at least fifteen minutes and my mind started to wander. My mouth began to crave chocolate, and my foot wouldn't stop bouncing. I hated to sit still for anything, but I wasn't moving from this seat.

I started counting just for something to do and when I got to ninety-one, the door opened behind me.

In the mirror, I saw the most horrid figure walking towards me.

My heart took off and started beating at an unhealthy pace ,even though I tried not to show it. My whole body erupted in fire from his proximity and sweat started to collect on my brow. I couldn't breathe because my throat closed up.

The man had bright blonde hair that shone in the light of the room and deep set brown eyes, which looked black to me—they always had. His body was covered in a nice suit and his face seemed so much fatter than I remembered. He had obviously been eating well. Of course he had. There were healed burn marks over his skin, evidence of my hatched attempted murder, which didn't go as I had planned.

"Bella, I think you know who this is." Aro came into the room as well.

I tried to speak, but couldn't. It was all I could do to get some air into my lungs. I don't think I had the motor functions for anything else.

"Hello, Pet." His voice was as cold as it had always been, but deeper this time, with more authority.

My mind started flashing back to those horrible scenes in the basement that I had tried to put behind me. All of his disgusting touches, and unsightly bite marks, and all the pain I went through for all those years. I had put them behind me, but they were flooding back like a dam had cracked.

I always imagined what I would do if I ever saw him again. I had so much I wanted to say and I had a well-rehearsed speech that was memorized, but at this moment, nothing came to mind.

I stood up from my chair with shaky legs and backed into the opposite wall.

"Bella, we're going to try something new today." Aro stood in front of me, blocking my view. "I figure that you've been with me for…too long to count, but I want to try something."

"You want to try something?" My voice cracked and I felt warm tears on my checks. "You brought _Him _here? What kind of a doctor are you?"

"I'm helping you. This is called immersion. It's used a lot in treating phobias. You know this; I've explained it to you many times."

"This is not the same thing!" I was sobbing so hard now that my voice barely worked.

"It's to help." Aro had a grin on his face that made him look like a fuck-ugly Cheshire cat. "I'll leave you two alone."

"No!" I grabbed a hold of his doctor's coat. "Please don't leave me."

Aro leaned in close to my ear and whispered, "Maybe you should have thought twice about slapping me." He ripped his coat from my hands, and then strode out of the door, slamming it behind him.

I stayed, weeping on the floor, while _Sir_ stood over me, probably enjoying what he saw. I silently begged for someone to save me. I called for Edward, my dad, a nurse; someone—anyone.

"I've missed you, Pet." I felt his cold hand on the back of my head, patting me like a dog. "Don't be scared."

I crawled away from him pathetically. "Don't touch me."

I wanted to appear strong and I wanted to say so much to this bastard, but nothing came to my mind.

"You're going to make me very angry in a minute. I'm here to help you." He followed me around while I tried to find an exit, still on the floor.

"Why are you here?" I gave up, lying on the ground, exhausted. "Please just leave me alone."

"I hopped on a plane and got right down here. I wanted to know if you still remembered me, it's been… years."

I sat up and look him dead in the eyes, which burned holes into my flesh, "I'm not scared of you."

"Obviously." He chuckled. "All of this is just an act?"

"Get away from me." I spit in his face, finally finding the courage to retaliate.

He calmly wiped his face off and then glared at me. His hand reached out and grasped my throat, clutching strongly. "I have learned over the years that we've been apart that my patience is incredibly short."

"You just found that out?" I gasped for air.

"Don't test me, Isabella. I'm very angry right now." He smashed my head into the wall and I immediately blacked out.

I was saddened and frightened and completely confused, but above all else, I was mad…in myself. I had grown so much in the past couple of years. I could go to sleep without the nightmares, but suddenly, they were all back.

* * *

**A/N:**

Surprise, surprise! Bella POV and a twist at the end. I'm super evil, I know, but it had to be done. You knew something like this was coming. I can't say more. I wish I could, but I dont want to spoil it.

Sorry for the later updates with this. It's not pre-written and with finals, it's hard to find time to sit down for more than an hour. I will do better though. Promise.

As always, thanks to **suzie55** and **JennyB0719** for the work they do. I would be nothing without them.


	26. Chapter 26

The Definition of 'Revolution'

—_an overthrow or repudiation and the thorough replacement of an established government or political system by the people governed. _

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer.

* * *

I shot straight up in bed and looked around the room. Something didn't feel right. My body was trying to warn me about danger nearby, but I wasn't exactly sure what I was supposed to be afraid of.

After a second to think, I decided to go look for Bella. She had been gone for over an hour and that wasn't usually the norm, so I lightly jumped off of her bed and checked the hallway to see if there were any nurses around. As usual, it was like a ghost town in the halls of Dixville.

I shut her door and walked softly, trying not to make too much noise. I immediately ended up in front of Aro's door and the anxious vibe I was feeling got stronger.

"What the hell is going on?" I shuddered as a stream of fire ran across my skin.

I knocked on the door, quickly coming up with some lame excuse as to why I needed to speak with the good doctor. I waited a second, and he didn't appear. I knocked again. Still nothing. I tried the knob, but it was locked.

"Dr. Volturi, open up. I need… therapy," I lied. "Are you in there?"

My fist started banging rapidly—with so much force that it was started to throb. I didn't notice I was furiously pounding until the pain became too much with each knock.

"Is there something I can help you with?" a young nurse appeared out of nowhere with a skeptical face.

"Um, where is Dr. Volturi?"

"He's in a therapy room."

"Which one?"

"I'm not sure. I think you should go back to your room." She started to block my path when I took a step to check down the hall.

I felt that familiar searing heat in my spine, but repressed it immediately.

"_Let me in, Edward__,__" _the cold voice in my head demanded.

"I need to find Isabella Swan. Where is she?" I pushed the nurse out of my way and began pulling open doors, none of which had anyone in them.

"Mr. Masen, I might have to call for backup if you don't get back to your room."

"I'll go when I find Bella. Something isn't right," I insisted. "Where the hell is she?"

"In therapy. Pease get back to your room."

I found the door I wanted. It was locked, but I could hear Aro behind it. He was talking to someone. I pounded on it with my fist. "Let me in, Aro. I know you're in there."

The door unlocked and opened a sliver. He stood with a calm face. "Is there anything I can help you with?"

"Where is she?" I tried to peek around him and saw what looked like an interrogation room. There was a TV and a chair along with another door. "Is she in there?"

"Who, Mr. Masen?" Aro tilted his head stupidly.

"Bella. You know who I'm talking about. Where is she? Something's not right."

"I'm sorry, Dr. Volturi," the nurse squeaked. "I tried to get him back to his room, but he refused."

"That's perfectly all right. Maybe he should be here." Aro stepped aside to let me in the room.

I timidly went inside and tried to figure out what was going on. I tried the other door, but it was locked as well.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I asked Aro with a hint of acid in my voice.

"Bella's is having a rather intense round of therapy," he replied. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"I don't feel right."

"We can watch if you want." Aro flicked on the TV. A gray and white picture appeared from a video camera that was positioned in one of the room's corner.

Bella was sitting on the floor, her chest rising and falling in anger. Her face was twisted in the worst kind of pain I had ever seen. She had nasty bruises all over her skin, and I could see her swollen cheeks as if she had been punched. Her body was shaking in terror, but Bella's face was trying to be strong. She wouldn't let one single emotion pass her façade.

There was a man walking around her like she was a piece of meat. I recognized him immediately and I was finally able to put a name with a face. Caius. He looked so gross with his pale, drawn out face, and eyes that had absolutely no life.

I raced to the door, trying to pull it open, and then started banging on it. "Bella! I'm here. I'll get you out of there."

"Edward, go away," she commanded shakily.

I watched the monitor. She stood up, and it looked like she had a slight limp. There was a large wound on the top of her head, like it had been bashed into the wall.

"Bella, open this door." I tried the knob, but it didn't budge.

"I'm handling this," she screamed back.

I heard a cold laugh from the other side of the door and could see Caius throw his head back as if he had just heard the funniest thing in the world. He was clutching his stomach. His lips were moving, but I couldn't hear his words. I remembered his voice as being very airy, like a raspy whisper. It was terrifying.

"This is what she needs, Edward." Aro put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't you want her to get better?"

"Get your fucking hands off me." I pushed him so hard that he flew into the opposite wall. It took him a minute to regain his breathing.

"I don't want to have to restrain you. This is my treatment and it's going to work." He fixed his lab coat.

"_You're hopeless. Do something!" _Max's voice was loud and clear. Surprisingly, my eyes weren't clouded over in red. I had my own conscious thoughts and was in control of my body. That had never happened before.

"I'm trying," I shouted at myself. "Tell me what to do."

"_Look for something to break the door down with__,__" _he commanded.

There wasn't anything in the room. So I just threw myself against the door, my shoulder pounding against hard steel.

"_You're being stupid. He's going to hurt her. Find something else." _

I felt so hopeless, but I was determined not to give up.

"Edward, go away. You shouldn't be here." Bella sounded so broken and scared, but on the TV, her face was strong.

Caius began walking towards her, and she backed up. She hit the wall and tried to move back even further, but there wasn't anywhere else to go. He looked like he was about to eat her, and I think I even saw him sniff at her skin. It was disgusting.

"You're a sick bastard," I spat at Aro.

"She'll be fine," he replied, an edge of excitement in his voice. "Let's see what she'll do. Don't let me down, Bella."

His hand reached out and grasped her neck. I could see him start to squeeze, lifting Bella's body off of the ground as he clutched harder.

"_Get her out of there!" _

I decided that I needed to get some help. I rushed to the other door and just as I was about to open it, I heard a scream that echoed off of the walls. It was more of a shriek.

I turned around to see Caius on the floor, clutching at his neck. I think Bella's letter opener was jabbed deep into the skin. I'm sure that's what it was, but I couldn't be sure. Blood started to pour of his neck, and he fell to his knees.

"Oh, my God," Aro gasped in horror.

Bella pulled the letter opener out of his neck, and then rushed to the door. It flung open, and she wiped tears from her eyes.

"Bella, are you okay?" I ran towards her.

"No." She shook her head. Caius' long finger marks were around her neck. "I need to get out of here."

"Okay, let's find a nurse so we can get back to your room." I wrapped my arms around her.

"No!" She pushed me off. "I need to get out of _here _as in Dixville and I need to get away from you." Bella pointed at Aro, who was backed into a corner. It was obvious that her act of violence had scared the shit out of him.

I didn't think Caius was dead, but I didn't care enough to check, either.

Bella turned back to me. "Edward, I'm about to do something rash and completely crazy. Do you trust me?"

"_Yes__,__" _the voice replied immediately.

I nodded.

She went to the TV and turned it off. She pulled the tape out of the VCR. "Of course he'd tape this," she said to herself.

"What are you doing, Bella?" I asked.

"We're leaving." She handed me the tape. "Guard that with your life."

"Bella, think rationally." Aro put his hands up as she stalked towards him.

"I'm crazy. The whole point is that I _don't _think rationally."

"What are you doing?" he asked shakily.

"We're leaving and you're coming with us." She pressed the letter opener against his throat. "Don't think I won't do it."

He looked completely scared—to the point that there wasn't any blood left in his face. We could hear Caius' pleading in the other room for help. That only scared Aro further.

"We're going to go out into the hallway and then you're taking us out of here. If we see anyone on the way, tell them that we're going on a field trip. Make something up," Bella instructed. "Make one wrong move and I'll slit your throat."

"You'll go to jail," Aro countered. He looked so weak against her mighty power.

"Newsflash, I'm already in jail. I'm not staying here anymore and once we leave, I'm never coming back."

I was kind of at a loss of what to say. I had never seen Bella this way. She reminded me of some kind of jungle cat with her fierce eyes and snarling teeth. I didn't dare speak a word. Max was bouncing around in my head with giddy laughter and praise for her actions. I had one side of my brain telling me to stay and the other telling me to go. I could stop her, but then we'd have to stay here and suffer the consequences.

I rather liked her idea of leaving. She was right; we couldn't be here anymore. It was torture every day, and I wouldn't suffer like this anymore. Aro was a monster, and he needed to be brought down. I didn't know where we were going, but I would blindly follow.

"Bella, stop this." Aro tried to reach for the weapon in her hands.

She maneuvered away from him and the blade cut his face. "Don't test me. I won't think twice about killing you."

Aro gripped his cheek and blood dripped out of the gash.

"You're not going to get away with this," he choked out.

Bella started to pat him down and found what she was looking for. She pulled out a needle and handed it to me. "I need you to give him that shot."

I recognized it as a mild sedative that the nurse gave us when we got rowdy. I had seen it been done a hundred times before.

I pulled Aro's jacket off of him. "Roll up your sleeve."

"I'm not doing that, Edward. Listen to yourself."

"_Roll up your sleeve!" _

"Max is telling me that you need to roll up your sleeve," I replied.

He didn't move.

I pushed him up against the wall and ripped his shirt open, pulling it down until I could see his shoulder. He struggled, but I overpowered him easily somehow. I stuck the needle in his arm and emptied the liquid into his arm.

"We have to move fast," Bella whispered to me. "Is there anything you need back in your room?"

"No. What about you?"

She shook her head. Bella looked like an absolute mess from her ordeal. Her hair was a rat's nest, her eyes were bloodshot, and her skin had bruises all over it. I really wanted to just take a second and care for her, but we were on a schedule.

Bella went back to the other room where Caius was. She locked the door from the inside, and then shut it with a thud.

Aro was starting to sway on his feet, but just looked a little tipsy. He was still coherent for now.

"We need to go before he passes out." I supported a lot of his weight. He could shuffle his feet, but I had to prod him alone. "Do you have the tape?"

"Yeah." I held it up.

"Okay, wait for me to check the hallway."

The one good thing about Dixville was that the halls were always clear. We didn't meet a nurse or an orderly on our way out of the building.

I took Aro's keys out of his pocket once we reached the secluded parking lot in the back.

"Which one is your car?" I asked him.

"I'm not going along with this," he slurred.

Bella pushed me out of the way and pressed the letter opener into his back. "I will kill you right here if you don't cooperate."

She dug the knife deeper, making him wince and finally—reluctantly—nod. "The black one," he mumbled, pointing to a Lexus in front of us.

I pressed the button on his keys and watched the lights flash as the doors unlocked. We made our way over to the car and opened the driver's door. I put Aro in the front seat. He was still lucid enough to drive at this point, but time was ticking fast. After I got him secured, I got into the back with Bella. She had the knife right at the base of his neck. I think at this point, he knew it was futile to fight. He had lost.

"Drive out of the gate and act like nothing's going on."

Aro started the car and pulled out of the parking space slowly. He drove towards the barbed wire gate, where a guard stood. This was the first time I had seen the grounds in the light. It really did resemble a prison—no grass, no trees, no life.

Aro rolled down his window and pulled up to a stop at the guard. "I've signed them out. I'm taking them to visit a colleague of mine in the city."

"I'll have to check with the office on that one, sir," he responded.

"That won't be necessary. It was a quick decision. It wouldn't be on there, anyway," Aro lied smoothly.

"Why is he going along with us?" I whispered to Bella.

"Because he knows I really will kill him." There was a fire behind her eyes that I didn't think anyone could put out.

The guard let us pass and Aro drove on.

"Keep going," Bella commanded. "Pull up around the corner.

Aro did as he was told and kept going at a normal pace.

"Are you okay to drive?" Bella asked me.

I nodded.

When Aro turned off the car, I hopped out and took his spot. Bella pulled him in the back with her and almost as soon as he was situated, his head lolled back in sleep. The sedative had taken full effect.

"Where am I going?" I asked her and drove the car onto the street.

"Back to Windemere. You can just take the highway most of the way up. I'll tell you where to turn."

"You seem to have this planned out quite well."

"I told you I wasn't staying here long. This might be a lot faster than what I had in mind, but it was the perfect opportunity."

"Are you okay, Bella?"

"I'm fine." I saw her run her hand over the bruise marks on her neck.

"Are you sure?"

"Edward, I'm okay. I had been preparing for that for a long time. Just take us home, please."

"How long will it take?"

"Fourteen hours," she replied. "We have enough sedatives to keep him out for three days, though. Once we get out of the city, I need to find a pay phone."

I could see her picking through Aro's pockets for his wallet. She rolled down the window and threw his phone out as I was driving.

"Bella, I need to tell you something." I exhaled deeply.

"What?"

"I used to know Caius. He was one of my father's business partners a long time ago. I've been to his house and everything. I didn't know until I went home for Thanksgiving. I didn't even remember him."

"Edward, you're rambling." She snorted. "Calm down."

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes, I heard you. I already knew that."

"How the hell could you possibly know that? _I _didn't even know."

"Do you really think I would just let some stranger sleep in my bed with me every night? I did my research when I first met you. I know who your father was and I know his connections. It doesn't surprise me, though. A lot of people knew that bastard."

"Aren't you afraid that you killed him back there?"

"I hope he's dead," she snarled. "He deserves to die."

"How are you going to talk yourself out of this one?"

"That's what the video is for. I can kill a couple birds with one stone. I'm going to get Caius thrown in jail and maybe Aro too. People can't refute evidence like that."

"Impressive."

"Pull up into this parking lot," she instructed me.

I did as she said and turned off the car once I parked.

"I'll be right back." Bella climbed out of the car and slinked on the ground, in between parked cars. I sat up in my seat as I watched her.

She seemed to be looking for something and found it as she stopped in front of a beat up looking dark green Volvo. She took the letter opener and started to mess with the license plate in the back. She took out the screws, and then popped the thing off easily after a couple of minutes. Bella came back over to Aro's Lexus and switched the plates out before climbing back into the car.

"You're like MacGyver," I chuckled at the absurdity of the past hour.

"I once made a ladder out of Alice's hair bows and climbed out of my window. That was fun."

"I don't know if I should be scared or not."

"You're safe with me, Edward. Don't worry." She leaned up and kissed my cheek. "Keep driving. We have about six more hours until they realize we're not there."

"What if they check on Caius?"

"Hopefully he's dead by now, but if he's not, they won't go in there. No one interrupts Aro during therapy for anything."

I turned on the car and was glad that there was a full tank of gas.

"Just stay the speed limit and don't attract any attention."

Once I found the highway, I sunk into my seat and prepared for the long drive back home.

* * *

**A/N:**

Sorry about the wait. I know it's been a long time, but I had RL issues and since this story isn't pre-written, it took me forever to find an hour to just hash this out. As you can see, it's a beast of a chapter. Lots going on.

Are we satisfied at how badass Bella is? She has taken over and escaped! Someone call the police! Warn the townsfolk! Aha. It's going to be fun.

I can't say much, but all will be coming to a close soon. It's about to be explosive.

Next update soon.

Thanks to suzie55 for the pre-read and JennyB0719 for the beta work. As usual, they keep me sane. Thanks!**  
**


	27. Chapter 27

The Definition of 'Fugitive'

_Noun ;__a __person __who__ is __fleeing,__from __prosecution, __intolerable circumstances,__etc.;__a __runaway_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

_Welcome to Washington _

_The Evergreen State_

I read the sign carefully in the dark as I drove over the border from Oregon. I had now crossed two state lines, and there was no going back. I think we'd been on the road for a full day. I couldn't be sure, though. Time had no meaning for me anymore.

I was definitely a criminal. attempted murder. The list could go on and on, but I didn't let my mind think like that. I had made my decision about a hundred miles back. If I wanted freedom, then I would have to do some things that I wasn't proud of.

One look in the rearview mirror reassured me of that.

Bella was sitting, gazing out of the window. She didn't seem agitated, or stressed, or even concerned that we had just broken out of our mental facility. It was past midnight now, and we still had a long way to go, but tiredness hadn't set in yet. I was still on edge, and I figured she was as well.

"Bella, are you all right?" I asked.

"Hmmm?" Her eyes snapped up to me. "What was that?"

"I asked if you were all right?"

"Oh, I'm fine." She stretched. "Just thinking."

"About?"

"About how thankful I am that you didn't chicken out."

I laughed humorlessly. "I think it was too late for me to chicken out after you stabbed that man in the throat."

"I hope he's bled out by now."

"Did you mean to kill him?"

"Does it matter? Once I'm in front of a judge, they won't care about my intentions."

"It matters to me."

Bella sighed, "No. I didn't want to kill him, even though I've thought about it every day since I was six. I just wanted to get out of that room."

"Were you scared?"

She nodded. "I thought I was over him. I could have sworn that I was getting better but…"

"You are better. I know you are."

"I'm not. I'm pathetic." She sniffed and wiped her cheeks.

I desperately wanted to jump back there and hold her, but I couldn't. I had to keep driving.

"You're not pathetic. You're the most amazing woman I know and I mean that."

"No, I'm horrible. I should be dead."

I couldn't take anymore. I brought the car to a halt on the side of the road in a secluded area and unbuckled my seatbelt.

I turned around. "Look, Bella, you probably should be dead. The stuff you've been through, it isn't normal and just the fact that you're here right now shows how strong you are."

"But I'm not strong. I'm lucky and royally fucked up."

"But you're here. That counts for something, right?"

"When I was in that basement, I just kept thinking about Charlie and when I was in that room, all I thought I about was you." She half-chuckled. "I kept reminding myself that if I got out, I would ask you to play me some guitar."

"I can do that." I nodded. "When we get back home."

"We're in so much trouble." She sighed, but there was a smile on her face.

"You sure as hell are." Aro's voice was thick and raspy. He tried to move, but couldn't. While he was sleeping, Bella had placed him in handcuffs that she found in the trunk. Of course he had handcuffs. For what, I didn't want to know.

"Shut up." Bella pushed his head against the window roughly. He grunted.

"I need to go to the bathroom."

"We have a couple of hours left," I said coldly. "You can hold it."

"No. We don't want him stinking up the car." Bella got out and went around to his side, opening up the door. She pulled him out aggressively, and he flailed around like a ragdoll, a side effect of the drugs that were coursing through his system.

I made a move to follow them, but Bella stopped me.

"You have to stay with the car. We'll be fine." She shoved Aro into the forest on the side of the road.

"I don't want you to deal with him alone," I said.

"I'll be fine," she assured me with a smile.

I waited, leaning against the car in the brutal cold and tapping my foot, for an excruciating five minutes. My mind created horrible things that might happen if Aro overpowered Bella and escaped or hurt her. Fortunately, none of that happened.

They came out of the forest without a scratch on them.

"That was embarrassing and demeaning." Aro scowled.

"He peed on himself. His dick curves and not in a good way," Bella told me. I shuddered.

"What exactly is your plan?" he asked us, taking his sweet time getting back into the car.

"Don't worry about it." Bella pushed him in the rest of the way. She took out a needle from her pocket and stuck it in his arm, pushing the liquid out.

"People aren't supposed to be on this for hours at a time." Aro breathed deeply.

"You didn't say that when I was sedated for a week straight. I woke up blind for fuck's sake."

"You were unruly." He squinted.

"Exactly. Sit back and shut up. We still have a couple hours." She slammed the door. He was already starting to doze off.

"You were blind?" I asked.

"For a couple of months. Like he said, you're not supposed to be on this stuff for too long." She held up the syringe. "I was locked in my room so no one would know. It was only temporary."

"Please tell me we can put this fucker in jail." I pulled at my hair. "The things he does…"

Bella put her hand on my chest. "You're lucky you've only been dealing with it for a couple of months." Her tone was so…accepting of it all. Almost like she didn't expect anything better than a horrible life.

"I won't let him hurt you anymore," I vowed. "Can I drive over a cliff? We can call it an accident."

She shook her head, grinning. "We have to hit him where it hurts. He doesn't have family or friends. His career is his life. I want to drag his good name through the dirt. I want him on trial and I want him alive for it."

"I understand," I replied, slightly scared by her ferocity.

"Do you want me to drive?"

"No, I can't sit in the back with him. I might strangle him."

"Alright, then. It's just straight up until we hit Seattle." Bella got into the backseat.

"You need to rest. You've been up too long."

"You do too." She shrugged. "But I'm too wired to sleep."

"I understand." I got into the car and started the engine. We still had a fair amount of gas left, but we might have needed to stop soon. The less time we spent idling, the better.

I carefully resumed my drive. We had passed a couple of police on the way up. No one had stopped us, but I was still paranoid. It would be my luck that we would get pulled over for speeding and end up in jail once they saw Aro in the back. I had to stay under the radar.

I wasn't sure if people were after us yet, but I figured they were. It had been a long time since we left San Francisco. Surely, someone knew something was up by now. We were fugitives.

"You do realize that they'll probably be waiting for us when we get back to Windemere?"

"We're not going to Windemere," Bella responded, resting her head on the window.

"We're not?"

"Well…we are, but not really. You'll see."

"I don't like the sound of that."

"I know, but it's hard to explain. It's better if I just show you when we get there."

I nodded. I couldn't think of any words to say. I had trusted Bella this far, so I had to keep going.

"I hope you know what you're doing," I said, but not loud enough for her to hear.

I kept driving and checking into the backseat to make sure everyone was okay. Aro was slobbering all over himself and looked a complete mess. The normally prim and proper doctor had been through hell in the past twenty-hour hours. I laughed quietly at his expense.

Familiar landmarks started to appear as we drove through Washington. To someone else, it might look like nothing but acres and acres of pine trees, but I knew better. I saw the small cliff where I threw up coming back from my college road trip up the coast. That was the result of a bad bushel of oysters. I didn't stop vomiting until we reached Seattle. I saw the lake where my grandfather used to take me fishing and remembered how much I hated sitting on that boat, but did it for him. That was so long ago.

By the time we reached Olympia, the sun was starting to rise. I started to feel the first signs of exhaustion. I wasn't' sleepy, but more…physically drained. It had been a long day and a half.

"I think I should drive, Edward." Bella placed a hand on my shoulder.

"No, I've got it."

"You're starting to swerve."

"Am I?"

"Yes. Pull over."

We had already entered the city, and the early morning traffic was unthreatening in its normalcy. I sometimes forgot that I had been locked up for the past couple of months. I found a local diner and parked.

I scrubbed my face with my hands and sat in the front seat.

"Here, go get some coffee." Bella handed me some cash.

"Where are you getting all this money from?" I asked, trying to figure who was supplying our seemingly endless amount of resources.

"Aro always keeps bail money in his car, just in case."

"Just in case?"

"One time, I got out of my room and went into the city. I got arrested for stealing and the cops didn't believe I was from Windemere so Aro had to bail me out of jail. After that, he just kept it with him always." She held up what looked like well over a thousand bucks.

"I'm learning quite a lot about you on this trip."

"I know. Isn't it fun?" She smiled. That wasn't exactly the word I would use to describe it. "Before you leave, let me go somewhere. I'll be right back."

Bella didn't give me a chance to reply before she bolted from the car. She calmly walked down the street and disappeared around a corner. I always became anxious when I couldn't see her. I felt like she wasn't going to come back or might get in some kind of trouble.

This time, her absence was a lot longer than the last when she took Aro into the woods for a bathroom break. It was at least half an hour before I saw her again.

She was carrying bags.

I got out of the car. "What is all that?"

"Food and clothes. You'd be surprised at how much is open this early in the morning. I guessed your size on the jeans, but I think it got it right."

"You bought me clothes?"

"Well, we can't wear hospital scrubs." She handed me one of the bags. "I'll wait here while you go change."

"I'll be right back. Don't take off," I stressed and went inside the diner. There were a lot of truck drivers and what looked like lumbermen eating breakfast. It smelled like strong coffee and sweat.

I went to the bathroom and locked the door so no one would come in unannounced.

"You look like shit, Edward," I said to myself in the mirror. I had dark bags under my eyes. A deep shadow of stubble was starting to grow and my hair was just…a mess. I had never seen it so unruly.

I removed my clothes and filled up the sink with water. I started to use a paper towel and wash my body, which only slightly stank. I went far longer without a shower in college, but I felt dirty. I scrubbed my face with cold water, jolting myself awake.

I then pulled out the clothes that Bella had bought. She was right. The dark jeans were a perfect fit. She must be inspecting my body when I'm not looking or possibly when we had been having sex. I wasn't sure. A forest green sweater was also in the bag and felt good against my skin. I hadn't worn "normal" clothes in a long time. Bella had even provided tennis shoes—right size and all. Since it was freezing outside, there was also a hat and gloves.

I threw my scrubs into the trash can and put some paper towels over them so no one would get nosy. I walked out of the bathroom just as calmly as I entered and went up to the register.

"Can I just have one cup of coffee? Black, please. To go," I asked.

"Sure, sugar," the waitress answered. She was an older lady with cat-like glasses and was hardly paying any attention to me. She retrieved my coffee, and I paid.

I let out a sigh of relief on my way back to the car. No one knew I was different or treated me like a patient. I could at least pass for normal.

Bella was waiting by the car and didn't seem to have a care in the world.

"You look good in regular clothes," she told me.

"Thanks for them, by the way." I stopped in front of her. "It feels nice."

Bella rose up and covered my mouth with hers. I clumsily placed my coffee on the hood of the car so that I could use both hands. My arms circled her waist inside her shirt as I traced her torturously sweet lips with my tongue. She was warm all over,even though the early morning drizzle was starting to fall.

The bag in her hand hit the pavement with a soft thud when she buried both her hands in my hair.

"_Sweet fuck, that feels good. Keep going." _Max's pesky voice was back to taunt me. I hadn't been on my medication for about three days now, so who knew what might happen. I just tried to stay controlled.

I moaned as my tongue came in contact with hers, and I grabbed her delicious fucking ass. I backed her into the car and stabilized ourselves.

Bella broke away gasping for air, but I could not pull myself away from the softness of her skin, so I trailed kisses down her throat, nipping and licking her soft, creamy flesh in between kisses. She gasped again when I reached her collarbone. She attempted to pull me impossibly closer. I slid my right hand down from her ass and hooked it around her thigh, bringing it up to my hip.

"_Take her! Right here."_

The fire engulfed us both and I just had to taste her lips .Always more. She kissed me back just as strongly. I needed to feel her everywhere. I was so fucking hard that I was in pain, and I ground my erection into her magnificent heat before I slid my hand down in between her legs. She whimpered and urged me on. My senses were on overload, and it was all I could do to just keep myself focused.

To anyone watching, we could be any young couple in love. Little did they know, our lives were much more complicated.

I regained some of my senses when I took a gigantic gulp of air and flooded my lungs with oxygen.

"Bella, we have to stop." I slowed my kisses to pecks around her neck.

"No." She gripped my hair tightly. "I don't want to. Please, don't stop."

"We're in public. I'm sorry for being so rough." I lightly placed her leg back on the ground and scootedslightly up, even though I kept my arms around her. I missed the contact almost immediately.

She smirked. "You're still a goody-goody under it all."

"I can't help it. Esme raised me right." I kissed her sweet lips again and disconnected completely. "You have to go get dressed. We need to get going. We're almost to Seattle."

"Alright." She picked up her back and then trotted off into the dinner.

I grabbed my cup and got into the car, turning it on. Miraculously, there was a full tank of gas.

"Sneaky Bella," I said and took a sip of my coffee. It felt so good going down my throat, and I was re-reenergized, ready to make the final leg of our journey.

Bella was back in the car fifteen minutes later, and I took off. I got back on the highway easily and merged into the traffic heading to Seattle. We stayed in silence for about an hour. There wasn't much we needed to say. It wasn't very long before we started to read the Seattle city limits.

My heart started to pound more rapidly and my eyes shifted from side to side as I drove. Any police I saw immediately made me nervous, but I guessed they did that to a lot of people. I hated stopping for lights because any halt was a chance they could see my face and recognize me. I was sure the local authorities had been alerted.

"Alright, take the next three rights," Bella said cryptically.

I did as she said and followed the directions. I noticed that we were bypassing the city and going through the suburbs. Local school children were waiting at their bus stops, and women in their bathrobes were getting the morning paper. It was normal at its best.

"Follow this road for a couple of miles."

"Bella, where are we going?"

"The back way to Windemere. There's a small bridge over that hill that connects to the island. People don't use it a lot because it's so out of the way."

I kept driving. "Is he about to wake up?"

"We should be good," she answered.

I saw the bridge she was talking about. It was an old thing, and I realized that people didn't use it because the thing was about to collapse. There were a few cars easily passing by, but not many. The Windemere campus was tucked in the trees on the top of the hill, and a sense of familiarity passed over me. I even smiled when I saw it in the distance.

I slowed down and crossed the bridge under the speed limit. There weren't any police or road barriers like I thought there might be.

"They probably didn't think we would come back," Bella commented.

"What exactly do you want to do once we get there?"

"I need to get in and talk to Carlisle."

"I assume he doesn't know you're coming."

"You'd assume correctly. No one knows besides Alice."

"How are you two keeping in contact?" I asked.

"Pay phones. I call every time we stop."

I was beyond impressed. Bella had this thing planned like she had been working on it for years. Our escape had gone smoothly, but I couldn't help but think that our arrival might be the most complicated part and that the worst was yet to come.

"Okay, take this left," she instructed.

"But the main road is that way." I pointed to the right.

"We're not taking the main road."

"Okay…"

I kept going for a couple minutes. The scenery became covered in dark trees.

"Pull over here," Bella said and I did. "We have to walk the rest of the way, but it's not far. We're already halfway up the hill."

"I sure hope you know what you're doing." I got out of the car.

"I've done this hundreds of times when I sneak out."

I pulled Aro out of the backseat. He was just starting to wake up and breathed heavily against the car.

Bella slapped his face a couple of times. "We have to walk. Can you hear me?"

"I can't see," he rasped. "I can't see anything."

"Temporary blindness." Bella pushed him forward. He couldn't stay up on his feet and stumbled.

The walk took a lot longer than I thought it should have since we had to basically keep Aro from falling over. He wasn't doing so well and threw up a couple of times. His incessant complaining was filling my ears, and I was about to just leave him on the forest floor. Thankfully, the rain stayed away so we weren't wet, but it was freezing. The trees created cover and the hiking trail was soft under my feet.

All too soon, we reached a familiar meadow.

"I remember this place," I said in awe that it still existed and wasn't a dream. "You brought me here."

"It's my favorite place in the whole world." Bella smiled a rare smile.

"Where are we?" Aro demanded an answer, "Tell me!"

"Shut up!" she shouted. "I can't take much more of him, Edward."

"We're almost there." I grabbed Aro's cuffs and pulled him with us as we continued to walk. The flowers and tall grasses from before were gone due to the weather, but it was still a nice meadow.

"I'm cold," he complained, yet again.

Bella led me through the meadow, picking up her pace. "That's where we're going." She pointed.

A small hunting cabin appeared almost out of nowhere. It looked quaint and abandoned.

"Whose is this?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. It's been here since I can remember."

We started to climb the rickety stairs, and the door came open without a key. I was becoming more suspicious as the seconds went on. I followed her inside of the cabin and noticed that it was certainly bigger than the façade let on.

It went farther back than I thought and there were a couple of rooms. The main area had a kitchen and a table with a few chairs. There was a dusty rug on the floor and a fireplace in the corner that looked like it hadn't been used in decades. Old animal heads dotted the walls, but nothing personal told me whose place this was. It was warm, though. That was a good thing.

I sat Aro down in one of the chairs and walked around. Bella seemed to be rummaging through the cabinets for something.

"I used to come here to get away from the devil over there," Bella said to me. "I love it here. I don't know why."

"This is really creepy." I saw all the cobwebs in the corner and the natural light from outside was the only light we had, creating eerie shadows.

"Just have a seat. We'll be out of here soon," Bella said and held up a cellphone.

"Where did you get that?"

"I always keep one in here." She shrugged and put the battery in the back. It booted up.

I watched as she paced the floor, holding the phone to her ear while she called. She cursed and then called again before stopping in the middle of the room.

"What is it?" I asked. She didn't reply to me.

"Alice…we're here."

* * *

**A/N:**

Lots going on here, but not a lot at the same time. Does that make any sense? Sorry for confusing you. I will say that we're almost done. Only a couple more chapters. Are you hanging on the edge of your seat or have I bored you to tears? Sorry if I have.

Thanks to the prereader and beta suzie55 and Jennyb0719. They are amazing and make my stuff readable. Couldn't do it without them. ANd thanks to all the readers. I love each and every review. They motivate me to write.

UNtil next time, Adios!


	28. Chapter 28

The Definition of 'Surrender'

—_verb; to yield (something) to __the__ possession or power of another; deliver up possession of on demand or under duress_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

I sat in my uncomfortable wooden chair, just staring at Aro. He was opposite me on the dusty bed, his hands still in cuffs and his eyes wandering, seeking out something to aid his temporary blindness. Bella said it would last at least a few days. I didn't feel sorry for him in the slightest.

Aro and I hadn't talked in over an hour. Bella had left me alone to guard him while she went out to do God knows what. She was very quiet about her plan, but I figured she had something up her sleeve on how we were going to reach Carlisle. That was our ultimate goal. I just had to sit and wait for her to come back.

"You're not helping anyone by doing this, Mr. Cullen," Aro said, his head turning in my direction.

"Excuse me?"

"You're not helping anyone and you can't save Bella."

"I'm not trying to save her."

"Yes, you are. You think this is helping her get better? She needs me. Not some flighty boyfriend who leads her down the wrong path."

"You are no good for anyone." I cracked my neck.

He smirked. "You feeling antsy?"

"No."

"How long has it been since you've had any medication?"

"I'm not sure," I lied. It had been a little over five days. Not good, but I had gotten better at ignoring that fact.

"You can't fight instincts, Mr. Cullen. Max will take over if you don't let me help you."

"I'll wait until I see Carlisle."

Aro rolled his eyes, and even though he couldn't see, I think his point was clear by the gesture. "Carlisle wasn't helping you. That's why you became my patient."

"No. He was doing just fine. I was getting better."

"Can I tell you something?" He didn't wait for an answer. "There's no curing a man like you, Edward."

"Yes, there is." I roared and shot up from the chair. I sat back down immediately once I realized that I might charge this man. "I _will _get better."

"You attacked two people and didn't remember a thing. I think that's quite an important factor in understanding why you're so sick."

I stayed silent.

"You have no control over yourself and probably never will. You can't fight genetics."

"What are you talking about?"

"There is overwhelming evidence that _bipolar disorder_ can be inherited and that there is a _genetic_ vulnerability to developing the illness if a child is born to a patient with the illness."

"You don't know what you're talking about…"

"Your father, do you remember those times when he went away on 'business'?"

"He was gone a lot." I didn't like where this conversation was going, but I couldn't stop myself from answering his questions.

"He was coming to see me, Edward. Your father was a patient of mine for many years."

"No, he wasn't." My voice rasped and became gritty with anger.

"Oh, but he was. You know the symptoms. Some days he would be so loving towards you and then others, he seemed far too distant, almost as if he didn't know who you were."

"No—"

"Stop trying to fight this, Edward. You are sick because your father was sick. You're one in the same."

"No!" I jumped out of my chair and extended my arm, punching Aro in the face. His neck snapped to the left, and he grunted out in pain but didn't slump over. "You're lying. Stop it!"

"He had been coming to me for years, long before I was even at Windemere. Your mother didn't even know about it."

"She would know."

"But how? You know that he liked to keep his secrets. He was the best at hiding things and he certainly wouldn't let anyone know he was sick. His disorder has never been recorded or was even put in his medical history. I made sure of that. Do you think that car crash was an accident? I'm sorry, Edward, but no. Your father was one of my patients that had absolutely no way of getting better. I tried to help him, but he was too far gone."

"You 're lying," I repeated and hit him again… then again.

"You'll never be healed. I'm sorry to tell you that, but it's true."

"Shut up." I pulled at my hair and banged my head on the wall. "Please just shut up."

"You and Bella aren't good for each other. You're both damaging."

"No, the other people in her life are damaging. That includes you, and her father who never comes to visit. She needs me. I'm good for her."

Aro's brow scrunched. "What did you just say?"

"What?"

"You… talked about her father."

"Yes. Charlie." I started to pace. "He never comes to visit her. I've never seen him and it seems like he doesn't have any interest in her life, but Bella loves him so much."

"Edward, Bella's father died five years ago."

I stopped moving. "No… no, she said…"

"He's dead, Edward. I assure you Charles Swan died five years ago on the job. He was a police officer. What has she been telling you exactly?"

I couldn't breathe. I could barely stay up straight. I had to plop back in the chair so the room would stop spinning.

"This just proves what I've been telling you for a long time," Aro said with an air of superiority. "Bella is… not well. She needs me to help her."

"That… doesn't make sense. She said…" I exhaled.

"She's not well in the head." He darkly chuckled. "It's to be expected."

"No!"

"You're learning a lot today, Edward. How do you feel? I told you not to trust her. I told you that, remember?"

I couldn't take anymore and stormed out of the room in dramatic fashion, slamming the door behind me.

_She's not well…_

Was Bella just as bad as the rest of us? Was she making things up in her mind? Maybe this was just a coping mechanism. I was sure she knew her father was dead. Or maybe Aro was messing with my head to begin with. That seemed like something he would do.

"Just calm yourself, Edward." I stood up straight and inhaled deeply.

"_But what about your father?" _Max asked, not so tactfully.

On some level, I knew he wasn't lying about Edward Sr. Nothing surprised me about that man anymore. He was sick and his fucking genes were imbedded in my body. This was his fault. All of this. He had damaged me beyond repair. I knew enough about medicine to deduce what Aro's words meant. You can't cure genetics. No amount of medicine or therapy would stop me from being who I was inside.

I once again started to bang my head on the wooden wall, trying to pound myself into unconsciousness. I didn't know how long I did it, but I was starting to feel numb after a couple of minutes.

"Edward! What are you doing?" Bella's voice sounded panicked and worried. "Stop it."

I was pulled away from the wall and felt dizzy, teetering on my feet wildly.

"Are you trying to kill yourself?" Small hands guided me to a chair and I was gently placed in a soft cushion. "Don't move."

My vision was blurry, so I couldn't really see anything, but I heard her feet scurry away, and then come back a second later.

"This is going to sting a little," Bella said remorsefully. "I'm sorry."

I hissed in pain as cool liquid touched my forehead and caused it to erupt in fire.

"Don't move, Edward. I have to clean it."

"Clean what?" My whole head was throbbing at this point.

"You have a huge gash on your forehead. What the hell did you do?"

"Oh," I sighed.

"Were you trying to kill yourself or something?"

"Yes," I admitted. "Probably."

"Why?" Her face was starting to come into focus, and I could see just how scared she was. She had blood all over her hands and was furiously wiping my face with gauze.

"Bella, I want to meet your father," I said lowly, my voice almost a whisper.

She stopped moving for a second, and her eyes flickered away from mine, but then she resumed her actions. "He only visits about once a year."

"I remember one time you said he already left so I couldn't meet him. I was just wondering when I might?" I shrugged as if it didn't bother me.

Bella took a towel and gently wiped off my head before standing up to wrap it in fluffy bandages. "You might."

"I think I need to tell him that I'm in love with his daughter."

"He knows. I've told him." She was lying. I could hear it in her voice.

"What is he like?"

She sighed and sat back in front of me, my blood still on her hands. "Why are you asking me all of this, Edward?"

"I just want to know."

"I've never met your mother."

"Would you like to?"

"Sure, but I don't understand why you'd want to meet Charlie."

She blinked a couple of times before getting up and rushing to the bathroom. I followed after her. "Bella—"

"I don't think that would be a good idea." She started washing her hands, scrubbing furiously.

"Why not?" I was getting agitated.

"Because I don't think it is, okay? Just leave it."

She tried to leave the bathroom, but I blocked her path. "Where is he, Bella?"

"Get out of my way." Her lips were quivering.

"Tell me where your father is?"

"He's at his house, in his room, or watching _ESPN_."

"Really?"

"Yes. He lives in Forks. It's a couple of hours from here. Why are you asking me all of this?" Her tears were breaking my heart, but I let them fall without trying to comfort her.

"Tell me the truth, Bella," I demanded. "Where's Charlie?"

"He's—"

"He's dead, isn't he? He's not here anymore."

"Don't say that!" She pushed me in the chest hard, and I stumbled backwards. "He's fine. He just doesn't like to visit me."

"No, Bella. He's dead."

"No, he's not." Her fists started to pound the shit out of my body, everywhere. It didn't really hurt, but I got the point. I let her continue for a few seconds before grabbing her hands in mine.

"Bella, you need to tell me the truth."

"I did. I swear." She was crying so hard that her body was shaking. I had never seen her like this. "He's in his house. I know he is."

"When was the last time you saw him?" I asked her, my demeanor a lot calmer. I saw how much she was hurting and just wanted her to talk.

She turned away from me, but I didn't let go.

"Bella, please. You have to talk to me. When did you last see him?"

"A couple years ago. I don't know." Her speech was muddle by the tears. "Let me go."

"I'm not going to do that if you hit me again."

She didn't answer. I loosened my grasp, and she immediately attacked me. I bolted her to the wall with my body.

"Edward, I can't do this."

"I just need you to tell me the truth."

"I can't remember, but he's here. I know he is."

"No, Bella. Your father isn't here." I hugged her.

"Edward!" The voice was deep, loud, and commanding. I hadn't heard it in a long time. I let her go and spun around.

"What did you do to her?" Carlisle rushed forward, pushing me out of the way to get to Bella.

I was stunned and at a loss of what to say. Bella sunk to the floor, a mass of tears. He crouched down and started to talk to her in a quiet tone.

"Yay. You're back." A small bundle of joy jumped on my back and lips started to kiss my neck. "Edward, I have so much to tell you."

"Alice, what are you doing here?" I was so confused and trying to focus on Bella, but she was making it very hard. "Get off of me."

"No. I'll never let you two go again. I missed her." Her arms held me tighter.

I lifted Alice up and set her in front of me, easily handling her small body. "You are too much for me right now. "

"But you have to admit that you missed me." She smiled.

I chuckled, "Yes, I did."

"Oh, what happened to Bella?" Her eyes grew, "And your head?"

"Nothing. I'll handle it." Carlisle picked her up and carried her off into another room.

"What's going on?" Aro shouted from down the hall.

"I see he's still being held captive." Alice shook her head before taking my hand. "Come on. I have so much to tell you."

"Wait, wait. I need to check on Bella."

"No. You leave her alone." For such a small person, Alice had a lot of strength and pulled me onto the ugly brown couch. It was starting to get dark outside, but I wasn't sure what time it was. "What happened?"

"We started talking about her father and…"

"Oh, no. Bad move, Edward." Alice patted my knee.

"Why?"

"She doesn't know he's dead," she whispered.

"What?"

"Well, she knows, but she refuses to acknowledge it. Carlisle says it's just better if we all act like it didn't happen."

"That's…"

"Insane? I know, but it works. Every year he takes her to visit his grave, but she always comes back like nothing's wrong."

"How is that helping her?"

"I don't know. I'm not her doctor." Alice shrugged. "She used to act like that all the time. The crying, the outbursts. It was a daily thing. And then, when you got here, it kind of stopped."

"This can't be happening. You're all enabling her." I rubbed my forehead, which was starting to hurt again.

"Don't judge her."

"I'm not, but why haven't I heard anything about this until now?"

"We didn't think it would come up so soon."

"Really?"

"Not to _that _extent. Usually Bella just waves the questions off. She never talks about it."

"God, I can't believe this." I leaned back, resting against the couch. "How exactly are you here, anyway?"

"Oh, I, um, snuck out." She blushed.

"With Carlisle?"

"I can't lie for shit." She pulled her legs up under her. "He caught me and wouldn't let me leave. I tried to lie, I really did."

"What has been going on here?"

"Oh, my God. It's a massive war!" she exclaimed. "First of all, after you two left, everyone went crazy. Carlisle got so mad and he quit."

"He did what?" I sat up too quickly, and my head started to spin.

"Yup." She nodded. "He did, and then he sued not only the state, but the board of Windemere and each of the doctors, _including_ Aro."

"On what grounds?"

"Patient mistreatment, medical malpractice, negligence, a whole bunch of stuff. And not just on Bella's and your cases, but all of ours. He wants us moved away from the facility to somewhere in Florida where they'll actually help. He said he's been thinking about for a while, but Bella and you just set him off. He had to get you two back."

I was speechless, once again, for the second time today. That _never _happened.

"But he's still up here every day to check on everything. The board is throwing so much money at him to drop the lawsuit, but he won't do it. He's bringing the state to court so that they'll change their mental patient laws. I don't really understand it, but it's in all the papers."

"Wow."

"Yeah, yeah." She scooted closer, "And your mother is helping him."

"She's doing what?"

"Esme is calling the best lawyers from everywhere. She said that Carlisle probably won't win of all his cases, but at least he's bringing attention to the subject."

"How can he sue a place he worked at for so many years and vouched for?"

"He has so many files of malpractice on Aro. It's ridiculous. And the way the board runs Windemere, he says it's borderline illegal already, so it won't be that hard to prove it to the courts."

"Holy shit. He's really doing this, isn't he?"

"Oh, yes, he is. He hasn't gotten far besides filling the stuff, but Esme thinks it could take years. And, of course, we've all been following you two as you race across the countryside. It's been very exciting."

"Not really." I grinned half-heartedly.

"It's on the news a lot. They have no idea where you two went and everyone's afraid Aro's dead."

"She was talking to you the whole time?" I asked.

Alice nodded. "She's been planning this thing since she realized they were shipping her off. She never intended to stay there."

"Alice, Bella wants to see you." Carlisle strode into the room, a dangerous scowl on his face.

She kissed my cheek and jumped off of the couch, skipping away.

Carlisle was mad. I could tell that much by his breathing and the way his fists clenched. He started to pace, almost like I did, but he had a smaller gait. He walked slowly and calmly, but he was steaming under the surface.

"What did you think you would accomplish by any of this?" he asked.

"I thought…"

"No, you weren't thinking. Do you realize how much trouble you're in? And not just you, but all mental facilities in the country are now on high alert because of the stunt you two pulled."

"We were just trying to get out." I hung my head.

"You could have called me, Edward."

"Or you could have called _us._ You abandoned us to be with that monster."

"I was fighting for you!" I had never seen him so angry. "I did everything in my power to keep you here, but I couldn't. When they took you two, I immediately sued for everything under the sun and tried to fight."

"We couldn't stay there. We got out anyway we could."

"By kidnapping a registered psychiatrist? You could be in so much trouble."

"Oh, really, they're going to send me to jail? It's not like I'm getting out of here anytime soon, because there's no cure for me."

"That's not true, Edward."

"Yes, it is. My father was sick, just like I am. There's nothing you—or anyone, for that matter—can do to treat me. I'm going to be stuck in this fucking hell hole for the rest of my life."

"Edward…"

"And what the hell gives you the right to decide how Bella deals with her father? She needs to know that he's dead and never coming back!"

"That's not how everyone can deal with things. She needs a gradual progression into that."

"You're making her go crazy. You're no better than Aro."

"I have to turn you two in; you know that, right?" He looked at me with such shame that it almost hurt.

"I don't care. Do whatever you want." I held my head in my hands.

"Uh, excuse me," Aro opened the door and wobbled out of the room. "Carlisle, help me."

"Aro, you're fine."

"They've blinded me."

Carlisle went over to check his pulse and flashed a light in his eyes. "This will only last another couple of days, maybe just one. Don't worry."

"What is going on? Are they being punished?"

"Let me worry about that. Just go lie back down."

"No! I demand to be taken out of here."

"Aro, I'm handling this," Carlisle said sternly.

"Don't speak to me like that—"

Carlisle nearly pushed him back into the room and threw him on the bed roughly. He came back out and didn't bother closing the door.

"Edward, I just want you to know that I didn't mean for any of this to happen," Carlisle said.

"How did my life turn into some kind of horrible soap opera?"

"I just want you to know that I'm going to do everything to get your better." He started to talk rather quickly. "Just follow directions and let me handle things."

"What did you do?" I raised my head.

Before I could answer, the door of the cabin busted open. Police were suddenly everywhere, swarming me with guns and commands. There must have been ten of them in that small, enclosed space.

I struggled as much as I could, remembering Bella in the back.

"How could you do this?" I shouted at Carlisle who looked truly saddened by the sight in front of him.

"I'm sorry, Edward. I had to."

"Edward Cullen, you're under arrest for kidnapping..."

I purposefully tuned the voice out as I felt my hands in cuffs. That seemed to be a regular occurrence in the past couple of months.

I couldn't see Bella, but I could hear her protests from behind me. Carlisle was trying to calm her down. Alice was screaming obscenities. It was a madhouse.

I was pushed outside. The sun had now set and it was completely dark in the meadow, but there were a couple of police cars flashing their lights. I was shoved into the back of one with enough force to bang my head against the opposite window.

I grunted in pain as the door slammed shut.

I didn't know where I was being taken or what was going to happen to us but I saw Bella's frightened eyes as she was put in another car.

I just prayed like hell it wouldn't be my last memory of her.

* * *

**HOLY SHOCKER BATMAN**

Lots of things revealed in this chapter, no? Edward Sr. was sick? Bella's father is dead? What is going on? Crazy, i know. Sometimes, I shock just keeps getting more and more out there, but that's what I like. So, they've been caught. It was how it has to be. Sorry. Fun coulnd't last forever.

How did you like the chapter? Tell me in a review.

Thanks to suzie55 for the pre-reading and Jennyb0719 for the beta work. And thank all of you for being so patient. It takes a lot to write this story and get the details right. Long writing process.


	29. Chapter 29

The Definition of 'End'

_-noun; the last part_

All things Twilight related belong to Stephanie Meyer

* * *

_I purposefully tuned the voice out as I felt my hands in cuffs. That seemed to be a regular occurrence in the past couple of months._

_I couldn't see Bella, but I could hear her protests from behind me. Carlisle was trying to calm her down. Alice was screaming obscenities. It was a madhouse._

_I was pushed outside. The sun had now set and it was completely dark in the meadow, but there were a couple of police cars flashing their lights. I was shoved into the back of one with enough force to bang my head against the opposite window._

_I grunted in pain as the door slammed shut. _

_I didn't know where I was being taken or what was going to happen to us but I saw Bella's frightened eyes as she was put in another car._

_I just prayed like hell it wouldn't be my last memory of her._

* * *

"Edward, are you okay?" Esme cried, hugging me with tight arms, "Don't worry. Carlisle's going to take care of everything."

"He had me arrested, Mom."

"Well, you did break the law… several times, but he was just doing that so you wouldn't hurt anyone."

We were currently sitting in my old room at Windemere. It had since been transformed for someone else. The colorful walls had been painted over, and all my possessions were gone. Esme said she had them back at home. I didn't know what was going to happen to me, but right now it didn't matter; I just wanted to see Bella.

"Where is she?" I asked for the tenth time. "I need to see her."

"Bella is fine. Carlisle's trying to convince the police not to take her away. She killed that man, Edward."

"He deserved it. And she didn't kill him. She just stabbed him; he happened to bleed out on the floor. That wasn't her fault."

"I've seen the tape you had. I know what happened." Esme brushed some hair out of my face. "Why did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Kidnap Aro, run away?"

I shrugged.

"Because you love her, I know you do. We do crazy things when we're in love."

"Can you cut the lovey-dovey bullshit, please?" I snapped.

Esme retracted her hand, shocked, but didn't let surprise pass across her face. "When was the last time you took your medicine?"

"I don't know. Can I see Bella?"

"No," she replied firmly. "That's not the best thing for you right now. Carlisle thinks…"

"I don't care what Carlisle thinks. He's just as bad as the rest of them. Why can't everyone just leave us alone?" I struggled with my hands, still in police cuffs.

"Everything's going to be okay, Edward. Carlisle's going to take care of it."

"I'm tired of this. I need to see her."

"Edward, please, calm down." Esme pushed me against the bed. "I promise that she's okay. Maybe… Well, maybe you two need some time apart."

"She's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and if you can't see that then you should leave right now," I challenged. I was pissed, but kept myself in check. The last thing I needed right now was to lose my cool, especially with my mother.

"You're good for her, and she's good for you, but a little time apart isn't the worst thing that could happen, right?" Her voice held a note of hopefulness that made me uneasy.

"I love her."

"I know that, sweetheart, but she's sick and so are you. You can't have a healthy relationship like that."

Our arguing was interrupted by a harsh rapping on the door.

Emmett poked his head in the room with a wide grin. "Can we come in?"

"I'll leave you guys alone." Esme got up from her seat and went into the hallway as Emmett and Jasper stepped to the side.

"Dude, you are seriously the most badass patient this place has ever seen." Jasper nodded his approval in my direction. "I can't believe you just ran away like that."

"Yeah, little good it did me," I scoffed. "I'm back in the same place I was before, just in worse off condition."

"No, you aren't. Aro's getting his ass arrested right now." Emmett smiled. "Yeah, the police didn't like what they saw on that tape. They're saying something about endangering Bella's life and medical ethics. It's a big deal."

I sat up a little. "How is she?"

"She's okay. Carlisle's calming her down. She had to be medicated." Jasper walked close. "A lot's happened to her in the past couple of hours."

"Am I in trouble?" I asked.

"Well, you were until Carlisle defended the hell out of you. We could hear his shouting in the hallway. It was intense. He was cursing the police out cause they wanted to take you into custody. Now, Aro's being taken away, and Bella's sedated. It's just a mess." Jasper huffed. "Good news, though, you should be fine."

"I want to see her."

By the way the two of them were standing I knew there was something more. They were having a silent conversation between each other, daring the other one to speak first.

"What is it?" I sat up further against the headboard.

"Nothing." They both said at the same time.

"You're lying," I accused. "I just want to see her. That's all I'm asking."

Carlisle came through the door before either of them could answer. He was angry and trying to appear calm, but I knew differently.

"Gentlemen, if you could give us a minute alone," Carlisle suggested, holding the door open for Emmett and Jasper.

"No problem." They both left quickly.

Carlisle shut the door. "Edward, how are you ?"

"Arrested, once again," I said, holding up my cuffed wrists.

"It was for your own good. You wouldn't have cooperated with the police."

"You're damn right."

"And then they wouldn't have had a choice but to take you to jail. I saved you."

"Where is Bella?"

"She's being kept safe. Let's talk about you." He shined a tiny flashlight in my eyes and then flicked it away. "How are you feeling? Any lightheadedness? Pain?"

"No."

"What about your reflexes?"

"I'm fine."

"I need to ask you if you were in your right mind when you kidnapped Aro." He sat in a chair close to the bed.

"What does that mean?"

"Was Max an influence at all?"

"No. It was all me."

Carlisle pinched the bridge of his nose. "We were making such good progress, Edward."

"Yeah, until you shipped us off to be tortured."

"I did no such thing." His voice boomed. "I wanted to help you. I tried to help you and I still am."

"Where is Bella?"

"You're not going to be able to see her for quite some time."

"Why? What did you do?"

"She's being sent away."

"Away?" My blood ran cold in my body.

"Yes, for special care. She can't be here anymore, and I'm going to personally help her get better. We need to get her someplace safe."

"And where would that be?"

"Alaska. I have a colleague up there that can help me. I think I've been trying to treat her instead of talking with her about her past. That's not the way to move forward, and she needs private therapy right now."

"For… for how long?"

"As long as it takes. I'm sorry, Edward. You won't be able to see her. She needs to be alone."

I didn't know what to say. I was shocked. This was just like the last time when they threatened to take her away from me, but this time, there wouldn't be a chance of my following. She was leaving.

"You can't do that," I said half-heartedly. "I need her."

"Maybe you need to be without her. It's the only way for the two of you to grow."

He was right. I knew he was, but I couldn't convince myself of that.

"What's going to happen to me?" I bowed my head, suddenly losing all the will I had left in me to fight.

"Well, I have good news on that front. If I can prove to a medical board that you're getting better, they might allow you to leave."

"Leave?"

"Yes, go back home. You would, of course, have to see a therapist, probably three times a week for the rest of your life and take medication, but after your accusations against Dr. Volturi were proved true, the board is looking at you in a different light."

"But I'm not healed. You told me that I wouldn't ever be able to leave."

"I didn't say 'ever'. I said it would be a while. Do you think you've gotten better?"

I didn't answer. I didn't know what I should say. I wanted to be free. I wanted to see if I could do this, but it scared the hell out of me. Was I cured? Hell no. But I understood everything he said. I needed to be out there to see if I had at least gotten a little better.

"You're not a danger to yourself or to anyone else. Max is… for the most part, subdued, and you haven't even been on medication. You can control yourself."

"But what about the past couple of days?"

"Everyone knows you were just defending yourself and Bella."

"Why didn't you believe me when I told you Aro was a bad man? You never believed me."

He sighed heavily. "I was trying to not see it. He's a good doctor, but a sick individual. I'm sorry about that."

"Do you think I'm ready to go back into the normal world?"

"If the medical board asks me, I'll say yes. You're a different kind of patient, Edward. I thought that I could help you in a place like this, but Max doesn't work that way. The more you try to hold him in, the more he's going to push to be free."

Everything he was saying made perfect sense, but I was still stunned at how quickly things were changing and how little control I had over _my_ life… once again.

"Your mother and I just want what's best for you," he said compassionately. I heard the hurt in his voice, and I knew he cared for me more than any doctor would a normal patient.

I snorted in laughter. Even though he wasn't my real father, Carlisle was the closest thing I had ever had. Even Edward Sr. wasn't as caring. I knew he loved me, sure, but he would never show it. And it was obvious that he had some demons that he didn't share with anyone, hence my reasoning for being in here. I was fucked because of him.

"You can, of course, try to convince the board that you're not ready. If you do, they'll probably leave you in here, but I suggest you take a chance."

"They'll just let me out, even after all this?"

"It doesn't work like that. It'll be as if you're on parole. They'll let you live your life, but you will have to check in with a therapist, keep a strict medication schedule, and show that you can live as a regular person."

"It's not fair." I shook my head. "Bella always told me that I wouldn't be in here forever, but I didn't believe her. She's never going to be able to leave."

"She will," Carlisle assured me. "I promise you, she will get her life back."

"I just want her to know that I love her." I sniffed, unable to wipe the tears from my face because of the cuffs.

"You won't be able to see her for at least a year. She needs separation, and I'm sorry, but that's the best way for her to heal."

"I know." I sighed. "When is she leaving?"

"As soon as possible." He cleared his throat. "Tonight."

"Tonight?" I raised my head, suddenly panicked. "No, that's too soon."

"This place holds a lot of bad memories for Bella. The sooner, the better." He stood up to leave. "I'm sorry."

"Can I see her?" I asked urgently.

"I can't do that, Edward."

"Please, let me see her before she leaves," I pleaded. "I _need _to see her."

Carlisle looked troubled, shifting on his feet. "That really isn't a good idea."

"I'm begging you." My voice completely broke down to nothing more than a whisper.

He exhaled, looking like he was carrying the world on his shoulders. "I'll be right back."

Carlisle left the room and then returned five seconds later with a police officer. He unlocked my cuffs, but shadowed me as I leapt off of the bed and ran into the hallway.

"She's in her room, Edward!" Carlisle yelled.

I sped around the corner so fast I slid on the floor and almost toppled a nurse over. By the time I arrived at Bella's room, I was out of breath and sweating. There were two more cops outside of her door who tried to block me.

"I need to see her!" I pushed the both of them, but my efforts were useless. They had a couple inches and several pounds on me.

"Sir, we can't let you in. Calm down." One of the cops restrained me.

"Please, just let me in!"

"He's okay." Carlisle came bolting down the hallway at full speed. "He can go in."

The cop hesitantly let me go, not really wanting to, but he didn't really have a choice.

I opened the door and rushed inside.

Bella was lying in bed, her head rested softly on a fluffy pillow. She was awake, but languid. Her eyes opened and closed slowly, and her breathing was forced. Esme was sitting next to the bed, smoothing Bella's hair over her forehead. Just the sight of her like this was enough to make me sob, although I didn't allow it. I wouldn't let her see me like this.

"She was waiting for you." Esme patted my shoulder before giving us some time alone.

"Hi, Edward." Bella smiled. Her voice was so weak.

"Hi." I waved, walking slowly towards the bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired. Pathetic." She giggled. "A little drunk. It's this fucking medicine they have me on."

"I'm so sorry that I ruined everything." I knelt by the bed, holding her cold hand in mine.

"You didn't ruin anything so stop acting like I'm dying."

I chuckled, "I love you, Bella."

"And I love you too, but this crying shit isn't going to work." She seemed to be drifting into sleep.

"You're leaving me."

"Not by choice. I heard you're getting out, though. Congratulations. Are you going to do it?"

"I think I would like to try." I admitted to her, and I think myself. "I don't know if it'll work out, but I have to try."

"You live life for the both of us. Promise me you won't brood in your house all day. I'll have Esme kick your ass."

"And she'll do it too."

"I know." Bella squeezed my hand. "I'll be back before you know it."

"I can't do this without you." I sounded pathetic, but I didn't care. I wanted her to know just how much she meant to me.

"Yes, you can. Stop being a pussy. You're going to go out there and be amazing. I know you can do it, Edward. You've grown so much. I'm going to miss you."

"Please don't say that. We're going to see each other again."

She smiled sadly. I don't think she believed it.

"Carlisle's going to help me."

"I know he will. Just listen to everything he says. No back talking and no biting."

She giggled. "We did it, though."

"Did what?"

"Got rid of Aro. Now everyone knows how horrible he really is."

"I don't care about that."

"But I'm still probably going to Hell. I killed a man."

"No, you didn't. You were protecting yourself."

"I'm hope the court sees it that way."

We didn't talk to each other for five minutes. I counted. Her breaths began to even out, but came slower. I thought she had fallen asleep.

"I love you, Edward," her tiny voice muttered. "Don't forget about me."

"I will never forget about you, Bella."

"Will you wait for me, until I'm all better?"

"I'll wait forever, I swear." I kissed her hand.

I heard the door open behind me and smelled Esme's perfume in the air, along with Carlisle's cologne. Both scents somehow completed each other and put me somewhat at peace.

"It's what's best for her, Edward." Carlisle sighed. "I know it hurts, but sometimes you have to let the things you love go."

In her drowsy state, she said, "I have to fly like a blackbird."

"Do you have any idea what you're talking about?" I laughed quietly.

"Not really."

Esme dug into her purse and pulled out the long, navy blue scarf which Bella had knitted me all those months ago. I thought I lost it. She placed the warm fabric around Bella's neck.

"You come back, and we'll be waiting right here," Esme cooed.

"She's out." Carlisle checked Bella's pulse at her wrist. "Sedated fully."

"You'll be leaving soon?" I wiped my face.

He nodded. "Everything's already set up. I'll take good care of her."

"She's going to come back better than ever, Edward." Esme hugged me. "Don't cry."

"I love her so much."

"I know you do."

I once remember Bella telling me that she didn't like forehead kisses, but I couldn't help myself. I just had to do it one last time. Just to touch her one last time.

* * *

**A/N:**

Are you sobbing? I am. In case you didn't know, this was the last chapter. There will be one epilogue to post later. There will be a happy ending.

I know, I know. It's been like months since I posted, but guess what? That was on purpose. I needed you guys to forget the chapter before. I wanted you disconnected from the story for the last posting. Because, in a word, I wanted this to feel as real as possible for the reader. Do you feel disconnected?

I know, I probably sound insane, but it worked in my mind. Lol

As I said, epilogue will be posted later.

Thanks so much to Suzie55 for the wonderful pre-reading she has done for this story. She is amazing and gave me comments that I wouldn't even think about. I needed her more than you'll know.

And thanks as well to the ultimate beta Jennyb0719. She is incredible and just gave me all the corrections I needed. Without her, this story would be an absolute mess.

And thanks to all of you readers for keeping up with this crazy ride. I know I might have lost you at some points, but most of you always came back and reviewed with nice things. I write for readers like you.

Thank you so much for making this fun!


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